The Inevitable
by 2gsdip
Summary: -Eclipse in Edward's POV- I stared menacingly at my adversary. She wanted so desperately to end my reason for existence. A love for a love. But that would never happen. If my angel’s heart were to stop beating it would be at my hands and my hands alone.
1. Preface

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_**The Inevitable**_

_**by, 2gsdip**_

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**There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer,**

**no disease that enough love will not heal...**

**no door that enough love will not bridge...**

**no wall that enough love will not throw down...**

**no sin that enough love will not redeem...**

**It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble,**

**how hopeless the outlook,**

**how muddled the tangle,**

**how great the mistake.**

**A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all.**

**If only you could love enough…**

**you could be the happiest and most powerful being in the world... **

**Emmet Fox**

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**Preface**

**Our plan of deception had failed.**

**Though a part of me was glad of this fact...**

**because now she was mine.**

**My only wish was that my Angel were not here to witness.**

**Her fast beating heart filled my ears, made my mind fall onto one simple track.**

**It all came down to this…**

**Me and the creature seeking revenge.**

**The other monster was irrelevant at the moment; the wolf in the shadows would take care of him.**

**Bur her…she was_ mine._**

**I had waited too long for this opportunity to slip through my eager fingers.**

**There would be no escaping.**

**Her thoughts were racing with the excitement of her well organized plan.... seemingly working out piece by piece.**

**But we had enemies on our side.**

**Both allied battles we would be victorious of, I knew.**

**I stared menacingly at my adversary.**

**She wanted so desperately to end my reason for existence.**

**A love for a love.**

**But that would never happen.**

**If my angel's heart were to stop beating it would be at _my_ hands and my hands alone.**

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	2. Seed of Doubt

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Chapter 1

Seed of Doubt

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_The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. – FDR_

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"Would you knock it off Edward?" The frustrated voice of my brother pulled me from my thoughts. I did not turn to him but to the clock...6:30.

I suppressed a groan and finally turned to Emmet. He was looking at me with an aggravated expression and I noticed he also seemed to be shaking a bit. Before I could comment on this however, he gave me a pointed look and raised his eyebrows.

"What?"

He looked down and I followed his gaze. It was only then that I realized _why _it seemed like he was shaking. Seeming of its own free will my right leg was jumping up and down. This of course made the whole couch tremble. I willed it to stop and looked back up.

"Sorry," I said, not able to keep the smirk off my face. I could tell by the color of his eyes Emmet was thirsty. He was always more grumpy when he was overdue for a hunt.

He looked at me for second before rolling his eyes and turning back to the TV.

I glanced up at the clock once again. If I was expecting it to read 7:00 already I might have been I bit disappointed, but I knew it wouldn't. Though I _had _expected it to be more than just _2 _minutes since the last time I looked.

Sighing, I turned back to the TV, my eyes focusing on nothing in particular.

My concentration and thoughts were miles away from here.

It was yet another long afternoon; it seemed like every day right when the clock struck 2:30 everything slowed. But that's how it always seemed to go. When you're enjoying something… when you want a moment to last forever, it's over before you can even ask. Then when you want…_need _something... time creeps by.

'_Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap'_

"_Edward!" _Emmet sounded angry now.

"What?" I asked again impatiently.

"Knock it the hell off already!"

I looked at my hand; my fingers were tapping on the side table in a perfect rhythm. Once again, I stilled myself.

Emmet groaned, "God Edward just _go_ already, you usually don't wait this long anyway."

"Yes," Rosalie's voice floated towards us right before she did. "Do us all a favor and leave; I swear your acting like a child._" 'So immature'_ she scoffed in her head as she sat gracefully next to her husband.

I raised my eyebrows at her. Immature_?_ I was the oldest person in this room right now and she was calling _me_ immature.

Giving a humorless snort and stood up. "My pleasure ma'am," I said giving her a mocking bow. Then giving my already annoyed brother a good shove in the side of the head I dashed out the room.

If I was going to be called immature, I might as well give them a reason.

Besides, I would be in my car and halfway down the driveway before either one could retaliate.

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I sped down the familiar road, the world around me turning into a dark green blur. Listening to the soft hum, my mind began to drift off again. I found that the more I let my mind wander in these hours of the day the more bearable the wait was.

It didn't make time go faster; it just kept my mind off _time _in general.

Being one of the undead made me capable of thinking of many things at once; my mind was able to cope with more than the average human. But when I was thinking of something in particular, of _someone_ in particular, those specific thoughts seem to fill my mind.

A soft and natural smile graced my lips; it's amazing how just a little over a year ago those ancient muscles seemed frozen. I think I have used them more in these last few weeks than I have in my whole one hundred odd years of existing. Now, it seemed second nature to me, natural almost.

Finally…_finally_ I pulled into the driveway. I usually have never-ending patience; a century of practice made this possible, but not when it came to this…no there wasn't enough patience in the world for what I had been waiting for.

Ignoring the vision of Rosalie's smirk if she could see me right now, I rushed to the door knowing I probably _did_ look like an eager teenager in my hurry.

Not that I cared.

As I made it to the door, a voice drifted towards me.

"So, what?"

I stopped and closed my eyes as the beautiful sound reached my ears. Had it really only been four hours since I last saw that face?

"Nothing I was just…just wondering what Edward's plans are for next year?"

I didn't have to read Charlie's thoughts to know what he was thinking. He generally hated me. Nevertheless, I had earned that hate. I deserved any kind of hostility or coldness he showed. Because I knew I deserved much, _much _worse than anything he could throw at me.

"Oh."

"Well?" Charlie pressed on, not willing to give in.

I gave three quick knocks before the conversation could continue and I heard a chair scrape across the floor followed by a loud "Coming!" and I felt my smile grow at the eagerness.

Ignoring the mumbled "go away" I waited. Listening as the quick footsteps drew nearer… not even 3 seconds later the door was wrenched open.

The sweet aroma hit me full blast as the offending piece of wood separating me and my desire vanished. It surrounded me like a soft but strong caress. It was unlike anything else…there was no way to describe it; no word in the human language could put a name to it.

I have tried, many times, before now, to label it but the only thing that ever comes to mind…the only thing that ever makes sense is simply…_Bella. _It was the only name that fit. The only way I could describe it to myself, for it was the first thing that entered my mind whenever I caught even the slightest trace of it.

I studied her beautiful face, taking in that pale heart shaped piece of art.

Yes, it had definitely been too long, and to think I would have to do it all over again tomorrow.

Her soft hand reached for mine and as soon as the warm flesh wrapped around my stone fingers I felt muscles in my body--I never knew were tense in the first place-- relax.

"Hey," she breathed, the smile on her face growing even wider. It still staggered me every time I looked into her eyes. After everything I had put her through, after everything she had suffered, there was love in the soft brown as she looked up at me.

Unfortunately, there was something else there too, something that would be completely lost to someone who did not know what to look for… _Relief._

Relief, because I had returned to her.

I knew she had been anxious and scared; she hid it much better than she had the weeks following our return from Italy, but it was still there. I could see the underlying fear in her eyes whenever I had to leave.

Unworthily I had gained her forgiveness, but it was going to take a long time before I gained her trust again. Before she trusted in the fact that I was not going anywhere.

I raised our interlocked fingers and lightly touched her soft cheek. The increase in her heart rate and the warmth rising in her face was exactly what I was aiming for. And I rejoiced in the fact that it had been _me_ who caused such a reaction.

"How was your afternoon?" I asked softly.

"Slow," she answered.

"For me as well."

Slow was a bit of an understatement but it would do.

Unable to resist myself any longer I pulled our tangled hands towards my face and skimmed my nose across her tender wrist.

I _wanted_ to smell the blood as it ran through her veins. Breathe in the beautiful fluid that was both pure pleasure and pain.

The raw thirsting in the back my throat and the pounding ache in the depths of my stomach were still there, but they held no power over me. That particular monster had finally been beat. There were still times when it would growl and fight for release but it was all in vain. The little pool of venom that managed to fill my mouth was nothing more than water as I easily swallowed it down.

Loud stomping reached my ears and I immediately dropped our hands, but I couldn't let go. I needed the contact, needed the warmth that my ice cold hand selfishly stole from hers.

Charlie's eyes moved from our interlocked fingers to Bella, and then reluctantly to me.

"Good evening, Charlie," I said politely. All I got was a grunt, but it was more than I deserved. Ignoring it as always I turned to Bella and pulled the envelope from my inner pocket, slipping the roll of stamps onto my finger. "I brought another set of applications."

I knew what her reaction would be so when she groaned in annoyance all I could do was grin. "There are still a few open deadlines. And a few places willing to make exceptions." I may not be able to read her thoughts but I could see the disbelief and annoyance written on her beautiful face. I couldn't help but laugh at the expression... so strong and stubborn and yet still so very innocent.

"Shall we?" Ignoring her reluctance I quickly lead the way to the kitchen.

Charlie grumbled all the way behind us, his thoughts full of frustration. It was a mixture of anger that I was once again here and irritation that we were going to be doing something he couldn't disagree with.

'_What kind of 18 year old comes to his girlfriend's house to get her to fill out collage applications?'_

I suppressed a snort; I was far from being an 18 year old. More like a 105 year old inside a 17-year-old body. And _girlfriend _was no way to describe what Bella was to me. She was my life, my reason to continue, my every thought, my every pain, my every... _everything_.

'_More than likely he's just trying to get her to go to the same college as him.' _Charlie's mind continued.

I can never completely block someone's thoughts from my head, the best I can do is zone them out, make it background noise to my own thoughts and the other sounds around me, but considering no one was talking and Bella's mind was as silent as ever towards me, Charlie's thoughts were the only things there.

'_Well, if he thinks she's going to pick a school for the simple fact that _he_is planning to go there, he has another think coming. I don't care if I have to work three more jobs, I'll have Bella sent to Alaska if it's the last thing I do.'_

"Speaking of college applications Edward," Charlie began out loud "…Bella and I were just talking about next year. Have you decided where you're going to school?"

I smiled and answered honestly, "Not yet. I've received a few acceptance letters, but I'm still weighing my options."

'_Uh hu…right.'_

"Where have you been accepted?"

Once again, I answered honestly "Syracuse…Harvard…Dartmouth…" Then I added just to burst his bubble a bit "…and I just got accepted to the University of Alaska Southeast today." I turned and gave a quick wink in Bella's direction and she grinned back.

I wasn't trying to be mean to Charlie; I respected the man and had no hard feelings toward him but he needed to realize that wherever Bella went, I was going. I was here to stay unless she ordered me away and then I would never be far. The old saying _'out of sight out of mind'_ would play a big role in that situation.

Besides what was the point of being a mind reader if you couldn't play around a bit.

Charlie gaped and I heard Bella trying hard not to laugh "Harvard? Dartmouth?...well that's pretty…that's something."

'Wait..._Alaska?...I knew it… well at least he's been accepted to other places, I doubt Carlisle would let him choose the University of Alaska over Harvard.'_

Charlie seemed to want to confirm his thoughts because he went on, "Yeah, but the University of Alaska…you wouldn't really consider that when you could go Ivy League, I mean, your father would want you…"

"Carlisle's always fine with whatever I choose to do." Well except for maybe one exception. I, like other teenagers, had my own bought of rebellion many, many years ago, and though he didn't try to stop me I knew he was disappointed.

"Hmph."

'_I knew it.'_

"Guess what Edward?" I turned to my angel and my grin matched hers. It was clear she had not missed my little game and wanted to play along too.

"What, Bella?" I asked just as enthused. This was just one of the hundreds of reasons why I loved my Isabella, only _she_ can make a century old vampire feel young again.

"I just got _my_ acceptance to the University of Alaska!"

"Congratulations!" I tried to hold in my laughter due to Charlie's thoughts and went on, "What a coincidence."

'_A coincidence?...this is ridiculous, I swear if I didn't know any better I'd say they both planned this out.'_

"Fine," Charlie mumbled. '_I give up.'_ "I'm going to go watch the game, Bella. Nine-thirty."

"Er, Dad? Remember the very recent discussion about my freedom…?"

"Right. Okay, ten-thirty. You still have a curfew on school nights." _'And any other night he shows his face here.'_

"Bella's no longer grounded?" I asked feigning slight surprise.

"Conditionally," Charlie ground out, he did not like talking to me and it seemed his nerves were running thin for one night.

'_When it comes to you she is always grounded.'_

"What's it to you?"

I shrugged slightly, once again ignoring the anger in his voice and mind. "It's just good to know…Alice has been itching for a shopping partner…" That was no lie, if anything _itching _didn't quite cover it. I turned back to Bella and smiled, "…and I'm sure Bella would love to see some city lights."

'_Hell no!' _Charlie yelled in his mind. This made me look back up at him and he no longer seemed angry he was downright furious.

"No!"

"Dad! What's the problem?"

'_She isn't going anywhere near Seattle'_ Charlie's angry thoughts went on.

Different images and news headlines seemed to run through his mind all at once. I now understood where he was coming from. I had no intention of letting Bella get anywhere near Seattle either, especially if our assumptions were true.

"I don't want you going to Seattle right now."

"Huh?"

"I told you about that story in the paper … there's some kind of gang on a killing spree in Seattle and I want you to steer clear, okay?"

Did he mean today's paper? Carlisle and I had been keeping a close eye on this "killing spree", but I hadn't heard about anything today.

Seeing the paper lying on the table I grabbed it.

'**Death Toll on the Rise Police Fear Gang Activity'**

I read over the article quickly. Another body had been found and it was clear the Police were finally picking up on the pattern…Bodies being dumped miles from where they had last been seen, burned past recognition, and multiple fractures caused by blunt force.

We have seen the signs more than once and it all fit.

Newborns were extremely sloppy and they do not care for secrecy, all that matters to them is blood. The thirst when someone is first made is nearly unbearable, and it makes things much worse if that new born isn't taught, when all they have to rely on are their instincts.

"Dad there's a better chance that I'll get struck by lightning than that the one day I'm in Seattle…"

'_No no no NO!'_

Cutting Bella off before her father's head exploded I said, "No that's fine Charlie…"

I really didn't want to continue seeing the images Charlie's imagination had conjured up at the very _thought_ of Bella going to Seattle. The real images that flashed across his mind every now and then, about those months when I was gone, were bad enough.

"I didn't mean Seattle. I was thinking Portland, actually. I wouldn't have Bella in Seattle, either. Of course not."

I could feel Charlie's gaze on me but I did not look up from the paper. His thoughts were once again frustrated. He wanted more than anything to be mad at me and have a reasonable reason to be so, but it seemed he couldn't find one and just settled on being mad at my presence as usual.

"Fine," and with that he stalked off towards the living room.

I heard the TV cut on and as I knew she would, Bella began to speak.

"What…"

"Hold on," I stopped her quietly holding up a hand.

Charlie was still listening intently in the living room. From what I picked up he was waiting for either the sound of feet going up the stairs or for an argument to break out over me agreeing with him about not going to Seattle.

"I think you can recycle your essays for this one. Same questions." I said pushing the Dartmouth papers towards her. I said it just loud enough so Charlie would hear without making it obvious. It seemed to work, he grumbled a bit more before the television was cut up higher.

As Bella began to fill out the paperwork I let my eyes slide to the window. I needed to call Carlisle; I knew he had been at the hospital all day and wondered if he had the time to get a paper. The problem in Seattle was getting a way out of hand.

What confused me most was the fact that the Volturi hadn't come into play yet. Then again the thought of them actually interfering worried me even more.

Seattle was way too close to Forks for my liking. If I knew anything about them they would more than likely stop by just 'to check in on things'.

I felt my hand curl into a fist against my thigh. It seemed like everybody had their say in Bella's life, or lack of, but me.

"_You're not the only vampire that I know."_

"_It's not the end, it's the beginning."_

"_Unless…Unless you do intend to give her immortality?" _

"_Mean it…Please."_

"_I would want you to do it."_

Bella soft snort pulled me from my dark thoughts... she seemed to be very good at that particular action.

I looked up just in time to see her shove the paper away and I caught it before it slid off the table.

"Bella?"

"Be serious, Edward. _Dartmouth?"_

Ah, so she had finally seen the school's name. I smiled gently at her exasperated expression and set the paper back in front of her.

"I think you'll like New Hampshire" I said lightly "There's a full complement of night courses for me, and the forests are very conveniently located for the avid hiker." Then I added with a half smile, "Plentiful wildlife.'

I saw her take a deep breath and I could tell what was about to come out of her mouth, even though I couldn't hear her thoughts.

"I'll let you pay me back if that makes you happy," I said before she could speak. "If you want I can charge you interest."

"Like I could even get in without some enormous bribe." She said, very clearly annoyed, "Or was that part of the loan? The new Cullen wing of the library? Ugh. Why are we having this discussion again?"

I took an unnecessary breath. I love my Bella but she could be so very stubborn. "Will you please just fill out the applications, please, Bella? It won't hurt you to apply."

Seeing the muscle clench in her jaw and the brown eyes tighten, I knew exactly what was coming. Before she even opened her mouth my hand flashed out and grabbed the papers.

She didn't even seem to notice.

If she was going to be like that I'd just do it myself.

"You know what? I don't think I will."

As I had expected her hands reached for the now absent application. She stared at the table for a few seconds before it clicked and her angry gaze flashed back up to me. "What are you doing?"

"I sign your name better than you do yourself. You've already written the essays."

"You're going way over board with this you know…I really don't need to apply to anywhere else. I've been accepted in Alaska. I can almost afford the first semester of tuition. It's as good an alibi as any. There's no need to throw away a bunch of money, no matter who's it is."

It's so amazing how Bella's words can truly hurt and how she was able to use the exact words that would cause the most damage. I knew she didn't do it with the sole purpose of hurting me... No, my Bella was too kind hearted for things like that...but even thought it was done un consciously the meaning behind her words hurt nonetheless.

"Bella…"

"Don't start…" this time she cut _me_ off "…I know I need to go through the motions for Charlie's sake, but we both know I'm not going to be in any condition to go to school next fall. To be anywhere near people."

God it hurt to even _think_ about talking about this, much less actually having the conversation. I knew it was out of my control, in all reality it seemed I had lost any control the moment Alice had had her first vision.

But I could deny it then; refuse to even _consider_ such a thought. Now it was too late, Bella knew too much, either way her knowing me and loving me would kill her in the end.

"I thought the timing was still undecided," I said quietly. I knew it was only me who was pushing for more time. I felt like I was literally hanging by my fingernails on this, grasping at whatever I could. She was still sweetly ignorant to what she wanted, to what she was ultimately giving up.

"You might enjoy a semester or two of college. There are a lot of human experiences you haven't had."

"I'll get to those afterward," she answered immediately. So very sure of herself and yet completely clueless.

"They won't be _human_ experiences afterward. You don't get a second chance at humanity Bella."

"You've got to be reasonable about the timing Edward. It's just too dangerous to mess around with."

Was this part of the reason? I could never really figure out why she was so eager to become one of us, why there seemed to be no hesitation in her desires. Was this it? Was she frightened…actually _scared_ to remain human.

"There's no danger yet," I saidtruthfully. And though I knew there was a big chance the Volturi could come walking up to our front door in the near future, everything was still clear. Alice had had no vision yet of them making any kind of plans.

She gave me a look of disbelief. I couldn't blame her really, all she knew was that an ancient army was out to make sure she was killed either by their hand or mine and that the vampire who had been chasing after her for over a year now was still out there.

I knew different though... she might think there was something to fear but I knew there wasn't. We would have a warning before the Volturi even moved and as for Victoria, well that piece of filth wouldn't touch a single hair on Bella's beautiful head if she valued what existence she had left to her.

Through my thoughts I became aware of the fact that Bella had become silent and that her eyes had slowly slid from my face and unfocused.

I couldn't help myself, it was almost a reflex reaction to try and zero in on her thoughts, but it was useless. I wasn't disappointed for I had expected nothing else. Then as I watched the slight flush -which seemed to remain in her creamy colored skin whenever I was around- slide away I realized that _she_ had just realized something.

Was she finally beginning to understand what she would have to do in order to get what she wanted, who she would have to leave, who she would hurt?

If we remained set on the course we were currently on she would have to say a finale goodbye to all her human ties in little over a month.

The pain that showed through her eyes in that second made me realize that _that_ was exactly what she had finally understood. The hurt I saw flash across her features was more painful than anything she could ever say to me.

"Bella…" all but pleaded. She looked up, though her eyes still didn't focus on my face, "There's no hurry. I won't let anyone hurt you. You can take all the time you need."

"I want to hurry," she whispered, more to herself than me.

Then she pulled out of her daze and her brown eyes focused on mine. She gave a smile, seeming to want to lighten the mood, but I saw straight through it.

"I want to be a monster too."

She was trying to make a joke, I knew this, but she could be so very_ frustrating_ sometimes. Just when I think she was looking at the big picture, looking at all the consequences of her future choice, she goes and says something stupid like _'I want to be a monster too.'_

"You have no idea what you're saying." I flung the newspaper onto the table and pointed at the headline. If she wasn't going to realize it all herself then I would just have to _make_ her understand. Make her see firsthand that 'becoming a monster' was no light matter.

She read the bold letters written across the front page and then looked up at me in confusion.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Monsters are not a joke Bella," I said it harder than I intended, but she had to understand.

She looked back at the paper and then comprehension dawned on her face. She looked back up.

"A…a _vampire_ is doing this?"

I gave a cold smile when I saw the shock on her face. After all the experience she had had with vampires she was actually shocked to learn such a thing.

"You'd be surprised, Bella, at how often my kind are the source behind the horrors in your human news."

I hadn't planned on telling her this, it would just be something else for her to worry needlessly over, but if this was what it took to make her see, then so be it.

"It's easy to recognize, when you know what to look for. The information here indicates a newborn vampire is loose in Seattle. Blood thirsty, wild, out of control. The way we all were."

Her eyes left mine and dropped back to the paper, but I went on.

"We've been monitoring the situation for a few weeks. All the signs are there…the unlikely disappearances, always in the night, the poorly disposed of corpses, the lack of other evidence…Yes someone brand new. And no one seems to be taking responsibility for the neophyte…"

Seeing the look on her face made me stop and take a deep breath…I didn't want to frighten her, I just wanted to make her see the truth of the matter.

"Well it's not our problem. We wouldn't even pay attention to the situation if it wasn't so close to home. Like I said this happens all the time. The existence of monsters results in monstrous consequences."

Bella was staring intently at the paper now and I followed her gaze. She was looking at the victims names. It was always the innocent who paid the price for monstrous consequences.

"It won't be the same for me," she whispered. And I agreed with her, to a point. She _would _be blood thirsty just like any new born but I would never allow a thing like this to happen, not ever.

"You won't let me be like that," she went on voicing my very thoughts. "We'll live in Antarctica."

I snorted, _Antarctica?_ Of all the places to live, Bella chooses the coldest place and the place lacking square meals. I tried to lighten the mood; I could only stand that look on her face for so long.

"Penguins, lovely."

It worked somewhat, she did laugh but it was too shaky to be sincere. Then she pushed the paper onto the floor. Maybe I did get through to her finally, at least in one way.

"Alaska then as planned. Only somewhere much more remote than Juneau…somewhere with grizzles galore."

"Better," I said glad she had relaxed back to herself. "There are polar bears, too. Very fierce. And the wolves get quite large."

Bella made a noise and her warm breath hit my face. I looked up in confusion. "What's wrong?" But as I took in her expression, I realized what it was that had offended her. I felt myself stiffen as I fought off yet another human feeling only Bella could awaken inside me… _jealousy_.

"Oh, never mind the wolves then if it's offensive to you."

It's not like I meant a _particular_ wolf in the first place, and besides I would never feed from a _werewolf_ anyway. Just the smell would keep me from getting that close.

"He was my best friend, Edward…of course the idea offends me."

"Please forgive my thoughtlessness I should never of suggested it."

"Don't worry about," she mumbled staring down at her hands.

My eyes rolled to the ceiling…of all the people in this small town she could call her best friend it had to be a werewolf, and a _young_ one at that. My eyes slid back to her. She was still staring at her hands, which were clenched on the table top un-moving.

And then I remembered the circumstances under which she had befriended Jacob Black, the reason to why they had become so close.

_Me._

I had forced her away in the hope of keeping her safe. I convinced myself I was giving her the chance to have a normal life, to have normal friends and meet a normal love. But me pushing her away from monsters only led her to find a more hostile version.

I once again saw pain on her face and for reasons I didn't quite understand _guilt._

And once again _I_ was at fault.

I leaned forward and lifted her face back up so I could see her eyes.

"Sorry. Really," and I meant it this time, my little fit of jealously was gone. All that mattered was seeing my Bella smile again, and if it took me never feeding on a wolf again for all eternity I would gladly do so.

"I know. I know it's not the same thing." She mumbled "I shouldn't have acted that way. It's just that…well, I was already thinking about Jacob before you came over."

I resisted the urge to cringe when she said his name; something must have showed on my face because she hesitated before she went on to explain. "Charlie says Jake is having a hard time. He's hurting right now, and…it's my fault."

No, I was at fault, I had made this necessary.

"You've done nothing wrong Bella."

"I need to make it right, Edward. I owe him that. And it's one of Charlie's conditions, anyway…"

Absolutely not_._

I don't care if Charlie never lets her out of this house again, Bella will _not _be spending time with an adolescent werewolf. Not only could I not follow her but Alice could no longer _see _her.

Whenever a werewolf came into the picture Alice's visions immediately became blank, which in turn makes Bella's future become lost.

"You know it's out of the question for you to be around a werewolf unprotected, Bella. And it would break the treaty if any of us cross over onto their land. Do you want us to start a war?"

"Of course not!"

"Then there's really no point in discussing the matter further." I dropped my hand from her face; I was done with this conversation. If it wasn't her impending doom we were discussing it was Jacob Black.

I spotted her beaten copy of Wuthering Heights on the counter. The pages were bent and the cover was worn from so much use.

Did she really have nothing else to read? It seemed like the as soon as she finished it she was turning to the front page again.

"I'm glad Charlie has decided to let you out…" I began; glad to find a good change of subject. "You're sadly in need of a visit to the bookstore. I can't believe you're reading Wuthering Heights again. Don't you know it by heart yet?"

"Not all of us have photographic memories."

"Photographic memory or not, I don't understand why you like it. The characters are ghastly people who ruin each others' lives. I don't know how Heathcliff and Cathy ended up being ranked with couples like Romeo and Juliet or Elizabeth Benet and Mr. Darcy. It isn't a love story it's a hate story."

"You have some serious issues with the classics," she snapped at me.

Mmmm touchy…here was yet another mystery of Isabella Swan I craved to solve through her thoughts. Though I have to admit doing the exploration was rather thrilling at times, when it wasn't downright frustrating.

"Perhaps it's because I'm not impressed by antiquity," I smiled.

I rather loved it when she became passionate about something, it was amazing the way her eyes would blaze and her jaw set

"Honestly though, why do you read it over and over?" I reached across the table and placed my hand on her face, looking directly into her eyes. "What is it that appeals to you?" I wanted to know what it was about _this_ particular story that grabbed her attention so thoroughly.

She thought it over for a minute, and I, still unable to read her thoughts, tried to wait patiently.

"I'm not sure…I think it's something about the inevitability. How nothing can keep them apart…not her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end…"

I guess I could see why that would fascinate her, but still. "I still think it would be a better story if either of them had one redeeming quality."

"I think that may be the point…" she said softly "Their love is their only redeeming quality."

I ran that over in my mind for a bit. I had never really thought about it that way and on some level it did make sense, not that I would ever admit it. I grinned, and before I could stop myself I said "I hope you have better sense than that…to fall in love with someone so…malignant."

"It's a bit late for me to worry about who I fall in love with…Even without the warning I seem to have managed quite well."

How could I not laugh at that? Oh yes she had managed well alright. She had fallen in love with a vampire who craved her blood and forced her to befriend a hostile werewolf, oh yes she had managed quite well.

"I'm glad _you_ think so," I said through my laughter, still holding her warm face in my hand.

"Well I hope you're smart enough to stay away from someone so selfish. Catherine is really the source of all the trouble not Heathcliff."

"I'll be on my guard," I teased, though I had no worriers, Bella was many things, but selfish was not one of them.

She sighed and I knew my efforts- though had thoroughly distracted even myself- weren't going to work anymore. As I've said before my Bella is very stubborn.

She put her hand over mine and I relished in the feeling, though I knew what was about to come.

"I need to see Jacob."

I closed my eyes; I couldn't bear to see her face when I said the word, but I would not be swayed. I too am very stubborn, especially when it comes to her safety.

"No."

"It's truly not dangerous at all," I hated to hear the pleading in her voice, it was torture. "I used to spend all day in La Push with the whole lot of them, and nothing ever happen."

The falter in her voice said what she hadn't; she must have seen firsthand the unpredictability of a young werewolf. The rise in her heart rate only confirmed my suspicion and I nodded "Werewolves are unstable. Sometimes, the people near them get hurt. Sometimes they get killed."

She seemed to be remembering something else. I wish I knew what it was that had happened, how close she had come to being hurt or worse. Then again maybe it was good thing I couldn't read her thoughts at the moment; a war was the last thing we all needed.

"You don't know them," she whispered.

"I know them better than you think Bella; I was there the last time."

"The last time?" she asked somewhat surprised.

Sometimes I wondered if Bella forgot my age, forgot my real birth date and saw only the 17 year old on the outside. Then again it seemed like whenever I was around her that was the one quality about me that showed the most.

"We started crossing paths with the wolves about seventy years ago…" I explained "We had just settled near Hoquiam. That was before Alice and Jasper were with us. We outnumbered them, but that wouldn't have stopped it from turning into a fight if not for Carlisle. He managed to convince Ephraim Black that coexisting was possible, and eventually we made the treaty…We thought the line had died out with Ephraim…that the genetic quirk which allowed the transmutation had been lost…"

I paused looking up at Bella's intrigued face…leave it to her to find such trouble, if I didn't know better I would say _she_ had done something to trigger it…though I knew that wasn't possible...Still…

"Your bad luck seems to get more potent every day. Do you realize that your insatiable pull for all things deadly was strong enough to recover a pack of mutant canines from extinction? If we could bottle your luck, we'd have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands."

"But _I_ didn't bring them back. Don't you know?" she said her eyes widening slightly. She wasn't teasing like me, she was serious.

"Know what?"

"My bad luck had nothing to do with it. The werewolves came back because the vampires did…Jacob told me that your family being here set things in motion. I thought you would already know…"

What? They were blaming us for their genetic quirk returning. If that was the case we would never have come to Forks in the first place, why stir up trouble.

"Is that what they think?"

"Edward, look at the facts. Seventy years ago, you came here, and the werewolves showed up. You come back now, and the werewolves show up again. Do you think that's a coincidence?"

Well that is a rather large coincidence when you look at it that way. I wonder why I never saw it, or Carlisle for that matter. "Carlisle will be interested in that theory."

"Theory," she scoffed.

But it did not matter what she thought, or what the dogs thought. There was no way I would let Bella go and visit a gang of wolves, conditions or no conditions it wasn't happening.

"Interesting but not exactly relevant…the situation remains the same."

She was silent for a moment and then got up and walked around the table towards me. I knew what she was asking and I opened my arms, all too willing to give her what she wanted, at least with _this_ matter. I knew she wasn't done yet but maybe she had finally given up for the night.

I sighed as she snuggled into my chest, her warmth enveloping me like a long lost blanket.

"Please just listen for a minute."

Ok, so it was wishful thinking on my part.

"This is so much more important than some whim to drop in on an old friend. Jacob is in _pain_…I can't _not_ try to help him…I can't give up on him now, when he needs me. Just because he's not human all the time…Well, he was there for me when I was…not so human myself."

I closed my eyes against the pain that rose up in me. How could she forgive me so easily? I had seen what I had done to her, seen glimpses of it in other minds...that pale and gaunt face, the dark circles under those beautiful eyes, and worst of all that dead and beaten down expression that was once full of nothing but life.

And I had done that.

"You don't know what it was like…" She went on. "If Jacob hadn't helped me…I'm not sure what you would have come home to. I owe him better than this, Edward."

But she was wrong on both accounts.

I knew all too well what it was like, the never ending days, no break in the pain and emptiness; I hadn't even had the sweet forgetfulness of sleep on my side. As to coming home…well if it wasn't for Jacob, Bella would have been killed on more than one occasion and then I would have nothing to return to. My home was only where she was, there was and _is_ no other place for me.

"I'll never forgive myself for leaving you…Not if I live a hundred thousand years." And it was true there was no forgiveness for what I had done.

Her warm hand touched my face and once again she pulled me from my dark thoughts, my muscles instinctively relaxing under the contact. I opened my eyes to see her brown ones looking back with nothing but love and understanding.

"You were just trying to do the right thing. And I'm sure it would have worked with anyone less mental than me. Besides, you're here now. That's the part that matters."

"If I'd never left, you wouldn't feel the need to go risk your life to comfort a _dog._"

I felt her flinch against me and it made me feel even guiltier for what I was about to say, but there was no simple way around it; the risk was just too high for me to take.

"I don't know how to phrase this properly…It's going to sound cruel, I suppose. But I've come too close to losing you in the past. I know what it feels like to think I have. I am _not_ going to tolerate anything dangerous."

"You have to trust me on this. I'll be fine."

I did trust her, I trusted her with every part of my being. That wasn't the problem; the problem was I didn't trust _them_.

The look in her eyes… I couldn't take it, and I had to fight to not look away. I hated to refuse her anything, hated that it had to be this way, but I just couldn't risk it. I couldn't.

"Please, Bella," I whispered, pleading in my voice.

"Please what?"

"Please for me. Please make a conscious effort to keep yourself safe. I'll do everything I can, but I would appreciate a little help."

"I'll work on it," she murmured.

I needed more than that. If I _ever_ lost her again it would destroy me. The last time it had nearly destroyed the both of us _and_ Alice. She was so small and breakable sitting here in my lap. I could feel _and_ hear it.

Her beating heart and steady breaths. The way her soft flesh gave way under my unbendable legs, the heat of the blood pulsing through her. It was everywhere, strong in presence but so easily taken away. One simple slip, one wrong move and it could all be gone. Again.

I pulled her closer to me; I would never let her out of my sight again if that's what it took. "Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?"

Her soft lips touched my neck and I felt my skin spasm lightly under the heat. "I know how much I love _you._"

I sighed pressing my nose into her hair "You compare one small tree to the entire forest."

"Impossible."

Oh no it was 100 percent _possible_, and this wasn't going to work, I would not be swayed. I kissed the top of her head, lessening the blow of my words. "No werewolves."

"I'm not going along with that. I have to see Jacob."

Alright fine.

"Then I'll have to stop you," and I would, there would be no problem with making sure there was a pair of eyes on her at all times and I could always have Alice kick up her radar a bit, she would not slip out of my grasp.

"We'll see about that…he's still my friend."

I knew she was bluffing, but as I held her in my arms like I had done a hundred times before, something in her words and the way she said them made everything about this familiar moment change.

I ran over this bizarre and frustrating conversation once more and that's when it hit me.

Was this really just a strong friendship?

I knew Jacob's feelings all too well, our last encounter told me that. His mind had been running wild with hurt and betrayal, the kind that only came when it was a loved one who had done the betraying.

But Bella?

She seemed so fierce with her argument. The way she talked about him, I could tell she cared deeply. It hurt her to see him hurting. But was the base of that pain mere friendship?

Or was it more?

I closed my eyes and tried to push away the thoughts, but it was too late.

The tormenting seed of doubt had been planted.

* * *

**And so it begins....LOL. Leave a Review? Maybe? I luv hearing your thoughts. ;)**


	3. Unwilling to see

* * *

Chapter 2

Unwilling To See

* * *

"_You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel" – Unknown_

* * *

Bella was silent as we drove down the empty road. I was surprised she hadn't started throwing questions at me yet. I figured as soon as the car door closed behind Alice the questions would start. I doubted she had missed what went on during lunch. Bella had seen Alice having a vision more than once.

I had tried my best to stall the moment when she would ask. I needed time to come up with a cover story, one that was _believable_ anyway. _Hell_, I had even talked to Mike Newton_. _

Though that had been rather amusing, the poor kid's mind had gone into overdrive. If it wasn't for the fact that I could read his every desire whenever he looked at Bella I would have _almost_ felt sorry for him…almost. Bella, however seemed just as shocked about my choice of people to converse with has _he_ had been. Perhaps talking to Newton was overkill, I guess it did seem a little obvious.

If I were dealing with anyone else this wouldn't be a problem, but Bella had an uncanny way of reading even the slightest slip up in my well guarded expressions. There were times when I thought this was endearing, but most of the time it just made things difficult.

Then again maybe I was just being paranoid; maybe she really hadn't noticed anything. I really hoped so because I hated lying to her, but seeing her hurt was worse and that was what the truth would do. Why frightened her for no reason?

The unexpected silence continued as we reached Charlie's. I swiftly pulled into the drive and cut the engine.

"Light homework load tonight," I said, finally breaking the silence.

"Mmm," was her only answer.

"Do you suppose I'm allowed inside again?"

She had no choice but to speak this time. "Charlie didn't throw a fit when you picked me up for school."

That wasn't exactly true. Charlie had thrown a fit; it just wasn't where Bella could hear it.

The regular routine was ever present as I followed her inside, and up the stairs, then once in her room we I went to lay on the bed while she checked her email. I knew she had one from Renee she hadn't answered yet. As I laid my head back on the pillow I looked sideways and watched the little bulbs of moisture roll down the window pane, letting my mind search for the right answer to give. I knew it was only a matter of time before she began asking.

Whatever I told her however it could not be the truth, mentioning Victoria would only make Bella panic, make her frightened and worry for no reason. We could easily take care of the monster and Bella would never need to know about the returning threat. She had been through enough.

I knew it would return sooner or later though, I knew the fiend would eventually come back. I had been waiting for Alice to see something like this, I was expecting it; I was just wished it hadn't been so soon.

The vision itself wasn't all that clear. From what I read from Alice's mind all she had seen was Victoria stalking through the woods. Her facial expression and posture made it clear she was expecting someone. Before that _someone _showed up however, the vision disappeared. The only thing Alice could come up with was that wherever Victoria was walking it had must have been near the reservation's border line. She could have easily stepped onto their land or one of the pack could have caught her scent. Either way it would have made the vision disappear.

'_thumptapthumptapthumptap'_

A quick and broken tapping reached my ears, breaking up my thoughts. I looked toward the source of the noise and found Bella's hand working furiously against the old wood of her desk.

I smirked. Perhaps that was where I had picked up the seemingly _human_ action. Looking closely at her face I couldn't be sure if her impatience was aimed at the sluggish computer or me.

No matter, either way I had my own form of distraction.

Slipping quietly off the bed I leaned down over her, placing my white hand on hers.

The strumming stopped immediately only to be replace by the rapid beat of her heart.

"Are we a little impatient today?" I chose my words carefully just so I could see her face go from aggravated to dazed in record time.

She had been ready to snap at me, with some sarcastic remark no doubt. A part of me wanted to hear it, wanted hear what absurd comment my Bella's mysterious mind would come up with this time, but a much stronger part of me wanted something much more enjoyable.

My lips pressing gently to hers quickly ended any chance of speaking, by either of us.

I, like so many times before, began to drift into another world. The only other world I ever wanted. My lips moved lightly over hers and it was only in these brief moments that I craved the same thing she did. Every part of me _yearned_ to kiss her fully…to let my boundaries down and lose myself completely.

But that was not possible, and her soft body shivering in my cold arms was confirmation of that miserable fact.

I reluctantly, but willing loosened my hold.

It was clear Bella had realized this, because she immediately pressed herself into me.

I paused in my attempt to break away and enjoyed the astonishing and rare feeling her body gave mine. Everywhere her warmth touched my skin it sent waves of life though my form. I didn't want to let go, didn't want to pull away like my mind was screaming. I wanted to keep kissing her beautiful face and hold her even closer, seal off any gaps that still remained open.

Her moist tongue sliding over my bottom lip however shocked me enough to come back to reality.

Breaking her strong hold effortlessly, I pulled her head away from mine.

Her face was flushed with the excitement of successfully slipping past my guard, her brown eyes full of desire and longing.

I chuckled softly. Why must she always tempt her fate? I doubted she realized how close she had come too actually touching my teeth. I'm not sure what would have happened, if anything, but I wasn't going to take the chance. The last thing I needed was for her to bleed into my mouth.

"Ah, Bella," I sighed as a soft pout formed on her face. I too wished we could kiss and do so without restrictions, but it seemed _I_ was the only one who put any effort in to retaining those boundaries.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not," she said once she had regained her breath.

"And I should feel sorry that you're not sorry, but I don't…" It was true, if I didn't already have the decades of practice in self control; I would gladly do it again and go even _further._

"…Maybe I should go sit on the bed."

Her breath hit my face as she exhaled. "If you think that's necessary…"

I smiled at her and pulled away.

"Tell, Renee I said hello," I said sitting back on to the bed while she sat back at the desk, her computer now wheezing with what little life it had left and ready to go.

"Sure thing."

I smiled at her voice, it still sounded breathless. I guess I was better at distraction than I thought.

Bella began to read over her mother's email and I gazed, mesmerized at her face. I loved watching how her eyes would light up, her head shake, and how the corner of her mouth would twitch up every now and then at something funny. So many emotions passed over it her features as she read…shock, humor, love, frustration… _longing._

And the plan hit me.

My eyes left her face and looked down; focusing on a certain floorboard I knew was loose. Did she still have them? It would be a perfect excuse to get her out of harm's way for the time being and it would be doing something I knew for a fact she would enjoy.

Bella may be good at hiding her true feelings to the outside world, but not to me. I learned many things in those moments of the night, those times where I can get a small glimpse of what goes on in her head. I knew she missed her mother and at times deeply worried about her.

My eyes scanned the room, then the floor again and I spotted it. Sticking out from beneath the bed was the corner of a book. The scrap book Renee had given her for her last birthday. I grabbed it and quickly flipped it open. The pieces of paper I needed slipped out into my hand.

I heard Bella sigh and I looked up to see a somewhat aggravated expression on her face. Intrigued, I placed the scrapbook back under the bed and got up, silently moving behind her so I could peer over her shoulder.

_~*~*~*~_

_You've haven't said anything about Jacob in a long time._

_What's he up to these days?_

_~*~*~*~*~_

The question was innocent enough, though it aggravated _me _a bit, I didn't understand why it would do the same to her.

I began to read the answer to the question Bella was still typing. I couldn't help the smirk that formed on my lips, the response was so _Isabella_. Short, witty, and to the point.

~*~*~*~

_Jacob is fine, I guess. I don't see him much, _

_he spends most of his time with a pack of his friends down at La Push these days._

_Well I gotta go Mom, we'll talk later._

_Bella._

_Oh yeah, and Edward says hello._

_~*~*~*~_

Bella hit the send button and I was about to speak up about the plane tickets when something caught my eye. She had left her closet door open and I noticed something shoved in the corner, a thin layer of dust coating the top.

I felt Bella's eye on me, but I couldn't look away from the devastation that had once been a top of the line, brand new stereo. Emmet had personally picked it out so it matched the faded color of Bella's seats.

The last time I saw it, it had been sitting inside her truck, and even though it stuck out like a sore thumb next to everything else in her ancient vehicle, it was still _whole_.

"What did you _do_ to this?" and the horror at what I was looking at showed in my voice. Why hadn't I noticed it before?

"It didn't want to come out of the dashboard," she said defensively.

"So you felt the need to torture it?" It looked like the poor piece of machinery had been through the deepest layer of hell and back. What did she use to remove it with…a _crowbar?_

"You know how I am with tools. No pain was inflicted intentionally."

"You killed it."

I finally looked back at her; she was staring at the mess of wires and plastic with an oddly blank look on her face. "Oh, well," she said shrugging her shoulders.

"It would hurt their feelings if they saw this…I guess it's a good thing that you've been on house arrest. I'll have to get another one in place before they notice." Especially Emmett, he had been rather proud of himself, and even dealt with Rose's annoyance when he had suggested it.

"Thanks, but I don't need a fancy stereo."

"It's not for your sake that I'm going to replace it."

I heard her sigh, but it wasn't a sigh of aggravation or annoyance as I would expect. It was a sad and somewhat resigned sigh. I looked closely at her face and knew she was remembering things she and I both wished we could forget. I looked down at the packet in my hand and took an unnecessary breath.

Perhaps this was going to be harder than I thought.

Controlling my voice I finally said "You didn't get much good out of your birthday presents last year." Thanks to me that is, it seemed like all I ever did was _take_ from her. Out of everything that she had gotten on her 18th birthday these plane tickets were the only things left from us…with the exception of yet another scar.

"Do you realize these are about to expire?" I had to work extra hard to keep my face natural and my voice light. I hated talking about anything that reminded her of those times and reminded me of what I had done.

She took a deep breath and when she talked her voice was as flat and emotionless as her face. "No, I'd forgotten all about them actually."

"Well we still have a little time. You've been liberated, and we have no plans this weekend, as you refuse to go to the prom with me…why not celebrate your freedom this way?"

Her face finally showed something, "By going to Florida?" she said surprised.

"You did say something about the continental U.S. being allowable," I said, using her words from earlier today against her.

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and I knew she had been reminded of what happened at lunch. It didn't matter though because I had my answer for that question now. It came to me almost like I had it in my head all along.

"Well…are we going to see Renee or not?" I asked watching her expression.

"Charlie will never allow it."

"Charlie can't keep you from visiting your mother. She still has primary custody."

"Nobody has custody of me. I'm an adult." she said defiantly, her cheeks turning a light pink.

_Gotcha_…I grinned triumphantly. "Exactly."

She became silent, debating her decision. I could still see the longing in her eyes. I knew she wanted this badly. Finally she sighed, "Not this weekend."

"Why not?" I asked immediately.

"I don't want to fight with Charlie. Not so soon after he's forgiven me."

I felt my face fall as my plan began to slip. "I think this weekend is perfect."

"Another time."

"You're not the only one who's been trapped in this house you know." I didn't say it mean or in a hard way, but I instantly wished I could take the words back when I saw the slight flash of fear in her eyes.

Then as quickly as it came it was gone.

"You can go anywhere you want."

"The outside world holds no interest for me without you," I said honestly and I was a little hurt when she rolled her eyes. "I'm serious."

"Let's take the outside world slowly alright? For example we could start with a movie in Port Angeles…."

I groaned. A movie? She was turning down a trip to Florida, a chance to see her mother, _and_ be out of this blasted house for a _movie._

"Never mind. We'll talk about it later."

"There's nothing left to talk about," she said stubbornly.

I shrugged. I'd find a way to get her to go one way or another.

"Okay then, new subject," she said quickly before I could speak "What did Alice see today at lunch?"

There it was, exactly what I had been waiting for.

I had my answer but that didn't make lying straight to her face any easier. Taking control of my facial features I said smoothly. "She's been seeing Jasper in a strange place, somewhere in the Southwest, she thinks, near his former…family. But he has no conscious intentions to go back…it's got her worried."

"Oh."

She paused and her eyes became suspicious again. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I'd didn't realize you'd noticed." Ok so I had _hoped_ she didn't notice, but all the same. "It's probably nothing important in any case."

She of course believed my every word and immediately dropped the subject. This only made me feel worse, but it was for the best. If she knew the truth she would just be frightened and when Bella was frightened she made rash decisions and did stupid things.

* * *

Later on that night, once Charlie was home, I waited in the living room while they ate dinner. I knew what I had to do, but Bella wasn't going to like it. It would all be worth it all in the end, I reminded myself. She would be safe for the weekend and she would get to see Renee like I knew she wanted to.

It seemed Charlie had finished eating because a contented sigh reached my ears followed by his voice.

"That was great, Bella."

"I'm glad you liked it." She answered "How was work?"

"Sort of slow. Well, dead slow really. Mark and I played cards for a good part of the afternoon…I won nineteen hands to seven. And then I was on the phone with Billy for a while."

I frowned already knowing where this conversation was going, even without paying attention to his thoughts.

"How is he?"

"Good, good. His joints are bothering him a little."

"Oh, that's too bad."

Here it comes. I didn't care if I had to carry Bella onto the plane; she would _not_ being going to that party.

"Yeah. He invited us down to visit this weekend. He was thinking about having the Clearwater's and the Ulleys over too. Sort of a playoff party…"

I waited for Bella's reply, wondering what she would say knowing that I could hear her from where I sat.

"Huh."

I smiled slightly, though it could probably be considered a grimace. I heard Bella begin to stack the dishes stood up, deciding to make my presence known again. Preferably before Charlie began pressing the party business and forced an answer out of her.

'_Why the hell can't he stay away for at least one night?' _Charlie grumbled in his head as I went to stand beside Bella to dry the dishes_. 'I'll talk to her in the morning.'_

Charlie sighed and got to his feet. I looked over at Bella as she scrubbed the plate in her hands and made up my mind. I needed to get this over with.

"Charlie," I said conversationally.

He groaned mentally before he answered, "Yeah?"

"Did Bella ever tell you that my parents gave her airplane tickets on her last birthday, so that she could visit Renee?"

I heard Bella's sharp intake of breath as her face snapped up to me. The plate she had been holding clattered to the floor, covering all three of us in soapy water. I turned my gaze to her but she was already picking up the plate, her eyes locked on the floor. I could see and smell the blood pooling in her face.

"Bella?' Charlie asked stunned.

"Yeah they did," she answered still not meeting anyone's gaze.

'_Man that was some gift. I don't even want to know how much it must have cost.' _Charlie turned back to me still slightly stunned "No, she never mentioned it."

"Hmm."

"Was there a reason you brought it up?" Charlie asked in a hard voice.

Bella's eyes were on me again; they seemed to be boring into the side of my face. I kept my eyes on Charlie as I shrugged. "They're about to expire. I think it might hurt Esme's feelings if Bella doesn't use her gift. Not that she'd say anything."

'_Of course, it would hurt anybody's feeling… spending that much money on something for no reason…and Renee is really desperate to see her, why didn't Bella say anything? It's not like I'd say no if she wanted to see her mother, I know how close they are.'_ "It's probably a good idea for you to visit your mom, Bella. She'd love that." '_I_ _know how it feels to want to spend time with your daughter but can't._' "I'm surprised you didn't say anything about this though."

"I forgot."

"You forgot that someone gave you plane tickets?"

"Mmmm." That was all she said as she turned back to the sink. She didn't go back to cleaning the dish she still held in her hands though, she just stared at the bubbles like they were reason this was all happening. I knew she was going to be mad at me, though I always thought it was cute when she was angry I didn't like those rare times when it was aimed at me, not that it ever lasted long.

'W_ait, _tickets_ as in more than one…how many did they give her…he doesn't actually think I would…'_ "I noticed that you said _they're_ about to expire, Edward…how many tickets did your parents giver her?"

The blood once again rushed to Bella's face as her heart picked up speed; she still hadn't moved or torn her eyes away from the soapy water. I mentally apologized before I answered. It was the only way, she couldn't just leave and she would never willingly bring it up herself and I knew she really wanted this.

"Just one for her… and one for me."

The plate slipped from her hands again, landing safely in the sink this time.

'_What as in…._them…_ going together…as in _alone_…together….does he really think I would…that he could…'_ "That's out of the question!"

"Why?" I asked innocently "You just said it was a good idea that she see her mother."

'_That's before you were going….what the hell does she think she's doing, she's knows better than this…there's no way I'd let her leave with him…regardless of where they are going…Hell no!"_

"You're not going anywhere with him, young lady." Charlie yelled pointing his finger at Bella. She immediately spun around, her face a deep crimson.

"I'm not a child, Dad. And I'm not grounded anymore, remember?"

"Oh yes, you are. Starting now."

"For what?!" Bella yelled.

I knew there was going to be an argument but I honestly didn't think it was going to be this bad.

"Because, I said so."

"Do I need to remind you that I'm a legal adult, Charlie?"

"This is my house… you follow my rules."

Bella's face turned hard. "If that's how you want it. Do you want me to move out tonight? Or can I have a few days to pack?"

For the first time Charlie was speechless, all he did was stand there his face turning an even darker shade than Bella's.

"I'll do my time without complaining when I've done something wrong, Dad …" she began more calmly, "but I'm not going to put up with your prejudices."

I held in a chuckle, I really couldn't help it. It always surprised me at how grown up Bella was. Only _she _could put her full grown father in his place and make _him_ look like the misbehaving teenager.

"Now I know that _you _know I have every right to see Mom for the weekend. You can't honestly tell me you'd object to the plan if I was going with Alice or Angela."

Charlie seemed to compose himself enough to nod.

'_Yes Girls'_

"Girls."

"Would it bother you if I took Jacob?"

I froze, my teeth snapping together tightly. I hated how his name came so quickly to her lips, almost like she had been thinking of him the whole time. And I hated the feeling that washed over me because I knew who Charlie preferred.

"Yes," Charlie finally answered. "That would bother me."

"You're a rotten liar, Dad."

"Bella…"

"It's not like I'm headed off to Vegas to be a showgirl or anything. I'm going to see _M__om_…she's just as much my parental authority as you are."

Charlie's face fell and I knew from his thoughts that _he_ knew he was beat.

But Bella went on, her eyebrows rising. "Are you implying something about Mom's ability to look after me?"

I saw Charlie flinch at the hidden threat, and I know Bella saw it too. I half expected her to just leave it at that, but once again she surprised me by actually _voicing_ the threat.

"You'd better hope I don't mention this to her."

"You'd better not…I'm not happy about this Bella."

"There's no reason for you to be upset." She took a breath before she went on. "So my homework is done, your dinner is done, the dishes are done, and I'm no longer grounded. I'm going out. I'll be back before ten thirty."

Charlie's anger seemed to flare up again, "Where are you going?"

"I'm not sure…I'll keep it within a ten mile radius, though, okay?"

He finally seemed to give up, and without answering he turned and stormed off towards the living room.

"We're going out?" I asked, unable to hold back the eagerness, it had been way too long since we had done anything that wasn't at school or in this house; it would be nice for a change.

Bella turned to me, her face livid. I guess I should have been a little apprehensive but I knew her anger wasn't going to last long. "Yes. I think I'd like to speak to you _alone._"

* * *

"What was that?" she demanded as soon as we were in the car and the door closed.

I settled on half the truth. "I know you want to see your mother Bella…you've been talking about her in your sleep. Worrying actually."

"I have?"

I nodded. "But clearly you were too much of a coward to deal with Charlie, so I interceded on your behalf."

"Interceded? You threw me to the sharks."

I rolled my eyes; always over dramatic. "I don't think you were in any danger."

"I told you I didn't want to fight with Charlie," she said glowering at me at me again.

"Nobody said that you had to."

"I can't help myself when he gets all bossy like that…my natural teenage instincts over power me."

I laughed, though I wasn't sure if it was because of what she said or the matter of fact way in which she said it.

"Well that's not my fault." All I did was bring up the subject; she and Charlie were responsible for what followed. I felt bad that Bella had to fight with her father again over something that involved me, but I kept telling myself it would all be worth it. I wasn't going to take any chances; I wanted Bella as far away from Forks as possible while Victoria was taken care of.

"Does this sudden urge to see Florida have anything to do with the party at Billy's place?"

I clenched my jaw again. _That_ subject was totally irrelevant with why I wanted her out of Forks. And either way it did not matter, going to La Push wasn't even part of the argument.

"Nothing at all. It wouldn't matter if you were here or on the other side of the world, you still wouldn't be going."

I could hear her teeth grind together, but she held her tongue. I didn't want a fight anymore than she did and definitely not over the damn dogs. I sighed, "So what do you want to do tonight?"

She took a breath before she answered. "Can we go to your house? I haven't seen Esme in so long."

I smiled, Esme really did miss Bella. "She'll like that. Especially when she hears what we're doing this weekend."

* * *

I saw Bella close her front door, she had no idea what was waiting for her. I was very tempted to stay and listen to this conversation. Charlie giving the_ talk_ to anyone would be amusing, but Bella being the one to receive it would be downright hilarious.

But I needed to hunt and figured I might as well get it over with because I doubted I would get the chance to do so in Florida.

Halfway home, my phone rang.

I put it to my ear and before I could even speak Alice's anxious voice reached me.

"Edward…Edward where are you?"

"I'm on my way home to meet Emmet, why what's …"

"Where's Bella…" she asked urgently.

My stomach clenched when she said Bella's name and I knew she had seen something

"I dropped her off at home, what's wrong? Did you…?"

"Go back!" she yelled, cutting me off.

"What did you see?" I asked loudly unable to keep the shaking out of my voice. What could have happened in such a short amount of time?

"That's the problem Edward," Alice said, her voice high and hysterical. "I can't see anything, everything's gone."

The phone fell from my hand as I slammed on the brakes and spun the car around. The tires squealed and slid on the wet pavement. Once facing the other direction my foot slammed down on the accelerator.

Alice unable to see Bella meant only one thing, her future had disappeared, and the only way that could happen would be if she no longer had one, if she was…

No, no, no, _NO!_

I couldn't think it…it wasn't possible… she was fine when I had left her; I had waited till she was safely in the house.

_Damn it!_ I should have stayed; this was Bella for crying out loud, anything could have happened. _Anything…_

A strange gasping reached my ears and it took me a minute to realize it was my own unsteady breathing.

"Edward…._Edward_…" Alice's voice reached me from the phone I had dropped on the floor board. Bending down with a shaking hand I picked it back up.

"What happened…what was she doing before she disappeared." I asked cutting her off in the middle of calling my name again.

"I saw her speaking with Charlie and then she went upstairs to her room, I thought she was going to go to bed but then everything just went blank. I don't understand there was nobody else there, she was alone as far as I could tell."

I came to a screeching halt about a mile from her house and jumped out to run the rest of the way. I didn't want to be seen by anybody that might be there.

And I could think of only one person.

"Edward I don't think its Victoria," Alice said almost like she had been reading my thoughts. "I've been keeping my eyes open for her, I would have known if she was anywhere near Forks right now."

My nerves steadied a little, but not much.

I finally came to a stop once I was in Charlie's front yard, then like I had done so many nights before I jumped up the tree by Bella's window.

What I saw gave me such relief I nearly choked out a sob.

There was my Bella; she was fine, she was safe… _alive_.

I must have made some kind of noise because Alice began to speak again, "What is it, what's wrong?"

I let out a shaky breath, "Don't worry Alice she's fine, she's in her room… it looks like she's planning on going somewhere." She had just shoved her jacket back on and was quickly throwing her hair into a pony tail.

"Well don't let her leave!" Alice shrieked in my ear.

"I won't, I'll call you back."

"No wait…Ed..."

I hung up.

I knew what was going on.

I knew why Bella's future had disappeared and why she was now headed out her room.

She was going to La Push, and as soon as that decision was made up Alice had seen, or in this case hadn't seen.

Betrayal washed over me, and it was so strong in drowned out any kind of anger I should be feeling.

Bella was going behind my back; she was actually going to risk her life, put herself in danger when I had practically _begged_ her not to.

Didn't she understand what kind of danger she was putting herself into? Would she ever possibly understand how much I loved her, how much she was hurting me at this very moment.

Jumping from the tree I dashed to her truck. Quickly lifting the hood I pulled what I needed out before I silently shut it again. Rosalie may be a pain, but having her as a sister did have its advantages.

This all happened in a matter of seconds and I could now hear Bella rushing down the stairs. I climbed into the passenger seat and sat in the shadows…waiting.

"You care if I see Jake tonight…I won't stay out long?"

Hearing her say his name again was too much. She had confirmed what I already knew. I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath. Then like so many times before, I pushed back my emotions and locked them securely away, so when my eyes opened back up I knew my face was an unreadable mask.

I was safe this way, because I was beginning to realize something, and that _something_ I did not want to deal with right now.

It would have to wait… I would _make_ it wait.

"Sure, kid. No problem. Stay as long as you like."

"Thanks, Dad."

I smelled her sent as soon as she stepped outside. She moved quickly through the dark yard heading straight to the truck. I could hear her heart pounding in her chest; smell the adrenaline rush through her veins as she looked over her shoulder scanning the shadows.

Didn't she know she would never be able to get away with this? Did she really expect me to not keep an eye on her after I had lost her once before?

When she was in the truck I remained silent, slowing twirling the piece of her truck in my hands. I would be seen soon enough.

Bella turned the key and of course nothing happened. She huffed angrily before turning the key again with the same results.

"Gah!"

She had finally seen me.

I did not look up as I spoke. I couldn't. I would lose it if I looked into her face.

"Alice called," I said quietly. "She got nervous when your future abruptly disappeared five minutes ago."

I heard her gasp but I went on in the same low murmur.

"Because she can't see the wolves you know. Had you forgotten that? When you decide to mingle your fate with theirs you disappear too. You couldn't know that part I realize that. But can you see why that would make me a little… _anxious_? Alice saw you disappear and she couldn't even tell if you had come home or not. Your future got lost just like theirs."

I continued to babble, holding off her reaction as long possible.

"We're not sure why this is. Some natural defense they're born with? That doesn't seem entirely likely, since I haven't had any trouble reading their thoughts. The Blacks at least. Carlisle theorizes that it's because their lives are so ruled by their transformations. It's more an involuntary reaction than a decision. Utterly unpredictable and it changes everything about them. In that instant when they shift from one form to another, they don't even really exist. The future can't hold them…"

I paused in my explaining and waited. But she did not speak.

She was angry, _furious_. I knew it, and for the life of me I could not look at her face and see that anger. Because, right now it was not cute, or amusing, it was painful. Because for the first time since I had met and fell in love with my Bella she was _truly_ angry with me.

Sure there were moments when I _thought_ she had been mad at me before, but as I look back on those times I realize it was nothing more than aggravation or annoyance. It had never been straight on fury, and it had never been aimed at me.

There was just one other time she had almost been truly angry with me, and that was when I had told her we were leaving, but it was so quickly replaced with grief and pain it had disappeared before it truly surfaced.

But it was surfaced now, and I had no idea what the outcome would be. Especially if that something I refused to think about or even to acknowledge was true.

"I'll put your car back together in time for school, in case you'd like to drive yourself."

I heard her grab the keys from the ignition before she flung the door open. After she had climbed out of the truck I whispered, "Shut your window if you want me to stay away tonight. I'll understand."

The door slammed shut and she was gone, stomping off towards the house. Another door slammed and I heard Charlie call out to ask what was wrong, but whatever else was said I did not hear. My ears were zoned in for one sound, and one sound only.

I climbed out of the truck and walked back to the house.

Stopping just under her window I leaned against the side of the house and waited.

Waited for the one thing, that had always been open to me, to close. It was more than just a window. It was a representation of all she had given to me, all I _knew_ I didn't deserve, but took anyway.

She had reached her room, I heard her feet stomp across the floor, and even though I knew it would happen there was still a part of me that _hoped_ it wouldn't. And it was that part that broke, when the window to the only heaven I would ever be granted slammed shut.

I flinched as the echoing crash filled the darkness around me.

Letting out a breath, I hadn't known I'd been holding, I pushed myself up and I walked back a few paces to stare up at the still trembling window pane.

I didn't know what to think… what to do.

I wanted to climb up, open the window, and apologize… to beg for forgiveness.

The only problem was I wasn't sorry for what I had done. I was sorry it I had upset her, but I wasn't sorry for keeping her safe.

It didn't matter if she never spoke to me again; I would do everything in my power to stop her from going to the reservation. Because even though this hurt, even though the noise of her window crashing closed still echoed painfully through my head, it was a pain I could live with.

I had felt pain that _was_ unbearable, an agony that still haunted me, that left me bare and bleeding in those long hours when she wasn't in my sight.

I couldn't go through that again, I couldn't _lose_ her again.

I wouldn't.

It made me selfish I know, but I'd rather her hate me, and still be alive, than love me and be gone forever.

I turned and slowly began to walk away. I didn't know what I would do for the rest of the night. Just the thought of spending it in my own room alone made me feel miserable.

Then just when I began to wonder how long this would last, how many nights I would have to spend without her warm body next to mine and that soft heartbeat humming in my ears, I heard it.

The soft creak of wood sliding against wood.

I froze.

Slowly I turned my head and peered over my shoulder. I felt a soft smile tug the corners of my lips when I saw Bella's window.

It was now opened as far as it would go, once again welcoming in the night.

But even that small smile hurt.

* * *

I waited till I had explained things to Alice and went hunting before I returned. I wanted to give Bella some time, and a part of me was hoping she would be asleep when I got there.

When I climbed silently through her window, it did seem like she was asleep. I sighed quietly and lay down next to her, careful not to move the bed.

She was facing the wall with her back to me, but as I softly wrapped my arm around her waist, like I did every night, I heard her heart pick up speed and I knew she was awake.

Afraid she was still angry with me I began to move my arm, but her soft hands closing around my fingers made me stop.

"Don't go," she whispered.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and pulled my hand towards her face, snuggling it closer to her body. I relaxed and laid my head on her pillow, her soft hair brushing my face.

Just when I thought she had fallen asleep, I heard her whisper again, and this time it was so soft that even with my enhanced hearing I had to strain to hear it.

"I didn't know if you were going to come back tonight."

My arm tightened around her automatically. I guess leaving her alone and giving her some time wasn't a good idea, I should have known better.

"I told you once before," I murmured as I kissed her hair. "I'm here till you order me away."

Her answer was the same as last time.

"Never."

It wasn't long till she fell asleep, and it was in those silent hours of the night that that knowing_ something_ I had been trying to ignore made itself known again.

And try as I might I could not stop the seed of doubt from growing, and Bella's actions tonight had only watered my fears.

I pushed them away once more. Those uncertainties had no place here in this room, had no place _here,_ where I was holding my angel.

She was in _my_ arms tonight and they had no reason to make themselves known now.

For I was still unwilling to see them.

* * *

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	4. The Right to Know

* * *

Chapter 3

The right to Know

* * *

"_Perhaps it is better to be irresponsible and right, than to be responsible and wrong." – Winston Churchill_

* * *

After a long weekend--of mostly staying indoors--we were finally on our way home. My plan for taking Bella to Florida however, didn't work out the way I intended it. Saturday evening, while I was working on my fabricated term paperand Bella and Renee had gone for a walk I received a call from Alice.

And I had heard the very last thing I wanted to hear…

~*~

"_What do you mean she got away?" I hissed at Alice through the phone._

"_Don't get snappy with me.." Alice shot back. "Look she obviously knows more than we gave her credit for. The way she hugged the border line… it's like she knew exactly where to place her feet. Jasper and Emmet nearly had her but then the damn dogs had to butt in."_

"_Perfect," I growled. "Did anyone cross the line?" _

"_Well one of them _claimed_ Emmet had… that got a bit out of hand. It wouldn't have been all that bad but you know Rosalie. If it wasn't for Carlisle and--thankfully--Jasper, we would probably have a war to be dealing with on top of a crazed Vampire."_

_I knew all too well how protective Rosalie was of Emmet. We all knew that Emmet was hers, not the other way around._ _It was yet another side of Rosalie I had begun to understand more clearly after meeting Bella. If you had told me a few years ago that Rosalie was going to start a werewolf war over Emmet I would have said she was out of her mind… but now…I knew I would do exactly the same thing. _

"_Don't worry Edward, she won't get anywhere near Bella, not on my watch…trust me." Alice said, knowing what my silence meant._

I sighed "_I do Alice." The fierceness in her voice reassured me. She truly loved Bella and that made me love my sister all the more. _

"_It's just the thought of that wretch being anywhere near Forks with Bella there…." I went on, frustrated beyond reason. If only I had been there Victoria would no longer be a problem. And have mercy on any dog that tried to get in my way. _

"_I know, I know…look is there any way you could stretch your stay there? I don't see Victoria returning yet, but it's only a matter of time, if…?"_

"_Unfortunately no," I interrupted. "Bella's already missed a day of school and Charlie's at the end of his rope as it is, I don't want to make things more difficult for her than they already are." _

"_Alright then, I guess we'll see you in a few days..." she paused. "Is Bella there?"_

_I rolled my eyes I knew it was only a matter of time before she asked to speak with Bella._

"_No she and Renee went out."_

"_Oh."_

_I chuckled; clearly seeing Alice's small face fall at my words. _

"_Don't worry," I said. "She'll be back before you know it."_

~*~

I looked beside me; the girl that had captured not only my heart, but my family's as well, seemed to be half asleep gazing out the window. Bella hadn't even noticed we were home yet. I leaned over and kissed her forehead. "We're home, Sleeping Beauty. Time to awake."

Blearily brown eyes looked up at me and she smiled. I smiled back, and then as she looked toward the house Charlie's thoughts drifted toward me. I frowned at what I heard… apparently Jacob had been calling non-stop asking for Bella. It must have been pretty bad because even _Charlie_ seemed extremely aggravated with the boy.

The only thing I could think of, as to why he would want to talk to Bella-- after weeks of refusing any kind of contact--would be about what happened Saturday.

I stiffened, if that mutt said anything to frighten her I'd tear his head off.

"How bad?"

I looked down to see Bella looking at me cautiously. She had, of course, read my reaction, but misinterpreted it.

"Charlie's not going to be difficult…He missed you." I added, nearly smiling at the image of him rushing towards the door.

Grabbing Bella's bag from the back seat we made our way to the house. Charlie was there holding the door open, a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Welcome home kid…How was Jacksonville?"

It surprised me that for once Charlie didn't have any negative thoughts of me…at least not _yet_. He had truly missed his daughter.

"Moist. And buggy." Bella answered immediately.

I smiled, that about summed Florida up for me as well. It was a beautiful place, but it was way too…_open_. I didn't realize how much I truly missed Forks till we were back in the shady trees and cool air.

"So Renee didn't sell you on the University of Florida?"

"She tried. But I'd rather drink water than inhale it."

Charlie laughed before he decided to acknowledge my presence. He turned to me, his face somewhat relaxed. "Did you have a nice time?"

Well that definitely was an improvement, though I doubted it would last long. He was just too excited about having Bella back he didn't want to ruin the mood. I was thankful for this; because it obvious Bella had also missed her father.

"Yes," I answered. "Renee was very hospitable."

He nodded, "That's…. um good. Glad you had fun." He turned from me, his face breaking into another wide grin before he pulled Bella into a tight hug.

I smiled, though it hurt to see what Bella would be leaving behind in a few short months. I could tell by their actions and thoughts that both Renee and Charlie loved their daughter dearly. She was their life just as she was mine… yet it would be me who got the privilege of taking that away from them, to make her _solely_ mine.

It was wrong, I knew, but it was what she wanted…or at least what she _thought_ she wanted and I would never try to sway or force her from that choice again. I had learned my lesson the first time. And regardless of what it made me, I wanted it too, wanted it more than anything.

"Impressive," I heard her whisper.

Charlie chuckled, "I really missed you, Bells. The food around here sucks when you're gone."

"I'll get on it."

She pulled away heading towards the kitchen. "Would you call Jacob first? He's been bugging me every five minutes since six o' clock this morning. I promised I'd have you call him before you even unpacked."

I clenched my jaw, trying desperately not to grab Bella's hand to stop her. The last thing I wanted to see was that frightened look in her eyes again, it brought back too many painful memories. If the dog truly cared for Bella the way I thought he did, I hoped he would keep his mouth shut.

"Jacob wants to talk to me?" Bella asked surprised.

"Pretty bad, I'd say. He wouldn't tell me what it was about…just said it was important."

I was about to open my mouth to say something, I wasn't sure what; I couldn't very well tell her _not_ to call him. It would make both Bella and Charlie angry with me, but I didn't want her to suffer over something she needn't worry about.

I was relieved of having to find the right words however, because at that moment the phone rang.

"That's him again, I'd bet my next paycheck."

Bella rushed towards the kitchen calling over her shoulder, "I got it."

Charlie's eyes were on me, clearly gauging my reaction.

I ignored him and followed after Bella.

"Hello?" she said, somewhat cautiously as she put the phone to her ear. For some reason I didn't quite understand she had turned around putting her face towards the wall. I stood back, leaning against the counter... waiting.

I prayed Jacob would keep silent.

"You're back." My sensitive ears picked up on his shocked and relieved voice.

Bella's heart picked up speed. She was silent for a moment and I once again wished I could read her thoughts. To be able to understand her reactions... why she had stiffened up and then relaxed before she finally said. "Yes."

"Why didn't you call me?" He now sounded angry, which I knew would only make Bella go on the defensive. I couldn't help but smirk at her answer.

"Because I've been in the house exactly four seconds and your call interrupted Charlie telling me that you'd called."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Sure. Now, why are you harassing Charlie?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

I stiffened, resisting the urge to run across the room and snatch the phone away.

"Yeah, I figured out that part all by myself. Go ahead."

He paused for minute then…

"You going to school tomorrow?"

This confused me, what would Bella going to school or not have to do with anything? And why should he care, he goes to the school on the reservation.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I?"

"I dunno. Just curious."

Well, I didn't buy that, he was obviously up to something. I didn't have the faintest idea what, but at least he hadn't mentioned Saturday yet.

"So what did you want to talk about, Jake?"

As my fist clenched, I wondered why it bothered me so much every time she said his name.

"Nothing really, I guess. I…wanted to hear your voice."

"Yeah I know. I'm _so_ glad you called me, Jake. I…"

A familiar pain I had felt last week pushed forth again before I could stop it. The wistfulness and eager tone of her voice nearly made me cringe. I knew she had missed him but knowing and hearing it is something entirely different. Her voice had instantly pushed away the small bout of jealousy I had been feeling. It made me want to give over whatever it was that she wanted, whatever it was that made her sound so longing and sad.

It scared me a bit because I knew that if it was anything else other than something that would put her in immediate danger; I would willingly step aside and give it to her.

Anything…_anyone_….

Pushing those thoughts from my head like I had done before, I waited for her to finish whatever she was going to say, but it became obvious she _herself_ wasn't sure on how to continue.

"I have to go," Jacob said abruptly. I felt angry again. I knew those words would hurt. Bella had been so worried about him and now he finally calls just to cut her off again.

"What?"

"I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"But Jake…"

Before she finished the dial tone rung in my ears as well as hers. Bella stood motionless for a minute and I was unsure of what her reaction would be, on what I should say to comfort her.

"That was short," I heard her mutter as she put the phone back on the receiver.

"Is everything alright?" I asked cautiously. Still unsure of what went on, of what Jacob was up to, and what her reaction, or lack of, meant.

She turned back around, her face a clear mask of confusion. "I don't know. I wonder what that was about."

You and me both, I especially wanted to know what he meant by _'we'll talk again soon'._

"Your guess is probably better than mine," I said trying to smile, it didn't quite make it through though.

"Mmmm."

I watched as she began to gather together Charlie's dinner. Usually when I read her face it took a lot of observing and wrong guesses to get it right. Tonight however her face was oddly open. Whatever it was she was thinking about…or _whoever_ it was she was thinking about, she was doing so very strongly.

She seemed alone with her thoughts… the kitchen no longer existed and I was no longer present.

Watching closely I became alarmed as her face went from bewilderment, to uncertainty, and then to comprehension.

I didn't know what it was she had figured out and frankly I didn't care. All I cared about was the fact that her already pale face drained of all color as she froze in the middle of the kitchen. The package of meat she had been holding slipped from her fingers. When I saw the somewhat frightened pain fill her eyes I nearly cried out.

Rushing forward I snatched the falling meat from the air and threw it towards the sink. Before it even landed in the metal basin I had her in my arms.

"What's wrong?" I whispered urgently into her ear.

Her head moved back and forth against my chest. She was too stiff in my embrace and could feel her trembling slightly. I couldn't take it. I needed to fix what was wrong, but I didn't understand what it was I needed to fix.

"Bella?..." My voice was anxious and scared. I shook her gently, trying to pull her away from whatever the tormenting thoughts were.

"I think…I think he was checking," she finally mumbled, her voice distant. "Checking to make sure, that I'm human I mean."

My breath hissed out from between my teeth. I wished she would understand that there was no hurry…wished that she would listen to me when I told her there was nothing to fear, she could have all the time she wanted. It hurt that she was so willing to give up everything for me, but it hurt even more because I knew the idea frightened her, regardless of what she says. For she is only human, and -though I wonder sometimes- I _know_ those human instincts are there… even if they are buried deep.

"We'll have to leave," she whispered into my shirt. "Before. So that it doesn't break the treaty. We won't ever be able to come back."

My arms instinctively held her closer, trying in vain to wash the pain from her voice.

"I know."

"Ahem."

I have to admit it would have been a bit funny under any other circumstances…Emmet would have found it hilarious... A human had managed to take _me_ by surprise. I had been so absorbed in trying to calm Bella, that I forgot to pay attention to Charlie's thoughts.

But I was too worried and angry at the interruption to find the humor in it just yet.

Bella jumped and quickly pulled away, I had to catch myself before I reached out to pull her back.

"If you don't want to make dinner, I can call for a pizza," he said.

"No, that's ok… I'm already started."

"Ok." Charlie leaned up against the door frame, apparently intending to enforce his 'parental supervision' once more.

He kept looking between the two of us, but I didn't meet his gaze, my eyes stayed locked on Bella's now red face. I could see that she was embarrassed at her father finding us in such a moment, but I could also see that she was still upset.

I did not know how to make it better though, how to make the fears and worries go away. Because they were real, I could not hide _this_ particular danger from her. I could not cover up the consequences of her choice. The only thing I knew I could do was hold her, comfort her… but I couldn't even do that at the moment.

All I could do was watch.

* * *

All the confusion I had over Jacob's phone call last night was washed from my mind when we were a few blocks from school. The first thing that alerted me to his presence was the fast running thoughts of the students.

Then I could see him through their eyes. He was standing on the side walk, leaning against one of the two motorcycles he had fixed up.

My hands tightened on the steering wheel when my mind reached his thoughts. I knew why he was here, and it wasn't the fact that he had picked a crowded school parking lot to have a meeting between two mortal enemies that bothered me. It was the fact that I _knew_ Bella would not stay in the car... she would walk right beside me and face the mongrel.

And to add to the problem she would more than likely over hear the very thing I had been trying to keep her safe from.

"If I asked you to do something would you trust me?" It was pointless, but I had to try.

She looked at me and what she saw made her heart beat faster. I tried to relax but it was impossible, the last thing I wanted was for her to be anywhere near a werewolf, especially a young one.

"That depends."

"I was afraid you would say that."

As we pulled into the parking lot his thoughts became clearer. He had spotted the car and now on top of thinking about what he was sent here to do, Bella was now added to the equation.

"What do you want me to do, Edward?"

"I want you to stay in the car." I said as I pulled into our parking spot. I turned to her to find her eyes looking at me, curious and anxious. "I want you stay here until I come back for you."

"But…_why_?" She said in confusion looking around. It was only a matter of time before she spotted him. Jacob Black's abnormal genetic gene was still in effect, the boy had grown even more since the last time I saw him.

"Oh," she said, finally laying eyes on him.

I became even angrier at the hurt expression that crossed her face. I wasn't sure what caused it, perhaps finally seeing her friend after weeks of the silent treatment, but I knew _who_ caused it. It was the same expression from last night when he had hung up on her so abruptly. She was still seeking out that friendship that was no longer there, or the friendship that _could_ no longer be there.

"You jumped to the wrong conclusion last night," I murmured, still not looking away from her even though her eyes were staring out the windshield. "He asked about school because he knew that I would be where you were. He was looking for a safe place to talk to me. A place with witnesses."

I wanted to ask her to stay in the car again, but I knew it was useless. If only she knew how difficult it was for a young werewolf to keep his form when in close proximity to a vampire, maybe then she would understand the risk.

Then again knowing my Bella she would more than likely do it anyway.

"I'm not staying in the car," she said stubbornly.

I groaned softly, "Of course not. Well, let's get this over with."

As soon as I stepped from the car I smelled him. That pungent, wet-dog odor. It completely over powered the other scents of the passing humans. I stopped breathing till Bella was next to me; then grasping her hand I took a deep breath and was grateful her scent was so strong to me.

I gripped her hand as tightly as I could as we moved closer. My could feel my instincts wanting to kick in, made stronger due to Bella's presence next to me. My muscles were tensing, urging me to crouch into the offensive position.

When we stopped a few yards away it was still too close for my liking. Pulling my hand backwards--which was still interlocked with Bella's--I made her take half a step back, so she was slightly behind me.

I paid close attention to histhoughts and body movements**,** mentally preparing myself for any slip in his composure. I had seen what little control Jacob Black had over his anger the last time we had met this way, and though I knew he didn't want to purposely hurt Bella -_physically_- once he changed it would be the people nearby that got injured.

"You could have called us," I said. I tried to keep my voice level but it still came out hard.

"Sorry," he sneered. "I don't have any leeches on my speed dial."

I was surprised at how well he was holding back his instincts at the moment. His exterior revealed none of the struggle he was currently having in his head.

It was natural for him to become defensive and guarded just at my mere _presence_, but seeing me with Bella, seeing me hold her hand had just added to the fire. I briefly wondered why Sam had chosen Jacob, of all people, to deliver this message.

"You could have reached me at Bella's house of course." He obviously had the number and he should know by now how often I am over there.

At my words however the angry thoughts in his head intensified and I saw his jaw clench. This was getting us nowhere, at our current progress all that would happen would be, the kid would lose control, transform, lunge, and then I would have to fight my love's best friend right in front of her. And try my best not to kill him.

I let out a silent breath. "This is hardly the place Jacob. Could we discuss this later?"

"Sure, sure. I'll stop by your crypt after school," he snorted. "What's wrong with now?"

Considering we were standing in the middle of a school parking lot on a _Monday_ morning this was a rather dumb question in my opinion.

I looked around, some kids had actually gone to class but a large portion remained and we were now nearly surrounded by curious and eager eyes. The little bit of thoughts that leaked through made it obvious they were expecting a fight, but I paid little attention, my focus was still strongly on Jacob's mind still watching for a slight slip in his control.

This was all useless. My efforts had been useless. He wasn't going to drop the subject till we were alone, preferably without Bella, so I had to at least end it as soon as possible. I had to be able to explain things to her so she didn't panic, make sure she understood that we had it all under control.

Lowering my voice I said, "I already know what you came to say." I knew it was said too quietly for the bystanders to hear, but Bella who was right next to me did. "Message delivered. Consider us warned." I looked quickly at Bella, worried she would jump to conclusions.

"Warned?" she asked "What are you talking about?"

Before I could speak to tell her I'd explain later, Jacob opened his mouth… not bothering to keep his voice down.

"What you didn't tell her?...What were you afraid she'd take our side?"

Not likely, taking a side had nothing to do with it.

Bella's pulse began to pick up and I had to fight to keep my voice even.

"Please drop it, Jacob."

"Why?"

"What don't I know?...Edward?"

I kept silent, glaring at the dog…my eyes warning him to keep his mouth shut.

"Jake?" she asked turning to him when I didn't give an answer.

He broke eye contact with me and turned to Bella. I knew then it was too late, his mind told me what was going to be said before it even came out of his mouth. "He didn't tell you that his big…_brother_ crossed the line Saturday night?"

The growl that had been building in my chest rumbled out between my teeth. Bella was unaware of it but Jacob heard. His head snapped back up to me.

"Paul was totally justified in…"

"It was no-man's land!"

"Was not!"

I took a breath to rein my anger back in, because I could see he was losing control. His hands had begun to tremble and in his mind he was repeating a quick rant of _"calm down"._

Instinctively I slid over a few more inches putting Bella further behind me. My arm was tense as I held her hand, prepared to push her back at any moment.

Jacob took a deep breath and shook his head… he was in control again but not as much as before.

"Emmet and Paul?" Bella whispered to herself. Her heart began to beat faster. "What happened? Were they fighting?" she asked her voice rising in panic. "Why? Did Paul get hurt?"

"No one fought…No one got hurt." I said quietly to her, still not taking my eyes away from Jacob who was still staring at us in disbelief. "Don't be anxious."

Something finally clicked in Jacob's mind and before I could do anything to stop him, he once again opened his mouth.

"You didn't tell her anything at all, did you? Is that why you took her away? So she wouldn't know that…"

"Leave now." I said warningly cutting him off. He had already said too much and if he went any further I would _physically_ shut him up.

Any kind of respect I held inside for Jacob Black--either for watching over Bella or truly caring about what happened to her--was quickly falling away. Did he not know what Bella had gone through? What mentioning that name would do to her? Or did he just not care?

He could see the threat on my face, hear it in my voice and his mind had begun to go over defensive methods. Out loud he said, "Why haven't you told her?"

So here I was, staring down an adolescent werewolf in the middle of a school parking lot, surrounded by children. A voice in the back of my head was telling me to remain calm, but another part, the part that I had no control over when it came to keeping Bella safe was roaring forth.

I knew that if he opened his mouth to speak what he was _thinking_ about speaking I would lose it.

Quick gasping reached my ears and all thought of a pending fight vanished. My head snapped to Bella and I realized it was too late. She had figured it out. I should have known… my Bella was far from being ignorant.

"She came back for me," she choked out. There was no color in her face, even her usual pink lips had gone pale. Her heart had gone into over drive and her breathing was fast and shallow.

But it was her eyes that got me.

It was the look I had tried to keep from her face, it was the same raw fear I had seen two years ago on a television screen in a hospital room in Phoenix. That helpless terror as she tried to run from something she had no chance of escaping.

I had vowed that very day to never put her in a situation where she would feel that again… I had failed.

But this time was going to be different. This time she would not be touched.

I pulled Bella closer to me, "It's fine." I whispered, my hands going anxiously to her face trying to coax her eyes to mine, to wash away the horrifying memories she was reliving. "It's fine. I'll never let her get close to you, its fine." It was no use, her eyes landed on me but they did not focus, they were still wide and full of fear.

"Does that answer your question, mongrel?" I snapped glaring back at Jacob.

I saw that his face had fell slightly while he took in Bella's reaction but when he met my eyes it was back to the hard set loathing as before. "You don't think Bella has a right to know?" He challenged. "It's her life."

My jaw clenched at the truth in his words. She did have the right to know, but this was something that could have ended without her ever knowing or fearing.

I turned back to Bella when I smelled her tears. They had pooled up to the corners of the beautiful brown, threatening to flow over at any minute. This was why I had tried to keep this from her, she had shed enough tears, been through enough pain.

"Why should she be frightened when she was never in danger?" I whispered this mostly to myself but I knew he had heard.

"Better frightened than lied to."

I had never wanted to lie to her, but as I saw the tears begin to slide down her white cheeks I knew why I had done so in the first place, and knew if given the chance I would do the same thing again. The guilt I had felt and the anger she would have towards me for lying was nothing compared to seeing this, to seeing her in pain.

When it came to something like this, as far as I was concerned, the truth wasn't worth it.

"Do you really think hurting her is better that protecting her?" I murmured as I gently wiped the moisture from her cheeks.

"She's tougher than you think," Jacob said. "And she's been through worse.

Until that point I had zoned out of Jacob's thoughts, my full attention on Bella, but as he was talking an image flashed to forefront of his mind and what I saw jerked me roughly back.

_Bella behind the wheel of her truck, her arm wrapped tightly around her chest, she seemed to be in pain. _

_Jacob reached over to try and tug her arm away. "Why do you do that?" he asked "You do that when you're upset. Why?"_

"_It hurts to think about them" she whispers "It's like I can't breathe…like I'm breaking into pieces…"_

It was just a quick flash, a memory conjured up from Jacob's mind that went along with his words, but it cut painfully through my head and I could not stop myself from flinching at the pain.

This had happened many times before, especially with Charlie. For a long time after I had returned every time he saw us together glimpses of Bella, after I had left her, would go through his** mind. He had been frightened with what his daughter had gone through and was still scared--to this day--it was going to happen again.**

Though Bella had not noticed my slip, Jacob had.

'_You can hear __and__ see what I'm thinking?"_

The silent question came with another image…

_Rain was pouring down. _

_Bella climbing out of her truck. _

_She looked small and fragile, her hair and clothes already soaked._

"_Bella!" _

_She looked up, her face was thin, her eyes bloodshot like she had been crying, dark purple shadows surrounded them. _

"_Hey, Jacob," she said, a tired but sincere smile gracing her pale lips. _

As soon as this one ended they began to flow, one after another...

"_I'm not going to change."_

"_It's still the other one isn't it?" She flinched back._

"_You don't have to talk about it."_

_*~*~*_

_"I don't think so...he would have mentioned it," she said quietly._

_"He? Oh, you mean Edward—" She flinched violently. "..oops, sorry. I forgot. You don't like to say his name. Or hear it."_

_She squeezed her chest, holding it tight. "Not really, no."_

*~*~*

_"You're still pretty unhappy, aren't you?" She nodded unseeing._

_"Did you ever think...that maybe...you're better off?"_

_She inhaled sharply and breathed, "No."_

*~*~*

_"Is that what happened? Why the Cullen's left?"_

_She shrugged weakly, "I'm nothing but a human after all. Nothing special."_

_*~*~*_

I flinched back, trying to pull away from what I had just seen and heard. Bella's eyes were on my face, I could tell she had caught the reaction and I knew the pain on my face was clear, but before I could recover myself another thought was thrown directly into my mind.

This one cut to the core and it took everything I had to remain silent…

_The dark familiar forest… a thick layer of rain was falling. _

_A figure lay curled on the ground, mahogany hair soaked and splayed across the dark foliage. _

_Soft mumbling was coming from her… but it was hard to make out over the loud downpour._

_A light shined onto the coiled form, it lit up a pale and seemingly half dead face. She took no notice of the other presence; chocolate brown eyes stared into nothing. _

_The mumbling became clearer and two words were distinguishable. _

"_He's gone"_

I forcibly pulled myself back, a small puff of air escaping my chest with the effort…my head had begun to throb painfully.

Bella was staring up at me, all the fear she had had in her eyes was now gone, replaced with worry. I tried to focus on her face and relax my own at the same time.

"That's funny," I heard Jacob laugh. I tried to ignore him but it was impossible. I couldn't block thoughts and when they were sent to me so intently and with such force it was impossible.

I blinked, working to focus my eyes on Bella again… On the Bella standing in front of me and not the one curled up in Jacob's mind.

Bella was now looking back and forth between the two of us, her eyes wide. She then glared in Jacob's direction her eyes telling me she had apparently made the connection. She looked more terrified than she had a few minutes ago.

"What are you doing to him?" she demanded, panic clear in her voice again.

"It's nothing, Bella," I said quietly, but I was only half here as I tried unsuccessfully to drown out the image that still there. Still playing out. It felt like it was tearing a hole behind my eyes. "Jacob just has a good memory, is all."

"_My name is Sam Ulley…Charlie sent me to look for you"_

"_He's gone…he's gone...gone…"_

I couldn't help but flinch again, I tried to fix my features but apparently I wasn't quick enough.

"Stop it! Whatever your doing!" Bella all but screamed. I tried to squeeze her hand reassuringly.

"Sure if you want," Jacob said casually.

Mercifully the images stopped_. _

I took in a steadying breath, pulling myself back together.

"It's his own fault if he doesn't like the things I remember, though."

I looked back at Jacob to see him smiling at Bella. I swallowed and pushed down the growing pain in my chest. Though he had stopped sending them, the picture of Bella's agonized face remained burned behind my eyes. Now permanent.

As I felt my mind relaxing from the attack another's thoughts came in to focus. Leaning down to Bella's ear I murmured, "The principle's on his way to discourage loitering on school property…Let's get to English, Bella, so you're not involved." The last thing I wanted was for her to be caught and get into even more trouble with Charlie because of me.

"Overprotective, isn't he?" Jacob said as I began to walk her towards class. He was speaking only to her and I tried to ignore him. "A little trouble makes life fun. Let me guess, you're not allowed to have fun are you?"

I stopped and glared back at him. If his idea of fun was riding a motorcycle top speed with no helmet and cliff diving in the middle of a storm… then No, as a matter of fact Bella was _not_ allowed to have fun.

"Shut up, Jake." Bella snapped in his direction. I couldn't agree more, though it would have been better if he took that advice to begin with.

Laughing he replied "Sounds like a _no_. Hey, if you ever feel like having a life again, you could come see me. I've still got your motorcycle in my garage."

Bella seemed to be shocked out of her anger as she said "You were suppose to sell that. You promised Charlie you would,"

"Yeah, right. Like I would do that. It belongs to you, not me. Anyway, I'll hold on to it till you want it back."

I tried not to see the eagerness light up her eyes; she wanted that friendship back so badly. And I could still see the worry in her eye, worry over him.

"Jake…" She hesitated, and I knew it was because I was still next to her, my arm wrapped securely around her waist. We were much closer to him now so when Jacob leaned in eagerly I couldn't help but tighten my hold.

It took all I had not to pull her away, but she needed this… I'm not exactly sure _what_ it was she needed, or maybe I just didn't want to understand what it was… either way I didn't act; I stood there patiently waiting for them to finished.

"I think I might have been wrong before, you know" Jacob said quickly "…about not being friends. Maybe we could manage it, on my side of the line. Come see me"

"I, er, don't know about that, Jake."

More regret and guilt washed over me. She wanted to say yes...to agree, but I just couldn't allow it. It hurt enough whenever she wasn't in my sight, but sending her there…the whole pack was still so young and Alice could not see…

If anything went wrong I would have no way of knowing.

I could not be there.

No.

If there was any way for their friendship to last it would have to be on _this_ side of the line.

Jacob's mind had crumbled under her words and I felt myself sympathize a bit. It was clear Jacob Black had fallen in love…it was hard _not_ to fall in love with Bella. But she was mine, and even if she sent me away I would always be hers.

"I miss you everyday Bella. It's not the same without you."

"I know, and I'm sorry Jake, I just…"

He sighed, and his thoughts became resigned to the facts he had already known. "I know, Doesn't matter right? I guess I'll survive or something. Who needs friends?'

That's it, make her feel even worse. This was all so wrong and out of hand. It was like I could hear Bella tearing in two. I felt her arms twitch as if she yearned to reach out to him and selfishly I held her tighter…and she did not fight it.

I couldn't find it in myself to allow her to get any closer than she already was.

"Okay, get to class." The principle had finally managed to show his face, it would have been more welcome about ten minutes ago, but all the same.

"Move along, Mr. Crowley."

"Get to school Jake," Bella whispered towards him. I released her and took her hand once more, pulling her behind me.

I could tell from his aggravated thoughts Greene had begun to go into detention mode and I wasn't about to let her get into trouble over this. "I mean it." the man threatened as he finally managed to push through the gathered crowd. "Detention for anyone who's still standing here when I turn around."

The crowd scattered in less than ten seconds. Leaving only the four of us standing there.

"Ah, Mr. Cullen. Do we have a problem here?"

"Not at all, Mr. Greene. We were just on our way to class."

"Excellent." he said, then his eyes slid back to Jacob…annoyance and a slight twinge of fear went through his mind.

His thoughts told me he knew where the trouble was coming from, but considering Jacob's height and attire, he was a bit apprehensive about dealing with it.

"I don't seem to recognize your friend," he said glaring at the boy who was at least two heads taller than him. "Are you a new student here?"

"Nope."

"Then I suggest you remove yourself from school property at once, young man, before I call the police."

"Yes, sir." Jacob said mockingly before got back on his bike and kicked it started. Then with one last grin in our direction and one finale, silent, warning sent to me he sped out of the parking lot and out of sight.

My muscles finally relaxed.

"Mr. Cullen, I expect you to ask your friend to refrain from trespassing again."

"He's no friend of mine, Mr. Greene, but I'll pass along the warning." And a lot more if I ever got the chance to speak to him alone.

"I see. If you're worried about trouble, I'd be happy to…"

"There's nothing to worry about, Mr. Greene. There won't be any trouble."

"I hope that's correct. Well, then. On to class. You, too, Miss Swan."

I nodded and quickly pulled Bella alongside me. Looking down at her face I saw she was still too pale and I knew she had a head full of questions.

"Do you feel well enough to go to class?" I asked quietly as we walked away.

"Yes."

* * *

As soon as we took our seats Bella ripped a piece of paper from her notebook and began to write quickly. I glanced sideways at her but she kept her eyes on her writing. Her jaw set stubbornly.

She shoved the note across the desk and I took it already knowing what it said.

**What happened? Tell me **_**everything**_**. **

**And screw the protecting me crap, please.**

I sighed and began to write. I really wished I could _talk_ to her... but this was Bella.

Quickly writing down what Alice had seen and what had happened Saturday I passed it back to her. She read the words and I felt her shudder. It was exactly why I _didn't_ want her to know in the first place. She quickly erased my paragraph and began again. I watched as her words formed on the page.

**What about Charlie? She could have been after him.**

I shook my head before she had the chance to pass the note. We had all made sure Charlie was safe. He nearly took care of the job himself by staying at Billy's in his free time. Alice had assured me Victoria wasn't headed that way just yet. Though it confused me as to why, I didn't question her…I have always trusted Alice.

I held out my hand for the paper and pen to explain this to her but Bella ignored me and began to write again, she was clearly upset…

**You can't know that she wasn't thinking that, because you weren't here. Florida was a bad idea.**

A bad idea for who?... her or me?

Did she expect me to put her on a plane by herself?

Not likely.

Besides I wouldn't last a day with her being so far away. Just leaving to go hunting hurt both of us enough.

Taking the paper from beneath her hands and ignoring her glare I wrote…

_I wasn't about to send you off alone. _

_With your luck not even the black box would survive._

She read my words and I was overjoyed to finally see some color rise in her cheeks again, even if it wasn't much. She narrowed her eyes at me and nodded her head slightly, the look on her face made it all too clear what she would be saying if we weren't in the middle of class. _'Alright Mr. Know it all'_

She began to write and I tried hard not to smile.

**So let's say my bad luck did crash the plane. **

**What exactly were you going to do about it?**

_Why is the plane crashing?_

**The pilots are passed out drunk.**

_Easy, I'd fly the plane._

She pursed her lips and I could almost hear the gears turning in her brain. Finally she nodded again to herself and wrote…

**Both engines have exploded and we're falling in a death spiral toward earth.**

Once again easy…

_I'd wait till we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you, kick out the wall, and jump. _

_Then I'd run you back to the scene of the accident, _

_and we'd stubble around like the two luckiest survivors in history._

When she had finished reading she looked up at me, her mouth slightly opened.

"What?" I whispered it's not like I was joking.

Her expression was funny though and I couldn't hold back my smile this time.

"Nothing" she mouthed. Turning back to the paper.

**You **_**will**_** tell me next time.**

I sighed and I looked into her face. And though she still looked too pale, her brown eyes were determined as they stared at me through long lashes, still damp with tears.

Knowing the next time I saw Victoria would be the last, I caved.

With a sigh I nodded my head… Like the damn dog had said she had a right to know.

**Thanks**

* * *


	5. Switzerland

* * *

Chapter 4

Switzerland

* * *

"_We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality." – Seneca_

* * *

Looking into that peaceful sleeping face made it all the more difficult to leave. But it had been too long since I last hunted and the agonizing burn in my throat and chest told me so. Of course it was made all the more painful being this close to her. The pain was more than manageable now though. It was still there and as strong as ever, but unlike the first time I came into contact with it, it was bearable.

It was like any other morning here in her room. It was perfect. We were both lying on our sides, her face was mere inches from mine and I could feel her soft breath tickling my nose.

Her warm arm was currently lying loosely over my neck. She had turned over in the early hours of morning and it had landed there. When I went to move it carefully back under the covers her soft fingers had begun to unconsciously play through my hair. A small smile had formed on her face and I didn't have the heart to move it after that.

I turned my head and looked at her clock. It was nearly time for me to go; Emmet and Jasper were picking me up at 6:30.

Bella had a morning shift today at Newton's and she would be getting up around seven. I had learned it was easier on both of us if I left while she was still asleep. There was something about the saying goodbye part, no matter how short it was, that got to both of us.

I had told her I would stay and hunt around here again, knowing she hated being separated as much as I did. But she had told me to go and have fun with my brothers. I smiled as I remembered her exact words. _"Bag some mountain lions for me." _

I really didn't want to leave, but the thought of being able to let loose was very tempting. Hunting the puny animals around Forks was getting extremely dull. The feral part of me yearned for something large and fast, something that would quench my thirst in one round rather than several.

Turning back towards her I rested my head back on the pillow that smelled of nothing but her lovely hair. The smile on my face seemed to be permanently stuck there. I loved these moments, if I had ever missed sleeping before, I never did now. This was my moment of rest. Just lying here next to my angel, her steady heart beat, soft breathing, and lovely warmth lulling me as close to a peaceful sleep as I could or would ever get again.

Hearing the familiar engine of Emmett's Jeep reminded me that despite the moment I still had to leave.

With a soft sigh I gently moved Bella's arm from around my neck and laid it back on the blanket before I smoothly slid off the bed, careful not to move it. As soon as I was standing I saw a small frown form on her face.

"Edward?" she mumbled her brows furrowing while her hand reached towards the now empty bed beside her.

"Just sleep love," I whispered, leaning down to pull the covers back over her shoulders. To my relief, she relaxed and stayed soundly asleep.

'_Let's go Edward, the grizzlies are waiting,'_ Emmet's voice entered my head.

They were here, waiting I knew just around the corner.

I hesitated, debating on rather I really wanted to go or not.

'_Come on…Alice said she would stay nearby, she'll be fine.'_ That was Jasper. I knew Alice was going to keep an eye on Bella because I had been the one to ask her to.

I sighed again and looked around…seeing Bella's school things lying out on her desk I quickly grabbed a piece of paper.

_I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me._

_Look after my heart-I've __left__ it with you._

Folding the note up I leaned over and kissed her softly on the forehead before I climbed silently out the window, leaving the folded paper on the sill…

The sooner I left the sooner I could return.

* * *

We were nearly two hours into our drive when my phone rang.

Emmet groaned. "Come on, what could she have possibly done already?"

I glared at him knowing who he meant by _her_.

Looking at the number I saw that it was, of course, Alice.

Pushing down the uneasiness, I answered trying to keep my voice casual, though I knew the only reason Alice would be calling my phone instead of Jaspers would be because of Bella.

"Yes?"

"Uh, Edward I think…" she paused.

I waited, her tone making me more uneasy, I could feel my brothers staring at me, clearly waiting for an answer too.

"What is it?" I asked a little impatiently.

"IthinkBella'sgonetoLaPush" She rushed out.

Emmet groaned again and Jasper sighed shaking his head.

Then everything fell silent; all I could here was the Jeep's rumble as we continued down the road. It seemed my mind had momentarily slowed, trying to reform the words that had just been told to me.

'_Gone to La Push.'_

"Edward?..." The question came from both Alice and Jasper. The later was looking at me cautiously and I could feel his waves of calm washing against my growing fear and anger.

It did little good.

"She must have made a split second decision, because I never saw it coming…not until it was too late," Alice went on.

"So you can't see her now?" I was surprised at how quiet and calm my voice was.

"No."

"What was the last thing you saw?"

Alice took a breath then said "She was in her truck, she must have been nearly there by the time I saw her because it didn't last long before she disappeared."

Silence again.

"But I _know_ that's why I can't see her, Edward…" she went on quickly when I didn't speak "So it's okay…..I mean it's _not_ okay…but it's better than…"

I threw the phone towards the front seat. By the time Jasper caught it I had already thrown the backdoor open, jumped, and was running in the opposite direction.

Emmet's loud oath was the last thing I heard through the loud gust of wind in my ears. I would be long gone before Emmet stopped, and I knew he wouldn't follow me.

They knew where I was going and why.

My mind was set on one thing and that was getting back to Forks as quickly as possible.

The world blurred by me, not one tree or sign visible in the smear of color. I pushed myself faster than I ever had before… and yet it still wasn't fast enough.

It would still take too long.

The sun shone brightly, lighting up the rush of colors around me. I knew this was a risk, there were hardly any clouds in the sky today, but I did not care. I would be nothing more than a bright streak to the human eye anyway, a trick of the light if spotted.

I looked at my watch as I ran. It was past 8:30 now. I didn't understand, Bella had to be at work this morning; she should be at the shop right now.

What was she doing? Didn't she know…?

Of course she knew, I had told her more than once.

I had explained the dangers, explained the risks, and yet she had stepped back into it anyway.

I could feel a growl rumbling up my chest as I pushed myself even faster.

_How could she?_

_

* * *

_

I didn't stop or slow till I was standing inside the garage. Alice was there, of course, standing by my Volvo, waiting for me.

"Edward you can't." she said as soon as I was visible.

Ignoring her I walked towards my car.

She stepped in front of me.

"Alice move," I said quietly.

"No," she said looking up at me since she was nearly two heads shorter. "Just listen to me for a minute."

I opened to my mouth, but she cut me off, throwing her hands up in front of her as if to hold me there. "I know your freaking out right now, so just calm down."

I growled under my breath but she went on.

"I don't think anything will happen to her, she…"

"_SHE_ IS CURRENTLY WITH A WHOLE _PACK_ OF _YOUNG_ WEREWOVES!" I yelled in her face.

Alice didn't back down as she yelled back. "JUST LIKE SHE DID FOR MONTHS WHEN _WE_ LEFT HER."

I flinched back, the mention of this made me momentarily speechless and Alice took the advantage "Nothing _ever_ happened to her," she said quieter but still sternly. "From what I heard from Charlie, Bella spent ninety percent of her time on the reservation and came back home _every_ night, in one piece!...just give it some time."

I was taking deep breaths trying to calm myself but it was in vain. "Some time?" I whispered. "It's past twelve now… she's been there for nearly _three_ _hours_…Do you know what could happen in that _some time_?" My voice was gradually getting louder but I couldn't help it. "The only mature one of the whole pack is Sam…!"

"Yes I know that Edward, but…" She began but I cut her off.

"All it would take would be a bit of teasing… the wrong words said, a bad joke, something to tick one of them off and then what?" I was yelling again as I answered my own question. "Bella is going to be there, right in the middle of it…NOW MOVE!"

Quickly pushing her aside before she could stop me I climbed into the car, and started the engine.

'_More than likely she's only with __one__ of them, Edward,'_ Alice thought desperately.

I sped backwards from the garage and spun around racing down the driveway. The speedometer was over ninety and still climbing when I reached the road. The last thought I heard from Alice was that she needed to call Carlisle.

It didn't matter.

I pushed the pedal to the floor.

* * *

Carlisle's face was what made me slam on the brakes right before I crossed the line. Just like before, when I was faced with a life altering decision, he seemed to be my conscious. The last time I had listened to that part of me, but this time it seemed so much harder.

I stared at the length of road in front of me; Bella was _so_ close and yet still out of reach.

My hands tightened on the steering wheel and I could feel the flimsy material giving way under my grasp.

'_More than likely she's only with __one__ of them, Edward.' _

Even if Alice was right and Bella was with only Jacob that didn't help matters. All it would take would be for her to mention me in some way… say something wrong and he would lose it. I had seen firsthand how close he had come to changing in front of her, regardless of what he always said.

My foot hovered hesitantly over the gas pedal.

By inching forward just a few feet I would change everything.

The peace Carlisle had built up over the years would be gone in a matter of seconds, not to mention the fact that if I stepped out into the sun light we would have even bigger problems on our hands than just a war.

'_Just give it some time.'_

How could I do that?

I couldn't just wait. It had been too long already, anything could have happened by now.

Hell, she could have fallen and hit her head, and I would be completely blind to it.

Would they even know what to do?

'_She came home every night…in one piece.'_

Damn it!

How could Bella do this to me, was she trying to make me go crazy, trying to start a fight?

I _knew_ something like this was going to happen, knew she was going to try and sneak away. I could see it in her face last Monday at school. This was all the mongrels' fault…

'_I guess I'll survive or something. Who needs friends?'_

He just had to lay an even bigger guilt trip on her, make her feel even worse than she already did.

I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to clear my thoughts.

'_Jacob is in _pain_…I can't _not_ try to help him…'_

'_Just because he's not human all the time…well, he was there for me when I was…not so human myself.'_

With an oddly detached feeling I put the car into reverse and pulled off into the trees, making sure I was out of sight from the road.

Parking the car I cut the engine.

As soon as the motor fell silent my hand itched to turn the key again.

What was I doing? I couldn't just sit here?

But I couldn't move forward.

What if I crossed the line, broke the treaty, and she was fine?

What if I waited and she got hurt?

Flinging the door open I jumped out. I couldn't sit, I had to move.

Throwing all my anxiety, anger, and fear into my quick strides I began to pace back and forth.

Forks to my right, the boundary line to my left.

I vaguely wondered why nobody had showed up yet. Alice had had plenty of time to contact Carlisle. I was surprised he wasn't here right now trying to talk me out of it. I knew he would disagree with what I was planning to do, but I also knew he wouldn't try to stop me. He may not like my choices but that's how he is, he lets you be your own person.

I growled and stopped my pacing; walking quickly away from the border line I leaned against the back of the car, putting my head in my hands.

It felt as though it were splitting in two.

Wait

Act

Wait

Act

Wait

I looked at my watch for what felt like the hundredth time and growled again. If she had gone to visit Jacob surely she would be back by now. She had to know Alice would be anxious at her disappearance and would eventually call me.

Did she not care what this would do to me, what it _was_ doing to me?

Did she want me to cross the line, to start a war? Did she not understand what that would do to all of our lives? We would have to leave again. And where would that leave her?, She would have to cut everything out of her life so much faster, leave everyone behind unexpectedly with no kind of goodbye.

That is if she still wanted this…still wanted…

I shook my head to wipe those absurd thoughts away. Bella had told me a hundred times that this was what she wanted, that she had made her decision.

The problem was her constantly expressed desires still didn't seem to be enough to wash away the twinge of doubt that had been growing daily. Usually when we were together it was instantly pushed away, the honesty and love that was always so astounding when she looked at me was a constant reassurance. But it didn't completely ease my mind.

Every time she said his name or whenever he was mentioned I could see something in her face, something that made the guilt and hurt go further than even I think _she_ realized. Something that made her constantly put herself in danger, something that made her drop everything today and make a split second decision.

On top of everything else, I now began to feel that bitter feeling of jealousy rise up in me again, and it made me even angrier. I could clearly see an image I had gotten from Charlie not long after my return…

_Bella running and laughing through the rain, making her way towards- what I assumed to be Billy's house- hand in hand with Jacob Black._

"_Hey Dad," they said at the same time._

I became furious, not because the image of her in his brought on more jealously, but because I was repulsed with myself. Here I was fretting over the fact that Bella was with another guy, completely forgetting _what_ the other guy was.

Quickly the picture changed in my head…

_Bella was face to face with sharp snarling teeth. I could hear her scream in my ears… and then there she was, lying on the ground covered in blood and deep gashes._

I felt the rumble building it my chest again and I let it loose. My roar of frustration and fear echoed off the surrounding trees as I spun on my heel, striding back towards the boundary line…

The werewolves did not matter.

The treaty did not matter.

Carlisle did not matter.

The near eighty years of peace that had resided between wolf and vampire was irrelevant when compared to Isabella Swan.

Stopping just short of the border I stared down at the ground. In my mind's eye I could see that invisible line laid out at my feet. A hidden line that separated monster from monster, peace and bloodshed….. Bella and me.

I took a deep breath through my nose. I was no longer thinking of the fact that I was standing in broad day light ready to leave my car behind me, the only thing I was thinking of was the fact I couldn't erase the image of my angel laying on the ground, her beautiful blood being soaked up by the unworthy grass.

'_I'm sorry Carlisle.' _

I lifted my foot….

And then I heard it.

That unmistakable rumble of the old Chevy**.**

I rolled back onto my heels, my breath rushing out in a relieved rush. I was not mistaken, I knew that sound and it was steadily getting closer.

It was fine, she was fine…she was on her way back, it was okay.

As quickly as it came the relief was gone, replaced by anger... it pulsed through me fast and strong. In the blink of an eye I was back behind the wheel of my car, the engine running. I pulled back towards the edge of the road and waited.

It wasn't long before her truck rumbled by; I caught a quick glimpse of her brown hair blowing out the open window before I pulled out.

I sped up, the front of my car inches from her bumper. A part of me wanted her to pull over and another part wanted her to keep going, because right now I was furious.

She didn't stop and except for one quick -and somewhat frightened- glance in her rearview mirror she didn't look back at me.

It wasn't until she had slowed to pull into the Weber's driveway that I remembered she had set a date with Angela to help out with invitations.

No matter.

She would have to come home sooner or later, and when she did I would be there.

* * *

The sun was getting low in the sky when Bella finally came home and I was still fuming. I wasn't even sure _who_ I was angry with.

It would begin with Bella, she had once again put herself in danger and nearly made me break the treaty… then it would change and I'd be mad at Jacob for being the reason she went to La Push in the first place… and then I would be angry at myself for being the reason they had come together.

"Bella?" Charlie asked when the fort door opened.

"Hey, Dad."

I tensed when I heard her voice, and I realized a part of me _was_ in fact angry with her. I really didn't like how that felt, but I couldn't stop it either.

"So how was your day?"

"Good…They didn't need me at work, so I went down to La Push."

Well that explained her not being at work.

"How's Jacob?" Charlie asked.

"Good."

"You get over to the Weber's?"

"Yep. We got all her announcements addressed."

"That's nice…I'm glad you spent time with your friends today."

"Me, too."

She couldn't delay any longer, there was nothing else for her to do but come up stairs. Apparently she knew this too, because when she spoke again it was in a resigned voice.

"I'm going to go study."

"See you later."

Her footsteps and scent was steadily getting closer. When she opened the door I didn't move from my spot by the window. She of course knew I would be here, and waited till she walked in and closed the door before she turned around.

Her eyes found mine; they were hesitant and a bit scared. I wasn't sure what she saw on my face and I didn't really care, my anger was near boiling point.

"Hi," she finally said.

What? No sorry for nearly causing a war, no sorry for making me go crazy with worry for nearly the whole day.

Nope…just a simple 'Hi'.

I still didn't speak. She knew what she had done, why I was here.

"Er…so, I'm still alive."

The growl came before I could stop it. I had never felt the urge to yell at Bella before, but I did now and I didn't like it in the least.

How could she possibly say something like that? Say something that meant so much in such a casual off hand way. Once again I began to wonder about her mind a bit, it was like she had absolutely no regard for her own safety, for her own life.

"No harm done," she added after another long pause.

Unable to look at her beautiful face anymore I closed my eyes, pinching my nose between my fingers. I knew I had a bad temper. I have always had trouble with controlling it. If this was anyone else or any other situation I would be yelling my head off for a second time today.

But I couldn't… it just wasn't in me. There was no way I could look at that face and yell.

"Bella," I finally whispered, still unable to look at her. "Do you have _any_ idea how close I came to crossing the line today? To breaking the treaty and coming after you? Do you know what that would have meant?"

She gasped and I opened my eyes to stare at her shocked and frighten face. How could that possibly surprise her?

"You can't," she said loudly her eyes wide. "They'd use any excuse for a fight. They'd love that. You can't ever break the rules."

"Maybe they aren't the only ones who would enjoy a fight," I said truthfully. Ripping off a few wolf limbs sounded really appealing at the moment, especially a particular wolf.

"Don't you start," she snapped at me. "You made the treaty…you stick to it."

"If he'd hurt you…"

"Enough!"

I clenched my jaw; she was making not yelling harder and harder.

"There's nothing to worry about. Jacob isn't dangerous."

I rolled my eyes, this coming from _her_. "Bella…you aren't exactly the best judge of what is or isn't dangerous."

"I know I don't have to worry about Jake. And neither do you."

My hands curled into fists and my jaw clenched. I was _so_ tired of hearing that name come from her mouth. He was a _werewolf_, her best friend was a hostile dog for crying out loud and she tells me I have nothing to worry about.

She began to walk towards me but I didn't move. Her warm arms circled around my waist as she pressed her soft body into mine.

"I'm sorry I made you anxious," she whispered.

It was no use; her touch did what nothing else could ever do before, not even Jasper.

She calmed me.

Seeming of their own accord my arms wrapped instinctively around her small frame.

"_Anxious_ is a bit of an understatement," I sighed, as some of my muscles relaxed for the first time in hours. "It's been a long day."

Too long and I had a sudden desire for it to be over.

"You weren't supposed to know about it," she said. "I thought you'd be hunting longer." She looked up at my face with disapproval. What did she expect? I was just supposed to go on with my trip when I knew where she was…not likely.

"When Alice saw you disappear, I came back."

"You shouldn't have done that. Now you'll have to leave again," she frowned looking up at me.

"I can wait." I was thirsty, yes, but I had gone much longer without hunting before. Bella wasn't leaving my sight anytime soon.

"That's ridiculous," she said in an annoyed voice. "I mean, I know she couldn't see me with Jacob…" My hands clenched again at the name. "…but you should have known…"

"But I didn't," I cut her off. "And you can't expect me to let you…"

"Oh yes I can…that's exactly what I expect."

"This won't happen again," I growled quietly. I was already working on a plan for the next time I had to leave. She would _not_ do this again.

"That's right! Because you're not going to over react next time."

"Because there isn't going to be a next time," I argued.

"I understand when you have to leave, even if I don't like it…"

"That's not the same. I'm not risking my life."

"Neither am I."

"Werewolves constitute a risk." Which, in turn constitutes _me_ tearing them apart.

"I disagree."

"I'm not negotiating this, Bella."

"Neither am I."

I hated this…how could we be standing so close together and yet be so far apart? I didn't like this feeling, and I hated what this subject was doing to us…doing to her. But I wasn't backing down. She would be staying away from that reservation.

"Is this really just about my safety?" she said suddenly.

"What you mean?" I asked defensively, of course it was.

"You aren't…" she hesitated. "I mean, you know better than to be jealous right?"

I raised an eyebrow at her…it was a good question, for I was jealous. It was a human feeling I had gained that I didn't particularly like but it was there nonetheless.

"Do I?"

"Be serious."

"Easily…there's nothing remotely humorous about this."

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, "Or….is this something else all together? Some vampires-and-werewolves-are-always-enemies nonsense? Is this just a testosterone-fueled…?"

"This is _only_ about you," I said fiercely. It was true that werewolves and vampires were born enemies, but that was irrelevant to this situation. "All I care is that you're safe."

She looked at me for a moment and sighed "Okay, I believe that. But I want you to know something…when it comes to all this _enemies_ nonsense, I'm out. I am a neutral country. I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures. Jacob is family. You are…well, not exactly the love of my life, because I expect to love you far longer than that. The love of my existence… I don't care who's a werewolf and who's a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party too."

I stared at her. Her cheeks were slightly pink from her little, and despite the situation, slightly amusing rant. Though I would be lying to myself if I didn't feel better after it, her words comforted me. But I still wasn't backing down, like I had told her before, the risk was too high.

"Switzerland," she said emphasizing the word.

I sighed, I didn't want to fight anymore and the way I saw it there was no fight to begin with. This would _not_ happen again.

"Bella…."

Then I smelled it. With all the stress of the moment I hadn't noticed the pungent odor mixing with her usual scent.

My nose wrinkled.

"What now?" she asked annoyed.

"Well…don't be offended, but you smell like a dog"

I couldn't help but smile at the look that crossed her face.

For once I wouldn't be disappointed when she had her human moment tonight.

* * *

**LOL. Poor Edward having to hold a dog smelling Bella. *shrugs* All-well.**

**Anyhoo I'd love to here what you thought of this chapter. If u have a sec. Drop a review. ;)**


	6. Acceptance

* * *

Chapter 5

Acceptance

* * *

"_Hurt leads to bitterness, bitterness to anger, travel too far that road and the way is lost." – Terry Brooks_

* * *

Alice was jumping up and down when I pulled into the driveway with the shiny new Porsche. I have to admit that if I didn't have such an odd attachment to my Volvo I would probably get my own. The ride was smooth and powerful and I could feel what it was capable of even at this steady speed.

"_Oh my gosh...I love you, I love you." _

I came to a stop and Alice flung open my door, her squeal of delight ringing in my ears.

"Calm down Alice," I said laughing as I stood up. She immediately ducked under my arm and took the now empty seat behind the wheel. "It's not like you didn't already know," I reminded her.

She ignored me and caressed the leather wheel as if it was her first born. "Ahhh, new car smell," she murmured breathing in deeply.

"Damn Edward," Emmet's awed voice came from behind me.

I turned to see Carlisle, Jasper and Emmet walking down the front steps, all three of them eyeing the new vehicle to be added to the collection.

"I'd of locked Bella up for you if I was getting something like this in return," he went on.

I glared at him. "That's not what this is for."

He ignored me, bending over the hood to run his hand over the flawless paint job. "You're having Alice kidnap Bella and hold her hostage for the next couple of days…" Emmet shrugged. "Same difference. I would have done it for you."

I rolled my eyes; I didn't see Emmet turning down a chance at some grizzlies for anything.

"Are you ready to go?" Carlisle asked. Unlike the other two he had stopped beside me to admire the car while Jasper had jumped into the passenger seat. Emmet was now making a circle around the car his hand never leaving it.

I took a deep breath.

"Yes," I was as ready as I'd ever be.

We were all going to a large reserve in North Carolina. We had heard that they were having mountain lion population problems and considering I was now way over due for a hunt it seemed like the perfect place to go.

It was just hard to go so far.

Alice had promised me Bella would be here all weekend and that Charlie had already agreed to let her come, under the pretense that I would be gone and Alice wanted to have a 'girls' weekend.

I didn't care what Alice had said to allow it, all that mattered was Bella would be here and safe till I returned. And the shiny car Alice was currently sitting in was motive enough for my sister to continue this charade.

"Alright, get your grubby paws off. I'm going for a spin," Alice said to Emmet, who had now finished his circle and was standing in front of us.

She went to close her door but I caught it before she could. Groaning she looked up at me. "Ah, come on Edward I'll be right back….pleeeeaase," she gave me those puppy dog eyes that seemed to melt everyone else's will… but not mine.

"No, Alice you have to pick Bella up."

"Okay, Okay," she said quickly jerking on the door. "I'll go right now…just let _go._"

I chuckled and shook my head. "No, you know if you pull up in this Bella's going to be suspicious, just take my Volvo as planned…I promise you your car will be here and safely in the garage when you get back."

She stared at me for a minute, and then sighed giving in. "Fine."

After looking longingly at the steering wheel she grabbed the key and shuffled out, her face a full on pout.

Emmet ruffled her hair chuckling. "It's not the end of the world Alice, I promise you." She just continued to sulk and held out her hand for my keys.

"Alright then," Carlisle cut in "if you want to be back by Saturday Edward we need to hit the road."

I nodded, the tension and anxiety that had been waiting on the edge of my thoughts finally washed over me. I wanted to let Bella know I was leaving early but I knew it would be easier this way. Alice was going to call me as soon as she saw her and I would know she would be safe for the weekend.

I quickly ran to my room and grabbed my bag, I kept reminding myself that it was only two days; just two days and Bella would be here with Alice, Esme, and Rosalie.

Everything would be fine.

Before I ran back out I made a small detour over to my dresser. Pulling open the top drawer I picked up the small black box and opened the lid.

I stared down at the delicate gold and shiny diamonds.

I _yearned_ for the day Bella would accept this, I wanted more than anything to see it on her finger. I wasn't sure if she would like it, I was still debating on whether or not I should just buy her one. Alice however assured me Bella would love it. Though she hadn't actually _seen_ it, she claimed she had a pretty good insight into what Bella liked. I was a little unsure but, for now I would trust her judgment. I would let Bella deicide when the time came.

I wasn't sure why I wanted her to wear _this_ particular ring, I don't remember much about my mother, just flashes and familiar smells. It was strange at times but Bella would kind of be a reminder of that, a reminder of the human life I was meant to forget. She raised so many buried emotions inside me, so may _human_ things it left my head spinning at times.

Sighing I shut the lid with a snap and placed it back in its place. It would just have to wait till Bella made up her mind…it all fell to the decision of what she wanted most.

Turning around I glanced at the new addition to my room and smiled. The large black and gold bed seemed to go perfect with everything else, as if it were made for this room all along, regardless of the fact its frame was decorated with delicate roses and spiraling vines.

Alice was right, the bed was perfect. I couldn't have my angel sleeping on a couch for two days, and besides a bed was always more convenient, especially if Bella was going to be spending the night over here more often.

My smile slowly faded. This was going to be hard, I had tried once already to leave and she had slipped through my fingers. What if it happened again and something went wrong?

I sighed again and ran a hand through my hair.

'It will be fine,' I looked up to see Esme standing in the doorway, a soft reassuring smile on her face. "_We'll take good care of her_," she promised.

I nodded and walked back out of the house towards the garage where Emmet, Jasper, and Carlisle were waiting for me at the jeep.

Alice was pulling out in my Volvo. As she passed I opened my mouth to remind her to call me but she put her hand out the window "Yes, Edward I _know,_" she said in an exasperated voice before I could speak.

* * *

We were just reaching the end of Forks when my phone rang.

I quickly put it to my ear.

"She'll be walking out in a couple minutes Edward," Alice said over the loud music playing in the background. It was clear she was making good use of my speakers.

"Good," I sighed in relief.

"I hope you're happy because she's going to be furious with me and it's _your_ fault," she said disapprovingly.

"It will be fine, she'll get over it," I said. I didn't care how angry Bella got with me or Alice, at least she would be safe and I _had_ warned her that I would try and stop her from doing anything rash again.

Alice sighed into the phone. "Alright, I gotta go."

"Make sure you…"

"Make sure I call you if anything goes wrong or if I see anything suspicious and don't let her out of my sight for one second…_Yes_ Edward I know, a little trust here would be nice," she said aggravated.

"Fine…but _please_ Alice."

Alice must have heard the fear in my voice because her tone became softer, more understanding. "Don't worry Edward; it will be fine I promise. I have a whole list of things lined up, trust me she won't be bored for one second and I'll make sure she has no time to miss you or fret over the dog."

I nodded though I knew she couldn't see me.

"Oh, gotta go…" she said quickly. "She's coming out now, tell Jasper I love him, Bye."

Before I could respond she hung up. I sighed and placed the phone back in my pocket. I tried to let her words reassure me a bit, to relieve some of the pressure building in my chest but it didn't work.

The further away I traveled the worse I felt.

I began to wonder if a large mountain lion was really worth it.

* * *

It was the next day that I got my message. I had just gotten back to the campsite, my hunting finished, and was relishing in the fact that I would be home with Bella the next night, when Emmet threw me my phone.

I quickly snatched it from the air.

"You have a message," he said, and I realized he was keeping his thoughts from me.

I raised an eyebrow and turned to Jasper who was doing the same. They both looked like they were doing their best not to laugh. But considering Emmet was visibly shaking under the pressure, it wasn't going to be long before it burst forth.

I looked questioning at Carlisle but he just shrugged _"I have no idea; all I know is that Bella left you a message last night."_

I looked back at the other two. "What are you listening to my messages now?" I asked, slightly peeved that they would snoop through my phone.

Jasper just pointed to Emmet who raised his hands. "Hey," he said and I could clearly hear the suppressed laughter in his voice. "I was curious and besides, now you know what it's like to lose some privacy."

I rolled my eyes, it's not like I could cut off his thoughts whenever I wanted to. And did he really think I wanted to hear his thoughts about Rosalie? I don't think so.

Pushing the button on my phone that would send me to my messages I put it to my ear and waited.

"You are in trouble," Bella's voice was low and hard. Emmet and Jasper finally lost their control and burst into laughter. "Enormous trouble. Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home."

That was it.

It was the first message I had ever received from her that didn't say she missed me or loved me. It sounded rather childish I know, but it still hurt a bit.

I closed my phone and placed it in my pocket, taking a seat next to Carlisle, who despite himself was chuckling softly.

Though I could understand why they thought it was funny I couldn't seem to laugh myself.

"Whew Edward, I feel for you man." Emmet said, finally reining in his laughter. "If she's as angry as she sounds I don't even want to know what it's going to be like once she's changed… can you imagine it?"

I nearly flinched at his words, it wasn't due to fear, it was just the simple mentioning of what was to come. I hated how easily everyone else could talk about Bella's future. I didn't say anything and apparently the others took that as a warning to just drop the whole thing.

Sighing I got to my feet and walked back into the woods. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

I needed to think.

In the last couple of weeks Bella and I had had more arguments than ever and she had now been angry at me more than once.

This wasn't right; we never use to fight like this before.

I could feel someone walking up behind me and I knew, even without turning around or listening to his thoughts, it was Carlisle. When two people have been together for as long as we have it's easy to pick up on the sound of their feet and the way they move.

His hand fell onto my shoulder._ 'You okay?'_

I nodded but stayed silent.

'_They were just messing around, you know Emmet. They didn't mean anything.'_

"I know," I said quietly. I wasn't mad at them I was just aggravated at myself.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

I sighed again. I wasn't sure what to say, I knew I could tell Carlisle anything. He was my father in more ways than one and even now we shared a different bond than the others.

For one I looked up to Carlisle, I suppose like every human son looks up to their father. And I knew from his thoughts I meant a lot more to him than he had ever said out loud, at least to anyone else.

I knew he still felt guilty for the way he changed me, for causing me such needless pain, but he did not regret it the way he did with the others and I couldn't blame him.

Once my first fifty years or so of immortality had slipped by I began to realize why Carlisle decided to change me. I could only imagine what my life would have been like if I didn't have him in it. I didn't know what it was like to be alone, against my own will anyway. And he had been alone for so _long_.

Finding me had changed all that, and even now I knew he still needed my company. I knew from his expression at the airport when I had finally returned and from what Alice had told me. My absence -when I had left Bella- had taken a lot out of the family, but especially him.

He _was_ the family. He had always been the center of it and when I left it seemed to cause a domino effect and fall apart. It had taken its toll on Carlisle. I owed him so much more than that.

And though a part of me knew I should be somewhat resentful towards him, for giving me this life, I couldn't find it in me. And now it was nearly impossible to even think it, because him giving me life all those decades ago led me to _now_…to the present where my angel existed.

For that I would always be in his debt.

'_You can tell me you know'_ he went on in his head and I quickly snapped out of my thoughts.

"Is it Bella?" he asked _'Okay dumb question I know' _he added in his head and I chuckled; who else ever caused these types of reactions out of me?

I lowered myself to the ground and leaned against a large tree. He joined me and we sat in comfortable silence for a while, he knew I would speak when I was ready and Carlisle was the most patient being I had ever met.

"I'm losing her Carlisle," I murmured after a while.

'_Why do you think that?' _

"Ever since I got back, we…" I paused. We what? We've been more separated? We argue over the same thing over and over again? What?

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, I was frustrated, angry, and the worry that had been steadily growing since I had gotten in the jeep yesterday was about to over flow and make me run on foot back to Forks. I was done hunting anyway, why wait till tomorrow?

'_It sounded to me like Bella was pretty angry with you…why do you think that is?'_ Carlisle asked patiently.

I glared at him. He knew the answer to that question. "You know why, it's because I made Alice keep her at the house till I got back, made it so she couldn't leave again."

'_Yes,'_ he nodded, _'but why do you think she was so upset?'_

I growled, "Because she wanted to see the damn dog again this weekend."

My voice was getting louder but I couldn't help it, I had yet to talk to someone about any of this and I could only take so much.

"I heard her on the phone, the _very same_ _day_ she had returned from there…she actually called him as soon as I left and made plans to see him Saturday."

I jumped to my feet and began pacing. "It's like she doesn't care…like nothing would happen to me if something happened to her, she doesn't seem to understand she's my life, my reason to keep going. I have nothing without her…I can't…" My voice faltered before I went on in a whisper "I can't _lose_ her Carlisle…not again"

'_I think she has a pretty good idea as to what you would do without her, Edward.'_ Carlisle reminded me, thoughts and images of what _he_ had gone through when he had heard my plans to go to the Volturi ran through his head.

"I know that," I snapped. "That's not what I meant…okay so it is but… this is different."

'_How?'_

I didn't answer, I just continued pacing. I knew why this was different. There were many reasons…

Alice couldn't see her…

I couldn't follow…

Her 'friend' was unpredictable and could hurt her in a split second of rage…

And…it was different because…

'_Do you think it's more than mere friendship that drives Bella to want to see Jacob?' _Carlisle asked.

It was a bit unsettling as it seemed _he_ was the one reading thoughts at the moment instead of me.

I stopped pacing and whipped around to face him, my face full of anger. I glared at him but he didn't look away he just continued to look at me in that calm expression. I had always envied it deep down.

Why could I never keep calm like that?

I opened my mouth ready to snap at him again, but I couldn't because I knew he was right, I had been thinking the very same thing.

He nodded as if I had answered his question, _'I see.'_

"But that has nothing to do with it," I said quickly. "Even if she was…even if they were…" I couldn't get it out so I went on. "It wouldn't matter, he's still a _werewolf_ Carlisle."

'_So is this simply over the fact she wants to hang out with a werewolf?'_

"Yes…No…I don't know," I growled in frustration and pinched my nose between my fingers.

"All I want is for her to be safe and happy," I whispered. "But the only way she will be happy would be if she can see him again, but if she does that she wouldn't be safe…I can't risk it, _anything_ could happen…it would be different if Alice could see but…"

'_I understand Edward, I too have had my fair share of experience with young werewolves…but do you trust Bella?'_

"Of course I do," I snapped again, what kind of question was that?

'_Do you trust her judgment?'_

I hesitated, I suppose I did, just not her opinion of what was dangerous or not. "Not when it comes to this," I mumbled reluctantly.

'_Look at it from her point of view for a minute Edward…this may seem a bit harsh but it's true…When you left Bella she didn't just loose the love of her life she lost an entire family…'_

My breath rushed out between my teeth and I clamped my eyes closed, this was the last thing I wanted to talk about.

'_I'm sorry, I know how much you hate this subject….believe me it's not my favorite either but it's fact. We __all__ left her and who did she have to turn to?'_

I didn't answer so he answered for me.

'_Jacob Black and his friends…she found a place she was welcome again. Unfortunately it was at the reservation with the pack, but she found it nonetheless …and now that we are back she's been forced to cut them out, to make a choice between us -who she considers her family- and her best friend who helped her through a very difficult time.'_

He paused a moment before he continued.

'_It seems to me that Bella feels as if she owes Jacob a lot.'_

I nodded, of course Carlisle was right, I already knew all this...knew it every time I saw that guilty expression cross her face.

"I really think she cares more for him than even _she_ realizes," I said quietly, voicing my fear for the first time.

'T_hat may be true,'_ he agreed. 'A_nd it may not, I have no way of knowing, and considering she is the only exception to your gift you have no way of knowing either, at least unless she tells you…has she said anything like that?'_

"No" I mummbled, "It's just a feeling... the way she talks about him, she worries a lot and whenever he's mentioned I can see something in her face…something that truly hurts her…I just wish I knew the truth."

'_Like I said I don't know…what I __do__ know is Bella does loves you…I'm one hundred percent positive of that fact and you should never doubt it.'_

"I don't doubt it…at least not anymore."

We fell silent again and I sat back down next to him, my mind racing.

My inner battle was getting the best of me, two strong things I tried desperately to keep in Bella's life were tearing me apart.

Her happiness and her safety.

It seemed I could no longer have both at the same time.

Right now, at this very moment Bella was out of harm's way, she was safe…but she wasn't happy. The only way for her to be happy would be if she could see her friend again…but that would put her in harm's way.

So Carlisle was right, it all fell to the issue of whether or not I trusted Bella.

Trusted when she told me Jacob would never hurt her.

I knew he wouldn't do it intentionally, I knew what his thoughts were about –and though I still didn't like them- they were far from harming Bella.

And Alice was also right, Bella had spent day after day over there for months and nothing ever happened, at least anything that caused her injury.

Through the storm swirling in my head one thing was clear and visible.

It was impossible to continue on like this…if I kept going and acting the way I was acting Bella would eventually have enough and then what? Was there an actual chance she would leave me?

Perhaps that was good, hell, I knew it would be much better if she loved another, but I was too selfish. Right now regardless of how mad Bella was at me she was still mine and I was hers.

But these constant disagreements and sneaking away was slowly pulling us apart. I couldn't have that; I couldn't keep pulling Bella in two. I had to loosen up, let my guard down.

It was the only way.

I would give Bella what she needed for the time being; after all it wouldn't be much longer before we had to leave this place entirely.

She at least deserved what little time she had left with her human ties, even if said ties weren't exactly human.

I shook my head in disbelief, I still found it difficult to believe that Bella had befriend a werewolf of all things.

The irony was unnerving and yet so predictable.

What was I going to do with her?

* * *

We were finally home and Alice's thoughts assured me Bella was upstairs asleep. I smiled because I was only seconds away from holding her in my arms. I now knew I would never leave like this again, the wait and anxiety just wasn't worth it.

Just before I moved to dash upstairs I felt a small hand grip my arm. I looked down to see Alice staring up at me apprehensively.

'_I need to talk to you…alone.'_

She was very skillfully hiding the rest of her thoughts from me. I nodded and followed her out. Surprisingly she led me to the garage.

That's when I saw it, the old modeled red motorcycle.

I knew exactly which one it was and was curious as to how it ended up here.

"Why is Bella's bike here?" I asked turning to Alice.

"She rode it back here earlier this evening," she answered quietly.

I raised my eyebrows in a silent question.

Alice took a breath and said quickly, "Please don't take my car back Edward, I honesty didn't let her out of my sight but he showed up at school today and it all happened so fast I didn't even have a chance to see anything…"

"Alice…" I said trying to stop her babbling. Her thoughts were a huge jumble of images and I couldn't focus on just one.

She didn't seem to hear me though as she continued on at top speed "I couldn't just stop her in front of everybody…I would have called but you were hunting and I knew you needed to badly and I also knew by the time you got back she would already be home…and she _did_ come back, sooner than last time even... she wasn't hurt or anything. And I…"

"Alice!" I said loudly, this time I got her attention.

"Let me get this straight," I went on in a normal voice. "Yesterday at school Jacob showed up and snatched Bella before you could do anything and she came back this evening?"

"Yes," she nodded. "But Jacob didn't exactly _snatch_ her, she kind of just _jumped_ onto his bike."

"Bike?"

She nodded again.

I closed my eyes and took a breath. "Did she at least have a helmet?" I murmured.

"No," Alice said quietly and a vision of Bella speeding from the parking lot filled her mind. "She actually scared _me_ a bit yesterday."

"But she rode _her_ bike back here?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

This time she shrugged, "I don't know but she looked pretty upset when she got back." Alice paused and walked towards me, her face hard and serious. "This needs to stop Edward, it's getting too dangerous…we can't watch her every move and she's getting more and more reckless. Sooner or later she's going to hurt herself or worse"

She looked into my eyes and finally opened her mind.

_Bella was flying down the road ...the rain falling in sheets around her. Her fragile head exposed to elements as her soaked brown hair flew behind her. Her face was pale and I couldn't tell if it was tears or rain drops falling down her cheeks._

I pulled out of the image and stared at Alice. "_That's_ how she got back yesterday," she said sternly. "The only reason I didn't do anything when I saw the vision was because I could see her coming home, so I knew she wasn't going to crash….at least not _this_ _time._"

She took a breath . "Don't you see she's going to get herself killed trying to escape us, is it really worth it? So far she's slipped through our fingers twice now and it seems to me her attempts are more dangerous than her actual goal…" Alice hesitated then said quietly "…maybe you should just let her go there every once and a while."

"I know" I sighed.

This took her by complete surprise. Alice's small dark eyebrows rose up on her forehead as she took a step back.

"What?" I asked, unable to stop the small smile tugging at my lips.

'_Who are you and what have you done with Edward?'_

I chuckled darkly. "It's me Alice, I've just realized that once again I've been wrong in what think is right for Bella." I held my hands up as if in surrender, "This is me officially caving."

She stared at me with wide eyes her mouth slightly opened. _'…you just…but…' _After a long pause Alice shook her head slightly, her face still full of shock. "Have I ever told you Bella is the best thing to ever happen to you?" she finally murmured out loud.

My smile grew, "Yes you have, as a matter of fact, many times."

She nodded, _'Yes well, I'm just reminding you is all.'_

"Trust me…I already know," I smiled again. "Now if you'll excuse I've waited long enough," I slipped by her… my mind already in the house and up the stairs to my room.

"And _no_ Alice, I'm not taking your car back, you should know me better than that," I said over my shoulder.

On the way up the stairs I was once again stopped. This time by Rosalie, she was on her way down her face hard…and her thoughts clearly running through something. Picking up on them I realized what it was she was showing me. She had finally opened up to Bella, finally told her, _her_ story.

This was going to happen sooner or later... and in all reality Bella needed to hear firsthand the real outcomes of her choice.

Rosalie paused on her way down the stairs and stared into my eyes. I didn't say anything, I wasn't mad just a bit apprehensive at the way Bella would take it all. I may be against Bella being changed so early but not at being changed. I told Bella once that I was naturally a selfish creature, and I was. I want Bella beside me forever, I want her to become part of this family.

I gave Rosalie a slight nod before I continued on my way.

Finally stopping outside the door to my room I took a deep breath already smelling that sweet aroma.

* * *

**I've come to the conclusion that I babble. Okay so I knew that already but as I was going over these early chapters, for reposting, I found how very much I run on....Blah, Blah, Blah.**

**See waht I mean? I'm doing it now. *sigh* there's no hope for me.**

**AhWell.**

**Review anyway???? ;)**


	7. Necessities

* * *

Chapter 6

Necessities

* * *

"_Love demands all, and has a right to all." – Ludwig van Beethoven_

* * *

I opened the door to my room and smiled at what greeted me. Her scent and steady heart beat filled the large space, completely dominating all my senses as soon as I walked in. As I closed the door, my eyes zoned in towards the bed.

I frowned... the gold quilt was missing as well as the occupant that should be sleeping there.

At that second Alice's thoughts entered my head with a soft chuckle. _"Apparently it was unnecessary"_ and that was it. She silently left my mind at peace. Of all my 'siblings' she seemed to know me best… regardless of the fact I had known the others longer.

Walking over to the couch I knelt down next to the sleeping form. Bella looked so tiny curled up in the huge blanket and my arms were literally _aching_ to hold her.

She was on her side in her usual form of sleep; her hair lying across the side of her face in gentle waves, her soft warm breath blowing quietly from her nose and slightly opened mouth. Unable to resist I leaned down inhaling. My eyes closed as my entire body welcomed in the familiarities. It was like everything about her was made just for me, every strand of soft hair, every beautiful curve, every delicate finger…all for me.

I found myself wondering how I ever managed to live all those years without her when just these last two days felt like an eternity. How did I even continue? As of now she was the only thing binding me to this life, the only thing that kept me sane, kept me alive.

And soon she was going to be at my side, my very own… forever.

How incredibly selfish I was to rejoice in that thought.

Gently I slid my arms under her body, one behind her legs and the other under her back before I slowly lifted her up, making sure the blanket stayed between her and my cold body. She of course felt like near nothing. I cringed slightly at how much lighter she was. She had always felt extremely small in my arms but now it was even more so. My leaving her had taken so much out of her… both mentally and physically.

Walking over to the bed, I rearranged her so she was in one arm and used my free hand to peel back the sheets. Before I laid her down I held her close for a second more, burying my face in her hair, inhaling that excruciating pleasure. Now that I had her in my arms again I didn't want to put her down.

She didn't stir once from her deep sleep as I lightly placed her on the cream colored sheets. After rearranging the blanket so it was spread back over the bed I pulled it up to her shouldersand walked around to the other side.

Making sure Bella was completely under the covers first I carefully slid down next to her. My body reacted at once to her presence, and though I kept my distance like every other night I couldn't help but move a bit closer, to feel the heat radiating off her.

As soon as I had lain down however, she turned in her sleep and like she always did, wiggled her way over to my side, curling back up into her usual ball with her head nearly touching my arm. I slid further down my pillow, lying on my side so I could stare into her beautiful sleeping face and smell her sweet breath.

She seemed so peaceful, her eyelids were relaxed, her forehead smoothed from the worrying that formed there day after day. She had so much to deal with, so much more than anyone her age _should_ have to deal with… and it was all because of me, because she knew and loved all of us... so completely.

Reaching over I gently ran a finger along a strand of her hair, following it down as it cascaded over her cheek and over her shoulder. I smiled when she gave a soft sigh and moved closer, it was like she always knew when I was there, even in unconsciousness.

How I would miss these moments… miss watching her sleeping face, miss hearing her say my name in her dreams, and above all… I would miss that steady heart beat. I was so tuned into its sound, that soft thump of life. It was a part of me now; I never wanted it to stop. The thought of hearing it beat one last time was unbearable…I knew it would be physically painful to hear its end.

I wanted Bella with me always…forever. I wanted her for myself, wanted to make it so she could never be taken away.

But for her?

I wanted so much _more_ than that.

I wanted her to go to college and find something she truly enjoyed, I wanted her have the experience of working hard to get there, feel the satisfaction of finally reaching that goal. I wanted her to always have that beautiful smile on her face, to never feel pain or fear again. And -even though it pained me to even think it- I wanted her to find a normal…human love, I wanted her to have _children_, wanted her to watch them grow and learn.

I wanted her to _live_ life… not just exist through it.

So many things I sought for her to have and yet I could never give them, no matter how hard I tried.

I felt her stretch under the covers and pulled myself back to the present... away from the thoughts that seem to drown me each and every night.

Bella had now turned over facing away from me. Though there was no light in the room I could still see her clearly. Her hand reached over to the side of the bed and felt around before she turned back over, her eyes open and full of confusion. She looked around a minute, but considering it was pitch black her eyes could not see me or the bed I had laid her in.

"Sorry," I murmured softly, perhaps I should have left her on the couch, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pleased she had woken up. "I didn't mean to wake you."

I felt her body tense and heard her heart skip a beat. This surprised me, had I frightened her or was I about to hear the thing that would put Grizzlies to shame? I didn't want her to be angry with me. She had been angry with me enough lately and it hurt every time. I knew I had many apologies to make for my actions lately and I could only hope she would once again forgive me.

Instead of fury however I saw her arms reach out in the darkness. Her warm hands found my face and then my neck. As she pulled herself towards me, I gladly wrapped my arm around her waist holding her to my chest and basking in the sweet moment of reunion regardless of the fact she was probably still furious with me.

I felt her soft lips begin to kiss my neck hungrily, moving steadily up to my chin. As she made contact with my lips I felt a shock of excitement run through my body all the way down through my legs and into my feet. I kissed her back, all too eager to give her what she wanted, to give myself what _I_ wanted.

Though this was not what I was expecting I would gladly take this as an exchange. I chuckled softly, my Bella never failed to take me by surprise. "I was all braced for the wrath that would put Grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often."

"Give me a moment to work up to it," she said lightly once again pushing her lips into mine. I reached up and tangled my hand through her hair. The soft strands sliding like silk through my cold fingers.

"I'll wait as long as you want," I whispered into her lips.

"Maybe in the morning," she said her voice becoming breathless as she continued her warm kisses.

I began to trail my own kisses along her jaw. "Whatever you prefer."

After a few more moments of silent reunion, mostly between our lips, Bella spoke again.

"Welcome home…I'm glad you came back."

I smiled against her neck, "That's a very good thing."

"Mmm."

I took a deep breath through my nose, drinking in the intoxicating aroma made all the more potent as the blood began to flow heavily through her veins, pushed forward by her now rapid heartbeat. I could see her pulse beating quickly against the pale skin of her neck and smiled. Perhaps it was time to show her exactly _why_ I thought this bed was necessary.

I moved my hand down her arm feeling the goose bumps rise up on her heated skin. The feel of the soft textured flesh sent very _human_ urges through me. I didn't stop till my hand was behind her leg, then cupping the back of her calf I pulled her leg up, wrapping her leg around my waist.

Her heart accelerated and her breathing stopped.

Leaning forward I hid me face in the base of her neck, lightly kissing her again. The beautiful concave of her throat and it's delicious smell welcoming me in. "Not to bring on the ire prematurely," I whispered over her loud breathing, "but do you mind telling me what it is about this bed that you object to?' I rolled quickly onto my back, placing her body against mine. I held her heated face in my hands and lifted her head up to give me better access to her throat. She didn't answer so I went on.

"The bed?.._.I_ think it's nice," actually I thought it was perfect, doing this would be impossible on the couch and her much smaller bed at Charlie's.

"It's unnecessary," she finally gasped out.

Ah, to the contrary I thought it was very necessary. Very convenient too.

A part of me was warning me to slow down a bit before I lost myself completely in the moment. We had never really tested this type of action and I could feel the urges building up, becoming stronger by the second. I wanted so much more than this, _needed_ so much more than this. I wasn't ready to stop just yet and Bella's over powering heart beat and shallow breathing pushed me on.

I pulled her face to mine again unable to resist not touching her soft lips any longer. Very slowly and with great caution I turned over placing her fragile body beneath mine never breaking our kiss. I knew one wrong slip, one sudden unconscious move and I could easily kill her under my weight.

But I knew what I was doing; I would cause her no harm.

Her heart rate picked up even more at the sudden change in position and I couldn't help but laugh quietly at her reaction, I would make her love this bed yet. "That's debatable," I said "This would be difficult on a couch."

Through our passionate kiss I lightly traced my tongue along her warm bottom lip, somewhat a payback, for her little slip up a few weeks ago. The taste was unbelievable. The thin layer of skin was not enough to hide the luscious taste I had experienced only once before.

The beast roared and clawed in the cage I had set for him, but there was no escaping. I was in control of that particular urge, but the man inside me was a different story. He was slowly winning over…this was not enough, not _nearly_ enough.

I wanted to go further and it became clear Bella also had the same thought.

"Did you change your mind?" she asked in breathless surprise.

Talk about killing the mood.

I sighed and rolled off her, landing back on my side. I knew what she had meant and I couldn't blame her for getting the wrong impression. I had gone a little further than I planned to, but still I had told her more than once it wasn't possible.

"Don't be ridiculous Bella," I said disapprovingly, she should know by now. "I was just trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you don't seem to like. Don't get carried away"

"Too late," she muttered.

I sighed again, I didn't mean to do this to her, she was after all only human and if she was feeling anything close to what I was feeling then I had yet another thing to apologize for.

"And I like the bed," she added. I couldn't help but smile, that was a good thing.

"Good…I do, too."

"But I still think it's unnecessary," she went on. "If we're not going to get carried away what's the point?"

I breathed out, trying to keep my patience "For the hundredth time, Bella…it's too dangerous."

"I like danger."

The image of her flying down the road on the red motorcycle flashed in front of my eyes again "I know," I said more roughly than I meant to.

"I'll tell you what's dangerous," she went on more quickly. "I'm going to spontaneously combust one of these days…and you'll have no one but yourself to blame."

Alright fine...if she thought of it that way, why make it more difficult. I began to extract myself from her arms, and pulled away. Her reaction was just as I expected. Fragile fingers curled into fists, gripping the front of my shirt. "What are you doing?"

"Protecting you from combustion. If this is too much for you…"

"I can handle it," she said hurriedly, pulling herself closer to me and I curled her back into my chest. I shouldn't have gotten carried away like that…it just wasn't fair, for either of us.

"I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression," I murmured into her hair. "I didn't mean to make you unhappy. That wasn't nice."

"Actually, it was very, very nice."

I wondered if she knew how very tempting she could make her voice. How much I wanted her right now, how much her willingness and stubbornness made it all the more difficult to resist. I took a deep breath trying to put myself back into control "Aren't you tired? I should let you sleep."

"No, I'm not." She answered at once "I don't mind if you want to give me the wrong impression again."

There she goes again… she was like a little beast, poking relentlessly at the sleeping dragon. A very beautiful and enticing beast I longed to give in to. "That's probably a bad idea; you're not the only one who gets carried away"

"Yes, I am," she grumbled.

I laughed at that…if only she knew.

"You have no idea, Bella. It doesn't help that you are so eager to undermine my self-control, either..." In fact in was downright maddening. It was like denying a glass of ice water in the middle of the dessert when someone was waving it in front of your face.

"I'm not going to apologize for that."

"Can_ I_ apologize?" I asked quietly

She hesitated, her eyes becoming confused, "For what?"

"You were angry with me remember?"

"Oh, that."

"I'm sorry. I was wrong." Once again wrong with what I thought was the right, and once again I ended up only hurting her and asking for the forgiveness I didn't deserve. "It's much easier to have the proper perspective when I have you safely _here_…I go a little berserk when I try to leave you. I don't think I'll go so far again. It's not worth it." I tightened my hold on her. I knew what I had to do, what I had planned to tell her but when it came down to it, it felt impossible to let her go…to let her out of my sight.

"Didn't you find any mountain lions?" I could hear the smile in her voice and I felt my lips twitch.

"Yes, I did, actually. Still not worth the anxiety. I'm sorry I had Alice hold you hostage, though. That was a bad idea."

"Yes."

"I won't do it again," I promised.

"Okay," she said simply, and I was once again granted forgiveness so very easily. My Bella was too kind hearted. I found myself once again asking why I deserved such a magnificent creature.

The answer to that, of course was... I didn't ... but I would take the miracle nonetheless.

"But slumber parties do have their advantages…" she went on pressing herself closer to my body. The heat spread through my frame, relaxing my muscles, urging me to close the small distance and kiss that beautiful face once again. Before I could however Bella ducked her head and kissed my collar bone, sending warm chills down my chest and into my stomach. "You can hold me hostage any time you want."

"Mmm…I may take you up on that."

"So is it my turn now?" she asked resting her chin on my chest and looking up, trying to see through the darkness.

"Your turn?" I was the one confused now.

"To apologize."

"What do you have to apologize for?"

"Aren't you mad at me?"

"No," I said honestly, why would I be mad at her? I was the one who freaked out and went overboard, treating her like a child while I went away. If anything I was the one who needed to apologize again.

I saw her brows pull together in the darkness and I could tell she was trying to see my face, but it was still too dark in here for her human eyes.

"Didn't you see Alice when you got home?"

"Yes?...why?"

"Are you going to take her Porsche back?"

Why did everyone keep thinking that? Did they really think I was that mean? I had gotten Alice the car for more reasons than just watching over Bella. "Of course not. It was a gift."

She became more puzzled, her facial expression almost humorous. "Don't you want to know what I did?"

Ah, so that's what she was getting at. I of course already knew… did she expect me to be angry with her? It's not like I wasn't expecting it to happen, if anything I was angrier at _how_ she had gotten to the reservation and back rather than actually going.

She lifted her face up more and I felt her fingers running along my features, her soft brown eyes straining in the darkness, trying in vain to read my face.

"I'm always interested in everything you do…"I said honestly shrugging my shoulders. "But you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"But I went to La Push."

"I know."

"And I ditched school."

"So did I."

Her fingers paused and her eyes narrowed. "Where did all this tolerance come from?"

I took a breath, "I decided that you were right. My problem before was more about my…prejudice against werewolves than anything else. I'm going to try to be more reasonable and trust your judgment. If you say it's safe then I'll believe you." There I said it, but saying it and being able to do it was two different things...this was going to be difficult.

"Wow."

"And…more importantly…I'm not willing to let this drive a wedge between us." I wasn't willing to let _anything_ do that, not ever.

She stared at me for a second longer before nodding and laying her head back on my chest. Even though I felt better getting this new understanding between us, it wasn't enough to alleviate the dread that was steadily growing at the thought of the next time she would leave.

"So," I began, keeping my voice light and in control. "Did you make plans to go back to La Push soon?"

I felt her tense against me; her silence telling me she had mistaken my words. "Just so that I can make my own plans…" I quickly explained. "I don't want you to feel like you have to hurry back because I'm sitting around waiting for you."

Despite the fact that that's probably what I _would_ be doing. That is if I wasn't waiting at the border line the whole time. Then again perhaps that wouldn't be the best idea, I would be too tempted to follow and that was the last thing we needed.

"No," she finally said and I was surprised to hear the suppressed emotion in her voice. "I don't have plans to go back."

"Oh…You don't have to do that for me."

"I don't think I'm welcome anymore," she whispered and I was shocked when I began to smell her sweet tears.

My instincts instantly kicked in, what had happened to upset her like this? I tried to not sound angry when I asked, "Did you run over someone's cat?" I was trying to make her laugh, but it was hopeless. I suddenly remembered Alice's words from earlier. _"She seemed pretty upset." _

"No," Bella said and then she drew in a shaky breath. "I thought Jacob would have realized…I didn't think it would surprise him…"

She hesitated and I waited.

So they had had an argument? Over what? What could have happened to have her so upset and so seemingly _sad_? I hated how much power Jacob Black had over her and absolutely loathed how he seemed to always use that to his advantage.

"He wasn't expecting…that it was so soon." Bella finally went on; the emotion she was trying so desperately to hide becoming more apparent in her voice.

"Ah," now I understood. Jacob had found out Bella had only till graduation. At least as far as _she_ was concerned, I wasn't going to give up in convincing her for more time.

"He said he'd rather see me dead."

I froze as that last broken word passed through her lips.

All reason to allow her to return, to allow her to spend time with that unworthy mutt was quickly washed away.

In fact I felt the sudden urge to run down there right now and show him what _I'd_ rather see.

How could he say that? After everything Bella had been through, everything she had been doing just to _see_ him, to see the person she considered her best friend and he goes and says something like that straight to her face.

I crushed her into my chest, I could nearly feel the hurt and pain in the air. It was rolling off in waves, straight from her body and into mine. "I'm so sorry," it was the only thing I could say. The only thing that seemed appropriate.

"I thought you'd be glad," she whispered.

Glad? She was in pain right now and she thought I would be glad over that. "Glad over something that's hurt you?" I was slightly offended, she should now me better than that by now. "I don't think so Bella."

She relaxed back into me with a sigh. I hoped she had finally decided to go to sleep. Maybe once she was unconscious I could make a trip to La Push.

No.

I couldn't do that; it would cause too much trouble and hurt too many people, especially Bella. She had been wounded enough by his words without my added actions.

I tried to relax but it was impossible, her hurt filled words still ran through my head. The meaning of what he had said still scorched at my nerves…it made my hands restless and eager to snap something, preferably bone.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, using her uncanny ability at reading me.

"It's nothing," I answered, she didn't want to hear what was wrong, what I was thinking, it would only make things worse.

"You can tell me," she insisted.

"It might make you angry," I said, I really didn't want her to mad at me again, not after I had just been forgiven.

"I still want to know."

I sighed, always so stubborn. "I could quite literally kill him for saying that to you. I _want_ to." Wanted to right now… I wanted him to choke painfully on his words, wanted to make him feel twice the amount of pain he had caused her and then some.

Bella laughed quietly, though I could still hear the hurt beneath it. "I guess it's a good thing you've got so much self-control."

"I could slip."

"If you're going to have a lapse in control, I can think of a better place for it."

That damn voice again, she was seriously trying to drive me crazy there was no other explanation. Combustion was going to be the least of my problems one of these days.

She grabbed my face and was trying desperately to lean forward again, but I held her tighter. "Must I always be the responsible one?'

I saw her grin slyly in the dark, that alluring beast was once again showing her lovely face.

It was so very _hard_ to resist it.

"No. Let me be in charge of responsibility for a few minutes…or hours."

"Goodnight Bella."

"Wait…" she said quickly "There was something else I wanted to ask you about."

"What's that?"

"I was talking to Rosalie last night…"

I tensed, wondering how she had taken the entire story, Rosalie's words had to of had some kind of effect on her. Maybe if I was lucky she would have been persuaded to wait a little longer, to think everything through more thoroughly. Or perhaps… it was hard to think of…but maybe; just maybe she had changed her mind.

That would be the best way, though the very thought was agonizing, the thought that one day she _would_ leave me.

"Yes. She was thinking about that when I got in. She gave you quite a lot to consider, didn't she?" I tried to keep my voice as natural as possible but it was a bit difficult all things considered.

"She told me a little bit…about the time your family lived in Denali."

Whatever I had been thinking about, whatever I thought _she_ had been thinking about…it didn't involve this.

"Yes?" I asked puzzled.

"She mentioned something about a bunch of female vampires…and you."

Now more than ever I wished I had paid more attention to Rosalie's thoughts instead of rushing upstairs. What could she of said about that time? Why would she say anything in the first place?

It's not like I ever did anything with any of them…not even when Tanya...ugh, I hoped she didn't mention anything about that. But then again this _was_ Rosalie we were talking about; she could have said anything and added all she wanted.

"Don't worry," Bella said breaking my thoughts, I wondered how long the silence had been.

Why couldn't I think of anything to say?

"She told me you didn't…show any preference. But I was just wondering, you know, if any of _them_ had. Shown a preference for you, I mean."

What was I suppose to say to that? Should I tell her there was more than one but only one _blatantly_ showed that fact?

Here I was once again not speaking, not answering Bella's question. Why was that?

I began to feel something very foreign rise up in me…what was it?

I heard Bella's heart pick up a bit and smelled the sweet scent of a blush."Which one?" She asked, her eyes once again narrowed. "Or was there more than one?"

Now I know if I say anything it will only make things worse. I knew how self conscious Bella already was…that whole affair was totally irrelevant.

Once again I hadn't answered her question.

Was this feeling _embarrassment_? How very odd…who would have thought a vampire could feel such a thing. Well if it was, at least I was still incapable of blushing.

"Alice will tell me. I'll go ask her right now." I felt her move to get up and I gripped her more tightly. This was ridiculous; Bella was talking about something that happened years and years before we even moved back to Forks. And it really wasn't anything she needed to fret over. "It's late…and besides I think Alice stepped out."

"It's bad," she said, her voice getting a bit louder as her heart rate picked up dramatically. "It's really bad isn't it?"

I leaned forward and planted a kiss on the end of her nose. "Calm down, Bella…You're being absurd."

"Am I? Then why won't you tell me?"

I nearly started laughing at her reaction; it seemed my Bella was actually jealous… I wondered why that felt _pleasing_ all of the sudden. It must be another human response, I seemed to be gaining them more frequently lately.

But regardless of how cute she currently looked, she was worrying for no reason.

"Because there's nothing to tell," I reassured her. "You're blowing this wildly out of proportion."

"Which one?"

I sighed, it was clear she wasn't going to drop it. "Tanya expressed a little interest. I let her know, in a very gentlemanly fashion, that I did not return that interest. End of story."

No need to actually get into the part where she had practically thrown herself on me one day, in front of both our families. And I really didn't need to add the part where I had just stood there like a complete idiot, not sure at first of what to do.

I could see Bella looking through the darkness again, trying once again to see my face. "Tell me something…what does Tanya look like?'

"Just like the rest of us…white skin, gold eyes," I answered immediately.

"And of course, extraordinarily beautiful."

I shrugged my shoulders. I suppose she was beautiful, but just like Rosalie she was nothing more than a sister to me.

"I suppose to human eyes," I agreed, trying not to let the smile show through in my voice. I leaned forward. "You know what, though?"

"What?" she asked still sounding upset.

"I prefer brunettes," I whispered into her ear.

"She's a blonde. That figures."

I chuckled softly, running my lips along her heated cheek. "Strawberry blonde…not at all my type," I murmured letting my head fall down to her throat again and back up.

When it came to my Angel there was no competition, and it was time she realized that.

"I _guess_ that's okay, then," she said into the darkness.

I didn't stop my exploration of her delicious smelling skin as I spoke. "Hmm…you're quite adorable when you're jealous. It's surprisingly enjoyable."

It seemed she had finally dropped the subject and as my lips stopped exploring her throat I felt her relax, her head falling back into my chest. "It's late," I breathed. "Sleep my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one to ever touch my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love."

Like I had done so many times before I began to hum the tune I knew she couldn't resist. After all, the sooner she fell asleep the sooner she would wake and the sooner I would see those beautiful eyes again.

It wasn't long before her soft snores filled the room. She was still curled up in my chest and I knew I would have to move her back some before long, but for now I was too at peace to move her.

I let all my worries and anxieties slip away for the time being.

I knew they would return full force by morning but for now nothing else mattered…

Not Victoria.

Not Werewolves.

Not Jacob Black.

Nor even the looming graduation date creeping up all too quickly.

Because regardless of all that, right now I had all I needed.

Bella was in _my_ arms… I was forgiven… the gap between us had been closed before it had even begun… and her beautiful heart was still beating.

In this night…in this very moment everything thing was perfect.

* * *

***sigh* nice mushy moment. **

**I won't lie I hate fluff when it comes in large ammounts, but I always looked forward to these moments when I read the books. **

**SM is very good at balancing the drama, action, and romance. And I love a good combo. ;)**

**Anyhoo. I'd love to hear what you thought of this chapter. **


	8. Betrayal

* * *

Chapter 7 

Betrayal

* * *

"_Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly—hurt, bitterness, grief, and, most of all, fear." – Joan Rivers_

* * *

The early morning light shown through the glass window, illuminating my room and the sleeping form in my arms.

Though all the dread and worries I had pushed back during the night had returned with first light I couldn't help but smile as I looked into Bella's still sleeping face.

I wondered how long it would be before she forgave her friend. Though the way I saw it he didn't deserve her friendship, not after his cruel words.

The selfish part of me hoped she wouldn't forgive Jacob Black, that they would continue not talking, and she wouldn't feel the need to ever return to La Push. It certainly would solve a lot of problems and make things much more bearable.

But I also knew that would never happen. My Bella was just too forgiving; she had proven that fact again last night.

No, Jacob would receive her forgiveness and if I knew her at all it would be soon. And when the time came I would let her go. The very thought set my nerves on edge, but I had to do it. It was hurting her too much any other way and I could not have that.

I knew one thing for sure though; I would have to stop at the nearest bike shop as soon as possible. Regardless of whether or not Bella forgave Jacob it was clear she really enjoyed riding and Bella would not be getting on that dangerous piece of machinery again without protection.

I cringed as the scary image of her flying down the road in the rain popped in my head again. Did she know how easily she could have crashed? I sighed, carefully brushing a strand of soft hair back behind her ear.

If Bella didn't start acting more careful I knew I would lose it completely one day. It was like I was walking on thin ice waiting for the moment when she would go too far and I wouldn't be there in time. Who would have thought such a small, beautiful, _human_ girl could frighten a vampire so strongly.

But of course this was no ordinary girl; I had learned that fact a long time ago. This was Isabella Swan, this was my Bella… and she was far from being ordinary.

'_Edward, can I come in?'  
_  
"Yes Alice," I whispered knowing she could hear me.

I slowly extracted myself from the bed and sat on the edge. Alice was standing in front of me a small smile on her face.

'_She's so cute when she sleeps.'_

I chuckled softly and looked over my back shoulder. "Yes she is." I said simply.

'I told Charlie I'd have her back early,' Alice thought apologetically.

I nodded, "We'll be down in a few minutes."

'_I knew she wouldn't be angry with you once you got back,'_ Alice said smugly before she walked back out the room.

"Of course," I mumbled.

Reaching over I placed my hand gently on Bella's covered shoulder, rubbing up and down. "Love?" I said bending down towards her ear "It's time to wake."

"Mhhmnnn" was my only reply as she turned onto her back, eyes still closed.

"Alright then," I said softly bending down and tenderly pressing my lips to hers. It took less than a second and then like always her heart rate picked up. I smiled as her lips began to move against mine. Her arms lifted and warm fingers began to play through my hair, sending a tremor of pleasure down my spine.

Taking that as a warning I began to pull back.

"I wasn't done," she mumbled, her voice still groggy.

I chuckled and sat all the way up. "Yes I know but Alice is downstairs and she said she promised Charlie she'd have you home early this morning."

Bella sighed and looked at me.

"I'm sorry," I didn't want her to leave anymore than she wanted to, but as far as Charlie knew I was supposed to be getting home from my camping trip today, not last night.

"I know," she sighed again, sitting up.

I leaned in and kissed her softly on the forehead. "Go have your human moment," I whispered, "While I get you some breakfast…what do you want?"

"Cereal."

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes… of course.

"What kind?"

"The usual," she said leaning in and capturing my lips before I had the chance to move. Giving into defeat I melted into the warmth, placing my hand on the back of her hair and leaning in.

Alice and Charlie could wait.

After a moment, when she had pulled away to take a breath I chuckled. "Come on…no more distractions, I'll meet you at Charlie's as soon as possible, you know that." I looked at her for a moment till she sighed once more and nodded her head. Then after a reluctant "okay" she got up and headed towards the bathroom.

I, on the other hand, made my way downstairs towards the kitchen. I have to say that I was rather proud of the fact I could now get Bella her breakfast. I'll never forget the morning after my first stay at her house when she had asked me_…"So what are we having?"  
_  
For the first time in over a century I had been rendered speechless. Even if I could remember more about my human life I don't think I had actually cooked then either. So I did the only thing I could…I just stood there like an idiot in the middle of a human girl's kitchen, while said girl looked up at me expectantly.

I was prepared now though, I had seen Bella make plenty of meals and our cabinets were now stocked with the many things I knew she enjoyed.

Making it to the kitchen I opened a cabinet and pulled out the box of cereal she wanted.

I stared at the colorful front, frowning.

How could she possibly like this?

All human food was slightly repulsive to me now, but this seemed to be nothing more than pieces of shaped cardboard and…I looked closely at the words written across the top…_Marshmallows_?

I shook my head, if my angel wanted cardboard for breakfast, then cardboard it was.

* * *

I stared at the new shiny motorcycle next to Bella's red one. I hadn't planned on buying it. I had gone into the store for a leather jacket and helmet, but when I spotted it I just couldn't help myself. I figured if this was something Bella enjoyed so much then perhaps we could do it together, especially if she and Jacob weren't going to be talking for a while.

Though I knew I was getting my hopes up again about that particular situation.

Feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket, I pulled in out and placed it to my ear… I already knew who it was.

"You really should have gotten the yellow one Edward."

I grinned. "I wanted it to match _my_ car Alice."

"Alright then I _guess_ it will do," She sighed dramatically and I could tell she was smiling. "Well anyway I just dropped Bella off so you can leave anytime you want… Charlie's there though," she added.

"Alright I'm leaving now."

"Oh yeah," she said quickly before I could hang up. "I also liked the jacket you picked out but there's this one I saw on…."

"Bye, Alice."

"No, it's…."

"We'll talk later."

Before she could go on I closed the phone and climbed into my car.

* * *

As soon as Bella opened the door it hit me.

My muscles locked and I felt the automatic growl rising in my throat.

Someone was here.

"Edward?" Bella's shocked voice reached my ears and I looked down.

She was okay, nothing was wrong. But I knew a vampire had been here…or was _still_ here.

"What…?" I placed my fingers to her warms lips, silencing her

"Give me two seconds." I whispered, though I knew if whoever it was, was still here they would have noted my presence as easily as I noted theirs…I had to be quick.

"Don't move."

I dashed through the kitchen and up the stairs. The first thought that came to mind was the Volturi. This scent was foreign to me but I could tell it was male and I could also tell where the scent originated from.

Bella's room.

The scent was everywhere. Whoever it was had been in this room for a while and had touched a lot of things. It was also relatively fresh; the intruder had to have come this morning or last night at the latest.

I was quick enough to check for a presence and that was it. I leapt out the window and sped back to the porch. Bella was still standing in the same place with the door open, her eyes full of confusion. Pulling her towards me I walked inside and looked around. I opened my mind and listened closely for any thoughts that would reach me, but I only heard Charlie. As far as I could tell we were the only three in the house right now.

Even with that realization I couldn't relax. "Someone's been here," I said quietly before Bella could ask again. She had reacted to my body language and was tense at my side.

"I swear that no werewolves…"

"Not one of them," I cut her off. "One of us."

"Victoria?" she asked, her frightened eyes looking up at me.

"It's not a scent I recognize."

"One of the Volturi?"

"Probably," I said honestly.

"When?"

"That's why I think it must have been them…" I said voicing my thoughts. It had to be the Volturi, there was no other explanation "It wasn't long ago, early this morning while Charlie was sleeping. And whoever it was didn't touch him, so there must have been another purpose."

What was that purpose?

I knew that answer, it was completely obvious.

"Looking for me," Bella said quietly, stating exactly what I knew to be true.

More than likely it had been the Volturi, they were checking in on her, seeing if she was still human. But why would they do that? We had told them there was a date set; Aro had seen it from Alice…

_Alice!_

Anger started to build up over my initial fear…How could she have _not_ seen this?

"What are you two hissing about in here?" Charlie had come around the corner, his eyes curious. But as he saw us standing there he jumped to the wrong conclusions and his thoughts immediately shifted from curiosity to hope.

I clenched my teeth.

"If you two are having a fight…well, don't let me interrupt." He placed his bowl in the sink and left the kitchen. It was a good thing too, because I highly doubted I could manage to be polite with him today, especially with the thoughts that were currently running through his head.

I needed to get out of here…I needed to see Alice.

"Let's go."

"But, Charlie!" I could hear the barely restrained hysteria in Bella's voice; her heart was pounding in her chest. I mentally cursed myself. I should have kept calm, I should calm down now. But it was impossible, I couldn't help it… a vampire had been in _this_ house, had been in my angel's room, and Alice had not seen it.

_How could she not have seen it?_

I quickly pulled out my phone and dialed Emmet. As soon as he picked up I didn't give him time to speak. I went over the situation and told them to come search the area. Hopefully whoever it was left a trail.

Closing the phone, I put my arm back around Bella's waist and began walking toward the door. I felt her pull back and I forced down a growl of frustration. I needed to get her out of here… I needed to get out of here. I looked down to see Bella's eyes darting from the living room, where her father was sitting completely oblivious, and back to me. Her breathing had hitched, becoming fast and shallow.

Taking an unnecessary breath I tried to relax some for her benefit. "Emmet and Jasper are on their way," I assured her quietly "They'll sweep the woods. Charlie is fine."

We needed to leave, _now_.

I began pulling us back out the door and I didn't stop till we were both in the car.

"Where are we going?" She whispered as we pulled out of the driveway.

"We're going to talk to Alice," I said trying unsuccessfully to keep the anger out of my voice.

"You think maybe she saw something?"

"Maybe."

* * *

Before we even made it to the door I could hear the alert and rapid thoughts of my family. They had all tensed up when they heard my car, they knew what was coming.

Carlisle was the only one speaking directly to me.

'_Stay calm Edward, I know you're probably upset, but so is Alice…she's really confused right now.'_

I knew all this. I could hear Alice's thoughts, but I couldn't quench my anger. This slip up was too much. I had trusted Alice, I relied on her. How could she do this to me?

It had been close…_so close_. What if Bella had been there when this someone showed up…what if he had still been there when she got home this morning?

The thought sent a tremor of fear down my spine, only making me angrier.

I roughly pushed open the door making it slammed loudly into the wall.

And there she was, waiting.

"What happened?" I asked angrily.

"I have no idea," Alice said keeping her voice level. "I didn't see anything." _'I only saw you when…'_

"How is that _possible_?!"

"Edward," someone said my name but I ignored them.

I wanted answers.

How could Alice have missed this…of all the things to let slip.

'_Please calm down,'_ Carlisle thought, '_she didn't mean for this to happen, she's been doing a lot lately.'_ He could tell I was ready to snap.

I couldn't believe this happened. I promised to keep Bella safe. This couldn't be happening.

"It's not an exact science Edward," Carlisle spoke out loud, realizing I wasn't paying any attention to his or any other thoughts at the moment.

"He was in her _room_, Alice!" I shouted ignoring everyone else "He could have still been there…_waiting_ for her!"

Saying it, out loud, made the crippling fear seize me again.

I couldn't lose her, not again.

Not ever.

It took me a moment to pull back and I realized Alice was talking to me, her voice cold. "….Volturi's decisions, watching for Victoria's return, watching Bella's every step. You want to add another? Do I just have to watch Charlie, or Bella's room, or the house, or the whole street, too? Edward, if I try to do too much, things are going to start slipping through the cracks."

"It looks like they already are!" I yelled back. Letting something slip is one thing, but this was an immense slip…it had been too close…way too close.

"She was never in any danger. There was nothing to see."

Even if that was the case then that just proved the fact that it was the Volturi…But she still should have seen. I should have been warned. They never should have gotten so close.

"If you're watching Italy, why didn't you see them send…?"

"I don't think it was them…" Alice interrupted. "I would have seen that."

"Who else would leave Charlie alive?" I yelled again, not realizing the words I had just said.

"I don't know."

"Helpful," I spat. She sounded so sure of herself when she said it wasn't the Volturi. But _I_ was no longer sure of her, and I hated it…I had trusted her so much and for so long and she had let me down. Let Bella down.

I clenched my teeth together…I needed more than just _'I don't know'._

She should have known…she was supposed to know… Alice had absolutely no right to _not_ know anything.

"Stop it, Edward."

My head spun around automatically at my name. I was ready to snap at whoever it was that had the guts to rebuke me right now. But when I saw who it was, the anger that had been building up didn't come out as a yell, instead it was cut short in my throat and came out in a loud gush of air.

I felt my eyes widen as I realized who it was I had been about to shout at.

Bella was staring at me, and though her face was still pale from fear, I could see the slight anger in her eyes.

It all hit me then.

It was as if I had been thinking in a hot haze and everything was suddenly lifted off. I began to see and think clearly. My words and actions replayed through my head and I could clearly hear everyone's thoughts now.

Esme's thoughts of fear for her two daughters.

Rosalie's worried thoughts about Emmet.

Carlisle's concerned thoughts for Alice.

And Alice… she was hurt and confused.

What was I doing?

"You're right, Bella. I'm sorry," I turned to the person that really deserved the apology. "Forgive me, Alice. I shouldn't be taking this out on you. That was inexcusable."

"I understand…I'm not happy about this either," '_I won't let it happen again; I promise'._ She thought fiercely, looking me in the eyes, _'I love her too Edward.'_

I nodded my head, of course I knew that.

Taking a deep breath I tried to rein in the rest of my shaky nerves. I needed to continue with thinking clearly. "Okay let's look at this logically. What are the possibilities?"

At my words everyone relaxed. Everyone except Rosalie, she remained tense and stiff as she stared out into the night. I really felt for her, though from my point of view I knew she had nothing to worry about. Emmet was more than capable of taking care of himself. But I also understood how she looked at Emmet and understood all too clearly her thoughts of worry.

Pulling Bella closer to me I walked her to the couch and set her down.

'_Listen to her heart Edward it's pounding…'_ Esme thought as she wrapped her arm around Bella.I could hear the slight reproof in her mind and felt even guiltier for losing it.I once again found myself envying Carlisle as he walked towards us, the picture of calm even though his thoughts were just as worried.

"Victoria?" he asked.

I shook my head as I gently lifted Bella's warm hand to hold it in both of mine. I did it to try and soothe the trembling that had started there, but it was for my own reassurance as well.

"No. I didn't know the scent." I answered, "He might have been from the Volturi, someone I've never met…"

"Aro hasn't asked anyone to look for her yet." Alice cut me off, "I _will_ see that. I'm waiting for it."

"You're watching for an official command." I stated, slightly surprised. She knew there were plenty of people in the Volturi with the power to send out messengers, not just Aro. I also knew who would be at the top of the list.

"You think someone's acting on their own? Why?"

'_Who?'_ The silent question came from more than just one person.

"Caius's idea," I said automatically.

"Or Jane's…They both have the resources to send an unfamiliar face," Alice added.

"And the motivation," I clenched my teeth. The Volturi had no idea who they were dealing with.

I turned my head toward Esme as her confused words reached me. "It doesn't make sense though…if whoever it was meant to wait for Bella, Alice would have seen that. He, or she, had no intention of hurting Bella. Or Charlie for that matter..."

"It's going to be fine Bella" she went on calmingly, for at the mention of her father Bella's heart picked up again. We needed to end this conversation soon. There was no need for her to over hear any of this, at least not until we figured things out.

I was about to suggest this when I remembered the dogs words. '_She has the right to know'_. I sighed mentally and held my tongue. This was Bella's life, this was her father. She needed to hear and understand.

"But what was the point then?" Carlisle asked, mostly to himself. _"It all seemed rather pointless…Esme's right it doesn't make any sense."_

I couldn't agree more. As I ran over this situation in my head the only thing that made any sense was that it had to be the Volturi…but once again I was left with one question: _why?_

"Checking to see if I'm still human?" Bella suggested to Carlisle's question.

"Possible." He answered, though I knew he also knew if that was the case whoever it was would have waited there for her. More than likely they would have just come here though, especially if they figured out she was still human.

But once again it came to the same thing. Aro knows when Bella is going to be changed; he had seen it and agreed. If he didn't none of us would have left Italy that day.

'_Sorry Edward.'_

I sighed in disappointment as Emmet's thoughts finally reached me, but it was drowned out by Rosalie's much louder sigh of relief.

Emmet and Jasper had missed them, lost the trail… Damn it.

"Long gone, hours ago," Emmet said loudly as he and Jasper came through the door. "The trail went east, then south, and disappeared on a side road. Had a car waiting."

"That's bad luck," I said. It figured. "If he'd gone west…well, it would be nice for those dogs to make themselves useful."

"Neither of us recognized him," Jasper said to Carlisle handing him a piece of fern. "But here…maybe you know the scent."

But he didn't and neither did anyone else. Once again we were left hanging with nothing to go on.

Esme's thoughts reached me again I turned to her; my face incredulous...how could this possibly be a coincidence?

"Perhaps we're looking at this the wrong way. Maybe it's a coincidence…" Everyone else turned towards her, their faces matching mine. She went on quickly explaining what she meant "I don't mean a coincidence that a stranger happened to pick Bella's house to visit at random. I mean that maybe someone was just curious. Our scent is all around her. Was he wondering what draws us there?"

That made a bit more sense but something still seemed off.

"Why wouldn't he just come here then?" Emmet asked, "If he was curious?"

Esme grinned. "You would…The rest of us aren't always so direct. Our family is very large…he or she might be frightened. But Charlie wasn't harmed. This doesn't have to be an enemy."

I disagreed. Any creature that happened to show up at Bella's house uninvited and be in her room was an enemy in my book. Whoever this was had better hope they never crossed paths with me.

"I don't think so," Alice said, also not agreeing with Esme's words. "The timing of it was too perfect…This visitor was so careful to make no contact. Almost like he or she knew that I would see…"

That lead my thoughts straight back to the Volturi. Only Aro knew the full extent of Alice's ability. But if that was the case, Alice would have seen Aro giving an order…at least I hope she would. I knew it wasn't Alice's fault but I couldn't help but feel betrayed. Her gift had always helped us, warned us beforehand if anything like this was going to happen. I hated not being so sure anymore.

"He could have other reasons for not making contact," Esme said again.

"Does it really matter who it was?" Bella said loudly "Just the chance that someone was looking for me…isn't that reason enough?" I looked down, her eyes were wide and fearful, but I could see the underlined determination. I knew what was coming; I didn't need to hear her thoughts to know what she was thinking. "We shouldn't wait for graduation."

"No, Bella." She would not be changed because she feared for her life. She would be changed when she was ready…when she had thought everything through and knew all the consequences. "It's not that bad. If you're really in danger we'll know."

"Think of Charlie," Carlisle said softly. "Think of how it would hurt him if you disappeared."

"I _am_ thinking of Charlie! He's the one I'm worried about!" Her voice was steadily getting louder…inching towards panic again. "What if my little guest happened to be thirsty last night? As long as I'm around Charlie, he's a target, too. If anything happened to him it would be all my fault!"

"Hardly Bella," Esme said, once again trying to soothe her. "And nothing will happen to Charlie; we're just going to have to be more careful."

"_More_ careful?" Bella said incredulously as she looked around at my family…our family.

"It's all going to be fine Bella," Alice said, and I wished I could believe her, trust without a doubt as I have always done. But I couldn't. Just like I couldn't find the right words to ease my loves worry. All I could do was squeeze her hand… remind her that I would always be there to protect her.

Like every other night I sang Bella to sleep. When her steady breathing filled the room I looked down at her face where it was illuminated by the small sliver of moonlight leaking in through the window. I frowned and slowly reached my hand out to rub my finger lightly across her brow, where it was furrowed in worry even as she slept.

To my great satisfaction her face relaxed completely under my touch. I just wished I could make it permanently smooth.

Bella deserved so much more than this. She should be worrying about all the things people her age worry about…Like final exams and college applications, instead of worrying about whether or not to stay human just to keep her own father alive.

It was wrong on so many levels and I _hated_ not knowing…hated the fact that someone had been here in this room.

It felt like I was missing something and it was beyond infuriating. This was not a coincidence or just some curious passerby. There was more to it than that…some big chunk of obvious information that refused to show its ugly face.

The thought of anyone returning and Bella lying here alone, so defenseless and fragile sent the wave of fear through me again. I instinctively pulled her closer to my body, burying my face in her hair. Whoever this person or persons were they would not get within a hundred yards of her.

I would make sure of that.

* * *

**This chapter was a bit...ummm...._choppy_. Sorry about that, I just wasn't able to put it anyother way. LOL.**

**Did you like? Let me know in a review. ;)**


	9. Forgiveness

* * *

Chapter 8

Forgiveness

* * *

"_If you want peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies." – Moshe Dayan_

* * *

As I had expected Bella was ready to forgive Jacob. I had prepared myself, so when she told me she was going to let her friend off the hook this morning I swallowed my fear and gave her a smile. I had to let her know I trusted her, trusted in her judgment even if I didn't trust the mutt.

Bella grabbed the phone and sat back down at the table. I could hear their conversation but I tried not to pay attention. This was between Bella and her friend. I just had to keep looking at it like that, her _friend_… not her _werewolf_ friend.

Though try as I might to ignore the sound of Jacob Black's relieved voice, I couldn't help but tense slightly at his next words.

"Come down to see me…I want to make it up to you."

I knew it was coming sooner or later and I had braced myself for it, but after yesterday it felt nearly impossible. Now on top of Victoria and the Volturi we had this mysterious vampire out there and we didn't have the slightest idea of his intentions yet.

"How?" Bella asked.

"Anything you want, cliff diving."

My hand clenched under the table where Bella couldn't see. It was things like that that made me want to change my mind about this whole situation. But I couldn't, Bella needed this…she deserved it.

"Oh, there's a brilliant idea!" Bella said sarcastically.

"I'll keep you safe…no matter what you want to do."

Bella glanced up at me and even though my mind was screaming… _please not now… please not now_… I kept my face relaxed and calm as I met her eyes. I could do this. I could do it for her.

"Not right now."

I slowly released a breath too low for her to hear, my fist unclenching. Good. She knew I would no longer fight with her about going to La Push, but right now was not a good time, at least not until we figured out who this strange visitor was.

"_He's_ not thrilled with me is he?" Jacob asked sounding annoyed and ashamed at the same time.

It was major understatement, but true.

"That's not the problem. There's…well, there's this other problem that's slightly more worrisome than a bratty teenage werewolf…"

"What's wrong?"

"Um..." she hesitated and I held out my hand. It was clear she wasn't sure if she should say anything but it seemed like a good idea. The Pack may know something we didn't and if the dogs were going to be here, they might as well make themselves useful. Since none of us could cross the boundary line, they could keep an eye out on their side.

Bella looked at me and then my out stretched hand, her eyes wary.

"Bella?" Jacob asked when she didn't answer.

I sighed, pushing my hand closer. If they had information we needed to know and it wasn't like I was going to kill the dog through the phone… as much as that thought appealed to me.

"Do you mind speaking to Edward? He wants to talk to you."

Silence.

I waited trying to keep my patience.

"Okay…this should be interesting."

Finally Bella handed over the phone and I placed it to my ear. "Hello, Jacob." I feigned politeness. It was harder than I thought it would be; keeping my voice calm and polite when I could still hear Bella's hurt filled words from the night before, but I managed.

"What's going on that she isn't saying? What happened?" he asked immediately.

"Someone was here, not a scent I know…has your pack come across anything new?"

"No… not since the red head anyway…we've been keeping a watch out for her though, we figure it's only a matter of time till she shows up again."

I nodded, that was a good thing. "Here's the crux Jacob," I began "I won't be letting Bella out of my sight until I get this taken care of. It's nothing personal…"

"Oh _come_ _on_, she'll be here on the reservation. Do you really think a leech will be able to reach her here with se…six werewolves?"

I understood what he was saying but she would still be out of my sight and more importantly Alice's. "You might be right…" I began, but he cut me off.

"You _know_ I'm right." He said stubbornly "But I'll let Sam know about this, I think maybe we should go over the boundary lines, make a few changes so what happened last time won't happen again. When these blood suckers show up again, we can't let them get away."

"That's an interesting suggestion. We're quite willing to renegotiate. If Sam is amenable."

"Don't worry about Sam. I'll deal with him…we need to take care of whatever this is."

I was surprised at the authority in Jacob's voice, like he knew Sam would agree with him without argument. The kid had clearly grown and was taking his duties seriously. It was nice to know he could act somewhat mature when it came to these things. "Thank you," I said sincerely.

"So if you come across whoever this is, what are you going to do with Bella? You can't just leave her alone."

I was surprised at his question; did he really think I would leave her alone? "I'd planned to go alone actually…and leave her with the others."

"She should come here!" he said loudly, "You know it's the best place for her _and_ Charlie. That way the rest of the lee…your family can go with you. It makes sense and it's less likely they will get away if it's more than one of you."

"I'll try to consider it objectively," I promised. It did seem like the best option, but I still wasn't sure. "As objectively as I'm capable of."

He sighed loudly into the phone but dropped the subject. "Maybe I should come over and get this scent. If I know it the rest of the pack will too, we'll know who we're dealing with if we ever run across them or their trail."

I was once again surprised "That's not a half bad idea. When?"

"How about now, while the scent is still strong…or…" he hesitated.

"No, that's fine. I'd like the chance to follow the trail personally." If he had to be around Bella there was no need to push his control.

"Alright give me ten minutes."

"Ten minutes…certainly."

I held the phone back out, but Bella didn't take it. She was staring at me in confusion and slight shock.

"Bella?" I asked cautiously.

She slowly took the phone from my hand, her wary eyes never leaving mine. It was almost humorous the way she looked. Then her jaw clenched as she put the phone to her ear. "What was that all about?" She asked sounding annoyed now.

* * *

"Oh come on, we're all adults here," Bella said exasperated. "Why do you have to leave?"

I raised an eyebrow. After a century I hoped I could consider myself an adult. Jacob on the other hand was not. He was sixteen, hormonal, and easy to anger. Add that to the fact he was a werewolf and happened to have feelings for a vampire's love, it would be wise if said vampire wasn't present when he showed up.

Plus I wasn't sure if I was ready to face him yet after what he had done, there was no need to test _my_ patience there.

"It's not that I feel any personal antagonism toward him, Bella, it's just easier for both of us." I opened the door and turned to her, she had her arms crossed around her chest, her face annoyed and somewhat apprehensive.

"I won't be far away," I promised. "You'll be safe."

"I'm not worried about that."

I smiled, of course not. Would she ever worry about herself? I guess I did that enough for the both of us, but all the same it would be nice to have a little help every once in a while. I leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips but stopped. If I had to be the one to leave then I had the right to mark what was mine right?

Smirking slightly, I pulled Bella into my arms and buried my face in her hair. I inhaled deeply, letting the venom that formed coat my mouth before I breathed out softly but heavily.

That should do it.

If I wasn't going to be here, then he needed a little reminder of what was off limits.

"I'll be right back," I reassured her, trying to hold in the laugh that was slowly building up. I was unsuccessful and Bella looked at me questioningly.

"What's so funny?"

I just flashed her grin and headed towards the trees.

* * *

"What's so funny?" Jasper asked walking towards me.

"Nothing." I said chuckling softly. I knew it was kind of immature but I couldn't help myself.

"Okay then." He said eyeing me oddly. I sighed and looked towards the house which was now hardly noticeable through the thick trees. Jacob had arrived. If it wasn't for the fact I could hear his thoughts the smell would have given him away.

"Anything?" I asked without looking at Jasper, I already knew the answer

'_Nothing.'_

I sighed "Alright I'm going to follow the trail…could you do me a favor and keep an eye out, make sure…" I gestured in the direction of the house.

Jasper nodded. "Of course" _'But the trail ends as soon as it hits the road' _he reminded me._  
_  
"Yes I know… all the same." I hesitated looking towards the house one more time before I took off following the scent. It wasn't as strong as it had been in Bella's room but there was still enough lingering in the damp foliage to make the trail clear.

It's not that I didn't trust Jasper and Emmet. If that was the case I'd be watching Jake with Bella instead of leaving Jasper there. It's just that I needed to be absolutely sure there was nothing else to pick up on, nothing that could have been missed. The only way I would be completely satisfied and convinced would be if I did it myself… and if that made me arrogant so be it.

If it involved keeping Bella safe I knew my family would be behind me no matter what, even if that meant the Volturi. Bella was one of us now, in all the ways that counted, and they truly loved her. But this was my duty; it was my responsibility to fix this. I had been the one to steal her from the real world. I had taken her from a safe life and thrown her into this one. I had made her vulnerable and I had to make it right.

Just like Emmet had said the night before, the scent made a clear turn towards the South. I continued on and it wasn't long before I hit the road, breaking out of the trees.

A dead end.

I had expected this but I was still infuriated. It seemed to always be a dead end. Out of everything that was currently coming at us we had no kind of lee way…no advantage. In every single situation we were left waiting.

We could do nothing but wait and watch.

I hated feeling so helpless. There were so many things that needed to be done, things I _knew_ I needed to do to make Bella safe, and yet I had nowhere to start.

* * *

When I reached Jasper again he was chuckling softly and shaking his head.

"What is it?" I asked curious.

"Do you know how long it's been since I actually felt _nauseous_?" He asked turning towards me.

"No idea, but I'd imagine it's been quite a while." I said, smirking slightly. "What are you talking about?"

And then I smelled it.

_Blood_.

I felt myself tense and was a millisecond away from dashing towards the house when I realized the blood was way too foul to be Bella's. I relaxed and let myself drift into Jacob's mind. He was standing in the middle of the kitchen looking at Bella. Her face was pale and there was a sheen of sweat on her forehead.

I now understood why Jasper had felt nauseous. He had been picking up on Bella's reaction to the smell of blood.

"Werewolf, remember?" Jacob said '_Cheesh, why is she so shocked? It's not like she hadn't seen anything like this before._'

"Right," Bella answered and Jacob laughed.

"I told you this… you saw Paul's scar."

"It's a little different, seeing the action sequence firsthand."

I pulled back and Jasper was still chuckling softly beside me. "So what happened…did Bella stab him or something?" I asked again, grinning as that scenario ran through my head. It was a rather pleasant thought all things considered.

"I have no idea," he answered. "They had started talking about when she was going to be changed and I could tell his emotions were going a little crazy. I was about to move in closer just in case, but then the dog yelled and I smelled the blood."

Jasper started chuckling again. "You know I still can't believe Bella is so nauseous to it. I mean I had heard about it but experiencing it first hand is different…there was a minute there when I thought _I_ was going to faint." He shook his head. "It almost makes me want to go back on my bet with Emmet. If this particular trait carries over when she's changed there's no telling what could happen."

I rolled my eyes. Bella had a lot of characteristics that could define her as one of us but I highly doubted a disgust of blood would be one of them.

As silence fell between us again my ears picked up Jacob's voice.

"Do you have obsessive compulsion disorder?"

Jasper snorted, _'Sometimes I wonder.'_

I looked at him.

"What?" he said seeing the look on my face.

"Very funny," I mumbled. Bella did not have O.C.D.After a few medical degrees I think I would be able to notice something like that.

Curious at this question however, I let my mind be pulled back into Jacob's thoughts.

Bella was standing in front of the washer. I saw her throw a bloodied towel into the machine, dumping a full cup of bleach on top. She closed the lid and looked up at Jacob with an odd expression; she seemed to actually be thinking over what he had said. But then she shrugged her shoulders.

"We're a bit sensitive to blood around here. I'm sure you can understand that."

"Oh." _'That's honestly beyond sick…I still don't get it'_

"Why not make it as easy as possible for him?" Bella went on "What he's doing is hard enough."

I heard Jasper begin to laugh again and I pulled myself back. "God Edward, Bella is the only human who would make her vampire boyfriend more comfortable by keeping blood to a bare minimum." He continued to chuckle softly as he shook his head. "I love that girl, she's definitely something."

I couldn't help but grin in response. I knew that all too well. But I hated how she thought me being around her was hard, because it wasn't…not anymore. There were many things my body craved from her but her blood had fallen down the list a while ago.

I still felt the hunger, but it had no control. It didn't matter now if I hadn't fed in months and she was bleeding in front of me, there was no way I could hurt her. My mind had experienced what life was without her, and so had the monster. Both sides of me now knew what her death felt like and anything that could make me experience that again was impossible for me to even comprehend.

It wasn't that I had better control; it was the fact that it was now _impossible_ for me to harm her, at least in that way. Regardless of the fact that our relationship seemed to go against all the rules of nature, to me it was the most natural thing in the world, being with her was like breathing air…there was hardly any struggle or effort on my part now.

"What's it like…having a werewolf for a best friend?" The question drew back my attention and I found myself waiting curiously for the answer.

I heard Bella's beautiful laugh and couldn't help but smile at the sound.

"That's nothing," Jasper said, _'you should have been here when he was asking questions earlier.'_

Before I could question him on this I heard Jacob speak again.

"Does it creep you out?"

"No," Bella answered and I could tell by the sound of her voice she was sincere, not that I expected anything less. "When the werewolf is being nice, it's the best."

"Thanks Bella." Jacob said.

I hated hearing his hopeful thoughts and I hated it more when I realized he had pulled her into a hug. I cringed at the picture I saw in his head, but before I could feel anymore aggravated I felt his senses kick in through his mind as his nose burned. "Ugh…your hair smells worse than your room."

Laughing full out now I looked at Jasper who was looking at me highly amused and somewhat confused. No doubt he was wondering about my range of emotions…I had gone from curious, to aggravated, to jealous, and finally hilarity all in less than ten seconds.

After my laughter had died down, I heard a vehicle coming up the road. I looked over my shoulder through the trees to see the small mail truck stopping in front of the house. After he had driven off, I sped over to the box and pulled out the mail. Feeling the thick envelope in my hand I couldn't help but grin. Bell's acceptance letter from Dartmouth had finally come.

I already knew it was an acceptance; I wouldn't have had it any other way. I knew she would enjoy it if she just gave it a try… it was just convincing her to go.

The rain had begun to pick up again as I made my way towards the house. Jacob was finished with what he had come to do and I was becoming more and more impatient. I knew Bella was safe and I had nothing to worry about when it came to her physical well being, but I was still anxious to see her again.

I'm not sure why, maybe it was because of their happy reunion or maybe it was because he had hugged her. I didn't know. All I knew was _I _wanted to hold her.

Stopping by the side of the house I leaned against the wall and waited. I knew he would have heard me approach and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that he could smell me now.

"See you around Bells."

"Are you leaving?"

"He's waiting for me to go. I can hear him outside."

"Oh."

"I'll go out the back."

Hearing this I made my way towards the front door and waited.

"Hold up a sec…" Hearing Jacob's thoughts I sighed softly. I knew he wasn't going to let it drop. He wanted Bella to come over tonight.

"Hey, do you think you could come to La Push tonight? We're having a bonfire party. Emily will be there, and you could meet Kim…And I know Quill wants to see you too. He's pretty peeved that you found out before he did."

This time I let out a much louder and frustrated sigh. He heard it. _'Oh, come on…she'll be safe and I know she wants to go. You're not her father you know, you can't constantly make decisions for her.'_

I lowered my head and pinched my nose trying to get my patience back. But as I looked into Jacob's mind I could see Bella, and I realized his words were true. She really wanted to go, it was written all over her face despite the fact her eyes were hesitant and she was biting her lip.

"Yeah, Jake, I don't know about that. See it's a little tense right now…"

"C'mon, you think someone's going to get past all s…six of us."

My head snapped up as I heard Jacob's _real_ words. So there were seven wolves now? I became even more shocked when I realized this new member of the pack was female…it was _Leah Clearwater_.

How very strange. From the little of the legends I had heard, there was nothing said about the gene being passed on to strictly male, but as that was the case it was assumed over the years that it only passed from father to son.

Due to the fact Jacob was now mentally cursing himself, he remembered I could read his thoughts and had in fact heard his slip up.

"I'll ask." Bella said doubtfully.

I frowned at the brown door. She didn't have to _ask_ anything, it was her choice. It was true I didn't want her to go but I had no right to give or refuse permission.

"Is he your warden now too? You know I saw this story on the news last week about controlling, abusive teenage relationships and…"

I clenched my teeth…how could one sixteen year old be so aggravating?

"Okay!" Bella said loudly. "Time for the werewolf to get out!"

I couldn't agree more. The thoughts he was sending my way was making me more and more irritated.

"Bye, Bells. Be sure you ask _permission_."

I felt the urge to growl in frustration but before I could I heard a different growl. It surprised me and I had to suppress a burst of laughter. _Bella_, my sweet innocent angel had actually _growled_. It was unexpected and highly amusing; I instantly felt the aggravation fall away.

But that too was replaced with caution and slight worry as I turned the door knob and opened the door. I hoped she wouldn't be angry with me if she figured out why I had been laughing earlier or angry at the fact Jacob had ribbed her about asking my permission.

"Did you two get into a fight?" I asked when I stepped into the kitchen. I could tell by her face she was angry. I just didn't know who she was angry with. My eyes left her and scanned the kitchen quickly; Jacob's blood was still overpowering the small space.

Then I spotted it. A crimson stained knife sitting on the counter. Hmm, maybe she did stab him. Before I could ask or even smirk at this splendid discovery Bella was in my arms.

"Edward!"

"Hi there." I said catching her in surprise and wrapping my arms around her. It was nice to know she wasn't angry at me. But she still hadn't answered my question and the curiosity was overwhelming. "Are you trying to distract me? It's working."

"No, I didn't fight with Jacob. Much. Why?"

"I was just wondering why you stabbed him. Not that I object." I gestured toward the knife.

"Dang! I thought I got everything." She pulled away from me and headed towards the counter pulling out the bottle of bleach again. "I didn't stab him," she said over her shoulder. I cringed slightly as she took her eyes off the sharp object in her hands. "He forgot he had a knife in his hand."

I laughed… the idiot. "That's not nearly as fun as I imagined it." I said truthfully through my chuckles.

"Be nice." She said, though I could tell she was smiling. When she had turned around, finished with her thorough cleansing, I pulled the acceptance letter from my pocket and tossed it on the table. "I got your mail."

"Anything good?"

"_I _think so."

She unfolded the thick envelope and her eyes widened "Dartmouth? Is this a joke?"

I ignored her question. "I'm sure it's an acceptance." I said with a smile "It looks just like mine."

"Good grief, Edward…what did you _do_?" she asked, looking up at me.

"I sent in your application, that's all." I had told her I was going to fill it out and sign her name, what did she expect?

"I may not be Dartmouth material, but I'm not stupid enough to believe _that_."

"Dartmouth thinks your Dartmouth material." It was true. She got accepted on her own, the only thing I had to work on was the deadline date.

Bella's face was red and I could tell by her intense glare she was angry. There was a long moment where we just stared at each other and finally she took a breath and spoke in a forced calm. "That's very generous of them. However accepted or not, there is still the minor matter of tuition. I can't afford it, and I'm not letting you throw away enough money to buy yourself another sports car just so that I can pretend to go to Dartmouth next year."

"I don't need another sports car. And you don't have to pretend anything" I said quietly, unable to keep the sad pleading out of my voice. "One year of college wouldn't kill you. Maybe you'd even like it. Just think about it Bella. Imagine how excited Charlie and Renee would be…"

Her eyes slid from mine as she stared down at the envelope in her hands. I felt myself gain a little leverage as I hung from the edge. She was clearly thinking over what I had said. It upset me that she was so willing to damn herself but it _infuriated_ me how she seemed to do so without even thinking first. She was so eager…I hated it.

I watched her closely, her brows knitted together and as she spoke she kept her eyes down. "Edward, I'm worried about living through graduation, let alone this summer or next fall."

I swallowed painfully and walked towards her. I wrapped my arms around her waist as she placed her head on my chest. "No one is going to hurt you," I promised, "You have all the time in the world." How many times had I told her this? When would she finally believe me?

An annoying voice in the back of my head answered that question. '_When she was no longer being hunted by known and unknown enemies.'  
_  
She sighed into my shirt before she spoke. "I'm mailing the contents of my bank account to Alaska tomorrow. It's all the alibi I need. It's far enough away that Charlie won't expect a visit till Christmas at the earliest. And I'm sure I'll think of some excuse by then." She took a breath before she added, "You know this whole secrecy and deception thing is kind of a pain."

The words were out of mouth before I could stop them. "It gets easier. After a few decades, everyone you know is dead. Problem solved."

I felt her flinch against me and instantly regretted it. "Sorry, that was harsh."

"But still true."

I nodded and kissed the top of her head. The words were insensitive but they were fact. I knew she understood what immortality was but she had yet to grasp what it _meant_. But there was no way for her to get it. She was human, mortal.

Ten years was a long time for her. A time where she would grow, change, and adapt to the world around her. But for me ten years was nothing…just another decade added to the ever growing stack. I could not change, could not grow…I was forever stuck in this seventeen year old body. The world around me became more different everyday and yet I stayed the same. Even now after a century of practice there were times where I was still stuck in 1918. No matter what I did, or how the world around me developed a part of me would always be there in that time.

I wish there was a way I could show her what forever meant. I could talk and try to explain to her till her ears went numb and she still wouldn't get it. Immortality was something that could only be completely understood by experiencing it. But there was no trial run, the experience was permanent, there was no turning back.

And that's what I feared above all else. Once she was one of us she would regret it, she would be angry. Rosalie had grown to love Carlisle like a father in her own way, but there was still that part in her that resented and hated him for choosing this life for her. I couldn't handle it if Bella ever felt that way toward me.

"If I get this resolved, whatever it is we're dealing with, will you please consider waiting?" I asked still hanging on in vain.

"Nope." She answered immediately.

"Always so stubborn."

"Yep."

I was about to do some more shameless begging when I heard a loud clunk come from down the hall.

"Stupid piece of junk," Bella mumbled as she pulled away from me.

I followed her down the hall and into the laundry room. Leaning against the door frame I watched her rearrange the towel in the washer.

"This reminds me," she said hitting the start button again. "Could you ask Alice what she did with my stuff when she cleaned my room? I can't find it anywhere."

"Alice cleaned your room?" I asked in confusion.

"Yeah I guess that's what she was doing. When she came to get my pajamas and pillow and stuff to hold me hostage…she picked up everything that was lying around, my shirts, my socks, and I don't know where she put them."

Why would Alice clean Bella's room…Now the closet is a different story, but her room? And if Alice had taken her shirts and things I had no doubt Bella would have brand new ones to replace them. Alice had threatened numerous of times that she was going to wipe out Bella's closet and refurbish it. The only thing stopping her was the fact she knew Bella would be furious with her.

Wait… socks, shirts, her _pillow_.

Why would Alice taker her pillow? "When did you notice your things were missing?" I asked quickly, feeling the panic rise up in me.

"When I got back from the fake slumber party. Why?"

"I don't think Alice took anything. Not your clothes, or your pillow. The things that were taken, these were things that you'd worn…and touched…and slept on?"

No, no, _NO_!

"Yes. What is it Edward?"

I met her gaze unable to pull up the mask that would cover the fear this realization brought on. She still didn't get it. "Things with your _scent_."

"Oh!" Bella stared at me her eyes full of understanding and fear "My visitor?"

"He was getting traces…evidence. To prove that he'd found you." Why? Who was this, what did they want? I got a bad case of Déjà-vu as James's face ran through my head. Whoever this was… he could be taking Bella's things to a tracker. Someone could be out there right now with my angel's scent biding their time.

But if they already knew where Bella's house was why would they need her scent? Nothing was making sense.

"Why?"

Bella's whisper was so helpless and confused I couldn't help but pull her towards me again.

"I don't know. But, Bella, I swear I _will _find out. I will."

"I know you will." She answered resting back on my chest. I smiled softy as I laid my cheek on the top of her head. She trusted me, after everything I had done, said, and put her through, I still had her trust. That meant more to me than anything else…made me even less worthy of her than I already was.

The phone vibrating in my pocket pulled us from the silent moment.

I looked at the number. "Just the person I need to talk to…" I flipped it open and placed it to my ear "Carlisle I…"

But he was already talking "Edward there have been more murders, it's getting worse. I heard a little bit on the news and everyone's been talking here at the hospital. Can you do me a favor and check the paper? I'm kind of in over my head right now and I'm not going to get a break for awhile…"

"I'll check it out…listen…"

I explained everything that had happened with the wolves and Bella's missing things. He agreed with me when I said I thought it was someone collecting evidence but he didn't have any further insight on the matter than I did.

* * *

After I had fished today's paper from Charlie's trashcan I read over it. It was the same as last time except things were getting even sloppier. I was no longer in doubt, and neither was Carlisle, that these were newborns. Freshly made and ignorant to the rules. The way they acted it was as if they had never heard of the Volturi, which probably was the case.

It wouldn't be long now and Seattle would be getting a visit from Italy.

"What a mess," Bella mumbled over my shoulder.

I couldn't agree more. If it wasn't one thing it was another. "It does feel that way doesn't it? Like it's coming at us from all sides these days." I sighed and looked up at her from the paper "Do you ever think that your life might be easier if you weren't in love with me?"

"Maybe," she said. "It wouldn't be much of a life, though."

"For me," I corrected her quietly. She stared into my eyes for moment and I knew she was about to argue so before she could speak I quickly changed the subject. "And now, I suppose you have something you want to ask me?"

"I do?"

"Or maybe not," I said grinning at her clueless expression. "I was rather under the impression that you'd promised to ask my permission to go to some kind of werewolf soirée tonight."

"Eavesdropping again?" she said raising her eyebrows.

"Just as bit…at the very end."

She looked down at the table before she answered "Well, I wasn't going to ask you anyway. I figured you had enough to stress about."

Me? _I_ had enough to stress about? What about her? If anyone deserved a break from all this madness Bella did. I couldn't understand how she dealt with it all. Any other girl her age would have pulled all her hair out by now or be running and screaming as far away from Forks as possible.

Unable to see her eyes -the only thing that gave me a clue as to what she was truly thinking- I reached over and lifted her face back up.

"Would you like to go?" I asked, watching her closely.

"It's no big thing. Don't worry about it." Despite her words I could see the eagerness in her eyes just as I had before.

She wanted to go.

"You don't have to ask my permission, Bella. I'm not your father. Thank heaven for _that_. Perhaps you should ask Charlie though."

"But you know Charlie will say yes."

"I do have a bit more insight into his probable answer than most people would, it's true." I knew for fact he would agree and be overjoyed at her decision. I often found myself wondering what Charlie would do if he knew the truth. Would he be more disappointed at his daughter hanging around a werewolf or Vampire?

Then again if he knew the truth he would probably snatch Bella up and run as far away as possible.

Bella was looking at me closely. Obviously confused by my words. It was true that I didn't want her to go. I didn't want her to be anywhere that I couldn't see and especially where Alice couldn't see. But I would not fight with her on it anymore. If she wanted to go she could go and I would not try to stop her.

"Bella," I said when she still hadn't said anything "I told you that I was going to be reasonable and trust your judgment. I meant that. If you trust the werewolves, then I'm not going to worry about them." Much.

"Wow."

I smiled softly at her reaction. "And Jacob's right…about one thing anyway…a pack of werewolves should be enough to protect even you for one evening."

"Are you sure?" She asked her eyes pleading and full of hope. How could I possibly say no to that anyway?

"Of course. Only… I hope you won't mind taking a few precautions? Allowing me to drive you to the boundary line for one. And then taking a cell phone, so that I'll know when to pick you up?"

"That sounds…very reasonable."

And then she did something that made it all worth it. She looked into my eyes, the chocolate brown sparkling and smiled a true carefree smile.

I grinned back, "Excellent."

**

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**I have say I loved Edward during this part of the book. It had to take alot for him to trust Jacob with Bella's safety, (Well try to anyway)**

**SO! Review? Maybe?**


	10. Strike One

* * *

Chapter 9

Strike One

* * *

"_We forgive freely or we do not really forgive at all." – Lewis B. Smedes_

* * *

I looked into my rear view mirror and smiled as I met Bella's eyes. She was following me back to the house so she could pick up her bike. She told me she wanted to take it back to LaPushbecause that's where it belonged.

I didn't argue or disapprove, though I hated the idea of her riding it out of sight…or _ever_ for that matter. But I pushed back my pathetic paranoia and gave her a smile before climbing into the Volvo while she got into her ancient truck.

I sighed as I listened to the groaning motor behind me. I couldn't wait till I could get her a real car. She needed a vehicle that fit her…something a bit faster but safe. I knew it would take a lot of persuading but I would give it my all, and when her truck finally died it would just give me that much more leverage.

At the moment however I had another problem. Well two really. I still had to persuade Bella to wear the helmet and jacket _and_ my new bike was still in the garage. To be honest I felt rather stupid buying it in the first place. I knew Bella wouldn't stay angry with Jacob long and I should have known she wasn't going to keep her bike there.

I pulled into the garage and cut the engine. Bella's thundering motor was still echoing off the walls as I stepped out and closed the door.

Who knows maybe if I was lucky she wouldn't even notice the bike. After all it wasn't like it was the only new shiny thing in here.

"What is _that_?"

Wishful thinking of course or stupidity… The damn thing was right next to _her_ bike, what did I expect?

"Nothing," I said quietly.

"It doesn't _look_ like nothing."

Walking up next to her I ignored the silver motorcycle and wound my arm loosely across her back "Well, I didn't know if you were going to forgive your friend, or he you, and I wondered if you would still want to ride your bike anyway." I shrugged. "It sounded like it was something you enjoyed. I thought I could go with you if you wished."

I looked down to offer her a grin, but her face stopped me. She was gazing at the two bikes frowning, her eyes full of some unknown sadness.

Why was it that the one mind in the entire world I _truly_ wanted hear was silent to me?

"I wouldn't be able to keep up with you," she whispered her eyes never leaving the bike.

What happened to that beautiful care free smile I had seen not even an hour ago? I placed my hand under her chin and lifted up her face to see her eyes.

I didn't understand… why was she suddenly so sad? What did I say..._do_?

Placing a finger at the corner of her mouth I lifted up her lips and gave her a smile, trying to bring back the image I had seen earlier. "I'd keep pace with you," I said lightly. The things that bother her, the things she sees are so complex and confusing, I wish I could understand. I loved her with every fiber of my being and then some, but I had yet to figure out how that beautiful mind worked.

I felt my face fall when she didn't return the smile.

"That wouldn't be much fun for you," she mumbled trying to look away but I still held her chin trying to read her eyes.

What was _wrong_? "Of course it would, if we were together." I was glad her bike couldn't go as fast as mine. Her bike scared me enough as it was.

"Edward, if you thought I was going too fast or losing control of the bike or something, what would you do?"

What kind of question was that? She knew what I would do; I would never allow her to get hurt.

And then as I stared into those chocolate orbs realization washed over me.

I understood now.

That's what she loved about the bike so much. She could be free and careless...she could be**,** I cringed at the thought…_reckless_.

I always found it a bit amusing at times when Bella seemed to forget my real age, forget how many years I had walked this earth. But I just now realized I made the same mistake with her only in reverse.

The way she acted it was so easy to forget –when compared with me- she was still a child. She was fresh and new, still blooming at the tender age of eighteen. And though I knew she loved me and I loved her, there would always be that gap in reality; there would always be a part of her I could never touch, because that part of me –the part that could have related- died in 1918.

Regardless of how mature and beautifully grown up Bella was, that piece of child was still in her and it was that part that could surface when she rode. She was a normal _human_ teenager when she was riding, when she was with… _him_. Because he had what I could never and would never have again. Humanity.

I forced a smile, "This is something you do with Jacob. I see that now."

"It's just that, well, I don't slow him down so much, you know I could try, I guess…"

"Don't worry about it," I said lightly. Then I laughed, at this rate I would soon have to buy Rosalie and Emmett a new toy because I knew who was getting this. "I saw Jasper admiring it. Perhaps it's time he discovered as new way to travel. After all Alice has her Porsche now."

Bella was her biting her lip, a guilty look on her face "Edward I…"

"I said not to worry," I reassured her, leaning down to kiss her softly on lips.

Regardless of the fact it hurt like hell to discover yet another thing I could never give her, it wasn't her fault and she had no reason to feel bad over it. "But would you do something for me?" I asked seriously, looking into her eyes.

"Whatever you need," She answered quickly.

I smiled; perhaps this would be easier than I thought. Finally dropping my hand I walked over to the bike and picked up the new gear. Turning around I held up the red helmet. "Please?" I asked. Just the thought of her getting back on the bike was torture but if I knew she was somewhat protected I at least wouldn't go _too_ crazy while I waited.

She took the helmet from me and eyed it, twirling it in her hands. "I'll look stupid," she said looking back up.

"No, you'll look smart. Smart enough not to get yourself hurt."

I threw the jacket over my arm before I cupped her warm face in my hands. "There are things between my hands right now that I can't live without. You could take care of them," I said softly letting my eyes bore into hers… pleading.

"Okay fine," she mumbled.

I smiled feeling the tight tension in my chest loosen a bit.

"What's the other thing?" she asked raising a suspicious eyebrow at the black mass in my arms. I chuckled and held it up.

"It's as riding jacket. I hear road rash is quite uncomfortable, not that I would know myself."

She looked at the jacket and then back up at me and then the jacket again.

I waited.

She heaved a loud sigh and threw her hair back before she placed the helmet on her head. I held back a smirk of victory as she shoved her arms into the leather sleeves.

After I had zipped her up I took a step back to observe the outcome.

"Be honest how hideous do I look?"

Hideous? That would be the last thing I would call it. I took another step back admiring her from head to foot. Seeing the dark leather jacket on her small form, the way it fit tightly in all the right places, it was such a contrast to the way she usually looked… and it wasn't in a bad way.

My little Isabella looked tough and...

"That bad huh?" Her voice drew me back from my shameless ogling.

"No, no, Bella. Actually…you look…sexy." And I liked it, I liked it a_ lot_. She had always been beautiful but this was different. If I didn't know any better I'd swear the mutt was going to turn me permanently green.

"Right," she laughed rolling her eyes.

"Very sexy, really."

"You are just saying that so that I'll wear it," she said sarcastically. I raised an eyebrow. It didn't matter if the jacket made her look like a beach ball I would find a way to get her to wear it, but I wasn't lying. My eyes skimmed down her body again and then back up to her eyes.

No I wasn't lying in the least.

"But that's okay," she went on. "You're right it is smarter."

I pulled her towards me, wrapping my arms around her waist "You're silly." I chuckled "I suppose that's part of your charm." I went to kiss her on the top of the head, a reflex reaction, when I remembered the helmet. "Though, I'll admit it, this helmet does have its drawbacks."

Pulling the offending blockage from her face I leaned down and captured her lips. It wasn't one of the soft kisses I covered her in daily. It was passionate. I couldn't help myself. The thought that I would have to let her go in a short while coupled with the incredible new look urged me forward.

This time it was Bella who drew back first, her lungs no doubt needing oxygen. I suppose there were draw backs to be human as well.

"Wow," she said breathless.

I chuckled. That seemed to be her new favorite word lately. "I may learn to like this jacket too," she mumbled.

* * *

As we rounded the corner Jacob was waiting about ten feet from the border line leaning against a tree. His face was neutral, though as soon as he saw me his mind filled with mocking laughter. He wasn't surprised in the least that I had driven Bella here.

Trying my best to ignore his aggravated and angry thoughts, which he was deliberately throwing my way I looked over at Bella to see her waving in his direction, her brown eyes shining with excitement and eagerness.

It would be fine...it would be fine. I just kept telling myself that. It would be alright, it's not like this was the first time she was going to the reservation. She had been numerous times and had returned home safely.

I took a steadying breath and was glad she didn't seem to notice the way it shook slightly…I _could_ do this.

"Call whenever you're ready to come home…and I'll be here."

She looked at me and smiled her beautiful smile, "I won't be out late."

The panic was growing toward its peak when I pulled the motorcycle from the trunk. Jacob was surprised at seeing it, but then his thoughts turned instantly euphoric. It seemed this more than anything proved he was forgiven.

Bella threw the jacket over the seat and tucked the helmet under her arm. She looked so tiny standing there next to the bike. As her pale hands held the large handle bars she looked so…_breakable_.

"Do you have it all?" I asked, keeping my voice calm and face relaxed. I couldn't let her see how panicked and frightened I was. It would tear her apart. I knew she wanted to go but I also knew if she understood how hard this was for me she would stay. I wasn't going to make her choose like that. Not anymore.

"No problem," she answered, that smile still glued to her face.

I sighed, this was it.

When she turned her face up I could tell she was intending to give me a small kiss of farewell, but my body and mind would not allow it. My arms snaked around her waist pulling her towards me; I held her as tightly as I could and kissed her with everything I had. All the while my insides were screaming for her to stay…to not go.

She was able to last longer than she had in the garage but the need for air once again pulled her away from me sooner than I liked. And as I released her, coming back to reality, Jacob's thoughts hit me. They were disgusted and I realized it was the first time he had ever seen us kiss.

I laughed out right, unable to restrain myself. He had actually thought over this part of our relationship quite a bit. He wondered if we even _had_ a physical relationship.

"Goodbye," I said still smiling at the thoughts running through the dog's head. If he was really so curious all he had to do was ask, I would have gladly given him a demonstration. "I really do like the jacket," I added.

Bella smiled, her cheeks filling up with that beautiful pink before she rolled her eyes and turned away.

Dread crashed into me and as soon as her face turned from mine I felt my mask fall away. I prayed she wouldn't turn back around because I didn't have the strength to wipe away the panic...not now.

I could do this… I could do this.

Bella seemed to be walking in slow motion towards the boundary line, towards the place I couldn't follow.

This was the best way, I reminded myself. She was giving up enough to be with me I couldn't make her erase her best friend while she could still have him.

"What's all that?" I heard Jacob ask, though it seemed to be coming from far away. He had caught sight of the helmet and jacket and his thoughts were angry again… except this time it was aimed at himself.

'_A __helmet__! ugh…why the hell didn't I think of that? It would have saved us a few hospital visits…and heart attacks.'_

His silent words came with an image -like so many thoughts do- and what I saw pulled me from my bubble of panic.

_Bella swerving on a dirt road, hitting the ground, and sliding across the dirt before the bike dragged her into the embankment. _

_Jacob running towards her his thoughts frantic._

'_I told her front brake…__front__ break!'_

"_Bella!"_

_He threw the huge machine from her body; she was face down in the moss. _

_Suddenly she rolled over a huge gash visible on her forehead_

_She seemed oblivious to the fast flowing crimson as it slid down the side of her face. _

"_Wow," she breathed. _

"_Bella!...Bella are you alive?" _

"_I'm great…let's do it again."_

"I thought I should put this back where it belongs," Bella's answer pulled Jacob from his flash back releasing me in the process.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I needed to leave now, Jacob knew I had seen what he had just relived and I was glad to learn he had the decency to be ashamed.

What was _wrong_ with him? As much as I hated to admit it he _knew_ Bella, knew her as well as she knew him. What the _hell_ had he been thinking that day?

A growl was building in my chest and I knew I had to leave before I gave into my instincts and crossed the line to drag her back. In a flash I was behind the wheel of my car turning the key. Jacob had obviously mistaken my reaction for his thoughts instantly turned smug as he pulled Bella into his arms.

'_I can do this without giving her frost bite'_ he threw at me, no doubt trying to patch his ego.

It wasn't so much his childish behavior that raised my nerves as it was the fact that Bella was in the arms of a _werewolf_ right now, her feet dangling inches from the ground.

My foot hit the gas pedal and my engine growled at the same time I did. Yes it was defiantly time to leave.

I spun the car around and headed back toward the main road.

That damn dog didn't deserve her forgiveness or friendship anymore than I deserved her love.

I could forgive his immature actions; he was after all only sixteen. I could even forgive his lack of intelligence for not insisting Bella wear a helmet. But I could not and _would_ not forgive his words.

He had told my angel he preferred her to be dead…and that had hurt her immensely. The pain in her voice and the tears that had followed that night told me as much.

'_He said he'd rather see me dead.'_

Those words and their meaning cut too deep for him to gain my forgiveness.

As I drove away, leaving my world behind, I couldn't help thinking... 'Strike _one_ Jacob Black.'

* * *


	11. Distractions

* * *

Chapter 10

Distractions

* * *

_Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family; Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one." – Jane Howard_

* * *

Fear.

I never thought I'd classify myself as coward but when it came to this there was no denying it. My muscles were tense and my nerves strung high. Looking at the clock I realized it was only a little after five. I had hours to go…how was I going to make it that long?

Not having the answer I just kept driving. I wasn't even sure where I was going, all I knew was that if I took a moment to stop the panic would engulf me.

As I drove back by Bella's house and the small building disappeared in my rearview mirror I had a sudden desire to go back. Charlie was off work but he would never even acknowledge my presence. He had never done so before and I spent nearly every night there with his daughter.

Making up my mind I parked the car off into the trees a couple of miles up the road and ran back. My only other option would be to keep driving or head home and neither one of those appealed to me.

I knew Emmett had taken Jasper's place with watching Charlie but I couldn't see or hear him when I reached the front yard. He was probably making a run around the perimeter. That was a good thing. I didn't feel like dealing with anyone at the moment and especially him of all people.

I loved my brother, but he could be extremely irritating at times. Usually I can deal with it, either by flat out ignoring him till he got bored, which didn't take long, or just by pouncing him. That's the way I normally shut his mouth… of course that's usually the reason why he started running it in the first place. But there were times when I couldn't deal with him, like right now, when I had little patience and was already on my last nerve.

Climbing through the window was like second nature to me now; I swung in like I did every other night and landed silently on the carpeted floor. Almost immediately Bella's scent surrounded me, completely covering what was left of the intruder's scent.

It helped me relax and think more clearly. This was why I had come back… I needed a distraction, something to take my mind off the thoughts and images of danger I could not see and what my mind seemed to conjure up for its own personal torment.

I knew this went way beyond paranoid but I couldn't help it and I honestly didn't care.

Sitting on the bed I placed my head in my hands and closed my eyes.

I could do this, she would be fine…I could do this. How many times had I told myself that this evening? I wondered when I would actually start believing it.

With a deep breath I straightened back out and glanced around the room. Bella's school things were still laying on her desk, her English book opened with her sheet of half finished homework on top. Her clean clothes were folded and stacked neatly on her dresser waiting to be put away after her day of laundry. She had also washed her sheets and remade her bed before she left, but as I laid back against the mattress, the thick quilt laying on top smelled so strongly of her I could almost imagine she was laying next to me.

I tried to ignore the fact that my head hit no resistance, tried to ignore the empty spot where her pillow should have been. It would only make my mind spin off in the direction I was trying to avoid.

_Distraction_ I told myself…distraction.

Turning my head to the left I saw Bella's copy of Wuthering heights sitting on her nightstand. It was opened and laying face down, marking the place she had last left off. She had now read that book three times in row. I still didn't understand why she hadn't chosen another one of her favorites yet.

Reaching over I picked it up and looked at the page that was bent at the corner. She was on chapter nine and reading the part where Catherine finally declares her love for Heathcliff. Of course the woman admits all her desires to the poor maid Nelly. I remember many, _many_ years ago when I had first read this book. I had felt no sympathy for any of the characters _but_ Nelly. She seemed to be the only true human within the pages and was constantly thrown back and forth… seemingly nonexistent to the others and yet the near core of it all… the fly on the wall so to speak.

Unconsciously I began to re-read words I had already read once before. But as I took in their meaning I began to see them differently…unlike the last time I realized I could now understand what Cathy's words _meant_. I could relate to emotions that used to seem slightly trivial and all together ridiculous to me.

"_If I were in heaven Nelly, I should be extremely miserable."_

"_Because you are not fit to go there,' I answered _(Nelly)_ "All sinners would be miserable in heaven."_

"_But it is not for that. I dreamt once that I was there."_

"_I'll tell you I won't hearken to your dreams, Miss Catherine! I'll go to bed," I interrupted again. She laughed, and held me down: for I made a motion to leave my chair._

"_This is nothing!" cried she "I was going to say that heaven did not seem to be my home, and I broke my heart with weeping to come back to earth, and the angels were so angry that they flung me out into the middle of the heath on top of Wuthering Heights, where I awoke sobbing for joy. That will do to explain my secret, as well as the other…_

_I've no more business to marry Edgar Linton than I have to be in heaven, and if the wicked man in there had not brought Heathcliff so low, I shouldn't have thought of it. It would degrade me to marry Heathcliff now, so he shall never know how I love him: and that, not because he is handsome, Nelly, but because he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same: and Linton's is as different as a moonbeam from a lightning, or frost from fire."_

I laid the book on my chest and stared up at the ceiling. What was it Bella had told me that day when I asked what it was about this book she found so appealing?

'…_I think it's something about the inevitability. How nothing can keep them apart…not her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end…'_

Picking the book back up I flipped to the beginning and started with chapter one.

I began to re-read with different eyes. Though I could have read much faster, I took my time. I wanted to take in every word and every meaning. I wanted to figure out what Bella had meant by her words and understand why she loved this seemingly dark story so much.

So it seemed this would have to be my distraction for now.

Words from a different time just like myself.

I just had to concentrate on the minds of Nelly and Mr. Lockwood instead of the worries threatening to overpower my senses. Because if I gave in I knew they would eventually force me to make a decision I would ultimately regret.

* * *

Though I had read slowly –for me anyway- I was still nearly halfway through by the time I looked at the clock again. It was a little after seven and the room was growing dark. Then as if Emmet had known I had stopped reading his face suddenly appeared in the window. Perhaps I had been more absorbed than I thought as I hadn't heard him approach.

Though I was a bit disappointed, as I was still in no mood to have company, I couldn't help but smirk as Emmett struggled, carefully maneuvering his huge form through the small opening. But once he had successfully entered, without breaking the old wooden frame, he stood and did a full circle taking in the little bedroom. It was his first time inside Bella's room, or house for that matter.

He let out a bark of laughter and turned back to me.

"Quiet," I warned him. "Charlie's downstairs."

"Oh come on," he said, though he did lower his voice. "That man would sleep through a hurricane right now; there's no way he can hear anything."

I chuckled softly. Even without my enhanced hearing I would still be able to hear Charlie's loud snores up the stairs. I often found myself wondering how Bella could not hear it when she slept. But I suppose it was something you would become use to over time.

"I couldn't help it," Emmet went on taking another look around "This room is just so...well _Bella._"

"Anyway," he said, stopping his examination of the small room to look at me. He took a step back and sat in the rocking chair by the window. I grimaced as it creaked in protest. I really hoped he didn't break it; I was rather fond of that piece of furniture and I think Bella was too. "Esme wanted to know where you got to."

"Nowhere," I said gesturing around the room. "As you can see."

Emmet snorted, "Yeah Alice called and said you were here moping about…but Esme wants to know if you'll be coming home till Bella calls."

"I am not moping," I said louder than I meant to, ignoring the rest.

"Alright," he said raising his hands, "_she_ said it not me… don't kill the messenger." He was looking at me and I could tell from the set of his mouth and his thoughts he was trying his best not to burst into laughter.

"Well message delivered…" I said becoming more and more aggravated, "…now don't you have something you should be doing?"

"Right," he said in mock seriousness, he got to his feet, "Back to duty _sir._" he gave a salute and turned on his heel before jumping back out the window with much more grace than he had entering.

I growled in frustration and stood up.

So much for my distraction.

The phone in my pocket though it was rather small felt huge against my chest. Reaching my hand in I pulled it out and flipped it open. Maybe I could just call and check, just make sure everything was alright. It wasn't like I would be breaking any of the rules or any of the promises I had given Bella.

I hesitated with my thumb hovering over the button. But before I could come to a decision a soft chuckling reached my ears followed by…_'Pathetic.'_

I spun to the window and threw the only thing I had in my hand at Emmet's large face. His hand flashed out white as he easily caught it. "Now, now," he said still chuckling _'you might need this later.'_

"Can't you go irritate someone else?" I asked, striding over and snatching my phone back.

"Nope."

I rolled my eyes and moved closer to the window. "Move." If he wasn't going to leave I was. I had accepted defeat and I was ready to wait pathetically by the treaty line for my phone to ring.

"Why?" he asked suspiciously. Hearing his thoughts it was clear he knew my intentions and was stalling me.

"I have no _intention_ of breaking the treaty tonight…" I said flatly, "give me a little credit."

"That's not what…"

I raised my eyebrows.

"You know it's not fair when you do that…"

I sighed impatiently; having heard this from him more than once. But of course he went on…

"What's the point of ever saying anything in the first place…and you know sometimes people think things because they _don't_ want it to be over heard…"

And on…

"…or because they're thinking of what they want to say _before _they say it. So really you shouldn't consider a random thought or idea as _actual_ words, because in all reality..."

Well his "_actual_" words became muffled as I pressed my hand into his face and forcibly knocked him backwards.

The echoing thud of his large body hitting the ground made me pause and listen. But Emmet was right, Charlie would sleep through anything.

Taking one last deep breath I jumped out the window landing gracefully next to my brother… who was still spread eagled on the ground. His low cussing and thoughts -which were always loud and clear- gave me the warning I needed. Taking an easy step to the right Emmet's dive missed me by nearly a foot.

He staggered slightly but gained his balance quickly and spun around into a crouch. His gold eyes bore into mine with an all too familiar glint, a smirk forming on his face.

I copied his position and grinned backed.

I knew this was his intention all along but I gave into it nonetheless, because it was exactly what I needed… another distraction. Perhaps I could even picture the dog's face instead of Emmett's. Let loose on some of the tension that had been building up daily.

I felt my grin widen at the thought.

Like he always did when we fought, Emmett began singing loudly in his head. He did this in the hope that his next move would be less noticed. It hardly ever worked but it still didn't stop him from trying each time. Just as he went to make the first lunge he froze.

"Is that your phone?"

Immediately I straightened out, my hand reaching for my pocket. Then -before I knew what was happening and before I could register the fact that my phone _wasn't_ ringing- I was lying flat on my back looking up at my brother's triumphant face.

"You're it."

And then he was gone, streaking toward the trees.

I laid there in slight shock.

Emmet had finally found a way around my advantage. He had played dirty and used the one thing that could distract me thoroughly; the one thing that instantly took all my thoughts and concentration.

_Bella_.

I growled, half in anger half in amusement, and leapt quickly to my feet, shooting off after him.

He may have his little tricks but I still had my speed.

* * *

I rolled over, Emmett's huge form tangled with mine. Managing to get onto his back I wrapped my arm around his neck holding him in a tight head lock. I started laughing as he struggled. Sure he was stronger than me but I was smaller and faster and knew _exactly_ where I could hold him. Dealing with him the first few years after his change gave me a lot of practice in that area.

"Give up yet?"

He growled and just as he thought about flinging his leg up I ducked my head feeling his foot skim the top of my hair.

I laughed harder.

Emmett stopped trying to loosen my hold with his hands and placed them on the ground. Realizing I had no way to avoid his next move I braced myself.

Using his thick arms Emmett pushed himself up from the ground with such force it flung him backwards through the air. We both collided into the thick tree behind us and as I was still on his back I took the brunt of the blow.

There was an echoing crack and I felt a small tremor of pain shoot down my back as the tree crashed to the ground under our weight. Before I could compose myself Emmett had turned around planning to pin himself completely on top of me. I quickly pulled my legs up to my chest and kicked both my feet into his stomach sending him flying backwards again.

He was back on his feet in a flash but I was faster, just as he crouched to lunge I was already a blur heading towards him. I crashed into his front tackling him to the ground.

A ripping noise filled the air and we both paused.

"Damn-it Edward!" _'Rose is going to kill me!'_

I couldn't help but start laughing as I realized what the noise was. Emmett's jeans had ripped from behind and he was now sporting a long hole from the top of his waist to halfway down his right leg.

I rolled off him still laughing as he continued to cuss in his head and out loud. Rosalie had been getting more and more frustrated with the fact Emmet was constantly tearing up his clothes. It had been an ongoing argument for decades now and after the last big blow out he promised to not fight in his good clothes. Which meant anything that _she_ liked him in the most.

"You know Em," I said through my laughter as I easily avoided his next lunge.

"You wouldn't have this problem if you didn't …"

Side step

"…wear those tight …"

Duck

"…jeans all the time."

'_She likes them,'_ he growled in his head.

This only made me laugh harder. "If you weren't…"

I froze. A light buzzing and soft rustling filled the air: something vibrating against the leaves.

Unfortunately Emmett took this opportunity to make contact with the side of my head. I stumbled sideways but managed to remain upright. Still hearing the buzzing I ducked under Emmet's arm and ran towards my phone, where I had laid it so it could remain in one piece.

All the mindless wrestling was forgotten as I snatched it from the ground. "Bella?"

"Guess again."

"Damn it, Alice I told you not to call this number, use…."

"It was the only way to get …Oh, _duck_"

I didn't hesitate. I flung my head down just in time to have a large branch whistle overhead and soar into the darkness. I spun around to see Emmett running at me again his smug smirk in place. I held up my hand. "Cool it," I said firmly and he instantly stopped. Sometimes it was nice being the older brother.

"As I was saying," Alice went on. "This was the only way I could get your attention and I thought you'd like to know that if you two carry on there's going to be four more trees uprooted and I can just about guarantee you Charlie will notice in the morning."

After we cleaned up our little mess Emmett and I doubled checked the perimeter, making sure everything was still safe, and headed back toward Charlie's front yard. As we neared the porch I could make out a small form sitting on the steps.

'_It's just me,'_ Alice's thoughts called out. She stood and met us half way, throwing a fresh pair of jeans at Emmet. "I figured I'd show mercy and save you from the wrath of Rose for one night," she said with a grin.

"You're a life saver," Emmett said in relief before he pulled Alice from the ground burying her in his massive arms. "I knew there was a reason I loved you!"

"Ugh, yes we all love each other, now please put me down."

Doing as he was told Emmett quickly placed her back on her feet before tearing off what was left of his pants and shoving his legs into the new pair.

"That was fun," Emmet said cuffing me on the back of the head when he was fully dressed again. "It's been a while."

I rolled my eyes. But I knew what he meant and if I was totally honest with myself I _had_ enjoyed it. He was right it had been a long time since I did anything with him, anything with any of my family really. Except hunting trips. I realized with everything that had been going on lately I really did miss the regular rough time with my brother.

As I glanced at my watch however the fear that had been momentarily pushed back forced itself to forefront of my mind again. It was after eight and Bella could be calling anytime, she did say she wasn't going to be out late and if that was the case I needed to get my car.

When Emmett went back to his post of watch, I headed down the road with Alice at my side. We didn't run, just walked at a normal pace. If I ran I would get to my car that much quicker, thus get to the treaty line sooner and have to wait there longer.

Of course waiting _now_ was difficult, but I remembered the day I had fought with myself over whether or not to cross. Even though this was a different situation I didn't want to tempt myself again.

"That's strange even for you," I commented as we walked away from Charlie's. "You never miss a chance at seeing Emmett cower."

Alice shrugged, her dark head bobbing around my shoulder. "I was feeling merciful and I saw that this fight would probably last into morning. Emmet does have the tendency to put his foot in his mouth," she said lightly.

I was about to speak again but stopped.

Alice had frozen her eyes glazing over with that familiar vacancy, and as the vision hit I saw everything she did.

_A flash of red eyes._

_Broken voices all running together._

"_No…" _"_Tomorrow…" _"_Not until…" _"_Listen for…"_

And then as quickly as it came it was gone

"What was that?" I asked looking down at her just as she was coming back around.

"Good question," she growled shaking her heads slightly. "I have no idea…It's been like this all day, just little snippets, things I have no way of making out." She ran a frustrated hand through her short hair, her light mood now gone as her head flooded with aggravated and confused thoughts.

"I can feel it, there's something there trying to get through but it never does… I mean I saw you and Emmett clearly, I can even see the others… but I know there are other things I'm missing. Not just the stranger in Bella's room. I'm having trouble _focusing_ now… I don't understand."

She looked up at me her dark gold eyes slightly fearful "does this ever happen to you?" _'I mean do you ever go to read someone's mind and it becomes fuzzy or doesn't come out clearly?'_

I raised my eyebrows, she knew the only person I had ever had trouble reading was Bella. I opened my mouth but she cut me off before I could speak.

"Yeah I know,' she grumbled as she began to walk again. _'Bella's the only one you can't read.'_

I quickened my stride till I was next to her again, matching her steps_. _

"This is beyond frustrating," she went on. _'And it gives me a headache_'.

I chuckled softly and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. I could definitely relate to that. Some thoughts could be very painful. "That's what happens, dear sister when we are the freaks among freaks."

It was clear I had failed in my effort to make her smile when she stubbornly crossed her arms. It reminded me so much of Bella I got a pang of longing in my chest. Would this night ever end?

"It's still not fair," Alice all but pouted "…Jasper's a freak too and he doesn't get headaches."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "You're right he doesn't, he just has to feel what everyone around him is feeling…. _including_ nausea."

She finally grinned, "Yeah he told my about that…poor Bella."

"Poor Jasper."

Silence fell and after a while so did the smile on Alice's face.

Though she didn't say anything else out loud I could still hear the fears running through her head.

Alice was afraid she was losing her gift. Something she relied on so much more than the rest of us and so much more than she would ever let on. She literally _lived_ in the future; she knew what was going to happen, how things would turn out…_always_.

Other than her human life Alice had never had any blanks in her mind, never had blanks in her visions. Everything had always been clear for her. She knew nothing else, living another way was completely foreign to her and I could tell the idea of losing it frightened her more than she was saying.

"Have you spoken with Carlisle?" I asked softly. If anyone could give her a proper guess or theory it was him.

"Not today, it's been a bad day at the hospital."

I nodded. I remembered earlier today on the phone when he had told me he was in over his head at the moment and wanted me to check the paper for him. It's not common for Forks to have a busy emergency room, or busy anything really. But it does have its days.

"He'll be home in a couple of hours..." she added, "but from what I can see he's going to be called back in later on tonight…at least…well I _think_ so anyway."

"Maybe you were right," I said trying to soothe her, I could see she was becoming more upset. She didn't enjoy second guessing herself "Maybe you're doing too much…I'm sorry about that too, really. I've been putting too much on you."

"But I should be able to handle it."

"You're only one person," I reminded her. "Just do your best and try not to stress about it so much. That could have a lot to do with it also."

'_How can I not when there's another psychotic vampire after my sister?'_

I sighed, "We are all looking out for Bella now, including the pack. Even if you happen to miss Victoria before she shows up, when she finally does there are enough eyes looking out that she won't get anywhere near Bella. I can guarantee you that."

Forcing down the immediate growl that always built up when my angel's name and that fiend were mentioned in the same sentence I went on. "And Victoria will not get away again, if I ever lay eyes on her my face _will_ be the last thing she see's," despite my effort the last few words were formed out between clenched teeth.

I felt a small hand on my arm and stopped to look down at Alice "It will be alright." She said softly.

It wasn't till then I realized I wasn't breathing. I let out my breath and tried to relax. "I thought I was doing the reassuring here," I said, forcing a smile.

"Well it's clear you need it more than I do," she grinned up at me, her white teeth flashing in the moonlight. "I'm proud of you by the way; you're doing really good tonight."

I laughed and was surprised at how shaky it was. "Well, I've had help."

"Yes," she smirked. "Heathcliff is quite fascinating isn't he?"

I rolled my eyes; of course she would have seen that, she was the one who had seen me '_moping'_.

"Do you want a ride back?" I asked when we made it to the car.

'_No thanks. I think I'll run, it helps clear my head.'_

I nodded and got in, but hesitated before I closed the door. "Alice?"

"Mmm?" she sang turning back towards me.

"Are you sure everything's alright…tonight I mean."

"Yes," she nodded.

"Have you…." I began hopefully but she interrupted.

'_No Edward…I haven't seen anything, I can't yet. But I promise you Bella will be home tonight and if I know her at all she'll be more at ease than she has been, considering all the things going on right now.'_

I sighed and mumbled a thanks before I shut the door.

'_Trust me' _was the last thought I heard from her as I sped down the road.

I wanted to… badly.

I wanted to believe her words with everything I had. Because if I could do that…if I could let myself give in to that hope I knew I would actually be able to breathe properly.

Now that I had no more distractions I was left with nothing else to think about but what I had been trying to avoid... my fear.

But it was back now and had free rein to gnaw relentlessly at my insides.

* * *


	12. Worth it

* * *

Chapter 11

Worth It

* * *

"_There never was a person who did anything worth doing, who did not receive more than he gave." – Henry Ward Beecher_

* * *

I watched the small silver phone twirl through my fingers, all the while silently begging it to ring. I'm currently sitting on the ground, leaning against the trunk of tree, being as pathetic as Emmett had said earlier.

Okay so this went beyond pathetic.

Why was it that the things you desperately didn't want to think about were the things that constantly ran through your head like a video…playing over and over again when you would least appreciate them?

Perhaps it was my brain that was masochistic. Images seem to run behind my eyes with the sole purpose of tormenting me. Sometimes it would replay the image I had seen from Jacob earlier today, other times it would be something much worse, something completely conjured up to increase the torture.

It was 10:30 and my phone had yet to ring.

For some reason I had convinced myself that Bella would call around eight o' clock… or at the latest nine.

Well that had been over an hour ago and quickly approaching two.

I hope she was having fun with whatever she was doing, so this endless wait would be worth it in the end. And I _prayed_ the reason she hadn't called yet was because she was too caught up in the party, or whatever it was wolves did for fun, and not because something had gone wrong.

If something had I knew she would call…

But what if she was unable to?

Would the dogs have the decency to use her phone to inform me…?

'_Stop It!' _I commanded myself for the hundredth time it the last two and a half hours. I was just making it worse. Everything was fine and I was over thinking and over reacting like Alice had accused me of many times before. I knew Billy was there and surely _he_ would call if there was a need to.

Headlights flashed across me, pulling me from my thoughts. Before I could get suspicious I recognized the bright yellow paint. Then when I saw the Porsche park along side my Volvo all my worries were instantly replaced by shock as _Jasper_ was the one to step out.

Alice had literally snarled at anyone who asked to drive her new car, including myself and I had been the one to buy it. Though I did have the advantage of driving it to the house so I wasn't as disappointed as Emmett.

I wondered why Jasper had come though. My first thought was that Alice had seen me disappear... but I hadn't decided to cross the line…

At least I didn't think so.

But if I had made an unconscious decision to break the treaty I was surprised Alice had sent Jasper of all people. She should know that if I had decided to go after Bella it would take more than just him to stop me and as far as I could tell he was alone.

'_Alice sent me,'_ he said silently as if he could read _my_ thoughts. '_She saw you getting kind of anxious in a bit and figured you could use some company.' _

Then, as if on cue I felt calm wash over me, it didn't remove everything like I would have liked it to, but it dulled it down to where it was more bearable. I took a deep breath feeling my shoulder and back muscles relax.

"I'm surprised really," he went on leaning against the tree and looking down at me, "with the emotions I felt coming off you when I pulled up I half expected to see you pacing a hole in the ground or pulling your hair out."

"I haven't ruled that out yet," I said under my breath.

He smiled and sat on the ground next to me, one of his arms resting on his knee while Alice's key ring hung from his fingers.

"Alice finally came off the keys I see."

He laughed, his face turning somewhat smug. "Well, it wasn't without a load of persuasion and an ear full of what _not_ to do's"

I nodded. I knew, just like everyone else, the first person Alice would give into would be Jasper. '_By the way…' _he went on mentally_ 'I've been wanting to thank you, she really loves that car…I love seeing her this happy.'_

I shrugged, "It was the least I could do, after everything she's done for me." If anything I owed her way more than a new car.

Jasper's smile quickly faded and he looked away. He had things just like me he didn't like being reminded of…and Alice's little trip to Italy was the top of the list.

"Yes well…" he said tightly looking away, "it's a good thing everything turned out alright, because if it hadn't you had better prayed the Volturi finished you off before I got my hands on you."

I chuckled darkly despite the fact his words were completely sincere. It was so ironic in a way. We had both nearly killed the other's love.

Though he blamed me completely for nearly having Alice killed I never blamed him for the way Bella's 18th birthday turned out. How could I when it had been my fault from the very beginning?

I knew if he had been fighting just his own urges that night he would have been fine, but due to his _"_Gift_"_ he was also dealing with my own struggle for Bella's blood…which was ten times stronger than anything he was already feeling. As soon as that overpowering scent hit the air it dominated not only _my_ senses, but also his. The problem was he hadn't been fighting it like me…hadn't struggled day in and day out to overpower that impossible hunger. It was too much with what he had already been struggling with and in that moment he was experiencing close to what I had felt that first day in Biology. To him, in that second, Bella had been nothing more than prey.

But the past is the past and there's nothing you can do about it, I for one should know about that more than anyone. "I suppose we're even then…" I said through my short humorless laugh, "…on some sick level."

Jasper stared at me for a minute, his thoughts confused. He wasn't sure whether he should be angry with my words or just agree, though there was no missing his thought of wanting to hit me, however fleeting it was.

Finally he shook his head and decided to settle on humor. His incredulous laugh instantly broke the tension that had built up. '_Only _you_, Edward would think of it that way.'_

I grinned despite myself and looked back down at my still silent phone. Regardless of the fact Jasper and I weren't as close as we use to be and I had never been as close to him as I was with Emmett, I was still glad for his presence at the moment.

Silence fell between us after that. I'm not sure how long he sat with me, keeping my nerves under control and I was too afraid to check my watch and find out, but after awhile something pushed forth from earlier today.

It was question I had wanted to ask him while we stood outside Charlie's house listening to Bella and Jacob. I had been too much of a coward then to ask and even now I was afraid of the answer. I wasn't sure if I _wanted_ to know.

I took a deep breath…_to hell with it_.

"Can I ask you something Jasper?" I said quietly not looking up from the phone still twirling in my hands.

'_Of course.'_

"Today while I was following the trail… you could you pick up on Bella's emotions right?" Nothing like asking the obvious to delay the true answer.

I felt him turn towards me but I didn't look up "Yes," he said somewhat cautiously _'you know that.'_

I nodded and swallowed "What did you…I mean what was she _feeling_ while he was there?"

His thoughts clearly told me he wasn't expecting that kind of question, and they were also a bit angry. "Are you asking me what I think you're asking me Edward?"

I ignored that. "_Well_?" Now that I had finally asked, I wanted the answer…wanted it to be over with. The longer it hung in the air the worse I felt.

Why did I even ask in the first place?

After a short pause that seemed like hours, though it could have only been a few seconds he finally spoke.

"Yes" _'If you are in fact asking me what I think you are… my answer is yes.'_

My head snapped up as I finally looked into his face. There was no lie in his eyes or thoughts. _'It's true…'_ hewent on, clearly reading something in my features I was unaware of_._ _'I did feel love come off Bella while Black was there… it was mixed with aggravation and annoyance but it was still there.'_

I stared at him for a moment taking in his words….then as they finally hit the seed of doubt blossomed painfully inside my chest. I began to feel my mask slip and I nodded once before looking off into the trees, hiding any of the pain that had leaked through...though I knew that was always a pointless action with the present company.

I had already known…suspected, so why did it still hurt this much? You'd think it would have lessened the blow no matter how minutely.

"But do you want to know the other emotion I felt that was so strong it over rode everything else?" Jasper said quietly.

"What?" I asked flatly still not looking back at him; I didn't really want the answer and I was barely listening to him now as it was.

'_Anxiety'_

"What?" I finally turned to him, my brow furrowing in confusion "What does that have to do with anything…it doesn't even make sense."

"Actually it makes a lot of sense."

I sighed in frustration and turned away again. I was tired of his cryptic talk and I had the sudden urge to be alone with my normal feelings again, they couldn't make me feel any worse.

But of course he went on, "Edward, even though I could feel the emotion of love come off Bella I had no way of knowing what _kind_ of love it was... For all I know, and for all _you_ know, it could have been love like for a brother or friend. Now I won't deny that it could have been something more but, like I said I have no way of knowing…but I _do_ know what the anxiety was from, because I've felt it before... many times actually…from _you._"

"Now you're making sense, thanks for that." I mumbled sarcastically.

He sighed in impatience _'when is he going to see it?'_

"See what!?" I almost yelled, my own patience spent.

"That she loves you just as fiercely as you love her!" He said loudly, the edge of anger was back again in his voice "I tried to tell you this before, when you decided _leaving_ her was the best option…" he ignored how I flinched and went on, "I didn't think it was possible for a human to love the way we do, to be able to comprehend the thought of an eternity with someone but Bella _does_."

His voice began to change he seemed to become frustrated and I could tell his mind was just as confused as his words sounded. "The _intensity_ of love and passion that rolls off her, just when you walk into a room Edward is unbelievable. She is a _human_ and her feelings equal yours completely…even after all this time I still don't fully understand it…

"Today as soon as you left the house her anxiety rose at the _exact_ time yours did. She hates being parted from you just as you do her. I won't lie to you, Bella loves Jacob but _how_ she loves I don't know. But what I do know is that the love I feel come off her when she's with you doesn't even come close to the level love I felt today." _'It's the same emotion yes, but they are on completely different scales.'_

I was still looking into the trees when his little speech ended, my mind absorbing his words. If this was another time I probably would have been laughing or at least smirking. It's not every day one could get Jasper out on such a tangent. I usually enjoyed these rare outbursts from him because when he got going he would become close to what Emmett was like...saying exactly what crossed his mind without fully thinking first.

Jasper's eyes were boring into the side of my face, almost pleading. What he didn't understand was that I _did_ understand… to a point anyway. Bella had proved she loved me beyond any of my expectations when she willing risked her own life to save mine, all the while believing I no longer loved her.

Nevertheless it was reassuring hearing it from Jasper, since he could in fact feel such things. It made me fell oddly _light_ and, though I knew it was dangerous, slightly hopeful that the love Bella had for Jacob was just as she describe it as…_family_.

Another immeasurable amount of time passed, but after a while when Jasper realized I wasn't going to speak anytime soon nor turn to look at him he gave a sigh and got to his feet. "I think I'm going to head home, Alice is probably the one pulling her hair out by now." _'You'll be alright?' _

I nodded once. I was much calmer than I had been, though I had no doubt it was due to his presence.

It wasn't until Jasper was by the car again and had opened the door that I finally spoke.

"Thank you," I whispered.

'_Anytime little brother.'_

_

* * *

_

I'm in the process of pacing that hole into the ground, and about two seconds away from pulling my hair out.

It was 11:20 and Bella still hadn't called.

Why did Jasper have to leave...why did I _let_ him leave? I should have asked him to stay. I couldn't take this.

Why had nobody called yet?

If Bella had gotten caught up with something, or would somehow be delayed surely she would have called. She should know by now my brain liked to think of the worst case scenario. As far as my thought process went the glass was always half empty.

I ran my hand through my hair, my fingers gripping the strands in the back. I would almost swear a follicle parted from my scalp for the first time in nearly a century.

One of these days my Isabella was truly going to make me insane. Though I hated the idea of it I couldn't wait for her to be changed. I yearned selfishly for the day she would be immortal and strong. Where if she happened to trip on thin air like she was so prone to doing she wouldn't be at risk for a concussion or much worse.

My fingers tightened around the phone in my other hand and I had to remind myself not to crush the flimsy plastic. Emmet had been right I _would_ need it…and hopefully I would need it soon.

Just as I began wondering how much more my mind could possibly take and on my 872nd pace back to the side of my car I was granted mercy. Before the third millisecond of vibration ran through my hand the phone was at my ear.

"Bella?" Unfortunately I hadn't taken the time to compose myself and my voice was close to hysterical. I mentally cursed, I had sworn I wouldn't let Bella know how hard this was for me, it would only make it that much harder for her.

But it wasn't the sweet voice I had been expecting that answered, it was a husky one and unfortunately very familiar.

"Uuh, _no._" he said.

Fear shot through me… why was it Jacob calling? "What happened?...Where is she?" I tried to sound angry, tried to put some kind of threat behind my words, but they still only sounded hysteric and perhaps slightly crazed.

"Whoa….damn leech cool it."

"_Where_!"

"She's right here!" He nearly yelled back, it sounded like he was trying to keep his voice down. "She fell asleep and I didn't want to wake her… we're on our way now."

I closed my eyes and took a deep, steadying breath.

Overreaction…that's my middle name.

"My apologies Jacob," I said, calming my voice with some effort. "It's been a long night."

"Right," He snorted sarcastically. "It's not like you have to worry about _me_ eating her or anything."

I clenched my teeth taking another breath through my nose. He's just a kid, I reminded myself…a hot headed, irritating, stinking _mutt_ of a teenager, but still a child.

And he did have the decency to call when Bella couldn't.

"Thank you for calling Jacob, I really appreciate it."

"Well um…" he cleared his throat, it was clear he was finding it more difficult than me to talk somewhat civilly "I talked to Sam today and he said we would do everything we can to help since it is _our_ responsibility. He's sending us out in groups to take shifts around Charlie's house and the surrounding neighborhood."

"That's fine," I agreed. "But Charlie's house is already covered… there will always be someone there, either myself or another member of my family and…"

"Too bad," he growled cutting me off. "Because believe it or not you leeches aren't the only ones who care for Bella and Charlie."

I sighed and pinched my nose, working on keeping what little patience I had left together. "In that case Jacob, advise Sam to send only the most experienced...the one's that are able to keep control the best, because whenever Bella is home there _will_ be one of us present…no exceptions."

I heard him breathe out heavily into the phone and I decided to drop it for now. "We will work out a schedule of some kind so there are no clashes," I said evenly, "and the times when both sides have to be there we'll make it so we stay clear of one another."

I waited… when he didn't disagree or comment I went on. "Who is Sam sending tonight?"

"Myself and two others," He answered curtly. I suppressed a groan; I should have seen that one coming. "I'll be patrolling Charlie's while Quill and Embry take each side of the neighborhood. Three others will replace us tomorrow afternoon."

"That sounds reasonable."

"Yeah whatever," he mumbled, sounding uncomfortable at my still calm voice. It didn't last long though and when he spoke again his voice was back to being sarcastic. "So does this mean I can actually see Bells more …If I _play nice_?"

"If that's what she wants I have no right to stop her," I answered, "and as long as it makes her happy and she's safe I don't have any objections."

He snorted but didn't say anything.

I waited and felt my lip twitch, it was always amusing the way my lack of arguing and/or disagreeing unnerved both Charlie and Jacob at times.

"Yeah well…" he cleared his throat again. "We should be at the line in another 10 minutes or so."

"I'll be there to pick her up."

"Right."

Another pause.

"Goodbye Jacob."

"Yeah."

I chuckled slightly as I put the phone back in my pocket. I began to realize just how idiotic I had been acting. Of course the late call was due to the simple fact that Bella had forgotten the time and fallen asleep…it was completely reasonable and if I had taken a moment to think more clearly that scenario may have crossed my mind.

It took a minute for me to notice I was still pacing, but found I couldn't stop. I wouldn't feel at ease again till she was in my arms. It had felt like it had been _days_ instead of hours.

I began to wonder if this was what Bella felt when I was away hunting. Sure I hated to go too, but during that time I had something to do, something I _had_ to do…this wait I had nothing to do _but_ wait… just like her.

Though I had told Bella the last time I wasn't going to go so far to hunt again I was now positive of that fact. Local deer and elk would have to do. Because if she went through half of what I did tonight when _I_ left it wasn't even close to being worth it.

At that moment a gust of wind rustled through the trees, blowing my hair around my face. I looked up at the sky; it was solid black, not a single star visible.

I could feel and smell the storm coming.

Not knowing how cold it really was, since I couldn't feel such things, I headed towards the car to start it up and get the heater running. Even if I couldn't feel the cold Bella could.

* * *

A good fifteen minutes passed before Jacob's car pulled up. I could see the headlights in the distance, the light noticeable through the thick trees.

I continued to pace, if I kept my legs moving in the same direction they had been for hours I would be able to resist the urge to run towards them.

"Sure Jake," I stopped when I heard Bella's voice, the blowing wind, which had steadily grown stronger, carried her scent directly towards me. Now that she was out of the car and the door opened I could just make out their words over the two running engines.

"Sleep tight Bells. Don't worry about anything…I'll be watching out for you tonight."

Her reaction was just what I expected. "No, Jake. Get some rest I'll be fine."

"Sure. Sure."

"Night, Jake. Thanks." She had already stepped out of the car when I heard the whisper... more from his head than from across the distance.

"Night Bella."

If it wasn't for the fact I was near giddy with relief at the moment, I might have had some sympathy for the mutt. He had fallen for my Isabella, and fallen hard. And though that love was sincere I agreed whole heartily with Jasper. Jacob would never be able to come _close_ to feeling what I felt for Bella. It would take many more decades for him to understand that endless depth.

It was true I hated Jacob, but I couldn't deny the fact that it was sad. Sad that the first girl he had gotten feelings for was taken. But I had waited too long for Bella and I wasn't going to let her go, the only way I would lose her would be if she asked me to leave, if one day she came to her senses and changed her mind.

But till then Isabella Swan _was_ taken and he would have to deal with that fact and the fast pace of her heart and the excited smile on her face as she ran toward _me_ through the darkness only enforced that truth.

I caught her in my cold arms as she stumbled the last few steps. "Bella." My voice was thick with relief, my tense body melting under her warmth like frost under the morning sun.

"Hi." she said softly, her voice -though it sounded very tired- had a light happiness about it I hadn't heard in a while. "Sorry I'm late. I fell asleep and…"

"I know," I smiled down at her. "Jacob explained."

Keeping my arm securely around her waist I lead her toward the car. She leaned her head into my chest as her feet stumbled along the way. "Are you tired? I could carry you."

"I'm fine." she mumbled into my shirt. I looked down and smiled again, her eyes were closed and it was clear she was only seconds away from sleep walking.

"Let's get you home and into bed." I said gently. "Did you have a nice time?"

Her eyes opened and she seemed to become more alert as she lifted her head back up to look at me, her brown eyes shined in the darkness. "Yeah….it was amazing, Edward. I wish you could have come. I can't even explain it. Jake's dad told us the old legends and it was like….like magic."

My smile grew. Alice was right. Bella _was_ more relaxed and she seemed genuinely happy.

Yes, the wait was definitely worth it, and I would gladly do it again if I could see her face like this more often… completely relaxed with that soft, beautiful smile in place.

"You'll have to tell me about. Once you've slept."

She shook her head, leaning back into me. "I won't get it right," she said through a huge yawn. I chuckled and opened the car door. After I had lifted her in and buckled the seat belt around her I closed the door and looked towards where Jacob was still sitting in his car.

I knew he had been waiting till Bella was safely inside before driving off. I found myself once again appreciating his thoughtfulness... if his love for Bella wasn't so _possessive_ I realized it would be pretty difficult to continue hating him.

'_See you in a bit then,' _he thought towards me. I nodded in his direction, knowing he could see me through the trees.

* * *

It had started to rain as I ran back to Charlie's. I didn't take the car all the way home, I just parked in the same place I had earlier this evening. Esme was the one on watch now and she could take it home.

Coming around the corner, instead of heading toward the house, I cut through the trees. Esme wasn't too far in, she smiled when she saw me. "That was pretty fast even for you," I grinned back and I handed her my keys.

"If I didn't know any better," She went on with a soft teasing smile. "I'd say you were in a hurry for something."

"I think hurry is a…" I paused and my head snapped to the left at the same time Esme's did. Jacob was in his wolf form running through the brush... he stopped about 20 feet away and rolled back onto his back legs.

I heard Esme's small intake of breath. It had been a very long time since she last saw a wolf and Jacob seemed to be a bit larger than the ones we had run across nearly eighty years ago. Though I knew he was safe, I still couldn't help but step slightly to the right and place myself in front of her.

'_Is that Jacob?'_ She asked silently. I nodded still not taking my eyes off him.

"Jacob this is my mother Esme," I said politely.

He snorted through his nose. '_Why keep up the charade with me?_' he scoffed. _'I'm not stupid, I know she's not your mother.'_

"She is," I countered smoothly, "in all the ways that count."

Esme placed a hand on my shoulder and stepped around me. I tensed as she took a step forward. _'Oh, stop it Edward'_ she reproached me gently when she felt my reaction. "Hello Jacob," she said kindly standing next to me. "I just wanted to thank you for everything you're doing for us…it means a lot to our family."

'_Tell her I'm not doing this for her, you, or any of the other leeches, I'm here for Bella and that's all.'_

I ignored this and turned to Esme with no intention of passing on the message. "Alice said Carlisle will be home shortly but said he'll be called back in. If you leave now you might be able to catch him."

She looked between me and the large wolf clearly catching a hint of tension in the air. She didn't voice any of the questions running through her head though, instead her gazed settled on me again. She looked into my face her eyes taking on that familiar shine. It was a look that stirred long lost memories inside me…human memories. It was a look that had always accepted me and always over looked my flaws, it was this very look I had come to love over the many years.

Esme reached up and placed her hand on my cheek, _'you did well tonight…I'm proud of you.'_

I sighed softly. "Well it wasn't without help," I said honestly. "Do me a favor and thank Alice for me when you get home."

She chuckled, "Of course." She turned back to the wolf who was still in the shadows. "Have a good night Jacob and stay safe." With one last smile in my direction she took off through the trees.

'_I'm going to make a run around the place,'_ Jacob said once she was gone.

"If you run into anyone or come across a scent tonight just let me know," I said tapping my forehead "I'll be listening."

He stared at me, his thoughts puzzled as he tried to figure out my words. _'So you're going to be here tonight too?'_

I took a lot to keep the smirk from my face but I managed.

"I'm here every night Jacob," I said softly, hopefully lessening the impact I knew my words would have on him. But he needed to know, needed to realize.

I couldn't read anything coherent from his mind at first, but then there was a flash of understanding followed quickly by anger and disgust.

He didn't stay long after that.

As I watched his large form disappear through the trees, I drowned out his furious thoughts and dead end threats. He had clearly learned more information than he ever wanted to know. But he was the one who had asked and the one who wanted to keep watch tonight.

Besides, I could care less as I took off toward my heaven, where I could clearly see my angel waiting patiently for me by the open window.

* * *

**I love Jasper. And though Jacob's a jerk I luv him too. *sigh* LOL**

**Okay then. How was it? Did I get Jasper right? Let me know ;)**


	13. Getting Heathcliff

* * *

Chapter 12

Getting Heathcliff

* * *

"_No person was ever rightly understood until they had been first regarded with a certain feeling, not of tolerance, but of sympathy." – Thomas Carlyle_

* * *

For the first time today both my mind and body were at peace. Bella was curled up into my chest, wrapped safely in her thick blanket. Her soft breathing and steady heartbeat the perfect antidote for my day of worry.

One of my arms was draped lightly around her waist, my fingers running through her long hair. The other lay up and under her pillow, holding up Wuthering Heights behind her back. And as I had my chin resting on top of her head I could easily see and read the words through the darkness.

--

"_Have you been listening at the door Edgar?" Asked the mistress, in a tone particularly calculated to provoke her husband, implying both carelessness and contempt of his irritation._

_Heathcliff, who had raised his eyes to the former speech, gave a sneering laugh at the latter; on purpose it seemed, to draw Mr. Linton's attention to him. _

_He succeeded, but Edgar did not mean to entertain him with any high flights of passion._ "_I have been so far forbearing with you sir," he said quietly, "not that I was ignorant of your miserable, degraded character, but I felt you were only partly responsible for that, and Catherine wishing to keep up your acquaintance, I acquiesced- foolishly... Your presence is as mortal poison that would contaminate the most virtuous: for that cause, and to prevent worse consequences, I shall deny you here after admission into this house, and give notice now that I require your instant departure. Three minutes delay will render in involuntary and ignominious."_

_Heathcliff measured the height and breadth of the speaker with an eye full of derision._ "_Cathy, this lamb of yours threatens like a bull" he said "It is in danger of splitting its skull against my knuckles. By god! Mr. Linton, I'm mortally sorry that you are not worth knocking down."_

_--_

I found my lips forming a smirk as I read the words. In an odd way it reminded me of the vile Mike Newton. Sure his thoughts against me were strong, and pretty violent at times, he was still not worth any kind of retaliation. Though I _have_ thought of it more than once, the truth of the matter was he was nothing more than a 'lamb threatening like a bull' as Heathcliff so eloquently put it…a very irritating and obnoxious lamb at that.

"It's _just_ a hotdog..."

The mumbled, nearly unintelligible words drew me from the story.

Due to the fact Bella's face was buried in my chest I had to work extremely hard to stifle my chuckle before it bubbled into something stronger. I didn't want the vibrations to wake her… I was enjoying myself too much for her to wake.

The book now hung loosely in my hand as I drew my face back slightly to peer down at what little of Bella's face I could see, all my concentration was now there…waiting.

It was not the first time I'd been interrupted tonight though. I'm not sure if it was because she was so worn out earlier or because she had eaten too late, but Bella was _extremely_ talkative tonight- even for her- and for the life of me I couldn't make sense of _anything_ she was saying.

Not even an hour ago she had mumbled _"…cows are too big…"_ It took everything I had to keep the overpowering laughter at bay during _that_ moment.

If it wasn't so funny, with her added facial expressions, it would have been beyond maddening not being able to make sense of it. Because the yearning to know her thoughts was so much stronger when she was dreaming… her mind was completely open and free, and with her mumbled words I got a taste of what was blocked from me. It always left me excited and craving more.

So like always I waited eagerly…perhaps slightly impatient for more, but all I received was a soft sigh and a mumbled _"warm"_ as she snuggled closer to me.

_That_ I could not help but snort at.

The thick blanket Bella was rolled in may be keeping her warm at the moment, but it didn't change _my_ temperature. Where the word warm came from was beyond me.

But of course my mind had to automatically analyze the trivial word. It was nearly a reflex reaction to do so with whatever Bella said, because she was the only person I didn't just _know_ why something was said and what was meant by it.

With an uncomfortable feeling in my chest -that was becoming all too familiar and stronger with each day- I wondered if she pinned the word "Warm" on something…or _someone_ else.

I breathed out a sigh and immediately cut that train of thought off before it grew any larger. This was becoming ridiculous. I had begun to _wonder_ too much lately.

I wondered constantly if _he_ was on her mind more than I thought. There were times when Bella would be silent, her warm eyes soft and thoughtful, and my first thought would be of him and then if _her_ thoughts were the same. It bothered me only because I was selfish enough to crave her mind to always be aimed at _me_ when she looked that way.

But I had personally ruined any chances of that being possible. That fact was becoming clearer.

Due to my idiotic idea of what I thought was right for her I had made the biggest mistake of my very long life and the consequence of that was…I now had to share.

I could no longer dominate Bella's affections like I had during those long beautiful months before her eighteenth birthday. Jasper's words from earlier tonight had proven that fact. Bella loved Jacob too. Regardless of what kind of love it was or how deep it ran there was no one to blame for that but myself.

Shaking my head slightly I pulled the book back up and settled my head back into the same position it had been in, with Bella's hair nestled under my chin. If I threw myself back into Nelly's mind and story it would give me a small relief from my own.

* * *

"_I say Mr. Heathcliff…you must not: you never shall, through my means. Another encounter between you and the master would kill her all together."_

"_With your aid, that may be avoided" he continued "and should there be danger of such an event- should he be the cause of adding a single trouble more to her existence- why, I think, I shall be justified in going to extremes! I wish you had sincerity enough to tell me whether Catherine would suffer greatly from his loss: the fear that she would restrains me... _

_"And there you see the distinction between our feelings: had he been in my place and I his, though I hated him with a hatred that turned my life to gall, I never would have laid a hand against him. You may look incredulous if you please! I never would have banished her from his society as long as she desired his. The moment her regard ceased, I would have torn his heart out and drank his blood! But till then- if you don't believe me, you don't know me- till then- I would have died by inches before I touched a single hair on his head!"_

_--_

Who would have thought I'd ever understand something that came from Heathcliff's mouth…_sympathize_ with him even. Sure he was a monster just as I, but I'd like to think we were of a different kind.

It revolted me that I kept finding these similarities with a character I could never understand…didn't even want to _try_ to understand. This whole damn story was completely ludicrous to me once upon a time. And yet here I was reading it again, decades later, finding myself in a situation that, however slightly, mirrored his.

I did hate Jacob…perhaps unfairly on his part, but I did nonetheless. It went beyond the fact that he was born to be my mortal enemy, that was a small conflict compared to the sleeping girl in my arms... because I knew his thoughts…he _craved_ her, loved her…wanted her for his own.

Just that thought right now made my breath hitch and my chest tighten automatically around a growl. And yet through that unimaginable loathing, born of fear and jealously, I knew that if it truly came down to a fight…just me and him…I would not be able to strike. He had pushed me more than once and I had felt the urge to lunge more than once, but one look at my angel would have stopped me…just like that one look Catherine threw to Heathcliff stopped him the day he had his enemy there in front of him.

Though the dog had more strength and nerve in one finger than the character Edgar Linton had in his whole body, I knew I would still be the one to walk away if there ever were a fight. But I also knew I would rather let him win than see the pain on Bella's face if I ever stepped up to his taunts and threats.

For my life was a small comparison to Bella's happiness… in all reality I had no life. She _was_ my life, she was my absent heart beat… _she_ made it possible for me to live.

It was just all ironic really…or maybe not. It couldn't be too unbelievable that a monster found similarities with another…the fact that one was completely fictional was beside the point.

Sure_._

I was definitely losing what little sanity I had.

There may have been a time when I could have considered myself sane… but not now. Bella had altered me so completely...the only way I could begin to describe it was like I had been turned inside-out, shredded apart with foreign, unfamiliar emotions, and then slowly put back together.

Even now I think I was still being pulled together… becoming more human with each snapped in piece. In the end though, even when the last piece was finally in place, I knew it would never be enough…not for her.

"….so young …"

I once again pulled my head back, my eyes automatically sliding down to Bella. I could just make out the side of her face, the rest hidden in the folds of my shirt. My mouth curved into a soft smile when I realized I would be getting more from her mind tonight than I thought.

"…third wife…" she mumbled. "…helpful…wish I…"

To my disappointment I couldn't make out much more. Her mumbled words flowed together so quietly they became indecipherable, even with my sharp hearing.

I leaned in closer, dropping my head and waited.

Silence

Disappointed I began read again.

--

"_But till then- if you don't believe me you don't know me- till then, I would have died by inches before I touched a single hair on his head."_

"_And yet" I interrupted _(_Nelly_)_ "you have no scruples in completely ruining all hopes of her perfect restoration, by thrusting yourself into her remembrance now, when she has nearly forgotten you, and involving her into new tumult of discord and distress."_

"_You suppose she has nearly forgotten me?" he said "Oh, Nelly! You know she has not. You know as well as I do, that for every thought she spends on Linton, she spends a thousand on me!"_

_--_

Perfect, now I found myself _envying_ Heathcliff.

How I wish I had his confidence now… knew for certain Bella thought of me more than she did the mutt. It was childish really, like two children fighting for their parents' attention. But Heathcliff was so confident in his words… and they _were_ true. That certainty was written on every page of this book.

As I began to read again I felt Bella tremble in my arms and mumble 'third wife' again. What could she possibly mean by that? She had now said it more than once and it was odd hearing her mumble something like _wife_ in her sleep. She usually shied away from -and sometimes flinched- at words like….wife, husband…_fiancée_.

I felt her shiver again and though I didn't want to I gently slid my arms from around her, knowing she was probably getting cold despite the thick blanket. Immediately, to my slight surprise, she turned putting her back to me before curling back into her usual position.

I slid back towards the edge of the bed, putting a gap between her warm body and my skin. It wouldn't be long till she turned and pressed herself back into me.

In the mean time I went back to Heathcliff's ranting…

--

"_At a most miserable period of my life, I had a notion of the kind: it haunted me on my return to the neighborhood last summer; but only her own assurances could make me admit to the horrible ideas again. And then, Linton would be nothing, nor Hindley, nor all the dreams that ever I dreamt. Two words would comprehend my future- death and hell: existence, after losing her, would be hell..._

"_Yet I was a fool to fancy for a moment that she valued Edgar Linton's attachment more than mine. If he loved with all the powers of his puny being, he couldn't love as much in eighty years as I could in a day. And Catherine has a heart as deep as I have: the sea could be as readily contained in that horse-trough, as her whole affection be monopolized by him. Tush! He is scarcely a degree dearer to her than her dog…"_

_--_

That did it; even clamping my hand over my mouth did not stop my suppressed laughter from filling the room, nor stop the mattress from shaking.

I was preparing to slide from the bed before my laughter over powered me, but stopped when I felt Bella jerk next to me. She let out a low gasp and turned back towards me, almost frantically, to bury her face into my shirt again.

My humor was instantly gone "Did I wake you?" I asked softly as I fumbled to close the book and drop it onto the floor behind me. Her body was tense and I could hear her heart beating a little too fast. Perhaps I had frightened her.

"No," she said her voice slightly shaky. I wrapped my arms securely around her again, knowing it would calm her. She sighed and I felt her body relax back into mine. "I had a bad dream," she mumbled as her heart steadied back out.

Ah, that was nothing new. Bella had had her fair share of nightmares. After I had returned she had them nearly every night for weeks, her screams always including my name. Over time though they had begun to lessen and I had hoped they were gone now.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked pulling her tighter to my chest.

Her head shook slightly. "Too tired," she muttered. "Maybe in the morning, if I remember."

I chuckled softly…if she couldn't remember then it couldn't have been too bad. That was a nice thought. "In the morning," I agreed.

"What were you reading?" she asked groggily. I could tell she was already halfway to sleep again.

"Wuthering Heights," I answered with a smile, knowing what she would think of that.

"I thought you didn't like that book."

"You left it out," I said softly burying my face in her hair. "Besides…the more time I spend with you the more human emotions seem comprehensible to me. I'm discovering that I can sympathize with Heathcliff in ways I didn't think possible before."

"Mmmm"

The words came softer than a whisper and straight from my thoughts. "I find myself envying him in ways I wish I didn't."

Bella's heart was its calming rhythm again, her breathing even and as soft as a feather.

'…_the love I feel come off her when she's with you doesn't even come close to the level of love I felt today.'_

'_It's the same emotion yes, but they are on completely different scales.'_

As Jasper's words echoed through my head from earlier tonight Heathcliff's own words followed…

'_If he loved with all the powers of his puny being, he couldn't love as much in eighty years as I could in a day.'_

I smiled and gently kissed the beautiful head nestled into my chest.

"Sleep my Bella."

* * *

**Okay first I want to apologize to anyone who read this chapter and has never read Wuthering Heights. this chapter was probably boring to you sorry.**

**But** e**veryone knows Edward was reading this book that night so I decided to put in some parts i thought would be funny for him to read, plus they were some of my favorites parts LOL.**

**Another thing: Did Bella's mummbled words make sense? She said those things for a reason. We know where 'third wife came from' but what about the others?**

**If you've read Eclipse more than a dozen times (like I have LOL) than the three other things she says would make sense. ;) So do you know where they came from? I was always curious to know if anyone understood them.**

**Let me know ;)**


	14. Understanding

**

* * *

**

* * *

Chapter 13

Understanding

* * *

"_Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot." – Unknown_

* * *

'_She's completely out of it isn't she?'_

I looked up to catch Alice's eye in the rear view mirror and then glanced over at Bella again. She was silent and had yet to move from the position she had been in since we left the school parking lot. Her hands were folded tightly together in her lap with her head turned toward the window.

I was becoming more and more frustrated, for I could clearly see she was upset, but I wasn't exactly sure what it was about.

Was she angry with Alice? She had a good reason to be, as my sister was once again pushing a human experience on her with all the expectations she thought were necessary. Sure, I was guilty of doing the same thing but I had learned from my mistakes. I now knew what was acceptable and what drove Bella's nerves to the edge.

Or maybe she was just trying to figure out the gift she had…well _was_ getting us for graduation. That didn't seem to fit though, she knew all she had to do was ask me and I would tell her. It couldn't be that.

Then what?

My eyes slid to her hands, they were clasped so tightly together that her knuckles and fingertips were white. My hand automatically reached out, and as my skin touched hers she jumped. Her eyes flashed to mine and I could clearly see that it was not the coldness of my touch that startled her.

Her face was paler than it had been when we left the school and there was something in her eyes, something I couldn't quite make out…it almost seemed to be panic. Then before I could make a clear observation she gave me a forced smile and turned back toward the window. I sighed, gently prying her palms apart so I could hold one of her warm hands securely in my own.

I glared up into the mirror again, this time with accusation. Was this whole party business really necessary? There was too much going on at the moment. Alice knew how Bella hated being in the spotlight, especially if she was pushed there.

Alice stared back her eyes were wide and innocent.

'_What?'_

"You know what," I said too low for Bella to hear. Though I doubted she would have heard even if I had spoken at human level, she was too absorbed in whatever was running through her mind.

'_Edward,'_ Alice thought, somewhat sternly. _'You actually think this is over the party?'_

I raised my eyebrows.

'_Oh _comeon_, you saw her reaction when she looked at that poster. She had no idea it was this late in the year already,' _Alice shook her head sadly and glanced at Bella. My eyes followed.

So it was the date that had Bella upset?

Of course this reason would make sense with anyone else if they were in Bella's shoes…Graduation was right around the corner dragging with it something entirely different.

The thought made me feel sick and every time I passed one of those stupid posters in the halls of the school I wanted to rip it from the wall. The constant reminders made the gnawing dread in the back of my mind all the more difficult to deal with it.

Bella's reaction when she realized it was indeed June fourth did surprise me. But mostly it was amusing… because I had tied it to the fact that she was worried she didn't have time to figure out our gift or anxious over the upcoming party she was being forced into.

Though the approaching date scared and angered me, it was the last thing I expected Bella to be upset over. From what I had seen she seemed to be more upset over the extended wait than anything else. She was so eager for what was coming and she had wanted it for so long now…the image in Alice's visions was still there, clear and strong. Bella was dead set on her path…her choice.

I scowled out the windshield watching the rain streak down the glass while my free hand followed the memorized curves of the road. Though Bella's hand was still warm in mine it was a bit too cool to be normal, and it was still too stiff. I rubbed my thumb gently across her soft skin, but even that didn't help.

* * *

'_Talk to her,'_ Alice thought as she got out of the car in front of our house. I nodded once**.**

"See you later Bella."

Bella's only response to her farewell was a vacant glance and a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.

When we pulled into Charlie's driveway the burning desire to ask what was wrong was unbearable. But I couldn't find my voice. I was becoming apprehensive with what this was really about…the only thing that made sense didn't make any sense at all.

I was lost…her silent mind once again pulling up unexplainable blanks.

So I held my tongue as I opened Bella's door and walked quickly with her through the rain. Once inside it worried me even more when it seemed she was still unaware of her surroundings.

Why wouldn't she speak to me?

Why couldn't I speak?

Not sure of what to do I led her to the sofa and pulled her down next to me.

She didn't protest.

I waited.

And waited.

I never took my eyes from her face as she stared out the window. Just like in the car it was expressionless, there was only one change I could clearly see, and that was as time went on it grew impossibly paler.

I was vaguely aware that the rain had slackened a bit and the slight shadows in the small living room were growing larger across the floor. She had not moved an inch, I could not remember her ever sitting still for so long. I began to worry that she was sick… she was still too pale.

When I realized I could no longer hear her breathing and I began to see the white pallor to her lips I finally broke. My sanity wasn't going to last much longer if this continued…I reached out and cupped her face in my hands, turning her to face me. "Would you _please_ tell me what you are thinking?" I nearly begged in a strained voice, she had yet to take a breath "_Before_ I go mad?"

I waited for her eyes to focus on mine…waited for her to inhale.

Five very long seconds went by and I could feel the bubble of panic building in my chest.

"Your lips are white. Talk, Bella."

And for god sakes _breathe_.

She finally acknowledged my presence and the fact that I was speaking. Her eyes focused on mine at the same time her warm breath blew into my face. I relaxed slightly…at least she was getting oxygen.

She swallowed, staring at me for a moment before she finally spoke. "The date took me off guard…" she whispered. "That's all."

I believed that much…but she was editing. There was much more to this than I had originally thought. Obviously she could see the disbelief on my face because she went on in a rush, "I'm not sure what to do…what to tell Charlie…what to say…how to…" The words trailed off into a hoarse whisper before she fell silent again.

"This isn't about the party?" I asked. I had to make sure, though I now knew it wasn't… or perhaps a part of me was just hoping it was.

"No, but thanks for reminding me," she scowled.

I continued to hold her pale face so she couldn't look away. As I examined her wide and somewhat pleading eyes I quickly ran over her response to today's date…applied her words to her reactions from earlier today.

--

"_It's the fourth? Of _June_? Are you sure?"_ _Bella's eyes were wide and incredulous as she stared from the poster to Alice and then back again._

"_It can't be!"_ _she nearly shouted._

_Then as comprehension dawned on her face, the pink flush quickly ran from her cheeks._

_When she spoke again it was barley a whisper, "How did that happen?" _

_--_

It wasn't until this moment, as I remembered her words and tied them to the ones she had just spoken, that I fully understood.

At school her eyes had been shocked and dazed …and, though I hadn't noticed it at the time…_scared_. But now I did see it, for that's all that was left…worry and fear.

Realization washed over me and it was more painful than I would have expected.

It was what I wanted all along anyway right? I was getting what I wanted… what I wanted for her.

So why did the whispered words hurt so much on their way out? "You're not ready."

"I am," she said immediately. It was a reflex reaction for her whenever this subject was mentioned, but I knew better now, knew that this time it was completely different.

I looked at her doubtfully and she sighed. It was clear she knew she was lying, both to herself and to me. _That_ she could not deny, not anymore.

"I have to be."

Anger flared inside me…it wasn't aimed at her but at everything and everyone else. "You don't have to be anything," I nearly growled.

A familiar fear filled her eyes and I hated seeing it yet again…I wished one day would pass where I wouldn't see that flash of panic in her eyes. "Victoria, Jane, Caius, whoever was in my room…"

"All the more reason to wait," I cut her off, some of my frustration coming out in my words.

"That doesn't make any sense, Edward!"

I exhaled slowly. Her face was still in my hands so I squeezed it gently, rubbing my thumb lightly across her cheekbones, trying to calm her. I spoke slowly and softly, I had to make her understand. "Bella. Not one of us had a choice. You've seen what it's done…to Rosalie especially. We've all struggled, trying to reconcile ourselves with something we had no control over. I won't let it be that way for you. You _will_ have a choice."

"I've already made my choice." She mumbled and I could feel her strain slightly against my hands as she tried to look down. I refused to let her break eye contact though, refused to let go of her face…not until she understood.

"You're not going through this because you have a sword hanging over your head," I said a little more fiercely, but I kept my voice soft and steady despite the ache in my chest. "We will take care of the problems, and I will take care of you. When we're through it, and there is nothing forcing your hand, _then_ you can decide to join me, if you still want to. But not because you are afraid. You won't be forced into this."

I wondered when the fight inside my head would end… the struggle that had been there from the very beginning. I wanted her to join me just as desperately as I wanted her not to.

"Carlisle promised," she said quietly, but I could hear the defeat in her voice. "After graduation."

"Not until you're ready," I repeated. "And definitely not while you feel threatened."

I waited to see if her stubborn nature was going to keep her comebacks flowing. When nothing else followed, I leaned forward and kissed her softly on the forehead. "There. Nothing to worry about," I said, finally moving my hands from her face. I let them slide down her neck, her arms, and then to her hands. They were balled together in her lap again, and as I had done in the car I pulled them apart and held them in both of mine.

I continued to look at her, but she had dropped her eyes. There was something else… I could see it, feel it in her still tense body. I was about to speak when she looked back up at me…

"Can I ask you something?" Her voice was slightly hesitant and her eyes cautious.

"Anything."

She opened her mouth to speak, hesitated, and then closed it again. There was usually only two reasons Bella would bite her lip… either she was nervous or she was thinking something over very carefully. Right now it seemed to be a little of both. When she finally spoke, it was fast and rushed and I knew immediately that it was not what she had intended to say.

"What am I getting Alice for graduation?"

I chuckled despite myself. "It looked like you were getting us _both_ concert tickets…"

"That's right," she cut me off. Her voice was so full of relief I couldn't help the smirk that formed on my face.

"The concert in Tacoma. I saw an ad in the paper last week, and I thought it would be something you'd like, since you said it was a good CD." She was rambling now and I knew that wherever her thoughts were it was not on concert tickets.

"It's a great idea," I said with a smile, "Thank you." Though it upset me that she felt the need to spend money on me when I couldn't even _mention_ buying something for her. That was something I was still working on, but I was in no hurry, I had plenty of time to get her accustomed to the idea.

"I hope it's not sold out," she mumbled, her face still distracted.

"It's the thought that counts. I ought to know," I said in an attempt to get her to smile. It didn't work, she was once again staring down at our hands. I gave hers a gentle squeeze. "There's something else you meant to ask."

She still wouldn't look up at me, but I saw the corners of her mouth fall. "You're good."

"I have lots of practice reading your face…Ask me."

Before I could reach to lift her chin up, like I intended to, Bella closed her eyes and leaned into me, burying her face in my chest. This surprised me, but I released her hands and wrapped my arms willingly around her, pulling her closer. I felt my brow furrow as I waited, resting my chin on her hair. What could possibly be wrong?

"You don't want me to be a vampire," The whisper was very quiet, but the pain that laced into every word cut deeply.

I breathed out slowly and closed my eyes. I was glad she had hidden her face, I didn't want to see the hurt on her face as I answered truthfully.

"No I don't."

I didn't…she was too beautiful, too innocent.

Bella was an angel…an angel with the most amazing soul I had, and would, ever come into contact with. Compared to that, to her soul, I was nothing.

I didn't deserve her pure and simple. I had no right to place the claim I had already placed on her, much less the right to make that claim more permanent.

I could find small justices in staying with her now, staying for as long as she needed and wanted me, but no matter how hard I tried to make it seem right in my mind I couldn't find a single thread of justice in making her like me. Because there was no redemption for something like that...for something so very selfish.

If I had no right to be with her, even for a small amount of time, then who was I to risk her soul?

A soulless angel made absolutely no sense to me. It was impossible.

I swallowed and bit back the agony so that my voice would not betray the expression on my face. "That's not a question," I said as lightly as I could manage.

"Well…" she paused and took a breath "I was worrying about…_why_ you feel that way."

"_Worrying?"_ I said in shock. She knew why I felt the way I did, I had told more than once that I couldn't take her soul, that I wouldn't condemn her to a lifeless existence when without me she could have it all.

"Would you tell me why?" she went on, "The whole truth, not sparing my feelings?"

I pressed my lips to the top of her head, shutting my eyes. "If I answer your question…" I mumbled quietly into her hair. "… will you then explain your question?"

She kept her face hidden from me but I felt her nod.

I took a deep breath, ignoring the scorching burn in my throat and stomach as pulled her closer. The unimaginable warmth surrounded me while her heart pulsed strongly against my chest in a perfect rhythm…beating for us both. This, more than anything let the barrier fall, allowed the dread to leak out.

All the worries and doubts that haunted my mind relentlessly as watched her sleep, watched her laugh and smile…as I watched her _live,_ began to poor from my mouth.

When the flood started there was no stopping it.

"You could do so much better, Bella. I know that _you _believe I have a soul, but I'm not entirely convinced on that point, and to risk yours…. For me to allow this-- to let you become what I am just so I'll never have to lose you-- is the most selfish act I can imagine. I want it more than anything for _myself_. But for you, I want so much more. Giving in…it feels criminal. It's the most selfish thing I'll ever do, even if I live forever."

I lowered my head slightly, letting her soft hair caress my cheek. My eyes squeezed together tightly as the painful yearning ripped through me...the unbearable desire that my dead heart would somehow beat again with the help of hers. "If there were _any_ way for me to become human for you…no matter what the price was, I would pay it."

_Anything_. I would give anything…do anything…_suffer_ anything… if only I could give her that one miracle. If only I could give her a full, normal, _human_ life with me.

Even as I thought this I knew it would never be enough for me, because even the thought of forever never felt like enough time. But it would be the _right_ thing…the best thing.

All except for the simple fact that it was impossible… just like the thought of her soul being burned from her body, it was impossible.

As we continued to sit curled together I stayed silent, letting my words sink in…_hoping_ that they would sink in. After a few moments I felt a soft pressure against my chest, almost as if Bella's cheek had lifted.

Was she actually _smiling_?

"So…it's not that you're afraid you won't…_like_ me as much when I'm different…" She finally mumbled into my shirt. "….when I'm not soft and warm and I don't smell the same? You really want to keep me, no matter how I turn out?"

The air rushed from my chest and I was momentarily speechless.

How could she possibly even _think_ such a thing? Not only think but worry.

"You were worried I wouldn't _like_ you?" I demanded, opening my eyes to stare at the dim light shining across her hair. At first, there was anger and my words were hard. But then as what she had really said sank in, as the absolutely _ridiculous_ meaning of it all washed over me, a loud laugh burst from my mouth before I could stop it.

"Bella, for a fairly intuitive person, you can be so obtuse." I pulled her back slightly dipping my head so that my eyes were level with hers. My voice was full of disbelief… and try as I might I couldn't help the humor that mixed with my words. "I don't think you realize how much easier it will be for me, Bella…When I don't have to concentrate all the time on not killing you."

I could only imagine what it would be like to be able to caress her cheek without fear…imagine how it would be when I could kiss her freely, when my lips would form into hers and I could finally pour forth all I felt for her into one moment without caution. When I could _show _her what she meant to me instead of just telling her.

Bella's eyes were intent on my face just as mine were on hers. She was taking in every word, she was actually serious…how long had she been worrying over this? Of all the things she had on her plate at the moment she was worried that I wouldn't _want_ her when she was no longer human.

Sure, there were plenty of things I was going to miss but that would change nothing…not her and the way she captivated me, and it sure as hell wouldn't change the way I felt about her. That was impossible…physically and emotionally.

I thought she knew, I thought I had said it more than once and in so many different ways. But as I looked into her eyes and saw the relief, I realized maybe she didn't know, maybe she needed to hear it again more clearly.

"Certainly there are things I'll miss…" I explained softly, concentrating on the warm brown of her eyes "This for one…" I touched the soft skin of her cheek, lightly stroking down to the edge of her jaw. Immediately heat flooded under my touch, spreading a beautiful red beneath my fingertips.

I laughed softly, trying to keep the sadness I felt building up from showing, because her blush was not the only thing to react to my touch. The familiar thud of her heart accelerated, filling the room and pounding in my ears. The sadness intensified at the sound…

"And the sound of your heart…" I murmured. "It's the most significant sound in my world, I'm so attuned to it now I swear I could pick it out from miles away."

I swallowed, pushing the sudden sorrow back down so my voice would be strong and sure…Bella deserved the truth. "But neither of these things matter," I took her still flushed face in my hands again. "_This_…_you_," I whispered fiercely, "That's what I'm keeping. You'll always be my Bella…You'll just be a little more durable." I smiled softly as she sighed, finally relaxing into my hands.

As her eyes closed I felt the small smile slide from my face.

If Bella could pull down some of her barriers and ask me something that had clearly been bothering her then surely I could do the same. Even though it amused me the way she would cringe at the word fiancée or wrinkle her nose at the mention of a wedding, there was still that small part of me that broke every time I was rejected.

Though technically I had only asked her to marry me once, it still felt like every one her flinches and frowns was a refusal.

How could she possibly be ready and able to give her life, risk her soul to become one of the damned, and yet so hesitant and clearly _frightened_ to be my wife?

I pushed back **the** irritating doubt and pulled up the courage I needed. "Now will you answer a question for me?" I asked stroking her warm face again with my thumb. "The whole truth, not sparing my feelings?"

Her eyes flew open. They were wide and full of surprise. "Of course."

I thought over my question trying to find the right way to ask. I decided to continue with using her own words.

"You don't want to be my wife," Saying the words together like that…out loud, while looking into her beautiful face all at the same time hurt more than I thought it would. I controlled my facial features and waited for her usual response to the word 'wife'.

Her heart skipped dramatically and then kick into overdrive. Her face went pale again and I could easily see the moisture building up on her hairline. Though I expected this, I had yet to understand it. Her peculiar reaction to this particular subject was like any other human facing their own personal phobia, but instead of heights or spiders it was words like marriage, wife, or oddly enough…_rings_.

I continued to hold her face, staring and waiting. She seemed too terrified to try and break away or take her wide eyes from mine. I tried to stay patient but this subject was something that had been eating at me…I wanted, no _needed_ to know why.

"That's not a question," she finally choked out in a whisper.

I bit back a sigh of frustration and dropped her face. This time it was I who could no longer hold eye contact. I picked up her left hand and began rubbing the tips of my fingers down her knuckles and fingers. "I was worrying about why you felt that way."

My touch lingered a little longer on her empty third finger. If only she knew how badly I wanted the ring that was in my room right now to be on this beautiful hand. The curiosity of how my mother's ring would look against Bella's ivory skin was so strong and demanding…almost as strong as the urge to bend on one knee and ask the way I knew I should have in the first place.

Her voice was still a whisper when she finally spoke, "That's not a question either."

I closed my eyes. "Please, Bella?" The doubt was growing as her feeble attempts at stalling continued.

"The truth?" I could just barely hear the words this time. Her heart was pounding more rapidly and her palms were becoming moist as I held them. Her reactions were not helping with my fears….I now wished I had never asked in the first place.

Though I wasn't sure if I really wanted the answer now, I nodded anyway, still not looking up…"Of course. I can take it, whatever it is," I would _have_ to take it. As long as it was the truth…I needed the truth…no matter how bad it hurt or how bad I didn't want to believe it.

Bella inhaled shakily. "You're going to laugh at me." Her voice was strong now and very sure.

The shock of her statement alone made me lift my eyes back up to hers. "Laugh?" I stared at her doubtfully. "I cannot imagine that." I wasn't sure what my reaction was going to be but I knew for a fact I would not be laughing.

"You'll see," she said under her breath.

Her next reaction was even more surprising than her words. It happened so quickly I was taken off guard, which was saying something, because it had been a long time since my breath caught at the scent of her blood…..a _very_ long time since my muscles locked into place due to the venom filling my mouth.

And though it only took me a mere fraction of a second to relax and swallow, it still shocked me… Bella's face went from stark white to bright red in record time. If the sight wasn't so beautifully breathtaking, filling her face with a brilliant glow from neck to hairline, I would have been worried about her health. Surely that much blood rushing up that quickly could not be good.

"Okay fine!" She snapped angrily. "I'm sure this will sound like some big joke to you, but really! It's just so…so…so _embarrassing_!"

Before I could even think, much less open my mouth to question what she could possibly mean, Bella pushed herself forward again. Her face hit my stone chest a little too hard for my liking, but it seemed she hadn't hurt herself.

The heat of the blush still on her face seeped through my thin shirt and spread up into my chest. Despite the situation and the utter confusion of the moment I relished the feeling as I wrapped my arms around her again.

It felt like we were going in strange circles, and I couldn't quite keep up. "I'm not following you," I said honestly.

What was so embarrassing?

She tilted her head back and when I looked down to meet her gaze her eyes were frustrated and angry. Then her own flood began…

"I'm not _that girl,_ Edward. The one who gets married right out of high school like some small town hick who got knocked up by her boyfriend!" She continued on all in the same breath and I was slightly impressed with her lung capacity. "Do you know what people would think? Do you realize what century this is? People don't just get married at eighteen! Not smart people, not responsible, mature people! I wasn't going to be that girl! That's not who I am…." She finally trailed off, whether it was because she had ran out of words to say or oxygen to say them I wasn't sure.

"That's all?" I asked cautiously, staring into her still red face, trying to decipher if there was something she wasn't saying.

"Isn't that enough?" She said shrilly.

I was beyond confused, I thought there was so much more to this…

"It's not that you were…" I struggled for the right words. "…more eager for immortality itself than just for me?"

She stared at me for half a second, her eyes uncomprehending. Then out of nowhere she burst into uncontrollable laughter. She was practically hysterical as she broke away from my arms and bent over herself, holding her sides.

My body was frozen in shock.

"Edward," She was gasping for breath now, but it was clear she couldn't get enough control to speak any clearer. "And here …I always…thought that…you were…so much…smarter than me!"

I unfroze, reaching out to pull her toward me again before she fell to the floor. The laughter that bubbled up my chest was un-stoppable. Her mirth was too contagious…too beautiful. And the relief that filled me as I laughed along with her seemed to make all my worries very dim and very childish.

"Edward," she said again, a few chuckles escaping her mouth as she tried to compose herself. "There's no point to forever without you. I wouldn't want one day without you."

"Well that's a relief," I murmured to myself. My arms tightened around her and I buried my face in her hair again…making the odd circle complete.

Who was I to doubt her or Jasper? How many times have they both told me as much?

"Still…" Bella said her voice was serious now. "It doesn't change anything."

I knew that, but now that I knew the truth I could wait as long as she needed to…besides that's what I wanted. I wanted her to wait, to make sure she had thought through everything first. Every consequence and every sacrifice.

"It's nice to understand, though," I said. "And I do understand your perspective, Bella, truly I do. But I'd like it very much if you tried to consider mine."

I pulled her back to meet her now serious eyes. "You see, Bella, I was _that boy_." I said softly. "In my world, I was already a man. I wasn't looking for love…no, I was far too eager to be a solider for that; I thought of nothing but the idealized glory of the war that they were selling prospective draftees then…but if I had found…."

I paused thinking over my words and then went on correcting myself. "I was going to say if I had found _someone_, but that won't do. If I had found _you_, there isn't a doubt in my mind how I would have proceeded."

She was looking at me with an odd expression…somewhere between horror and wonder…her eyes wide. I went on anyway. "I was _that boy_, who would have…as soon as I discovered that you were what I was looking for…gotten down on one knee and endeavored to secure your hand. I would have wanted you for eternity, even when the word didn't have quite the same connotations." The picture my own words triggered inside my head made the wide grin break out across my face. I heard Bella's breath catch in her throat.

I waited.

Nothing.

"Breathe, Bella."

She took a deep breath and exhaled.

"Can you see my side, Bella, even a little bit?"

Her eyes unfocused and she seemed to be seeing something far away. What I would give to see what was running through her mind this very second. I would be happy for even a small, _fraction_ of a glimpse. Of course I received nothing, and I knew asking would be pointless.

After a moment Bella seemed to come back to the present. She shook her head. "The thing is, Edward…in my mind, _marriage_ and _eternity_ are not mutually exclusive or mutually inclusive concepts. And since we're living in my world for the moment, maybe we should go with the times, if you know what I mean."

"But on the other hand," I said trying my best not to smile. "You will soon be leaving time behind you altogether. So why should the transitory customs of one local culture affect the decision so much?"

Her lips pursed, but I could see the flash of humor in her eyes. "When in Rome?"

I laughed and felt satisfied when I saw her lips twitch. At least I came close to making her smile.

"You don't have to say yes or no today, Bella." I said, brushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. "It's good to understand both sides though, don't you think?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly, "So your condition…?"

"Is still in effect," I clarified quickly. "I do see your point Bella, but if you want me to change you myself…"

"Dum, dum, dah-dum."

"Exactly."

* * *

**This is one of my favorite chapters ;) So let me know what you think.**


	15. Threat

* * *

Chapter 14

Threat

* * *

"_All violence consists in some people forcing others, under threat of suffering or death, to do what they do not want to do." – Leo Nikolaevich_

* * *

Alice sat at the end of the long table with the heels of her hands pressed into her eyes. I had returned right before dawn to change and get my car like I did every morning, and this was how I had found her.

Esme sat patiently to my right, her worried eyes flashing to me every once in a while and then back to Alice.

Except for the three of us, the house was empty. Carlisle was still at the hospital finishing up his night shift while Rosalie, Emmet, and Jasper were hunting. Alice had stayed behind planning to go to school this morning, but according to Esme she had tried to start '_looking'_ after watching the news with Jasper and had yet to stop. Apparently things were getting worse and she was becoming more frustrated with her lack of seeing it herself instead of on the news channel.

I watched carefully as the blurred images swirled through Alice's mind. Some too fast to make any sense of and others that werecompletely insignificant.

Not only could I _see,_ but I could also _feel_ the force she was pushing behind the effort…she was digging deep, trying desperately to see something…anything that would make sense and help us with the growing problem in Seattle.

I had made up my mind more than once to go and investigate and I knew for a fact both Jasper and Emmet would be behind me. Even with that decision made Alice kept pulling up blanks and smeared images.

Though I had tried to soothe some of Alice's worries from the other night…seeing her like this was making some of that panic seep into my own mind.

I was getting restless. Waiting seemed to become more and more dangerous with each passing day. I didn't want the Volturi anywhere _near_ Forks. It would only rush things that were already moving too fast…take away what little time and leverage I had.

Bella's reaction yesterday had only made me more desperate. She wasn't ready…the thought of her being forced into the choice by the Volturi's involvement made me all the more anxious to figure out what was really going on so we could put a stop to it before it spread any wider.

'_Is she alright Edward?'_ Esme's worried thoughts interrupted my own. 'S_he's been sitting there since Jasper left.'_

I nodded and sighed, glancing at my watch. I had to leave soon to pick Bella up or we'd be late for school. I was about to tell Alice to take a break for a bit, at least until the others returned, but before I had time to speak the words, I saw myself saying just that inside her mind.

"Alright, alright," she grumbled pulling her mind pack to the present. She moved her hands to the table and focused her eyes on us.

"Still nothing…I don't understand." She looked at me, her usual bright eyes clouded. _'I don't like it.'_

"Neither do I Alice," I said quietly. Being blind this way was so strange….and though I would never say so in front of Alice, _very_ inconvenient at the moment. I sighed again and pushed back from the table, there was nothing that could be done just yet and Bella was waiting for me. "I have to go," I said as I got to my feet. "I take it your staying home today?"

Alice nodded. "I want to be here when Jazz gets home…to tell him what I…" she paused and then grimaced "Well to tell him what I _didn't_ see." _'This really sucks you know.' _

I smiled slightly, "Yes…trust me I know." I knew all too well how it felt when your extra sense didn't work properly. Especially when it was something you relied heavily on.

Alice just nodded her head slightly without looking up. Esme unable to take it any longer stood up and crossed the room to wrap her arms around Alice's small form. "It will be alright…we'll figure this out," she said soothingly.

'_I don't see how….'_

As I made my way out of the dining room I quickly kissed Esme on the cheek and stopped beside Alice to lay my hand on top of her black hair. She was always the light of the house, bringing life and laughter into every room she entered. I hated seeing her this way.

'_I'm sorry.'_

"Don't be… Esme's right, we'll figure this out." I said, ruffling her hair softly "And despite what you think Alice, it's not your full responsibility to shoulder these types of things."

* * *

I knocked three times, my usual knock, and was a bit surprised when I didn't immediately hear Bella's quick footsteps to the door. I took a second to listen closely and could easily hear her heartbeat. She didn't sound too far from the door.

I knocked again.

Nothing.

Frowning slightly I turned the knob and stepped into the small hall. As I looked around the corner I saw Bella leaning over the kitchen table. Though her back was to me I could tell she was concentrating hard on something.

A small smirk formed on my face as I crossed my arms and leaned into the door jam. Bella was so perceptive of the things around her except for when her mind was set strongly on something else…on _one_ thing in particular.

"Bella?" I asked softly, to get her attention.

Despite my effort to not scare her…Bella gasped and twirled around, her heart picking up erratically. In the blink of an eye I was at her side and taking her hand. I was shocked to feel it trembling inside mine. I grimaced, mentally cursing myself. I should have known better.

"Did I startle you? I'm sorry. I did knock."

"No. No," she said quickly, her wide eyes flickering from me to the table and back again. "Have you seen this?"

I looked to where she was pointing and saw the morning paper spread across the table.

"**SEATTLE TERRORIZED BY SLAYINGS"**

My brow crease and I squeezed her hand, trying to ease the waves of tension I could feel rolling off her. "I hadn't seen today's news yet. But I knew it was getting worse. We're going to have to do something, quickly." _Preferably before the Volturi show up,_ I added mentally.

I pulled her closer to me and let my eyes scan swiftly over the paper…

'_The police are not calling the recent rash of homicides and disappearances the work of a serial killer. Not yet, at least. They are reluctant to believe so much carnage could be the work of one individual….'_

'_Responsible for 39 linked homicides and disappearances within the last three months alone….'_

'_If these deaths can be linked to one man, than this is the most violent rampage of serial murder in American history.'_

'_The motive seems killing for no other reason than to kill.'_

'…_remains show evidence of brutal violence—bones crushed and snapped by some kind of tremendous pressure –Which medical examiners believe occurred before the time of death…'_

'_Another similarity that points to the possibility of a serial: every crime is perfectly clean of evidence, aside from the remains themselves. Not a fingerprint, not a tire tread mark, nor a foreign hair is left behind….'_

'_Acceleration. Six of the homicides were committed in the first month, 11 in the second. Twenty–two have occurred in the last 10 days alone…..'_

'_The evidence is conflicting, the pieces horrifying. A vicious new gang or a widely active serial killer? Or something else the police haven't yet conceived of?'_

'_Only one conclusion is indisputable: something hideous is stalking Seattle.'_

I breathed out slowly, we couldn't let this go on much longer. The number of victims were increasing rapidly…too rapidly.

"What does Alice say?" Bella asked softly.

I sighed, "That's the problem…She can't see anything…though we've made up our minds half a dozen times to check it out." I continued to scan the article as I spoke, my own doubt growing. "She's starting to lose confidence." I murmured, "She feels like she's missing too much these days. That something's wrong. That maybe her vision is slipping away."

Bella gasped "Can that happen?"

I shrugged "Who knows? No one's ever done a study…but I really doubt it. These things tend to intensify over time. Look at Aro and Jane."

"Then what's wrong?"

I gave her the only theory I had, the only thing I could come up with…"Self-fulfilling prophecy I think. We keep waiting for Alice to see something so we can go…and she doesn't see anything because we won't really go until she does. So she can't see us there."

As I said this I realized it still didn't explain why Alice had missed the intruder in Bella's room.

That didn't matter though, either way something had to be done. I knew this and so did Jasper. "Maybe we'll have to do this blind," I mumbled out loud.

Bella's hand, which was still in mine, squeezed my stone fingers fiercely. "No!"

I tore my eyes from the paper and looked down at her face.

Fear and panic filled her brown eyes.

This was too much.

Enough was enough.

I grabbed the paper and shoved it inside my jacket pocket. "Did you have a strong desire to attend class today?" I asked her. "We're only a couple days from finals; they won't be giving us anything new."

Carlisle should be home by now and hopefully Jasper too.

"I think I can live without school for one day. What are we doing?"

"I want to talk to Jasper."

I knew Carlisle wasn't going to like the conversation I was planning to have with my brother but it had to be done.

* * *

I parked the car out front, not bothering to pull it into the garage. It sounded like everyone was home now, which was a good thing…I was tired of waiting, it was time to decide something.

Like always I was out of the car and at Bella's door before she had the chance to fully remove her seat belt. As I opened the door for her she rolled her eyes, but gladly accepted my hand. I chuckled despite myself and leaned in to kiss her quickly on the forehead before we walked up onto the porch.

'_I don't understand…why have they let this go on for so long now?'_

'_Uhhh come _on_…. there has to be something…_anything_….'_

'_All those people…the numbers just keep climbing.'_

As we walked into the house my family's thoughts surrounded me.

'_Alright Bella's here.'_ "Hey Edward." Emmet said as he rounded the corner, his bright thoughts a strong contrast to the worry that filled the rest of the room. "Ditching Bella?" he asked, a wide grin stretching across his face.

"We both are," I pointed out.

"Yes but it's _her_ first time through high school. She might miss something."_ 'You're such a bad influence Edward….shame on you.'_

I rolled my eyes and turned to Carlisle. His thoughts were confused as he spotted Bella next to me, and a bit wary_ 'what happened?' _he asked silently, his eyes flashing from me to Bella, before quickly scanning over her, looking for an injury. 'S_omething wrong?...'_

I shook my head, and if it was any other time I would have laughed at his assumption. But I was far from a laughing mood, because I knew Carlisle was not going to like where I was headed and would most likely try to reason with me.

"Did you see they're considering a serial killer now?" I asked tossing him the paper.

'_Yes,'_ he sighed, his youthful brow furrowing as he glanced over the article. "They've had two specialists debating that possibility on CNN all morning" _'This is getting out of hand…it's gone so far…I don't understand why…'_

"We can't let this go on," I said, interrupting his troubled thoughts.

'_YES…Finally!'_ "Let's go now…I'm dead bored!"

Rosalie hissed from upstairs and it was quickly followed by a silent threat _'Don't go giving him any ideas.'_

"She's such a pessimist," Emmet muttered.

'_I don't know Edward…'_ I looked back at Carlisle. _'…maybe if we just…'_

"We'll have to go sometime," I said, answering both Carlisle's and Rosalie's thoughts.

'_Why should we concern ourselves?...It's not _our_ problem.'_ I gritted my teeth but otherwise ignored Rosalie as she descended the stairs.

Carlisle was still looking at me, his face full of understanding _'I know Edward…I understand… but…'_

I sighed loudly, unable to hide my impatience any longer…I was tired of waiting.

Carlisle looked at me sternly, "I'm concerned." He went on, speaking the words this time "We've never involved ourselves in this kind of thing before. It's not our business. We aren't the Volturi."

I took a deep breath trying desperately to stay calm. Rosalie's smug thoughts weren't exactly helping that effort.

"I don't want the Volturi to have to come here," I said evenly. "It gives us so much less reaction time."

"And all those innocent people in Seattle," Esme murmured, reaching over to take his hand. "It's not right to let them die this way."

"I know," Carlisle said running his free hand through his hair. 'B_ut we have no idea what we will be facing… without Alice's help…we'll be completely blind…'_

'_It's odd that there are so many _missing_ people. The higher the missing count gets the more deaths there are…this can't be the work of just one or two newborns…it's too wide spread…and it's happening so fast… increasing more rapidly everyday…maybe…'_

My head snapped quickly to Jasper as he entered the room.

"Oh." Of course, it made sense when looked at from that angle. The news article flashed into my mind again…_'Acceleration. Six of the homicides were committed in the first month, 11 in the second. Twenty–two have occurred in the last 10 days alone…..'_.

I stared at Jasper, my eyes still shocked. "I didn't think of that…I see."

He looked back at me and nodded, his face grim and paler than usual. _'If I'm right this means things are far worse than we imagined.'_

"You're right." My voice was bleak…dread was slowly beginning to fill my mind at this new revelation. Jasper was right…of course he was. And it _was_ worse than we thought…much worse.

''_What is it Edward?"_

'_Why do they always have to do this?'_

'_Here we go again…they can never speak a language we can all understand.'_

"I think you'd better explain to the others," I said absently, waving my hand at the rest of the family. Of their own accord my feet began to pace. "What could be the purpose of this?" There had to be a reason behind it after all. There was always a reason behind this type of action.

"What is he rambling about?" Alice asked as she sped into the room to stand next to Bella. "What are you thinking?"

By now everyone had gathered around us, their thoughts confused and questioning…some more aggravated than others.

'_Come on give us something here.'_

'_What Edward…what is it?'_

'_Someone spit it out already.'_

'_Are you alright Edward?…what is it?…what's wrong?'_

'_Edward…what's Jasper thinking?'_

'_Will someone say something.'_

I shut my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose as I tried to block everything out for minute. It was so hard to focus on my thoughts alone when I was being bombarded by others. I _needed_ to think, I needed a few moments of peace with just my own thoughts. Because now that I looked at it from Jasper's point of view, added his background knowledge to the few small facts we had to work with, it was becoming clearer.

This was the last thing I would have ever expected to come to this part of the U.S.

And the very last thing my family needed.

"You're confused," Jasper's quite words made me look up. He was staring at Bella, the only silent mind in the room. I didn't need to read the waves of confusion from Jasper's mind, I could easily see from her face that she was just as confused as the others.

'_State the obvious.'_ "We're all confused," Emmet muttered, his voice just as aggravated as his thoughts.

"You can afford to be patient…" Jasper told him. "Bella should understand this too. She's one of us now."

I looked at my brother, but he was still looking at Bella. His thoughts were telling me where he was planning to take the conversation and I felt my body stiffen.

But he was right, she needed to understand this too. Now more than ever. There were still many aspects of her future choice she had yet to know and comprehend fully.

"How much do you know about me Bella?" He asked her softly.

'_Here we go…so much for getting information,'_ Emmet sighed loudly and threw himself onto the couch. _'….might as well get comfortable this is going to take a while.'_

"Not much," Bella answered, throwing a quick glance at me before her curious brown eyes went back to Jasper.

'_I take it you haven't explained then?'_ he asked me silently.

"No…I'm sure you can understand why I haven't told her that story." My hand ran unconsciously through my hair as I sighed. "But I suppose she needs to hear it now."

Jasper nodded. _'I understand…and I really do appreciate it.'_ His eyes focused on my face, his thoughts still questioning.

I nodded once…it wasn't my place to tell Bella his past or anybody else's for that matter. I knew so much about every member of my family and in some cases _too_ much. I never really knew how far was too far when explaining something, so I always played it safe and kept it simple. If they wanted something explained more thoroughly they would have to speak for themselves…I had no right to.

Jasper took a deep breath and moved toward the lamp on the side table closest to Bella and began rolling up his sleeve. Though I could clearly see the scars imbedded into his skin, I knew they were nearly invisible to the human eye.

Jasper placed his arm under the light and traced one of the most prominent bite marks. Bella moved closer and I shadowed behind her. It took her a moment to see and another to understand what it was she was actually seeing.

"Oh," she said in slight surprise. "Jasper you have a scar exactly like mine." She thrust her hand next to his, exposing her palm. As the teeth marks embedded into her skin came into to view I gritted my teeth at the memories.

They were memories that were burned forever into my mind, triggered by the simplest of reminders.

'_My hand is burning!'_

Agonized screams filled my ears as that cursed room flashed into my mind, clear and strong.

'_The fire! Someone stop the fire!'_

'_He bit her.'_

'_Edward you have to do it!' _

'_Her wrist and ankles…it's the only way…please I don't want to lose her either.'_

'_NO!'_

I was thankful when Jasper's soft chuckle pulled me back to the present, I took a deep breath wiping the images from my mind… "I have a lot of scars like yours Bella." He said as he pulled his sleeve up past his elbow.

Bella leaned forward and I watched her face carefully. Her eyes focused, moving from her own hand to Jasper's arm and back again. She gasped her face going white as understanding lit up her eyes.

She looked up at my brother's blank face. "Jasper what _happened_ to you?"

* * *

Bella had had more than enough experience with a vampire's true nature. She had been through and seen much more than any one person should, and yet it was only the tip of the iceberg. There was so much she needed to learn and so little time to make her understand it all.

Nevertheless Bella listened intently and quietly as Jasper told his story, unfolding some of the darkest facts of our world.

The world she was so eager to join.

I stood beside her just as silent. Though Jasper edited a lot there were moments when I wanted to step in, but each time I stopped myself.

This was the right thing to do…Bella needed to hear firsthand the way other monsters lived. And the only way she could fully grasp that would be to have it told from the very person who lived through it all.

Because of that I held my tongue.

* * *

By the end of the story I was relieved and shocked to see Bella smiling at Jasper and Alice. I should not have been surprised…I should, by all means, be use to her reactions.

"Alice told me what she'd seen of Carlisle and his family. I could hardly believe such an existence was possible. But Alice made me optimistic. So went to find them."

'_They found us alright,'_ Emmet thought as his mind wandered back to that very day.

I couldn't help but laugh at the memory. "Scared the hell out of them too," I said, and I heard Carlisle and Esme chuckle quietly behind me.

Bella's questioning eyes met mine. "Emmet and I were away hunting…" I explained. "Jasper shows up, covered in battle scars, towing this little freak…' I nudged Alice. _'Yes but you love me and you know it.'_ "Who greets them all by name, knows everything about them, and wants to know which room she can move into."

Alice laughed and Jasper joined in…both their thoughts returning to that day, focusing mostly on _my_ reaction.

"When I got home…" I said a little louder over their laughter…though I too was smiling, "…all my things were in the garage."

"Your room had the best view," Alice shrugged unashamed.

This time I joined in their laughter. I'm still not sure if Alice knew how much life she had brought to our family. She fit in perfectly…after just the first week it was like she had always been with us and Jasper made her complete to be so.

"That's a nice story."

Our laughter cut off and I looked down at Bella, as did everyone else. I realized it would be a _very_ long time before I was used to the surprises she sprung on me.

A part of me hoped that never happened.

Bella blushed and looked down "I mean the last part," she mumbled quickly, "…the happy ending with Alice."

"Alice has made all the difference," Jasper agreed. _'She has saved me more than once and in so many different ways.'_ "This is a climate I enjoy."

Alice grasped his large hand in her two tiny ones and leaned into his arm.

'_I can't believe it.'_

The light mood as we discussed happier times instantly faded, like the blanket of our shared memories had been thrown off only to reveal the dark truth everyone in the room now understood.

"An Army," Alice whispered into Jasper's sleeve. "Why didn't you tell me?" _'Why didn't I _see_?'_

"I thought I must interpreting the signs incorrectly."

I, just like everyone else in the room, was tense, hanging on his every word. If this was the true answer to our problems then we would all need Jasper for guidance.

"Because where is the motive?" he went on. "Why would someone create an army in Seattle? There is no history there, no vendetta. It makes no sense from a conquest stand point either, no one claims it. Nomads pass through, but there's no one to _fight_ for it. No one to defend it from."

As Jasper's thoughts unfolded, quickly followed by his spoken words, another realization grew in my mind, freezing my insides.

"But I've seen this before, and there's no other explanation. There is an army of newborn vampires in Seattle…"

Jasper's words faded into the background as my mind continued down the same path.

I looked around at my family and realized no one had come to this conclusion yet. But the truth was undeniable. Jasper had said there was no one here to claim Seattle, no one to defend and fight for it…So in other words there was no _threat_.

Through our eyes that seemed to be true, but through the eyes of others _we_ were a threat.

Next to the Volturi we were the largest coven of mature, settled vampires.

It only took me seconds to grasp this and when I pulled back I realized Jasper was still speaking. "…are totally untrained. Whoever made them just set them loose. It will only get worse, and it won't be much longer till the Volturi step in. Actually I'm surprised they let it go on this long."

"What can we do?" Carlisle asked. _'Jasper's right, if we wait it will only get worse.'_

"If we want to avoid the Volturi's involvement…" Jasper answered, throwing a glance at me "…we will have to destroy the newborns, and we will have to do it very soon." Jasper swallowed, his thoughts growing desperate.

I knew why.

Besides Alice I was the one person in the family who knew him best. This had always been one of his worse fears…that Alice would get mixed into something from his past, something exactly like this. The thought of fighting newborns and doing so in the city…risking exposure with the threat of the Volturi showing up had him frightened in a way he had never been before.

"I can teach you how," he went on, his voice hard but serious. He had yet to realize a part of his fears were unnecessary. "It won't be easy in the city. The young ones aren't concerned about secrecy, but we will have to be. It will limit us in ways that they are not. Maybe we can lure them out."

"Maybe we won't have to," I interrupted. Something in my voice seemed to take everyone off guard. Jasper's eyes flashed to me, obviously picking up on my emotions. _'What is it…what's wrong?'_

I took a deep, steadying breath trying to control myself. "Does it occur to anyone else," I said slowly, looking around "… that the only possible threat in the area that would call for the creation of an army is…_us_?"

There was a millisecond of silence and then it started.

'_What!?...we've never put any kind of claim on Seattle… or anywhere else for that matter.'_

'_No way!'_

'_What have we done?...who would…?'_

'_This is just perfect.'_

'_No Edward I would have seen…a threat like that I would see… I…'_

'_There are others besides us…' _"Tanya's family is also near," Esme said softly. _'Maybe…'_

"The newborns aren't ravaging Anchorage, Esme," I said a little harsher than I meant to. I looked into her wide eyes for a second before I went on more softly. "We have to consider the idea that _we_ are the targets."

The throbbing of Bella's heart intensified in the sudden silence…I automatically stepped closer to her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders.

This was unbelievable…on top of everything else I had already exposed her to I now had her wrapped up in _this_ of all things. It seemed like everything that could go wrong would…that every possible danger in my world that I could expose her to was going to show it's ugly face.

'_No Edward…we can't be the target of this…I would have seen….this is too big…there's no way I could have missed…' _I turned to Alice, my face uncertain. I didn't want her feelings hurt worse by pointing out the fact that she had already missed things, _serious_ things… that dangers had already slipped past her.

"They're not coming for us," she repeated out loud when she met my gaze. She paused and then went on "Or…they don't _know_ that they are. Not yet." I could feel her mind pull in on itself and I concentrated hard. The same flickers from three nights ago flashed again through her head…however this time there were new voices and smeared faces.

Nothing made sense…it was just enough to prove that there was something there.

"What is that?" I asked quickly. She was no longer _looking_ but remembering. "What are you remembering?"

"Flickers," she said quietly "I can't see a clear picture when I try to see what's going on, nothing concrete. But I've been getting these strange flashes. Not enough to make sense of. It's as if someone's changing their mind, moving from one course of action to another so quickly that I can't get a good view…"

More images flashed, cutting off her words. I hadn't realized this had still been going on since the night Bella had gone to La Push. I knew she had been looking for them, but I didn't know these flashes were coming involuntarily. The only time that happened was when there was danger…when there was in fact a threat to be looking out for.

This only proved my point.

"Indecision?" Jasper asked _'Can that be possible…could someone know?'_

"I don't know…" Alice mumbled still fixed partially in the clouded future.

A growl rolled up my chest. Someone _did_ know…there was someone who knew Alice's visions as well as I did, as well as _she_ did herself.

No it wasn't indecision…not even close.

This someone knew exactly what he wanted and knew exactly how to get it.

"Not indecision…_knowledge_. Someone who knows you can't see anything until a decision is made. Someone who is hiding from us. Playing with the holes in your vision."

Alice stared at me in shock, her eyes wide. "Who would know that?"

"Aro knows you as well as you know yourself."

"But I would see if they'd decided to come…"

"Unless they didn't want to get their hands dirty," I cut her off.

That is one thing Aro does not do…get his hands dirty.

The moment I had touched Aro's hand all those months ago he had seen everything.

He had seen every single thing Carlisle had gained over the centuries.

To Carlisle it was a family he had put together…companionship.

To Aro it was power.

When he had read my thoughts, at first there had been nothing but shock in his mind…utter disbelief that Carlisle was able to find exactly what he had been searching for. Then there was jealously, because what Carlisle possessed he had not gained by force or fear, but by pure loyalty.

And then there was the longing…the hope of having two more powers added to his already invincible force. But when he had learned that his hope was futile, when he had been denied by all parties, there was the trickle of fear he tried in vain to cover up. The fear of a future threat to his own coven.

Aro couldn't comprehend the fact that we considered ourselves a family not a coven…we had no desire to challenge him or anyone else.

It was a leave alone and be left alone situation with us...always.

'_It seems logical…they have a lot of connections,' _Rosalie's thoughts made me turn towards her in surprise…was she actually _agreeing_ with me?

"A favor…" She suggested "Someone in the South….someone who already had trouble with the rules. Someone who should have been destroyed is offered a second chance if they take care of this one small problem….That would explain the Volturi's sluggish response." '_There just biding their time…sitting back and waiting for it to play out.'_

'_Aro would not do this to me.…why would he.…what have I done…. my family has done nothing wrong.' _I turned towards Carlisle and he met my gaze. It was hard to look into his torn eyes…my father didn't deserve this, none of our family deserved this.

"Why?" he asked "There's no reason for the Volturi…"

"It was there…" I interrupted quietly, still looking him in the eye. "I'm surprised it's come to this so soon, because the other thoughts were stronger. In Aro's head he saw me at his one side and Alice at his other. The present and the future, virtual omniscience. The power of the idea intoxicated him. I would have thought it would take him much longer to give up on that plan…he wanted it too much."

I took an unnecessary breath before I went on, still not looking away from my father. "But there was also the thought of you, Carlisle, of our family, growing stronger and larger. The jealously and the fear: you having…not _more _than he had, but still, things that he wanted. He tried not to think about it, but he couldn't hide it completely. The idea of rooting out the competition was there, besides their own, ours is the largest coven they've ever found…."

I could feel everyone's eyes on me, their thoughts a jumble of words and mixed feelings. I concentrated only on one mind though.

'_Why didn't you tell me Edward?...even if Aro thought this, he would never act…it's not who they are…"_

I began to shake my head to cut off his thoughts. He didn't know his friends quite as well as he thought he did.

"They're too committed to their mission," he went on. "They would never break the rules themselves. It goes against everything they've worked for."

"They'll clean up afterward," I said darkly. "A double betrayal…No harm done." They were capable of hunting down and destroying all the witnesses before suspicion could even be thought of.

"No," Jasper said shaking his head. "Carlisle is right. The Volturi do not break rules. Besides, it's much too sloppy. This…person, this threat—they have no idea what they are doing. A first-timer, I'd swear to it. I cannot believe the Volturi are involved. But they will be." _'Which is why we must act quickly Edward, with whatever it is we are going to do…but we can't be pulled into the crime of exposure…even if you are right and we are the targets we still need to find a way to lure them to a secluded area.'_

'_Why the hell are we all still standing here?!' _"Then let's _go_!" Emmet yelled "What are we waiting for?"

I locked eyes with Carlisle again, knowing and hearing the struggle inside his mind. He was thinking of the same thing I was…our family. I could remember the time when it had just been the two of us, working together and watching each other's backs, it had been so simple back then… easy even.

But we had a family now, others to protect…others we could not live without.

'_We don't have a choice do we Edward?...they are coming…. we'll have to fight them …everyone…Esme and Alice…they…..'_

I nodded once.

Carlisle sighed heavily and put a hand on my shoulder. _'So be it.' _He turned to Jasper "We'll need you to teach us Jasper…How to destroy them."

* * *

**Review?**


	16. Challenges

* * *

Chapter 15

Challenges

* * *

"_Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength." – Corrie Ten Boom_

* * *

I stared into Bella's tired eyes, waiting for them to close. We had been lying in her bed for nearly two hours now and she had yet to try and sleep.

"It will be alright," I murmured again, for what felt like the hundredth time. She stared back at me, her eyes still reflecting the fear that had been there since we left my house earlier this evening.

"You don't know that…" She whispered "What if…"

"It's alright," I repeated, interrupting her. "Everything will be fine…we don't even know if we truly are the targets of this… right now it's more or less a theory."

"A theory," She scoffed quietly. "Alice can't _see_…It's like you said, someone knows how Alice's visions work...Why else would she _not_ see…" her voice began to rise as panic edged slowly into her words "What if this _is_ the Volturi...you said Aro wanted Alice….wanted _you_, what if…"

"Shhhh," I placed my finger against her warm lips. "Listen to me Bella, _please_.... If we are the targets then we will handle it, we have other contacts than just Tanya's family. Carlisle has plenty of other friends …" I gave her half a grin. "One of the advantages of being around for nearly four centuries is you come to know a lot of people."

My attempt at making her smile failed and mine quickly faded. I sighed reaching up to brush her long hair over her shoulder. "And don't forget that we have Jasper," I added quietly "he knows exactly how to deal with this type of thing, he'll teach us anything we need to know."

I watched her face closely, waiting for her body to relax. She sighed and glanced down, her dark lashes brushing against her cheek. "So if…" She paused and I could tell by the way her brow furrowed she was struggling to find the right words. "So if it comes down to it…everyone will fight?.....Esme and Alice…and…" She swallowed, biting her lip.

I lifted her chin up with my index finger "And?"

The room was dark but I could easily see and smell the moisture building up in her eyes. It glimmered in the moonlight and filled the warm air with a twinge of sweet salt. Bella reached up and placed her soft hand against my cheek. "You?" She breathed quietly, "_You_ will fight?"

I sighed placing my hand over hers, pressing it closer to my hard skin. "_Only_ if it comes to that." I paused, debating as I stared into her brown eyes. Then reluctantly I went on "But I won't lie to you Bella, with the way things are going it seems that is our only option now."

She took in a shaky breath and closed her eyes. I moved her hand to my lips and kissed it gently before I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her closer. Leaning down I pressed my forehead to hers. "Look at me Bella," I murmured softly. Her eyes opened, mere inches from mine. "It's _just_ a theory." I repeated.

Her mouth opened but I went on before she could protest. "I'll admit it would be quite a stretch to say it was mere coincidence, the facts are too strong for that…but regardless, you have nothing to worry about tonight. We have plenty of time to prepare and if and when the time comes we _will_ be ready."

I leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose, and then the side of her cheek. "Please don't be anxious," I breathed into her skin. "You have enough to worry about because of me," I continued to kiss her softly, moving down her chin and across her neck. Her erratic heartbeat filled the room, making me smile. "Besides…" I murmured "You have other things you should be concentrating on."

"And… what might… that be?" she asked breathlessly as I moved my lips softly over her heated throat. Her blood pulsed heavily beneath the thin layer of skin. The flaming scent filled my mouth, igniting the burn in the back of my throat into a blazing fire. I chuckled softly over the satisfying pain and moved upwards. "Your finals are right around the corner," I whispered, my lips skimming across her chin and up towards her ear. "Do not think the stack of homework on your desk has gone unnoticed."

She stiffened in my arms and I automatically froze at the tension. Pulling back slightly I looked down to see that her face was hard, her eyes angry. "Well excuse me for being more worried about my family being hurt or worse, than if I pass my calculus final." She had meant to sound sarcastic, but the slight tremor in her voice ruined it. She sighed shakily and looked over my head towards the window, breaking away from my gaze.

I stroked her cheek softly. "Trust me," I whispered. When she didn't respond I positioned myself higher up on the bed and leaned in closer, leaving her no choice but to look at me. "Our family is very strong Bella."

To my astonishment she snorted softly and rolled her eyes. "I've heard _that_ before."

I raised an eyebrow, my eyes questioning.

"Never mind," she mumbled, her lips turning up slightly.

"Alright," I said somewhat warily. Her mind never failed to confuse me with its silence….or drive me mad.

Bella studied my face for a second longer, looking more and more amused. Finally she chuckled.

"What?" I asked, smiling despite myself.

"Nothing," she said lightly.

My eyes narrowed. "You like doing that don't you?"

"Doing what?" she asked innocently.

"You know what."

She shrugged, a smirk still playing on her lips. "Well I have to have _something_…my blocked mind is the only thing I have to play against your dazzling expertise."

"_Expertise_?"

"Uh uh."

"Mmmm," I murmured, slowly closing the short distance between our lips. "Maybe I should practice said expertise."

Like always as soon as there was contact Bella's heart accelerated. It filled the small room and pulsed the warm air around us.

Instinctively my hand reached back and cupped her neck lightly, at the same time I felt hers tangle in my hair, straining to pull me closer. When that didn't work she pushed forward, bowing her body into my chest.

The heat from her touch instantly flooded through me, pulsing my insides with life. In the same instant two very familiar feelings clashed together: warning and pure pleasure. It was a never ending battle as my body yearned to continue and my mind screamed to stop.

The usual victor succeeded, and I reluctantly broke away. I leaned my face up towards the ceiling and took in a cleansing breath. Through Bella's fast breathing I heard the unmistakable sigh of frustration. I chuckled and touched my forehead back to hers. "I think that's enough practice for one night."

She pursed her lips, her eyes sparkling in the sliver of moonlight from the window. "I don't know," she murmured sleepily. "I think you could use some more practice." She yawned heavily making her words break up. "After all… practice makes …perfect right?"

"Right." I agreed with a smile, "but let us practice when you're more rested."

Bella's eyes blinked wearily, taking a little longer than normal to open up again. "Fine," she breathed, still fighting off sleep. She forced her eyes open again and continued to look at me through the darkness.

I reached up and ran my fingers across her forehead and down her cheek "Close your eyes," I whispered.

When she did what I asked I leaned in to kiss her forehead. I watched for a few seconds and when her eyes stayed closed I knew the fight was over and pulled the old quilt up over her shoulders.

Bella curled into my chest and wrapped a warm arm around my waist. Her face was now hidden in the fabric of my shirt, but I could hear her take a deep breath and slowly let it out before her body finally relaxed into my mine…fitting perfectly.

* * *

"Alice has completely lost her mind!" Bella began again as I parked in front of Charlie's. Ever since lunch, when Alice had told Bella that the graduation party was still on, Bella had been very frustrated with my favorite sister. "I mean having a party is bad enough, did she really need to invite so many people?"

I tried desperately to keep the smile from my face as we walked up the sidewalk, but of course I failed miserably.

"I mean I don't even _know_ sixty-five people."

I rubbed Bella's back as we stepped onto the porch. "I know." I said soothingly, trying to speak without giving away the fact that I was grinning widely at her continuous rant. Something in my voice must have given me away though, because Bella suddenly stopped and spun around to look up at me.

I quickly wiped the smile away.

"What? You think this is funny?" she asked raising her eyebrows.

"No," I answered smoothly, fighting desperately to keep my lips from turning up. She continued to glare at me, her face still flushed and her brown eyes slightly narrowed.

She was so adorable.

"Well I'm glad you think Alice putting me through _another_ night of torture is funny."

Damn it! When had the smile come back?

With a little effort I straightened my features back out again. "Come on it's not going to be that bad."

"Easy for you to say," she grumbled, turning away.

"Look at the bright side," I said lightly, wrapping my arm around her waist. "At least you won't be forced to dance again."

She snorted as she unlocked the door. "Knowing Alice I probably will," she grumbled under her breath.

It was a hopeless fight and I finally gave into laughing. "I promise you no dancing."

She sighed throwing her book bag into a chair. "But _still_…"

"And…" I said cutting her off, "I promise I'll protect you from all the guests."

She looked up at me again and I didn't even bother removing the wide grin there. She rolled her eyes, but just before she turned to head towards the phone I saw the corner of her mouth twitch up.

Just like Alice had said there was a message waiting for her. Bella sighed again, but it wasn't frustrated…it was a sigh of relief.

I didn't question her about it, I just listened as she pushed the playback button. Renee explained everything I already knew from Alice's vision. Throwing in an apology between every other word. I smiled, it seemed Bella got her tendency to apologize beyond reason from her mother.

When the message ended with a beep, Bella gave another sigh of relief and leaned back onto the counter. "Well that's one."

"One what?"

"One person I don't have to worry about getting killed this week."

I rolled my eyes before I could stop myself. Would she ever worry about herself?

Bella looked up and gave me the glare again. "Why won't you and Alice take this seriously?...This is _serious._"

I smiled down at her, "Confidence."

"Wonderful." She grumbled turning back around to pick up the phone. I laughed and kissed the top of her head as she dialed. It rang a few times and then I heard Renee's voice again.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mom it's me," Bella said, her face lighting up at the sound of her mother's voice. Renee's apologies began again almostinstantly, leaving Bella no time to get anything out.

"It's fine, Mom, really," Bella said quickly when there was an opening.

"But honey this is your graduation. I feel horrible…are you sure your okay with…"

"Yes, Mom, it's fine…I understand."

"I don't know," I heard Renee sigh heavily into the phone. "Are you sure you're not angry with me?....I know you Bella and even if you were you wouldn't…"

"Mom _please_, I'm not mad. I understand. Phil needs you right now."

Renee was silent for a moment and when she spoke again I could easily hear the emotion in her voice. "But sweetie your _graduation_…I…"

"Mom stop…really it's okay, don't feel bad. Besides this _is_ Forks, it's not as if it will be a big thing. There's only like a handful of people in my senior class."

There was another pause.

"Well…if you're sure you're not…"

"I'm not mad Mom, promise."

"Alright, but you better…"

"Better take a lot of pictures, I know. I'll make sure Charlie knows all the functions of my digital camera."

"And…"

"And I'll email them to you the very next day."

Renee gave a watery chuckle and sniffed. "Gosh I miss you so much."

Bella smiled softly, "I know I miss you too."

"I'll make it up to you though," Renee went on quickly. "I promise."

"Alright, I'll hold you to it…" Bella laughed, "but right now just concentrate on Phil."

"Yeah I have my hands full at the moment…he's so _grouchy._" Renee took a deep breath and it seemed like the apologies were finally over. "He absolutely _hates_ the whole wheelchair thing, he argued with the doctors about it for nearly an hour …and don't even get me _started_ on the cast."

Bella laughed again and leaned back into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my chin on her shoulder. "Sorry Mom but I have to side with Phil on this one… Casts are no fun and wheelchairs are just plain humiliating."

I chuckled into Bella's ear, remembering that first day of school after we had returned from Phoenix. Her face had stayed a permanent pink the whole day as I _pushed _–instead of walked- her to each of her classes.

Bella nudged me with her elbow and looked at me from the corner of her eye.

"Well I suppose he'll think twice before he tries to show off his 'sliding techniques' again," Renee said with another sigh.

"Besides the grouchy part, how's he doing?" Bella asked.

"Okay I suppose, though I know he'd feel a lot better if he'd take his pain medication…he's almost as stubborn as you were."

Bella snorted, "Oh come on I wasn't _that_ bad was I?"

"No you didn't complain nearly as much as he does. It won't be too much longer though and he'll be able to use crutches… I think things will be better for him when he can actually move around on his own."

Their conversation continued on. I was used to these calls though. I knew Renee was the type of person that once she began talking it was hard to stop her. And when she was on the phone with her daughter it was next to impossible.

So, like always, I let my mind wander from their conversation, let my attention focus on other things, things that would keep me patient during the long wait.

Bella laughed suddenly and shook her head. She had worn her hair down today and the dim light shinning in kitchen touched the long strands. Unable to resist myself I reached up and ran a my fingers lightly down the shinning follicles, marveling at the soft texture…it felt like warm silk against my cold fingers.

Gently I moved my hand beneath the curtain of brown and let the soft tresses flow between my fingers. The movement made the light reflect back multi colors and my sharp eyes picked up on the golden brown and light red mixed into the thick dark mahogany. At the same time the sweet scent of strawberry and freesia stirred through the air. I leaned in and breathed deeply through my nose, pleased that the venom did not build in my mouth the way it used to. Though the constant burn was there, and always would be, my instinctive reactions were growing dimmer with each passing day.

With a soft smile I moved Bella's hair to one side, letting it hang over her left shoulder to reveal the back of her pale neck. Leaning in again I pressed my lips softly to the heated skin.

The familiar heart beat stuttered and then picked up quickly. My lips continued to graze lightly and as I reached the edge of her neck Bella tilted her head to one side. I smiled and gladly moved on, trailing kisses down the small part of her shoulder and back up again.

"Bella?....hello?"

"Breathe love," I whispered softly into her ear.

"yes…Mom I'm …um…I'm still here," Bella said taking a deep breath. "sorry…uh" she cleared her throat "What…what did you say?"

Chuckling deeply I pulled away to behave myself.

Bella turned sideways in my arms, resting her head on my chest. Looking down I let my attention focus on her facial expressions. It was amazing to watch how her eyes would roll or her face pucker…she was so indulgent with Renee. It always astonished me at the reversed rolls between them.

Renee was so childlike, her mind kind and sweet but very oblivious to certain things and yet very observant at the same time. She really needed taking care of…she was very much a people person. Then there was Bella, she was so different…she was reserved, very perceptive, and mature in a way that was beyond her short number of years.

Due to these different qualities the roles of mother and daughter had been reversed somewhere along the way.

My eyes slid down to her mouth and my concentration diverted to the way her lips were moving rather than what she was saying. It was mesmerizing how they would curve up slightly at the corners due to something her mother would say, or purse together tightly to keep from laughing, or to keep from saying something she didn't really want to voice.

A stray hair fell and blocked my view. Reaching down I gently moved it back into place behind her ear, my fingers lightly grazing her cheek in the process, making the cream skin blaze a light pink. I smiled softly, as I always did at the reaction.

Bella looked up at me then and smiled softly. It was a gentle and simple gesture, but it made warmth spread throughout my chest.

For the first time something close to impatience began to trickle inside me as I began to wonder when their conversation would end.

I wanted those lips to do something other than talking.

* * *

As soon as the phone clicked onto the receiver Bella twirled around, stretching onto her toes. It was like she had been reading my mind as she pressed her lips into mine. I smiled into her mouth and lifted her up onto the counter, giving us both easier access.

My mouth barely moved against hers, never giving way under the soft skin. I could only imagine what it would be like to finally kiss her freely, to be able to feel our lips mold together for the very first time.

An endless moment passed where there was nothing else in the world but the two of us, nothing but this moment.

And then of course reality had to step in.

Bella's legs wrapped securely around my waist, while her hands grasped tightly in my hair.

Just like last night she pulled herself into me, crushing her unbelievably warm body into mine.

Two kinds of fire burst inside of me, both painful in their own way.

And both needed to be quenched before this went any further.

Pulling myself back I breathed in and exhaled slowly, trying to clear my mind.

As I took in Bella's flushed face and slightly pouting lower lip I couldn't help but chuckle.

Then with gentle force I removed her hold on me, untangling her legs and pushing her hands down. In the same second I did a half turn and leaned into the counter she was still sitting on.

I glanced sideways "I know you think I have some perfect unyielding self control….but that's not actually the case."

Bella sighed heavily, "I wish."

I matched her sigh but didn't comment. She had no idea…simply _wishing_ was an understatement for me. It was more like a longing desire…a _necessity_.

"After school tomorrow, I'm going hunting with Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie," I began, but paused when I saw her face fall. "Just for a few hours," I went on quickly, I doubted I could ever go on another weekend hunt, or even an overnight one. The time apart just took too much out of both of us. "We'll stay close. Alice, Jasper, and Emmet should be able to keep you safe."

"Uhg…" Bella groaned, her shoulders slumping. "I hate being babysat."

"It's temporary," I promised.

It was clear all the hiding out was wearing on her, especially if she was reaching the point of complaining about it. Bella always suffered silently, hardly ever voicing her troubles. It drove me insane but it was something too embedded in her personality, a trait gained over the years by taking care of everyone else around her, putting their wishes above her own.

Of course I'd be lying to myself if I said I wasn't somewhat grateful……after all it was that selfless quality that brought her to Forks in the first pace, that brought her to me.

"Jasper will be bored," Bella went on, looking at the floor. "Emmet will make fun of me."

I smiled and lifted her chin up. "They'll be on their best behavior."

"Right," she mumbled, looking away. I sighed too low for her to hear and dropped my hand to the counter. Bella always being coped up was extremely unfair, I knew this…but I didn't know any other way, there was just too much danger, too many things coming at us.

These things _needed_ to be dealt with, and dealt with quickly. The pending attack on my family and most of all Victoria. All the dangers needed to be removed from my angel's life so she could actually live what little time she had left with a beating heart… live it _properly _without fear and hiding.

Bella's head suddenly snapped up; distracting me from my thoughts. Her eyes were bright, but also very wary. "You know, I haven't been to La Push since the bonfire…" She hesitated, her perceptive eyes analyzing my face. My body had stiffened as I was taken off guard by her sudden suggestion, and I had to fight to keep my features straight.

It was bound to happen again, I reminded myself. I was able to let her go once, surely I could do it again.

And this time it wouldn't be nearly as long.

"I'd be safe enough there," she went on softly.

I had promised her, and myself, that I would trust her…trust her judgment and in doing so trust my enemies.

Last time she had returned to me safe and…_happy_. The fact that I had nearly lost my mind during the never ending wait was nothing compared to the way she looked when she had returned. The trip had done her so much good, I couldn't deny that. That night she was so lighthearted…her face relaxed and carefree in a way it hadn't been for weeks.

"You're probably right." I murmured, proud that my voice remained normal despite the familiar panic seeping into my chest.

Yes, I had willed myself to trust the wolves to keep her safe and they had succeeded, but could I really watch her cross the line again? Watch her walk out of my sight and reach?

The thought of her walking away from me again, of watching the smile break across her face as she left my side to go to _him_…it hurt in so many different ways that separating the feelings and labeling each as they were was next to impossible.

Through the haze of emotions I was aware that Bella's eyes were still on my face, her brow now furrowed.

I bit back a growl, disgusted with myself.

She knew me too well, she saw things hidden in my features, things I used to be so good at hiding from everyone else. But not Bella. She saw something that had slipped through my mask, something even _I _was unaware of.

And of course, her being who she was, she quickly changed the subject. Steered it away from herself and straight on to me.

"Are you thirsty already?" She asked reaching up to touch the skin just below my eye.

Her warm touch did the trick and my muscles relaxed. "Not really," I sighed softly.

I wanted to leave it at that, I didn't want to go into detail and remind her of the upcoming fight. But she continued to look at me, her eyes clearly waiting for more.

"We want to be as strong as possible." I went on reluctantly, keeping my voice as casual as possible. "We'll probably hunt again on the way, looking for big game."

Her dark eyebrows pulled together again. "That makes you stronger?"

"Yes," I answered easily, glad that her curiosity was holding off the worry for the moment. "Human blood makes us the strongest, though only fractionally. Jasper's been thinking about cheating—adverse as he is to the idea, he's nothing if not practical—but he won't suggest it. He knows what Carlisle will say"

"Will that help?" Bella's tone of voice surprised me more than the question. Though she had spoken it quietly, there was no mistaking the suggestiveness laced into the words.

"It doesn't matter," I said, my voice stern. "We aren't going to change who we are."

She frowned, looking down again. Her cheeks flamed a light pink and I could tell from her expression that she was disappointed. If it was about what she had said or how I had answered I couldn't tell.

Either way it didn't matter and it would be a wasted effort trying to figure it out. I took a deep breath and quickly curved away from the subject. "That's why they're so strong of course." I said, playing with her limitless curiosity. "The newborns are full of human blood—their own blood reacting to the change."

She looked up and as I had hoped her eyes were curious again. "It lingers in their tissues and strengthens them. Their bodies use it up slowly, like Jasper said, the strength starting to wane after about a year."

Bella suddenly grinned, "How strong will _I _be?"

I couldn't help but grin back, despite the change of topic. "Stronger than I am."

Her eyes widened. "Stronger than _Emmet_?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes," I answered, my grin widening at the thought. "Do me a favor and challenge him to an arm wrestling match. It would be a good experience for him." My brother had yet to challenge someone stronger than himself and the thought of his huge head being deflated by my little Bella had me chuckling.

Bella laughed with me, her eyes still wide. She shook her head, unable to comprehend such a thing. I could easily understand why; Emmet was a beast…all things considered.

When silence fell between us I began to wonder if she was going to bring up La Push again. A part of me wanted her to, I didn't want her to hold back because of me. But there was a much larger part that hoped she wouldn't…a part that kept me from bringing it up myself.

After a moment though, Bella broke the short silence with a sigh and leaned forward to hop down from the counter.

My hands automatically shot out to steady her, but she managed to land squarely on her feet for once—and stay there. "Alright, I guess now's a good time to tackle that stack of homework on my desk." She looked up at me and smiled. "Best to use my tutor while he's still here."

I smiled back and nodded my head, "At your service ma'am."

* * *

We worked late into the morning and part of the afternoon. Though she was still a bit worried I knew she had it down, Bella was smarter than she ever gave herself credit for. She had a quick mind and picked up things easily.

It wasn't until about 2:00 that she sighed heavily and closed her history book with a sharp snap. "That's all my brain can handle for one day I think."

I chuckled and grabbed the thick book from her lap, tossing it onto the bed beside us. "So what do you want to do now?" I asked.

When she didn't answer I propped myself up on my elbow to peer up at her. She was sitting cross legged on the bed and when I met her gaze she quickly looked down, suddenly very interested in the pen she still held in her hands.

"Well I was thinking about…" She paused.

I waited.

"About?"

"Well I thought I should call Jake…you know, to make sure it's alright if I went over there tomorrow." She looked up at me then, her eyes just as wary as they had been the first time she'd mentioned this.

Despite the plummeting of my stomach I gave her a smile. "Okay," I said easily.

She continued to look at me, her eyes inquiring. I knew she really wanted to go but I also knew she would rather stay than have it upset me. Something she had yet to grasp was the fact that I was more upset over her seeming to need my permission.

"Bella," I said softly, pulling myself up into a sitting position. "I told you the last time you didn't need my consent to go somewhere. I know it's probably my fault you think it's necessary, considering the way I have been acting, but you're a grown woman… I have no right to tell you what to do or who to see."

"I know that," she said quickly, "I just…well I don't want you…"

"No." I interrupted her, putting my fingers over her mouth before she could finish her sentence. "It's not about what I want or I feel, it's about what _you_ want." She may put everyone else's feelings above her own; Renee, Charlie, the _dog_…but it didn't work like that for me, it never had and it never would.

"I know how my family can be. I've lived them for a very long time. It makes perfect sense if you'd rather spend the day with your friends instead of being forced into a shopping trip or having Emmet ribbing you all day." I gave her another smile and she finally returned it, her face lighting up with excitement.

I concentrated on that, her beautiful smile, and tried my best to ignore the challenge awaiting me tomorrow.

* * *


	17. Curious Uncertainties

* * *

Chapter 16

Curious Uncertainties

* * *

"_When one admits that nothing is certain one must, I think, also admit that some things are much more nearly certain than others." – Bertrand Russell_

* * *

For once I didn't drive too far over the speed limit; being in no hurry to reach our destination. We sat in silence, Bella staring peacefully out the window. More than anything I wished I could share in that peace. Instead the storm was brewing inside me.

One would think the second time facing a particular challenge would be easier, that knowing what it felt like and what to expect would make it slightly more bearable. Not for me. I couldn't hold back the mixture of fear, panic, and jealously that twisted in my stomach anymore than I had the first time I had let her go.

I didn't _want_ to let her go, but I would…just like last time.

Wanting to hear her voice before she left me I began to speak, forcing a distraction to the front of my mind.

"So how do you feel you did on your exams?"

I saw her shrug in my peripheral vision, but she didn't look away from the windshield. "History was easy, but I don't know about Calculus. It seemed like it was making sense, so that probably means I failed."

My chest loosened as the laughter escaped my mouth. "I'm sure you did fine." I glanced over to see her smiling. "Or, if you're worried…" I went on "…I could bribe Mr. Varner to give you an A."

She looked at me then, her eyes reading my expression, probably trying to figure out if I was serious or not.

"Er…thanks, but no thanks." I laughed again and she grinned back at me. I had no need to look at the road and why would I want to if I had those brown eyes to stare into instead?

'_What is taking so long?'_

The laughter died on my lips as Jacob's impatient thoughts reached me. Reflexively my head snapped back out the window and I saw Bella do the same, obviously reacting to my sudden mood change.

It was not the few words I had picked up on that had me frozen in my seat, it was something else. There was something more to Jacob's childish mind than usual. Nothing was distinct, but the tenor of his thoughts were fast and demanding.

As my car rounded the last bend of trees, revealing the invisible line, the same exact place as last time, the dog's thoughts cleared.

My hands clenched the steering wheel as I pulled to a stop.

'_Finally…' _Jacob's eyes focused over the distance, zeroing in on Bella's face as she smiled eagerly out the windshield. _'I can do this…I can do this…this is Bella…she won't be angry with me…I have to let her know…today…everything before it's too late…before…_' His eyes slowly moved from Bella and focused on me. _'I wonder if he…?'_

I saw my own face through his mind…it was emotionless and hard.

His eyes narrowed at the same time mine did.

He knew I could hear him from this distance.

He knew that _I_ knew what he had planned today.

And he also knew there was nothing I could do to stop it.

That's when the shouting began.

'_I'm not giving up!...I'm tired of this, tired of just waiting on the side lines!...I hope you can hear me…I'm telling her the truth today…Everything…I'll make her see what's she's too stubborn to realize, no matter what it takes!'_

A rumbling sigh slipped out between my clenched teeth before I could stop it.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked in alarm, looking back at me, her hand frozen on the door handle.

I wondered briefly how angry she would be with me if I suddenly hit the lock button and spun around…raced away from this place and the person that was gradually giving me a headache.

I shook my head slowly, not looking away from Jacob's eyes. His mind had yet to shut up.

"Nothing," I murmured softly.

'_I'll fight…she hasn't given up so neither am I.' _My eyes narrowed again at his words, at the absolute _belief_ he had in those words. _'No matter what it takes'_ he repeated.

"You're not _listening_ to Jacob are you?" Bella's voice cut through the invisible cloud of tension and my teeth clenched tighter at the accusation.

"It's not easy to ignore someone when he's shouting."

"Oh."

I turned and met Bella's wide eyes. She leaned closer to me, whispering her words. "What's he shouting?"

I grimaced slightly at the continuous rant only I could hear. "I'm absolutely certain he'll mention it himself." Before either one of us could speak again two sharp honks filled the air and Bella flinched slightly, looking back towards the red car.

'_Could she move a little faster I don't have all day!'_

The growl finally rolled up my chest as my anger peaked. "That's impolite." I said through my teeth.

I heard Bella sigh and turned back to see she had grabbed the door handle again. "That's Jacob," she mumbled, the tension in her voice very clear.

Before I had time to say anything or even reach out towards her, Bella was already out the car and closing the door behind her. Pain filled my chest at her fast departure. I had been so wrapped up in Jacob's thoughts and my own anger that I hadn't given her a proper farewell. Hadn't kissed that beautiful face one more time.

As I watched her cross the line the pain intensified, mixing with the anger and panic, twisting my insides into knots.

She was on the other side now.

It was too late.

When Bella reached Jacob's car her hand hesitated on the handle. She turned back towards me her face anxious. Her brow was furrowed and even across the distance I could see the strain in her eyes**,** see the tension: anger, frustration, sadness, longing, guilt…I could see and comprehend those emotions. But there was something underneath all of that, something completely different. It was some deep drawn emotion I didn't understand, couldn't place.

I had never seen it before in her eyes. She seemed to be debating something and yet resigned at the same time.

And then the door was open and she was inside his car.

"_Hey, Bells."_

I swallowed and took a deep breath before I put the car into reverse. I spun around and pressed the pedal to the floor, speeding away from that place as fast as possible. All the while the hollowness of her absence grew in my chest as each mile added to our separation.

* * *

I drove straight home trying to push Jacob's repeated thoughts from my mind. The seat next to me was so…_empty_. It seemed to spread out and swallow me in a weak echo of a much stronger pain…a pain my mind and body instinctively shied away from.

Leaving Bella to go hunting was always hard to deal with, especially after last winter. I always felt empty without her next to me whether it was for a few hours or a couple of days. But why was that emptiness so different when I left her at La Push? It was so much stronger…_physically_ painful in a way I couldn't grasp. It was as if a large part of me had been ripped, taken away with her…and the little of what was left to me was exposed and bleeding.

When I pulled up in front of the house Alice was sitting on the top step of the porch. I could tell from her face that she was still pouting. The fact that Bella wanted to spend the day with a werewolf instead of her had Alice especially upset.

"I've decided to go with you" she mumbled as I approached the house. "Jasper and Emmet are still staying though; they're wrapped up in some video game right now"

I nodded vaguely, still trying to push away the painful part of myself that ached to be put together again. "Alright."

At the sound of my voice Alice's head shot up, her dark gold eyes scrutinizing my face.

'_Are you okay?'_

"I'm fine."

'_No you're not.'_

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I have to be," I murmured, looking everywhere except at her face. She continued to stare, after a few moments I gave in and glanced down at her. I tried to give a small smile but through her eyes it seemed to be more of a grimace. I sighed "It's nothing… Jacob was just…_especially_ irritating today is all."

Alice stood up to stand next to me and wrapped her skinny arm through mine. "Well, I guess we can mope together today," she said lightly throwing me a wide grin. Against my will I felt my lips turn up into a real smile. It felt wrong and out of place but if there was anyone that could raise the action out of me when I felt this way it was Alice.

* * *

One mountain lion and two large bucks later I found myself sitting on the edge of a huge boulder listening to the steady roar of the river beneath me. I had hunted quickly wanting this day to be done with sooner. The others were still spread out in the forest behind me, on their own routes and were far enough away that I wasn't disturbed by their thoughts. My mind was my own, well as my own as it ever was, there was still the light buzzing that existed no matter where I was.

But it was as close to peace as I could ever get, and I usually cherished the rare moments when I did have them. Of course my mind was far from peaceful at the moment because there was no blocking or pushing away my own thoughts. They dominated me so completely I was barely aware of the things around me.

The only things I seemed to be able to concentrate on were Jacob's intention and Bella's torn face before she had climbed into his car.

'_She hasn't given up yet and neither am I.'_

What did he mean by that?

Bella hadn't given up on what? I knew she hadn't given up on our disagreement to go to the reservation which was the only reason she was there now, and I knew she hadn't given up on the friendship she had clung to for so long now. But neither of those things seemed fit for what he had meant.

Jacob was so sure of his thoughts as he shouted them across the distance, so confident in his plan. There was something about Bella that he knew, a part of her that he believed in…a part he was determined to make her see today.

I wasn't even sure Bella was aware of it.

But what if Jacob was right _and_ he succeeded today and Bella _did_ become aware of it.

I growled softly and squeezed my eyes shut for a moment.

Enough was enough.

When I opened them back up I _made_ myself focus more clearly on the things around me. I made my eyes focus on the river beneath me, made them follow the current of bluish grey water as it surged steadily on its course.

My gaze then fell on a large boulder set in the center of the riverbed, strong and unmoving against the current. The water that flowed together so perfectly was inevitably ripped apart. It crashed into the obstruction angrily, throwing ripples and white foam around its middle… And in its destruction two separate paths formed.

_Jacob_.

My mind unwillingly went back to the subject that never really left. I don't even know why I _tried_ to distract myself. It was a pointless effort.

So the dog was finally going to tell Bella the truth…tell her he loved her and that he wanted her to choose _him_ instead of me…make her see that she did indeed have a choice.

The possessive tenor of his mind today had made me more furious than his verbal thoughts. Because I didn't care how selfish it sounded, how wrong it was, or how much further it damned me…but Isabella Swan _was_ _mine_. She belonged to me, just as I belonged totally and irreversibly to her.

Jacob would learn that today though. He had to see the love between us, unless he was completely blind. No matter what the dog planned to say today I had no doubt that…

My mind came to a lurching stop as the lie I had been momentarily feeding myself crashed into me.

I did have doubt.

I had been feeling it not even thirty seconds ago…I could feel it _now_, feel it growing as the endless space of time that Bella was away from me dragged on. Feel it swallow me as I watched the water below be ripped fiercely apart.

'_What if?_' my masochistic mind asked me, before I could silence it. _'What if?'_

I knew Bella loved me, my doubt did not stem from that undeniable truth. I had never been more sure of anything else in my entire existence. I loved Bella and Bella loved me.

But then there was Jacob Black, the unmovable rock in the path of our future together.

He loved Bella too. It didn't come close to the level of love I felt for her, he was too young and immature to grasp that type of devotion. But it was still there and very strong in his human mind. Though Bella had never voiced it, a part of me believed she knew this fact too, and that she has known of Jacob's true feelings for a long time now.

Well it wasn't like the dog tried to hide anything, it was always there in his face…written in his eyes. Bella _wasn't_ blind. She had to have seen it on more than one occasion.

As far as I knew however, Jacob had never fully exposed himself to her, never made the vulnerable move of saying the truth out loud in so many words.

A part of his silence came from his very well laid out plan, his plan of having Bella slowly come to that realization herself and in time learn to feel the same, and the other part was fear. He had kept silent for all this time in the fear that he would be turned away and in the process not only lose his chance, but also lose his friend.

The uncertainty of Bella's reaction when Jacob finally stepped up ate at my insides. She was so sweet and loving, she cared for the ones she loved so very much. And in some cases _too_ much. I had seen firsthand the things she would do to protect her loved ones, to protect them from any kind of pain. But there was something in Jacob's pain that was slightly different, something that always hit her hard.

The torn look in Bella's eyes when she glanced back at me today flashed into my mind again and it formed a realization I had never acknowledged before. But I did now, and there was no stopping it. Despite the fresh, warm blood coursing through me, my body suddenly felt very cold.

Because in spite of Jacob's lineage and unnatural way life he was still _human_. He still possessed something I didn't have…a beating heart. He could give Bella things I would never be able to. Jacob and I were both a danger in her life, but I knew which one of us posed the _most_ danger and as much as I didn't want to admit it, especially to myself, Jacob would be the healthier choice.

The thought was like pure acid, searing its way through my body.

But it was unstoppable.

I could not deny the truth.

If Bella were to choose him, to choose Jacob, she _would_ be better off.

I felt my fists clench at me sides, the rock grumbling slightly around my knuckles.

She could have the normal, happy life she deserved. She could keep her family and friends. She could go to college vigorous and full of life. She could have the beautiful children my existence was stealing from her…those precious souls that never had a chance because of me.

And more so than that, she would always be protected. Always have that someone there to stand between her and the dangers she seemed to always attract.

Hadn't that been my main excuse from the very beginning? During my first struggle of right and wrong?

That first night in Bella's room, when I heard her speak my name for the very first time in her sleep, hadn't keeping her safe been my only justification? Despite her half whispered plea for me to stay I should have left that night, I should have removed myself completely from her life before it was too late, But I had convinced myself that I had that very small reason… her safety… and I had stayed.

I didn't have that anymore.

My being with Bella, of wanting and needing her, was nothing more than selfishness now.

I had no justifications.

No small reasons.

I had nothing.

By choosing my enemy Bella could have every single thing I had ever wanted for her…every single thing I could never give.

I tore my eyes away from the pointless boulder in the meaningless river and buried my face in my hands. My silent heart seemed to be crushing in on itself, making me pull my knees towards my chest in a vain attempt to hold myself together.

"You're much better at this moping thing than I am."

Alice's tinkling voice cut through my self-made despair. The insane part of me actually felt like laughing. It had been the fourth time in the last couple of weeks that I had been taken off guard by somebody.

Maybe I was losing my touch as well as my sanity.

Alice was approaching me from the thick trees, and though I still hadn't moved from my position to look towards her, I could see my own form hunched in on itself through her eyes. The scene itself was pathetic but feeling the pity in my sister's mind made it even worse.

I forced my back to straighten and took a deep breath. At the same time Alice sat down gracefully next to me. I glanced sideways at her and bit back another growl of frustration. She was sitting cross-legged, her chin propped up in her small hands, with her whole body facing -not the river- but me.

"What Alice?" I asked flatly, turning away.

"Nothing," she said lightly. "I'm just done hunting."

I rolled my eyes, "Yes I can see that…what I meant was what are you doing _here_?"

Her mind was curious and oddly expectant as she continued to stare at the side of my face. I saw her shrug in my peripheral vision. "Well, actually I was under the impression you wanted to ask me something."

I raised an eyebrow, "And what might that be?" I asked dryly.

"I'm not sure." _'I don't think you're consciously aware of it just yet.'_

I snorted without humor and decided to ignore her for the time being, I wasn't really in the mood at the moment. Of course I knew it was a wasted effort. Alice wasn't the type to be ignored…at least not for long.

My eyes slid back the river…back to the damn rock that aggravated the hell out of me for some demented reason.

And then it hit me.

'_I told you, you had something ask me,'_ Alice thought smugly.

She knew what was on my mind…or _would_ know. I had no need to voice the question now. She focused, it only took her a second but when she picked it up she groaned loudly. "Oh come on Edward you can't be serious."

I didn't look at her, but she continued to look at me, and then after a moment she shook her head sadly. _'Haven't you learned anything yet?'_

"I could ask you the same question," I mumbled under my breath.

'_Bella was meant for you….she can't live without you anymore than you can without her.'_

"Jacob's going to talk to her today," I murmured quietly, as if I had not heard her thoughts and then whispered even lower. "He's going to keep fighting."

'_Did he ever really stop?'_

My head shook mechanically, "Does it really matter?" I asked in the same soft mummer, "Regardless I have no way of knowing Bella's reaction…of what her response will be when he finally…" My voice lowered to a whisper and then trailed off.

"I never thought I'd say this to you Edward," Alice said, leaning closer to me. "But for someone so smart and confident you can be very ignorant at times."

I finally turned to glare at her, ready to snap and release some of the pent up anger. But as I locked eyes with my sister it all melted away and I saw my face crumple through her eyes. "_What if_?" I breathed, voicing the burning question for the first time. "What if choosing Jacob _is_ the better option for her? What if I'm just holding her back from what she really wants…what she really _needs_?"

'_What she really needs is you Edward…I've seen it.'_

My head was shaking again, when I realized this I stopped. I couldn't look in her eyes any longer, couldn't continue to see the absolute belief she had in her thoughts. I dropped my face back into my hands. "Just look Alice," I mumbled between my fingers. "_Would_ she be better off?...Please, I can't handle anything right now except the truth, I _need_ to know."

She sighed, "I can't do that Edward and you know it. Right now all I see is black…she's with the dogs right now….." _'And even if I could I wouldn't, because I have no need to.'_

I growled into my hands, but to my ears it sounded more like a groan.

"_You_ look Edward," Alice said sharply. "If you don't want to take my word for it or even Jasper's then maybe you'll listen to Charlie."

I took a deep breath and locked my hands together on my knees, pressing my forehead into my fists. I had no idea what she was talking about, but I would let her go on, this was Alice so it wasn't like I could stop her…tell her to shut up and leave me alone like I would have done with someone else.

So I stared at the granite between my knees, looked at the different colors and facets in the stone…waiting for her to go on.

"When I came back last spring I talked to Charlie…" She said softly, "....he told me some things and I think you need hear them." She opened her mind and having no other choice I watched and listened.

~*~*~

_Alice was sitting at the small old table watching Charlie shuffle around the kitchen. "How bad was it Charlie?" she asked softly._

_Charlie froze in the process of opening a cabinet and sighed. "Real bad."_

"_Tell me about it. I want to know exactly what happened when we left."_

_Charlie nodded and closed the cabinet. He walked heavily towards the stove and cut on a burner. "I've never felt so helpless…" His shoulders slumped as he turned around to face Alice, his face was__ drawn and very tired._

"_I didn't know what to do." He said in a fast whisper. "That first week—I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic', but I didn't let him up to see her, afraid it would frighten her."_

"_She snapped out of it though?" Alice asked her thoughts pained and full of guilt as she watched Charlie's desperate face..._

_He shook his head slowly, his eyes unfocused, seeing something that Alice couldn't. "I had Renee come to take her to Florida. I just didn't want to be the one…if she had to go to a hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help." _

_He shuddered slightly and seemed to pull back, his eyes focusing on Alice's face again. "But when we started packing her clothes she woke up with a vengeance. I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for tantrums, but boy, did she fly into a fury. She threw her clothes everywhere and screamed that we couldn't make her leave—and then… she finally started crying. I thought that would be the turning point. I didn't argue when she insisted on staying here…and she did seem to get better at first…' Charlie's voice trailed off, his eyes glazing over again. _

"_But?' Alice prompted softly. _

_He shrugged. "She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked her a direct question. But she was…empty. Her eyes were blank. There were lots of little things—she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CD's broken in the trash. She didn't read; she wouldn't be in the same room when the T.V. was on, not that she watched it so much before…I finally figured it out—she was avoiding everything that might remind her of…_him_."_

_He rubbed a hand over his tired face and sighed deeply before he went on. "We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset her—the littlest things would make her flinch—and she never volunteered anything. She would just answer if I asked her something._

"_She was alone all the time. She didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling…It was like the night of the living dead around here."_

_Charlie shuddered again, this time more clearly and his face paled as his eyes unfocused again, gazing at something just above Alice's head. When he spoke again his voice was quite and strained with the effort of holding back suppressed emotion. "I still hear her screaming in her sleep…"_

_Moisture filled the familiar brown eyes and Alice swallowed, pushing back her own emotion, "I'm so sorry Charlie." She whispered thickly. He looked back at her, quickly blinking back the tears before they could spill over. When he focused again his eyes were hard and full of fury._

"_It's not _your_ fault."_

"_She seems better now though." Alice murmured, though it seemed to be more of a question than a statement..._

"_Yeah." Charlie gave a small smile then. "Ever since she stared hanging out with Jacob Black, I've noticed a real improvement. She has some color in her cheeks when she comes home, __**there's**__ some light in her eyes, she's happier."_

_He paused and his face became thoughtful, his voice changed to something close to hope, almost like he was trying to convince himself. "He's a year or so younger than her, and I know she used to think of him as a friend, but I think maybe it's something more now, or headed in that direction anyway." _

_~*~*~_

"Alice!" Her name hissed through my clenched teeth. My hands were two separate fists on my knees now, digging into my closed eyes. "If this is your idea of helping it's a bad one," I growled.

I knew everything she was showing me. I had seen it so many times, heard it from so many different people. But hearing it voiced from Charlie, seeing what I had put, not only Bella through, but Charlie as well was not helping…it was doing the complete opposite. It was only enforcing what I had realized on my own…my mind was torturing enough when left to its own devices, I didn't need any help.

"You're not letting me finish," Alice answered quietly. "There's more…"

~*~*~

"_He's a good-looking kid, too—takes after his mom's side. He's good for Bella, you know." _

_Alice nodded, "Then it's good she had him."_

_Charlie stared at Alice's sincere face for a moment and then his face fell again, a loud sigh escaping his mouth before he spoke. "Okay, so I guess that's over stating things. I don't know…even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in." He shook his head. "It's not normal, Alice, and it…it frightens me. Not normal at all, not like someone…left her, but like someone died."_

_His voice cracked on the last word. "I don't know if she's going to get over it—I'm not sure if it's in her nature to heal from something like this. She's always been such a constant little thing. She doesn't get past things, change her mind."_

_Alice gave a small smile that didn't even come close to reaching her eyes. "She's one of a kind." _

_~*~*~_

"See?" Alice whispered softly. "There was a time when all Bella had was Jacob and it still wasn't enough…even Charlie saw that and you know better than me who he wants his daughter to be with. But more than that he wants her to be _happy_…I think it's only fear of her being hurt again that makes him hate you so much, because he can't deny how healthy and happy Bella is now."

I didn't speak or move. I wasn't sure if Alice's memories had made me feel better or worse. It was clear what her intention had been…she wanted to prove to me that though Bella is happy being with Jacob now, it was only because I was here when she returned. It proved that Bella could only be truly happy with me in her life…that Jacob _alone_ wasn't enough.

But what about when it was only _me_ in her life again…would _I_ be enough? What was going to happen the day Bella had to say goodbye to her friend forever?

She had lived without me before, and I knew the consequences of that. But she had yet to live without Jacob. In fact she had fought desperately, went behind my back and tricked Alice more than once to keep him in her life.

What was it going to be like once the day came when she could no longer see him?

Would the pain be worse with his absence than it was with mine?…which one of us would it hurt her most to lose?

Which one could she not live without? Because she could not have us both…not for forever.

Alice sighed loudly. "Okay I don't get it…why are you still all mopey?" She scooted closer to me and nudged my shoulder. "Come on, you'll be able to pick Bella up in a few hours and you'll see for yourself that nothing the dog says will change her mind."

"That still doesn't answer my question though," I said raising my head back up. "And since you can't see anything how can I know for sure?"

Alice looked at me for a second, raising one thin eyebrow. "Okay, so you want me to look and…"

I shook my head "No… I know that was a stupid request, I know better than that. I was just pointing out the fact that you don't know what Bella's response will be anymore than I do"

"Mmmm," Alice murmured. "I disagree; I think I know a little more than you think."

"Oh really?"

She nodded. "I have no doubt in Bella, because once again, I know the dog's words will do nothing to change her choice."

"But you can't see that," I pointed out again, the frustration was building up and I tried to rein it in. Alice was only trying to make me feel better. I knew this but I wished she would just let it go, leave me alone for a little while longer.

'_I could continue to tell you this, but maybe it will do better if you just look.'_

I looked at Alice in surprise, but she had closed her eyes in concentration. She wasn't showing me a memory, she was…_looking_. I watched her curiously as she sifted through the future. The images were fast and indistinct. A small crease formed between her eyes as she pushed more force into her mind. I wasn't used to seeing Alice take so long on pulling up a vision.

After few more seconds though, something broke through and came into focus.

_The image was very blurred, like I was looking at it from under water. I could only make out two formless figures, their surroundings were black, but as the vision closed in I realized it was myself and…Bella. _

_It wasn't clear but I could pinpoint that face anywhere. _

_There was something different about it though. Bella's features were sharper, radiating a beauty that was hard to look at despite the cloudiness. The only thing that stood out was her bright red irises. However, despite their violent and alien color, the eyes were soft and held a gentleness that was very familiar. _

_Her hand reached up and cupped my face. And then she spoke in a fierce whisper. "I love you."_

I didn't speak or move and I don't know how long I sat there. I was …confused. It was the only way I could describe the mayhem inside my own head.

"You see?" Alice whispered. "I may not be seeing as much as I should these days but _that_…it is still there." She chuckled softly. "By all means I shouldn't be able to see even that blurred flash right now, not while she's with the dogs. But I do. Doesn't that tell you anything?"

I still didn't say anything. All I could see was Bella's beautiful red-eyes and face…however blurred it was. Sure I had seen Alice's visions of this future outcome many times…more times than I liked to remember. But the look in my angel's eyes…that was new to me. This particular vision was new.

And it made me agonizingly happy. Completely blissful and completely torn apart at the exact same time and on exactly the same level.

"Alright that's what I'm talking about," Alice's tinkling laugh pulled me from my confusion. And it was only then that I realized my mouth was curved up ever so slightly. Who would have ever thought seeing those red eyes on my angel would make me smile, however small.

"My work here is finished," Alice sang jumping lightly to her feet. She leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "You just have to face the facts Edward…Bella's mind was made up a long time ago and she's a very _constant_ little thing."

"She's one of a kind," I whispered.

* * *

My better mood was pushed back down slightly when I reached my car. There on the passenger side floor board was a small silver phone.

I reached over and picked it up with a deep sigh. Not only did I make Bella leave without a goodbye, but she also left her phone. Her way of contacting me.

The edge of panic that was always there kicked up a notch. Bella being who she was she would probably pick this particular trip to the reservation to get hurt, because it was the one time she left her phone.

"Perfect," I mumbled as I started the engine.

I had waited long enough and if she didn't use Jacob's phone to call me than Jacob would probably be driving her home.

Either way I would be there waiting.

I was less than a mile from Charlie's house when the phone in my pocket began to vibrate.

* * *


	18. Strike Two

* * *

Chapter 17

Strike two

* * *

_Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm -Malay proverb_

* * *

I took a quick glance and was surprised to see Charlie's number on the front of the phone. It had to be Bella, I couldn't think of any reason why Charlie would be calling me. I opened the phone before it had a chance to ring again.

"Bella?" Hope flared in my chest. It was now that I realized just how ridiculous I had been acting. Of course my Bella would come home to me. "You left the phone…I'm sorry, did Jacob drive you home?"

"Yes."

Her voice instantly wiped the smile from my face. It sounded angry and there was a slight edge to it…almost like she was in pain.

"Will you come and get me, please?"

My chest tightened…Yes, there definitely was pain, I could hear it. "I'm on my way…what's wrong?"

"I want Carlisle to look at my hand. I think it's broken."

"What happened?" I demanded at once, I knew something like this was going to happen. I tried to rein in the anger that was beginning to build. I knew it was wrong to jump to conclusions, knowing Bella she probably just tripped and fell. But if something had happened… if any one of those dogs had lost control….

"I punched Jacob."

My mouth opened and then silently closed again.

She what?

And then it sank in…my tempered little kitten had done the one thing I had wanted to do to that overgrown mutt for weeks now. Though I highly doubted she had punched him to, well…_punch_ him. Surely she didn't have the same type of desire I had on the subject.

Any satisfaction I would have felt with this type of news was gone at the thought of Bella's small, very _breakable_, hand making contact with any part of the wolf's body. Their flesh might not be stone but it wasn't exactly soft either.

"Good," I finally managed to say through the shock. "Though I'm sorry you're hurt."

Her laughter filled my ear and though it was strained it still tugged the corners of my mouth up.

"I wish I'd hurt _him_." She went on, the anger and frustration back in her voice. "I didn't do any damage at all."

"I can fix that," I said without thinking and then instantly shut my mouth waiting for her to reprimand me.

She didn't though and her next words were the last thing I expected to hear.

"I was hoping you would say that." Her voice had no humor to it… she was serious.

"That doesn't sound like you," I frowned as the anger began to build up again, this time I could not push it back…because with it came suspicion.

'_I'm not giving up!.....I'm tired of this, tired of just waiting on the side lines!..._"

"What did he_ do_?"

"He kissed me."

Of its own accord, my right foot pushed the gas pedal down into the floor, while the rest of my body froze, every muscle locking down.

I could only remember feeling this type of anger two times before.

The first time was nearly two years ago, it was not as strong then and at the time I hadn't realized why I was feeling it. But it had been there -however weak- when I saw Mike Newton touch Bella's hair that sunny day in the school parking lot, commenting on how it had a red tone to it.

The second time was much stronger; it was nearly parallel to how I was feeling it this time.

Watching James on the television screen as he put his filthy hands on Bella's face…her leg snapping under his foot, his hand crushing into her face.

Somewhere inside my mind was telling me that James was completely different. That that situation did not compare to this one. But a larger part of me was making that comparison and it was adding to it an entirely different side.

There was the anger that someone else's lips had touched hers, had touched _Bella's_ lips…lips that belonged, selfishly, to me. Then there was the hatred that the felonious lips belonged to none other than Jacob Black. To the one person who had planted so much doubt inside my mind. And then there was the fury…the unyielding rage that he had done so without her permission.

If it were not for the last part, I would have ignored Bella's permission to rip apart the dog's face. I would have kept my anger and jealously to myself. But it was clear in Bella's voice she had had no intention nor any desire to kiss him…and he had forced her to anyway.

'_I'll fight….she hasn't given up so neither am I.' _

I would show him a fight…I would show him just how far past _too_ far he had gone. He had crossed a line that should have never been crossed. A line that never even _existed_, because it should not have been a mere _thought_ inside his filthy mind.

I concentrated on unlocking my throat enough to speak, "Is the dog still there?"

"Yes."

"I'm around the corner."

I heard a soft crunch as my fingers closed the lid of my phone. I tossed it into the passenger seat.

It didn't matter; a cell phone could be replaced.

I couldn't say as much for the dog's face.

The roads were wet and the tires protested loudly as I went around the last bend of trees, allowing the small house to come into view. I slammed on the brakes at the same time I whipped the car roughly into the drive way, screeching to a halt mere inches from the bumper of the police cruiser.

I was moving faster than human pace as I climbed out of the car. When I reached the front door I tried desperately to fight against the desire to throw it open and charge into the house. Charlie's thoughts were the only thing that kept me from doing just that.

'_This isn't good…knew it was going to happen sooner or later.'_

I watched from his mind as Bella walked by the living room to get the door, her hand cradled to her chest.

"How's your hand?" he asked. Charlie's voice was as nervous and uncomfortable as his thoughts _'…this isn't going to be good…' _he thought again_ 'I might have to…'_

Bella removed what seemed to be a cloth filled with ice from her hand and lifted it up.

I flinched at the sight.

"It's swelling."

'_Ouch…Jacob should have left…he's going to be pissed…_ ' "Maybe you should pick on people your own size."

I couldn't remember ever feeling any kind of anger towards Charlie. He had justifications in hating me the way he did and had every right to want Bella with Jacob, but as I saw the slight betrayal tighten in Bella's eyes I was suddenly furious with the man.

He was supposed to be her father. It was his responsibility to protect her, his responsibility to be pissed right **now, not just me**. In a situation like this he should be siding with his only child. His daughter had more or less been assaulted by someone she considered a friend and he was siding with the wrong person.

This hurt me because I knew it had hurt Bella, and then it hurt all the more when Bella simply ignored him.

She didn't expect anything else from her father. She didn't expect to be comforted…she knew better.

Just like with Renee, Bella was the parent.

"Maybe," she mumbled making her way towards the door.

I took a deep breath. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I knew what I _wanted_ to do…to both the dog and Charlie.

Then the door opened and Bella's face was there instantly pushing everything else aside. The bitter hollowness I had been feeling not even an hour ago evaporated from my chest in that mere second as if it had never even been there to begin with.

She was my first priority…always.

It no longer mattered what Charlie thought, or how well he was a father to her, because despite how wrong it was or how selfish and all together _immoral_ it made me, Bella was mine to protect now, mine to take care of.

And that's exactly what I was going to do.

"Let me see," I murmured.

Bella immediately held out her hand, her eyes trusting. I gently took it in both of mine, the warmth that radiated from the touch calmed me some. I breathed deeply; pulling in the perfect distraction… her scent was as soothing as it was painful.

Cradling her hand like the priceless breakable that it was I examined the damage. Her last three fingers were swollen and the knuckles there were already turning blue. With a feather light touch I ran my finger over the third knuckle, unhappy with what I saw.

"I think you're right about the break," I looked up to meet her gaze. "I'm proud of you. You must have put some force behind this."

I was pleased to hear the slight shame in Charlie's thoughts. I was the one here now, taking what should have been his responsibility, saying the words and doing what he should have the moment Bella walked through the door.

It was good he realized his mistake, but it was far too late for him to regain the respect I had once held for him.

Bella gave a grim smile looking back down at her hand. "As much as I have…not enough, apparently."

I lifted her swollen hand to my lips and kissed it gently. "I'll take care of it." The promise was meant for both counts.

Bella had pulled my mask of calm to the surface and I was thinking clearly now.

I would not do what my mind was telling me to do…. or what my body was yearning.

Not Yet.

Not today.

"Jacob," I kept my voice quite, but Charlie was instantly alert.

'_Here we go'_ "Now, now," Charlie said quickly, pushing himself up from the sofa.

Jacob rounded the corner first and I continued, with some effort, to ignore his thoughts. When I had called his name they had turned instantly to eager anticipation and that wasn't helping the fight against my anger.

I kept my eyes fixedly on Charlie's stern face, not trusting my self control if I looked at the other.

"I don't want any fighting, do you understand?" I locked eyes with Charlie and for once my expression was far from being polite. "I can go put my badge on if that makes my request more official."

I gritted my teeth, still using everything I had to ignore Jacob. "That won't be necessary," I answered. It took a lot to keep the growl out of my voice. I could feel it building up in my chest… longing to get out and make both of them take a step back from us….from her.

Charlie's thoughts clearly told me he could see that barely restrained hostility in my eyes and he also knew a part of that was aimed directly at him.

"Why don't you arrest me, Dad?" Bella said angrily. "I'm the one throwing punches."

Charlie turned towards her raising an eyebrow. _'…Alright if you want to be like that…' _"Do you want to press charges, Jake?"

This was becoming too much. I barely managed to restrain myself from stepping into Charlie's face and giving him the reality check he was desperately in need of.

"No." Jacob answered cheerfully.

At the sound of his voice I slipped. My guard fell and I was unwillingly pulled into his mind.

_One of his hands on Bella's face, the other cradling the back of her neck as he lowered his face to kiss her. Then Bella's hands were pushing on his face, and then tangled in his hair trying to pull him away from her face._

"I'll take the trade any day."

_Bella standing passively as he placed several more small kisses on her lips._

I felt disgust twist up my face.

'_How does it look from that point of view? Because it was pretty spectacular from where I was standing.'_

The bastard actually believed Bella had kissed him back…even after she had punched him…even _now_.

I felt Bella stiffen next to me, her injured hand was still cupped in both of mine and I felt it twitch reflexively. I looked back down at her just in time to see her shift her gaze from me to Charlie.

"Dad, don't you have a baseball bat somewhere in your room? I want to burrow it for a minute."

Charlie looked sternly at his daughter. "Enough, Bella."

An appalled sound came from my throat before I could stop it. "Let's go have Carlisle look at your hand," I cut in. Charlie glanced my way again and I stared back as I continued. "Before you wind up in a jail cell."

And preferably before I did something I knew I would regret…but regret only because it would hurt Bella more than she already was. She had been betrayed by enough people she had trusted for one day, I wasn't going to add myself to that list. I had already been there once and I had no desire to repeat that experience.

Still holding Bella's injured hand in one of mine I gently took the rag full of ice from her left hand and wrapped my arm securely around her waist. She willing accepted my half embrace, relaxing into me and tilting her head into my chest.

As I turned our bodies toward the door I flicked my wrist, tossing the rag towards kitchen, aiming for the counter closest to the hall. It made its mark more fiercely than I intended it to and I ignored the three chunks of ice that slipped out and clattered noisily to the floor.

I heard Charlie huff behind me, _'…who does he think…he can't just…' _

I turned my head looking over Bella's hair to glare at him. His mouth was opened like he was about to speak his thoughts.

When he met my gaze however, he froze. I saw myself reflected in his mind. My face was hard and cold, my eyes threatening. For once I let him see a flicker of what I truly was…let him know he too had crossed a line today.

His heart skipped a beat as he experienced the natural fear my kind brought on.

As the instinct of danger and self preservation automatically kicked in, Charlie took an unconscious step back, closing his mouth in the process.

Good.

I turned away and continued to walk with Bella to the car.

* * *

Charlie's mind was mixed with fear and uncertainty as he watched our retreating backs. But most of all he was confused, confused as to why he was feeling the fear in the first wasn't until Jacob took a few steps forward that he snapped out of it.

"What are you doing? Are you crazy?" he hissed under his breath.

Jacob glanced over his shoulder, "Give me a minute Charlie…don't worry, I'll be right back."

'_The kid has lost his mind'_ Charlie thought desperately as he watched Jacob step through the door. Charlie was already thinking about a fight starting and was prepared to go into what Bella always called "Chief Swan mode".

Charlie may not be as perceptive as his daughter, but he was far from being ignorant. He could clearly see that Jacob was nearly a head and a half taller than me, but he had the natural sense to know who to worry about getting hurt if a fight did break out. Something his daughter always seemed to lack.

I continued toward the car without a backward glance, Jacob six paces behind us. I knew he would follow and I also knew what he was hoping for. He didn't want a fight so much as he wanted me to lose control in front of both Charlie and Bella. Jacob had been disappointed once already today and that only fueled his desire.

He wanted _me _to make the first move; his mind was already swimming through the different strategies he had learned. He was confident in his ability to win and the thought of what kind of pain that would cause Bella never even crossed his mind.

That right there made me angrier than anything else.

But he was wrong on both counts. I would not give in and even if I did he would not be the one to walk away.

The dog may be strong and good at what he does, but he has had no real experience. Compared to me Laurent was nothing and if a fight did break out he would be alone this time not surrounded by his pack brothers.

But I couldn't.

Not today and definitely not _here_.

Regardless of what he wanted and what I craved to do…he would still hear me out.

Jacob was in need of a reality check more so than Charlie.

Opening my car door I gently released Bella's hand and helped her into the car. When she was safely inside I closed the door and took in a steadying breath.

Through it all brown eyes were glued to my face. I could see what lay beneath the surface of anger and frustration. Despite what Jacob had done, Bella still cared for the mutt. His pain still hurt her and that was one thing I would never do again. I would never hurt her.

Bella was forgiving and I knew sooner or later Jacob would be forgiven for his actions today. Jacob himself knew this. He knew her well and knew she wasn't one to hold a grudge. Despite Bella's reaction to his kiss Jacob would do it again in a heartbeat. In fact he was determined to do so…which was why I needed to get the words out now…make him listen.

Releasing a breath slowly through my nose I turned around, cautious of the fact Bella was sitting behind me and Charlie was in clear view listening intently.

'_Bring it on leech'_

Jacob stood, his muscles tense and face relaxed into an arrogant expression. Though he had his fists clenched and arms crossed I could still see the slight trembling.

My voice was calm and low. I kept to the truth not caring if Charlie could hear or not. If anything my words would do him some good too.

"I'm not going to kill you now, because it would upset Bella."

"Hmph."

I turned slightly to see Bella scowling at me…she still wanted me to act for her. If I didn't know her so well the temptation would have won over when I looked at her disappointed face. Instead I smiled softly at her expression and tried to show her the apology through my eyes, because I did know her.

I reached through the window and caressed her cheek lightly with my fingertips, making the crease between her eyes disappear. "It would bother you in the morning."

Bella sighed and leaned into my touch without argument. Satisfied I turned back to Jacob, letting my hand fall to the window ledge.

I looked the dog straight in the eyes, silently warning him to heed my words. "But if you ever bring her back damaged again—and I don't care whose fault it is; I don't care if she merely trips, or if a meteorfalls out of the sky and hits her in the head--if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs…Do you understand that, _mongrel_?"

'_I'd like to see you try.'_

"Who's going back?" Bella grumbled behind me. I ignored this…my gaze still boring into his.

'_She'll come back,'_ Jacob thought smugly, reassuring himself. _'She always comes back.'_

He was already planning what he would say and do when that time came. The well organized plan he had worked out in his mind last winter had not been interrupted, he hadn't been discouraged in the least.

"And if you ever kiss her again…" I went on, cutting off his thoughts before they pushed my control any further. "I _will_ break your jaw for her."

"What if she wants me to?" He sneered, leaning forward slightly as he deliberately sent me the image again. He showed me his side, showed me what he perceived to be Bella kissing him back.

Once again all I saw was Bella pulling his hair, trying in vain to pry his face from hers.

I gritted my teeth, trying desperately to keep my face blank and keep the growl that was building in the base of my throat from slipping out. Every part of my being was fighting against the natural urge to crouch…to fight for what was mine.

The heat radiating from the car and warming my back was the only thing that kept my locked muscles in place.

"If that's what she wants, then I won't object." I answered truthfully, "You might want to wait for her to _say_ it, rather than trust your interpretation of body language…but it's your face."

Doubt finally began to seep into his mind and I resisted the urge to smirk, because for once it wasn't my mind swimming with uncertainties, it was his.

He was beginning to doubt what he felt as his mind unconsciously began replaying some of Bella's words…They were fast coming but I caught enough.

'_Don't touch me; I'm going home right now….'_

'_I can't wait to see what Edward does to you! I hope he snaps your neck, you pushy, obnoxious, moronic DOG!'_

'_Jacob I can't be happy without him.'_

'…_.that was not kissing back, that was me trying to get you the hell off of me you idiot."_

My lips twitched, and as I watched my angel's angry eyes from his mind I gave up my fight and smirked. As soon as he saw it he cut off his thoughts, remembering once again that I could see everything, even the slightest of flashbacks.

Then as quickly as the doubt came, it was gone and I envied his easy release of the emotion. He still knew that despite Bella's words and anger she still cared. _'More than she realizes….but I'll make her see.' _He grinned widely, his eyes eager. He was anticipating the day she would ask him. There was no doubt in his mind that she _would_.

It became clear that Bella could see this on his face as easily as I could read it from his mind because she suddenly snorted….loudly. "You wish."

Jacob's eyes flashed quickly to the car and then back to me. His grin faltered slightly.

I nodded in agreement. "Yes, he does."

The grin slid from his face all together as his eyes finally showed the anger I knew would come eventually. My seemingly composed exterior combined with Bella's reactions were finally getting to him. "Well if you're done rummaging through my head….why don't you go take care of her hand?"

I watched the quivering in his hands move up to fill his, still tightly crossed arms and I knew I had to wrap this up.

"One more thing," I said slowly, emphasizing my every word so that they penetrated his thick skull and settled themselves into his conceited mind. "I'll be fighting for her, too. You should know that. I'm not taking anything for granted, and I'll be fighting _twice_ as hard as you will." It was simple fact that a fight for survival was always the strongest…especially for my kind.

"Good," Jacob growled. _'It's nice to know you actually have a fight in you.'_ "It's no good beating someone who forfeits." _'What's the point of the prize then?....She'll come back….she always does…I know it and so do you….things will turn out right….she'll see sense sooner or later and come back to me….It's where she belongs….she's mi—' _

The thin hold on my self control snapped. He took in my changed expression and instantly his mind was going into overdrive…waiting for the lunge.

That one unfinished, _possessive_ word in his mind was more than I could handle. It went against my very nature to back down as it threatened not only the man in me, but also the monster.

Barely conscious of the movement I stepped towards him; my muscles straining against the urge to crouch and protect what belonged to me.

"She _is_ mine." The growl could no longer be contained as it slipped up my throat and laced into my words. "I didn't say I would fight fair."

"Neither did I."

"Best of luck."

"Yes, may the best _man_ win."

I couldn't help but smirk through my irritation. He had walked straight into it. "That sounds about right…_pup_."

I chuckled darkly under my breath. There was a great deal of satisfaction in watching his face twist up at my choice of words… it seemed I had hit a sore spot.

After Jacob composed himself he leaned sideways to glance over my shoulder. I resisted the immature impulse to step over and block his view.

"I hope your hand feels better soon." I watched from his mind for her reaction. As soon as there was eye contact she grimaced. "I'm really sorry you're hurt." Stubborn as always my Bella turned away. No forgiveness yet Jacob Black. That's my girl.

Jacob sighed softly before he turned his gaze back to me. _'But I'm not sorry for the kiss….and I'll be waiting patiently for the next one too.'_ He smirked and then tilted his head in mock farewell. _'Keep your eyes open leech…. I'll get my next chance…. soon.'_

My right hand clenched tightly. I yearned for the way it would feel when it slammed into the side of his face….how the satisfying crunch would fill my ears.

Not today.

Not yet.

I turned quickly on my heel, not willing to test my limits any further. It felt very wrong to put my back to my enemy, but it was obvious the dog wasn't going to move from his spot.

It wasn't until I had started the car and began backing from the driveway that Jacob went back inside.

"Damn kid what were you thinking?" I heard Charlie ask as he opened the door.

Jacob snorted sourly. "What? You think he could take me?"

Charlie hesitated, taking in the mutt's abnormal height. _'He's big, but….I don't know….'_ Charlie looked back up and when he saw Jacob frowning he went on quickly. "Of course not." But then his face grew stern. "But that doesn't matter….I don't want you two fighting and I definitely don't want it to be in front of my daughter….you understand?"

"Yes sir."

Charlie nodded, looking over Jacob again. _'I don't know the kid obviously has some strength….but, man there's something about the Cullen kid…he just…'_ Charlie shook his head as a shiver ran down his back.

I frowned, perhaps I had gone too far with Charlie….but as I remembered the flash of hurt in Bella's eyes I knew I would do again.

As I turned the corner and their voices faded and their thoughts grew indistinct I slowly let out my breath.

I wondered how long I had been holding it.

Trying to calm myself I filled my lungs deeply, taking in the sweet burning aroma that surrounded me.

I looked beside me and saw Bella glaring out the window. She still cradled her hand to her chest and though she didn't speak I could tell from her clenched jaw that she was in pain.

"How do you feel?" I murmured. Not taking my eyes off her face.

"Irritated," she answered through her teeth.

A whispered chuckle escaped me, "I meant your hand."

She glanced at me quickly and shrugged. "I've had worse," she mumbled looking back out the window. The words were not said to intentionally cause pain, she was just stating fact. But they cut through me fast and hard.

I wondered if she remembered that those were Jacob's exact words not so long ago. _'You don't think she can handle it? She's had worse.'_

They were both right. "True," I agreed softly.

I sighed and looked more closely at her hand. The swelling had increased and the bruising was growing darker. I mentally slapped myself for throwing the rag of ice back into Charlie's kitchen.

Freeing one of my hands from the steering wheel I reached over and gently eased her injured hand into her lap before I cupped mine gingerly over it. I suppose my skin could be useful every once in a while.

Bella's shoulders relaxed at the contact and she slumped back into the seat. "Thanks," she breathed, closing her eyes.

I smiled, "You're welcome."

When I looked back at the road the small smile faded. I could feel my angel's soft broken hand burn and pulse beneath my cold touch and all i could think was:

_Strike Two Jacob Black. _

* * *


	19. Not Today

* * *

Chapter 18

Not Today

* * *

"_You see what power is – holding someone else's fear in your hand and showing it to them." _– _Amy Tan_

* * *

It was at a slow human pace that I made my way down the stairs holding an all too familiar cap and gown. Over time the outfit had barely changed. The only difference between the dozens I had worn was the color. This time around it was an almost blinding vivid yellow.

"I knew it!"

As soon as the delighted cry reached my ears I paused at the foot of the stairs and concentrated.

~*~*~

_A very familiar room filled my mind. Though it was messier than I was use to. Clothes lay across the bed and a few shirts were strewn across the wooden floor. _

"_I have nothing to wear!"_

_My angel stood, clad in light grey sweats, in front of her open closet door. Her hands were on her hips and just before the vision faded I caught a glimpse of a very frustrated and flushed face._

_~*~*~_

I chuckled and turned just as Alice walked into the room. Draped over one arm was her own yellow disaster and clutched in the other was a white box. She strode toward me, a brilliant smile of victory on her face.

"You do realize how full of yourself you are today right?" I asked her.

The shining delight on her small face did not falter in the least. In fact it seemed her wide grin only grew.

'_I can't help it.'_ "It's not every day I get to throw a party and buy my sister an outfit she'll actually appreciate." _'I'm one step closer to breaking her!'_

I shook my head, but couldn't help the smile that broke out on my own lips. The happiness radiating off Alice was too much.

"Okay I've got to go." She said quickly, her words running together as she dashed toward the front door. "Carlisle and Esme are almost ready and I've got like five minutes before Bella wears sweatpants to her graduation. Bye." Then she was gone with a soft click of the front door.

Chuckling I made my way to the front room to stand in front of the glass wall. It was no surprise to see the thick clouds, nor the dense fog rolling from the river.

Unfortunately it was a perfect day outside.

There were only a handful of times I was lucky enough to have a graduation ceremony on a sunny day. Carlisle was too good at picking the right locations. All we had to do was make our rounds in four to six year periods and play the game.

Taking my eyes from the yard I lightly lifted the thin piece of metal dangling from the tassel on the cap. Any other time I wouldn't even give the two small numbers a glance. Once upon a time they meant nothing to me, they were just another tally added to the pointless list that was adding up to ultimately nothing. The only thing they proved was that another handful of years had been accomplished in one place and marked the time when we would begin to arrange the things we needed to begin some place else.

They represented the ending of one cycle and the beginning of another…nothing more.

But this time it was different. This year was not just a passing thing in my mind. These two numbers marked a deadline.

A deadline that honestly scared the hell out of me.

I knew it wasn't going to happen today. I knew that as did everyone else…but for so long now _this_ had been the date. This was the end of the wait Bella had been clinging to for so long.

It terrified me because I knew her fight was just going to get stronger from this day forward.

All I had to cling to now was my proposal, well _proposals_. Bella's fear of marriage and her desire to have me change her myself were the only grips I had left to hang onto and yet I was _still_ slipping. My Bella was very stubborn and single minded when it came to something she really wanted and becoming a monster has seemed to be the top of the list for a while now.

I knew it was only a matter of time before she became fed up with all the games and deals and went to Carlisle herself.

It was strange but, though I would never admit it -especially to Bella-, a part of me also wanted what she wanted. _I_ wanted to be the one to change her.

The thought of someone else doing it made me…angry, despite the fact that the only other _someone_ would be Carlisle.

But Bella was mine and I _did_ want her forever…but more so than that I wanted to make her permanently mine forever _myself_.

I just wished she wasn't so damn _eager_ for it. Wished she would wait a little longer so she could think it through completely. I wanted her to be sure, without a single doubt, that she wanted this. Because once it was done, there was no going back.

Feeling someone behind me, their thoughts oddly silent, I glanced up from my hand to see Carlisle's reflection walking towards me in the glass.

'_I know that look.' _He stopped next to me, and without taking his eyes off the back yard he went on, still silently. _'What's on your mind?'_

I held back a snort and shook my head, of all the things to ask.

"I can assure you Carlisle it's nothing new," I murmured. From my peripheral vision I saw him nod. He knew me well enough that he had no need to ask in the first place.

'_I heard Alice so I'm taking a guess here but I assume she's at Bella's?'_

I smiled and nodded. "She left a few minutes ago. She looked ready to burst out of her skin."

Carlisle chuckled. "That girl…" He sighed, but the smile stayed glued to his face. "She was supposed to wait for us."

"Well patience isn't one of her high points." Though I was riding with Charlie and Bella to the school, Alice was suppose to be riding with our "parents". Apparently the Mercedes didn't move fast enough for her. I suppose when it came to Alice trying to rescue Bella from her sweatpants nothing was fast enough.

"Alright I'm ready."

Carlisle and I turned to see Esme walk into the room. She was wearing a light lavender dress and a wide smile. She always seemed to enjoy this particular routine when it came up. In our never ending charade I suppose going to her "children's gradation" was as normal as it could get.

'_Beautiful.' _I glanced at Carlisle to see him wearing a very familiar smile, one he saved and shared with only one person. "You look lovely," he said as Esme walked over and wrapped her arm around his waist.

"Why thank you," she said, stretching onto her toes to kiss his cheek. "I think Emmett and Jasper are just about finished with the lights." She told us both "I have to give it to Alice it's going to look beautiful tonight when they're all lit."

I couldn't help the smirk, remembering the looks on my brothers' faces when Alice showed them the large stack of boxes full of twinkle lights. I didn't envy them right now, not with three miles worth of trees. "Alice doesn't know the meaning of simple," I reminded them. "It's all and _then_ some or nothing at all."

"Yes…" Esme nodded "That's our Alice." _'I wouldn't have her any other way though.'_

Nor would I. Alice had her moments of pushing my patience. She seemed to know the exact buttons to push sometimes, but I knew I wouldn't have her any other way either.

"Are you going with Charlie and Bella after the ceremony?" Esme asked me.

"That's the plan, but it really depends on how Charlie's feeling. He might want to do something with Bella himself." I gave them half a grin. "I have to share sometime right?"

Esme laughed softly. "I suppose," she leaned in to give me a quick hug, _'you waited long enough though, you have a right to be a little selfish.' _She winked and then pulled on Carlisle's hand. "We should get going."

Before he let Esme lead him to the front door Carlisle reached over and placed a hand on my shoulder. He still had a small smile on his face but his gold eyes said a lot more. _'It's not today son.' _

I swallowed hard and nodded once, trying to push away the unease. It was harder said than done considering it had been building up for weeks, waiting for and dreading this day.

Carlisle gave my shoulder a tight squeeze before he turned to follow Esme.

When the door closed behind them I looked back down at the tassel and took a deep breath.

'_Not today,'_ I reminded myself. _'Yes…not today…but soon.'_

_

* * *

_

Charlie answered the door with a forced smile and I smiled back as I stepped inside. "Hello Charlie." My only response was a quick nod as he reached for his jacket. I suppose that was a step up from the usual grunt.

Due to the fact he left the door open I figured they were just about ready to leave. Once Charlie had his jacket on he glanced down the hall and then back to me. He cleared his throat and I could tell he was becoming uncomfortable.

Ever since the Jacob incidence Charlie had an even more difficult time trying to be alone in my presence. Even now I could sense the slight shame in his mind that had never really went away. It was especially strong whenever he caught a glance of Bella's brace. I did nothing to try and ease his mind either, he deserved it and only _he_ could fix it.

"We're just about ready," he mumbled as he looked back down the hall, unable to look me fully in the eye. Good.

I listened and heard Bella's heart beat, it was loud and very fast, she couldn't be any further than the kitchen.

I heard Charlie sigh next to me and shift his feet. "You ready yet Bells?!" He yelled.

"Yes Ch- Dad…I'm coming," Bella yelled back.

Charlie shook his head and turned around, grabbing his keys before he walked out the door toward the car.

Huh. Well that was an improvement. He actually made it longer than thirty seconds this time.

I was just about to walk down the hall when Bella came around the corner. When she saw me she froze and her heart picked up erratically. When I locked eyes with the chocolate brown the smile on my lips slid away. Something was wrong. If her fast thrumming heart beat and chalky complexion didn't warn me, then the fact that she was still frozen down the hall would.

Hell maybe I was just spoiled but I wasn't used to her not running into my arms…not when we had been apart for so long. I hadn't seen her since this morning. It was very childish and seemed melodramatic but a half a day of separation did its toll on the both of us and well my arms were literally _aching_ to hold her and she _still_ hadn't taken that first step toward me.

Yes very spoiled.

"Bella?" I asked softly, closing the distance between us. She looked up at me, her eyes searching my face…what was she looking for?

"Something wrong?" I reached down to take one of her hands. She didn't answer me, instead she blew out a loud breath she had clearly been holding. I raised my eyebrow, waiting for some kind of explanation. I didn't get one though, all she did was squeeze my hand and finally smile.

I couldn't help but smile back. "Everything alright?" I asked again, unable to hide my amusement, once again I was completely lost to her actions.

She nodded. "Alright…yes," she said quickly. She blushed a light pink allowing her face to finally gain some color. "I mean…yes I'm fine." She laughed then, but even that was off, it sounded relieved and nervous at the same time.

"Okay then." I said chuckling softly, I was still confused. But I was unable to hold back any longer and reached up to run my finger tips across her cheek bone, making a darker shade of red pool under the touch. "Your…"

Charlie cleared his throat loudly. Bella jumped and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

The man always had perfect timing.

* * *

The car ride was very interesting to say the least.

Everything was normal at first: Charlie driving, Bella in the passenger seat and me in the back seat. But then Charlie took a quick glance in the rearview mirror and did a double take. I didn't take my eyes away from the window, but I could see myself through his mind, sitting behind the plexiglas barrier.

It was very difficult to keep from grinning widely and or bursting into laughter after that.

I knew Charlie had fantasies of arresting me on more than one occasion. All of which involved pretty much the same things: putting the cuffs on my wrists, placing me in the cruiser, booking me at the department, and finally smugly closing the bars on my cell.

But never before had he worked out different scenarios in his head. They came one after the other, and the more glances he took at me through the mirror the wilder the stories got, and the wider his grin grew.

During one particular situation I had managed to steal Jacob's car, run several traffic lights, and run off the road. Which was when I finally gave myself up, with a terrified expression on my face and tears in my eyes as I begged Charlie to listen and not to take me in. I threw many things at him as he forced me into the back seat of his cruiser. That it was all a misunderstanding, that Jacob knew I had the car, and finally I claimed my father would pay him whatever he wanted.

That's when I caved. I couldn't resist looking up. I met Charlie's gaze in the mirror and raised a questioning eyebrow.

Did he truly believe Carlisle would do something like that?

The thought of Carlisle coming down to the station to bail any of his children out, but especially me, made the smirk I had been fighting off emerge.

I had to give it to the man, he had a well developed imagination.

When Charlie met my eyes his fantasy quickly faded along with his grin. He cleared his throat and looked back at the road and I was very surprised to see a somewhat Bella-like blush rise faintly up his neck and into his face. It was almost like he knew he had been caught at something, though that would be impossible all things considered.

For the rest of the car ride I wasn't sure if Charlie continued with his daydreams because I was too distracted by Bella's actions…or lack thereof.

The fact she hadn't said anything wasn't much to worry over. Charlie and Bella could be in the same room for hours with each other and barely utter two sentences…no it was not the silence. It was the look on her face and the way she sat rigid in the seat. Her hands were in her lap clenched tightly together in a very familiar way and her features were drawn and pale.

She looked scared…terrified.

Every little noise, and bump in the road seemed to send her heart into over drive.

When we were halfway to the school a horn honked somewhere behind us and she nearly jumped out of her seat. I knew that _she_ knew that I could hear how her heart was pounding because she threw a quick glance at me and then back out the window.

My eyes didn't leave her face after that and she didn't turn around again.

When we finally pulled into the school parking lot I was unable to take it any longer and made sure I was around to the passenger door and opening it before Charlie had the chance to close my door completely. By that point I could care less if I moved a little too fast.

I opened her door and quickly grasped Bella's hand to help her up, resisting the urge to pull her into my arms. "Are you alright?" I whispered. This time the question was more urgent…_demanding_.

She gave me another fake smile just like at Charlie's house. "Nervous."

That much I could see. I wanted to ask what it was she was nervous about because there were too many things it could be, but I couldn't resist finishing the sentence I hadn't been able to say due to Charlie's interruption, and as he was about to once again make his presence known I didn't have much time.

"You are so beautiful," I murmured softly in her ear.

I wanted to tell her to relax, that everything was okay, even though I didn't know what it was that had her so tense. But as I had been expecting Charlie was between us in the next second. I pushed back the automatic annoyance. Who was I to deny him this moment, when sooner than he knew I would be taking her away forever?

"Are you excited?" He asked looking down at her pale face.

"Not really," Bella mumbled.

"Bella this is a big deal. You're graduating from high school. It's the real world for you now. College. Living on your own…You're not my little girl anymore." _'I've known that for a while but….saying it out loud hurt more than I thought it would.'_

"Dad." Bella voice was pleading and exasperated at the same time and I had to hold back a smile. It wasn't everyday Bella acted like the eighteen year old she was. "Please don't get all weepy on me."

'_Who's weepy…I'm not weepy.'_ "Who's weepy?" _'If she doesn't want to see weepy then it's a good thing Renee canceled. Besides I'm not weepy…..Damn it…."_ "Now, why aren't you excited?"

I looked up at the thick rolling clouds. That was a very good question. Even if she wasn't excited about graduation I expected her to be excited about the date.

Maybe that was it. I knew she wasn't ready but was it really her coming change that had her so scared?

It was the only thing I could think of, but I knew it was all wrong. I had told her again and again there was no rush….she had all the time in the world.

Of course when did she ever listen?

"I don't know, Dad. I guess it hasn't hit me yet or something."

"It's good Alice is throwing you this party. You need something to perk you up."

Bella looked at him, raising her eyebrow. "Sure. A party's exactly what I need."

Charlie laughed loudly. _'Yeah I guess so….definitely don't envy her there.'_ He squeezed her shoulder and hugged her closer to him for a second. _'I find more of myself in her every day.'_

Unfortunately when Charlie left to join the other parents gathering I had no opening to question Bella. Before I had the chance to take her hand again and pull her from the growing crowd we were separated.

"Up front, Mr. Cullen."

"Hey, Bella!"

I held back a growl of frustration. Was five minutes too much to ask for?

With a resigned sigh I leaned down and kissed her warm lips quickly, ignoring Varner's annoyed and impatient thoughts.

Maybe Alice knew something.

* * *

I sat, ignoring the people around me and the words coming from the many people giving speeches. The seat next to me was still empty. I had saved it, waiting for Alice but she never showed.

I glanced toward the parents section and found Carlisle and Esme looking at me. I raised my eyebrow in question but they only shrugged.

'_She didn't meet us at the car,'_ was all Carlisle had for me.

"Alice Cullen."

"Edward Cullen."

I stood up alone and made my way to the line, waiting for it to move forward.

When there was only one other person in front of me I heard…

"Excuse me…sorry, excuse me."

My head snapped back. There she was making her way to the front.

She ignored me completely, her eyes glued to the floor.

"Where were you?" I hissed as she passed.

Pushing back all the voices in my head to a low buzz I concentrated only on Alice.

'[سينيور] [د] [لس] [ييوإكس] [د] [مين] [أنت] [فو] [لا] [غلوير] [د] [فنير] [دو]: [ستوكس] [د] [سنت] [د] [لس] [ريسنس]…… '

What the hell?

"Mr. Cullen…" _'keep the line moving.'_

Remembering where I was I pulled my eyes away from Alice's retreating back and mumbled a quick apology as I grabbed the diploma.

By the time I made it over to Carlisle and Esme Alice was gone.

"What is she up too?" Esme asked immediately.

I shrugged. "I have no idea, she was blocking me."

Carlisle chuckled, "That's never a good sign."

"She rushed over here and told us she would meet us back at the house," Esme went on. "She said there were a few last minute arrangements she hadn't finished yet."

I would believe that story if Alice hadn't been blocking me. She was clearly up to something.

It didn't matter though, I would find out soon enough. Alice was the best person, next to Carlisle, at blocking her thoughts from me, but everyone slips…all it takes is a word, one simple reminder. Besides getting to Bella was more important.

"You two go ahead and follow her home."

Carlisle nodded and Esme leaned forward and gave me another hug. "Congratulations," she said playfully as she pulled away.

I rolled my eyes, making her chuckle, before I turned around.

I didn't make it three steps away when I heard Carlisle sigh. "He's all grown up," in a very convincing tone. I turned slightly and threw the rolled up piece of paper in my hand at him.

As he caught it I turned away, only to hear his soft laughter reach my ears over the rest of the voices. I grinned and shook my head. If it wasn't for the fact he would probably enjoy it we would have forced Carlisle to go to college a long time ago just so he could see how tedious and boring it could be. Unfortunately he loved to learn and was surprisingly very much a people person despite the fact he was a vampire.

I waded my way across the room, swerving and dodging the waves of people.

It was so very _loud_.

Voices laughing, crying, yelling….hearts thudding erratically from every direction sending with them waves of thick, blood coated air. But more than all that were all the _thoughts_. They bombarded my mind louder and more forceful than some of the voices. Only decades of practice kept me from covering my ears and running from the room.

Despite the many people it seemed all the minds were split into two main categories. One was for the parents all bursting with pride and bitter sweet emotions…and the other consisting of the "big party being thrown at the Cullen house". Every newly graduated senior seemed to be thinking about it.

Only Alice could get away with something like this. Carlisle and Esme could never say no to her and even if that wasn't the case all she would have to say was "Well it is for Bella after all". She knew exactly how to work them.

I still couldn't believe a large portion of this crowd, _dozens_ of humans will be showing up on the doorstep of seven vampires. It was like throwing a basket of puppies into a shark tank.

I shook my head in disbelief…_only Alice._

Bella had disappeared into the thick yellow sea of bodies as I approached the place I had seen her, but I knew she was still there. Her blood was ten times stronger than any of the others in this room.

When the crowd thinned I caught a glimpse of Jessica running off in the opposite direction and then I could finally see my angel's face again.

I smiled, though my insides were still churning.

_Not today._ I reminded myself for hundredth time.

I paused in my steps, momentarily distracted by Bella's expression. She still looked upset and nervous. I had many guesses as to what this was really about….though more than likely I would be way off the mark. Now on top of looking scared she seemed to be anxious and confused.

She was currently standing on the tips of her toes, peering over heads. Who was she looking for? Charlie was still talking to the Blacks and Angela was in clear sight so it couldn't be them.

When she turned her back to me in her searching I moved forward and quickly wrapped my arms around her warm waist. "Congratulations," I whispered leaning my chin on her shoulder and burying my face in her hair. I breathed deeply and felt myself relax. Despite the dark detail this date entailed my angel was still graduating from high school for the first time. It was still a special day for her.

"Um….thanks."

I frowned. Well it _should_ be a special day.

"You don't look like you're over the nerves yet."

"Not quite yet."

Was it my imagination or did her voice quiver slightly? I felt my brow furrow. "What's left to worry about? The party? It won't be that horrible."

Bella only seemed to be half listening to me. She was still stretching on her toes, straining against my loose hold on her waist…still searching.

"Who are you looking for?"

She froze in my arms and sank back onto her feet. She didn't look at me as she asked "Alice—where is she?"

Why was her voice so urgent? Did she know something about Alice's odd behavior?

"She ran out as soon as she got her diploma," I answered warily, watching the side of Bella's face. She looked up at me then, finally meeting my gaze. Her eyes were cautious and still held the edge of panic.

"Worrying about Alice?" She asked bluntly.

I hesitated. "Er…." Unconsciously my eyes moved from her face and to the surrounding people. How could I answer that when I didn't even know whether or not I _should_ be worried about Alice. It could be something important or something totally….

"What was she thinking about anyway? To keep you out, I mean."

My eyes narrowed as I looked back down. She _did_ know something. "She was translating the Battle Hymn of the Republic into Arabic, actually. When she finished that, she moved onto Korean sign language."

Bella laughed shakily and bit her lip. Her eyes were oddly guarded and I didn't like it. "I suppose that _would_ keep her mind busy enough."

"You know what she's hiding from me." It was not a question.

She smiled though it only made her look more nervous. "Sure. I'm the one who came up with it."

I stared, waiting for her to go on. I tried my best to stay patient as she looked around quickly and then back to me. Finally she began whispering fast, and the guarded looked left her eyes. I saw fear, panic, worry…apprehension.

"Knowing Alice, she'll probably try to keep this from you until after the party. But since I'm all for the party being canceled—well, don't go berserk, regardless, okay? It's always better to know as much as possible. It has to help somehow."

Her attempt at lessening the problem before I even knew what the problem was only made me more confused and anxious.

"What are you talking about?"

She hesitated and then her eyes darted into the crowd again. I didn't take my eyes off her face till I saw her give a fake smile and looked to my right long enough to see Charlie waving, and looked back at her. She was running out of time…and I was running out of patience.

"Just stay calm, okay?"

I nodded. Urging the uneasiness down until she got out whatever it was she was trying to say.

"I think you're wrong about things coming at us from all sides." She said quickly. And if it wasn't for my advanced hearing I wouldn't be able to make out the whispered words over the loud babble surrounding us. "I think it's mostly coming at us from one side…and I think it's coming at me, really. It's all connected, it has to be. It's just one person who's messing with Alice's visions. The…"

I froze. Her words sank in and for a fraction of a second my mind went completely blank. The noises around me vanished, Bella's lips continued to move but no words reached me.

It all clicked.

"_When did you notice your things missing?" _

"_When I got back from the fake slumber party. Why?"_

No. No…. _NO! _This wasn't happening. There had to be some other explanation.

"_The things that were taken, these were things that you'd worn…and touched…and slept on?"_

"_Yes. What is it Edward?"_

"_Things with your _scent_."_

_NO_! The army was after _US_…me and my family not her…not Bella. It didn't make any sense.

"_Why would someone create an army in Seattle? There is no history there, no vendetta. It makes no sense from a conquest stand point either, no one claims it. Nomads pass through, but there's no one to fight for it. No one to defend it from."_

"_He was getting traces…evidence. To prove that he'd found you."_

Cold penetrated my body, I felt it spread from my mind to every one of my limbs.

She was right. Jasper was right. Alice was right. I had been right.

The small conclusions each one of us had come to seemed to be correct.

There _was_ an army in Seattle.

Bella clothes _had_ been taken for her scent.

And someone was purposely blocking Alice's visions and it was that same someone that had been in Bella's room.

We had all been right on some level but failed to glue the pieces together…_I_ had failed to glue them together.

It had been there in front of me for so long now. That simple piece of information that had eluded me. That something I knew I was overlooking.

_HOW_?

How did I not see it?

"_Very young vampires are volatile, wild, and impossible to control."_

I should have seen this sooner. I should have gotten Bella out of Forks…she shouldn't be here now. What if they showed up and Alice still didn't see? I had to get her out of here…she had to leave.

_We_ had to leave.

She couldn't go without me. She wasn't leaving my sight, not for one second. She _had_ to stay with me. I had learned my lesson…last time I let her out of my sight. Last time I had trusted others with her safety, put her into other hands…I had _let_ them take her away from me and…

_NO_!

Something hot touched my face and I allowed my wide eyes to focus. My angel was looking up at me, her brown eyes soft and worried.

'_Calm,' _her lips said, still with no sound.

Pain stabbed my chest as looked down at her face. She was so beautiful, so warm and loving…so _fragile_. I couldn't lose her again…they couldn't have her.

Nobody could have her.

In the next second her hand was gone from my face and a much larger body had squeezed between us. I stumbled back, my feet seemingly unable to find solid ground.

The only thing I could comprehend was that Bella's warmth was gone.

My arms automatically constricted but came up empty.

_NO!!!_

A pain I had only experienced once in my entire existence flooded into me. It was a memory from so long ago, from a different time, and a seemingly different world… It was a raw memory that always resided on the edge of my thoughts only to break free when I least expected it.

It clouded my mind and tore into my chest with a pain my entire being shied away from…it was a pain that the man could not comprehend and the monster feared. Neither could bear it and both knew it would be their downfall.

It was the agony brought on by the realization that she was gone. Isabella Swan no longer existed.

I reached forward in the pure instinct of self preservation but she wasn't there. She was in other arms.

I had to fight back the growl before it rose any higher in my chest. The logical part of me realized I was very close to losing it. I wanted to step forward and rip her away, throw whoever it was across the room and bring her back to me…pull her fragile body into the protective cage of my arms.

I had to hide her.

'…_fewer than twenty I'd guess. The difficult part is that they are totally untrained. Whoever made them just set them loose.... It will only get worse, and it won't be much longer till the Volturi step in."_

It was coming from everywhere.

Victoria

The Newborns

The Volturi

Every threat, every danger….

They were all aimed at the same thing, all _wanted_ the same thing…the one thing I had ever dared make my own.

They wanted _her_.

Bella.

_My_ Bella.

Like a switch being turned back on my mind was thrown back into the here and now.

"Don't be silly. Do you want to go to the lodge?"

The loud babble of voices and thoughts crashed back into me. The small building seemed to become smaller, the packed in people converging in on me. But I couldn't move, I couldn't tear my gaze off Bella's face.

_No_! They would not take her from me. I would stop them…_all_ of them. They would all die.

"Sure, the Lodge, cool."

They could not have her. They could not _touch_ her.

She was mine. Every single hair on her beautiful head was mine and not one strand would be touched.

"You coming, too, Edward?" _'Like I don't already know the answer.'_

My name was like a slap in the face. I mentally shook myself and tried to comprehend who had said it and why. Bella was still looking at me, her eyes now pleading. What did she want? What was I….

'_Okay, so what, he's not talking to me now?'_

I took a deep breath and held it, straightening my features and pulling the mask up just in time.

Charlie.

"No, thank you."

'_uh? That's a first' _"Do you have plans with your parents?" '_Geez the kid looks like he's going to bite my head off…what did I say? I was just….'_

"Yes." I answered quickly. "If you'll excuse me…." I turned around quickly without looking back at Bella. If I saw her pleading eyes again I would cave. I knew she wanted me to go with her but I needed to get out of here before I did something we would all regret.

I needed to clear my head.

I needed to _breathe_…needed to think… I needed to go back to Bella and run from Forks.

I needed to keep her safe….

I made it to the back door and threw it open.

I needed to find Alice.

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	20. Panic

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Chapter 19

Panic

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_"Hold tenderly that which you cherish, for it is precious and a tight grip may crush it. _

_Do not let the fear of dropping it cause you to hold it too tightly; the chances are, it's holding you too" - __Bob Alberti__  
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No sooner had I thought this than I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I continued forward, a low growl building in my chest. The fabric of the gown tore easily under my frustrated fingers, the yellow pieces landing on the wet pavement under my feet.

I didn't realize I was moving too fast to be considered normal until I reached the edge of the trees; covering the large parking lot in mere seconds. Though secrecy was the last thing I was worried about at the moment, I felt a small part of mind automatically scan out for other thoughts, any sign that I had been seen. There was nothing, except the continuous buzz I left behind in the school building.

This quick observation was done without pause and I was quickly moving further into the shadows snatching the still vibrating phone from my pocket at the same time.

"I know, I know!" Alice said quickly before I could even open my mouth. Anything I was going to say was replaced by the growl finally slipping out between my teeth.

I already knew that _she_ knew.

"Just cool it alright!" Her voice was hard and stern and it only made me angrier. "I didn't find out until after I got to Charlie's….Bella…"

I cut her off. I didn't want excuses. "What do you…."

"I still can't see anything." She answered the unfinished question, her words flowing out in a rush. "I hoped knowing more would clear things up a bit but it hasn't. It's still just snippets and blurs. Nothing to go on….But…."

"_DAMN_ _IT_!"

"Edward just…"

"DO _NOT_ TELL ME TO CALM DOWN ALICE!" I felt my body freeze up as soon as the loud words left my mouth. I sucked in a breath and squeezed my eyes shut. Despite the fact I was upset with Alice, I knew she was right, I needed to calm down….and perhaps more so than that she didn't deserve my yelling….not again.

I let the breath out, running a hand through my hair and gripping the strands in the back as if it could physically rein in my anger. It wasn't working very well. "Why the _hell_ did you block me?" I hissed through my teeth. Knowing if I un-clenched them I would be yelling again.

"Because I didn't want…" she began but I cut her off. That question was pointless, her excuses still didn't matter, there was no time for them.

"We _have_ to act." I said quickly, my mind spinning in the direction it needed to be. "No more waiting for a vision, we…"

"Edward we can't just…"

"We can't afford to _WAIT F_OR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN!" My voice was rising again but it couldn't be helped. Besides, these panicked and angry words were not aimed at Alice. They were aimed at everything, everyone…._me_. "Not anymore! Not now!" I realized was pacing back and forth between the trees, leaving a short narrow path in the wet foliage. Hopefully the thick trees and dark shade would block my blurred moving form, as I was no longer paying attention.

"I know but…" Alice began but before she could finish my mind once again screeched to a halt and sped in another direction. There was so much that needed to be done, every second was dire and I was wasting more and more time the longer I was arguing with Alice. "Put Carlisle on the phone," I said as evenly as I could manage.

"Edward…."

"I need to speak with him…" My pacing paused as this need hit me harder than I thought it would. "….now" I added. There was no one else I wanted to talk to right now. I needed Carlisle, he needed to know, and we needed to figure out what to do…._something_ needed to be done.

"Edward he's…"

"_**CARLISLE**__,_ ALICE!!"

"HE'S NOT HOME YET!" It was only when her voice rose to match mine that I realized I was yelling again. "You _know_ he and Esme are _driving_ home, it's going to take them longer…._pull it together_."

"I just found out the hoard of newborns killing in Seattle aren't after me at all but after Bella…._Bella_ Alice, and you expect me to 'pull it together'?!"

Alice was saying something, her voice seemed impatient but also trying to be soothing at the same time. But that's all I noticed, her actual words weren't processing because my own words were replaying in my head.

'…_hoard of newborns killing in Seattle….after Bella…..'_ My legs suddenly seemed too light to hold my body and I felt the soft bark of a tree pressing into my back.

For some reason, saying the words myself, made it more real. Made it _final_. They were coming for _her_….for Bella.

"Jesus_ Christ…_" The words came out as I chocked moan and the last of the anger drained from my body, or maybe it was the realization that it _wasn't_ anger….but fear.

"Of all the things I could get her dragged into." I whispered, more to myself than Alice. "It had to be this…. _this_….and on top of everything else….everything I've already put her through." I crouched down, small pieces of the tree's bark crumbling into my shirt as I leaned forward over my knees, squeezing my eyes shut again. But all I could see was brown eyes. _My_ brown eyes. "What are we going to do?" The whispered question was rhetorical, but Alice answered anyway.

"Right now, nothing," she said softly.

My teeth gritted together, but I couldn't find it in me to argue. I would talk to Carlisle soon enough.

"We go on as if nothing has changed," she continued. "The party…"

"How in the hell can you _possibly_ think of the party right now?" I asked incredulously, feeling some of the anger flare back up. "The least you could do is give Bella a break, she doesn't need the stress of this party added to everything else."

"It's exactly what she needs," Alice said firmly. "I'd rather have her stressing over being in a crowd and hosting a party than what could be coming."

I sighed, but it was a sigh of defeat not frustration because I knew she was right. Again.

"Speaking of Bella," Alice went on. "How bad did you freak out on her?"

I winced, but didn't say anything. Alice took my silence as an answer though and she groaned softly.

"I told her to wait," she mumbled in frustration.

"At least she's honest with me." I said flatly, staring at the trampled ground under my feet. The words were not harsh, just a statement.

"I didn't lie," Alice said smoothly. "I just kept silent."

"Of course," I mumbled.

"And it was with good reason." She went on stubbornly. "Bella was already scared and I wanted to try and break it to you alone, or at least with some of us there." She sighed. "I guess it doesn't matter now, you probably have her all but terrified at the moment."

Guilt washed through me as I remembered Bella's pale face and wide eyes. I knew she had been trying to calm me….worried about _me,_ as usual.

And what did I do? I left her standing there alone.

'_Idiot!_'

I groaned, frustrated with myself. "I have to go Alice," I said pulling myself up straight.

"I know, Charlie's going to the lodge down town and then he'll be driving Bella up to the house."

"Alright." Hearing the first name I hesitated before I hung up the phone…. "Is Jasper with you?" I asked

"Nope" Alice said "I'm one step ahead of you, he's already at Charlie's, so far there's nothing except the dog's trails around the house. Some of the pack was there earlier this morning making runs, but other than that nothing."

I sighed, at least that was _something_ covered, something was done. "Good. I'll see you in a bit then."

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It seemed to take ages for Charlie to finish at the restaurant. I waited outside stretching my patience as far as it would go.

I felt so…._stupid_.

There were so many things I should have seen and been prepared for. I should have been able to keep it together at the school. Alice was right, I knew I had frightened Bella more than what she already was. Seeing me loose it was the last thing she needed.

But I wasn't used to be being surprised.

I was used to _knowing_ what was going on, used to knowing what was going to be said, what was going to be done.

And I had been completely blindsided.

And yet it was _painfully_ obvious. Everything was there, all the facts and clues….they had pretty much been piled up under my nose and screaming in my face.

But I had been deaf.

Was I really so ridiculously clueless or was it the fact that a part of me didn't want to acknowledge the real threat….the real target.

From across the parking lot I peered in the window and could see the back of Bella's brown hair. She sat stiff in her chair, her shoulders tense, ignoring and being ignored by those around her. It took everything I had not to rush inside and pull her into my arms.

It was what I should have done in the first place.

Instead I ran.

I growled in frustration, my hand making its path through my hair for what felt like the hundredth time.

Was Charlie _ever_ going to shut up and eat?

An agonizing half hour past before I had my answer. Bella jumped to her feet startling me from my thoughts. The flash of panic and alarm that hit me instantly faded when I concentrated on Charlie's thoughts.

"_In a hurry?"_ he asked, taking in Bella's somewhat shaky appearance. She quickly made an excuse about wanting to help Alice and as soon as Charlie's back was turned she headed for the door.

I took a moment to close my eyes and concentrate, taking in every small detail around me….every smell and every sound. I opened my mind and sorted through the babble, searching for any kind of threat that could be waiting.

There was still nothing.

Nothing but the loud crowded restaurant, cars passing on the street, Bella's footsteps on the damp pavement, and that strong familiar beat.

I opened my eyes and breathed out slowly at the sound. My senses automatically being drawn to her as she leaned against the cruiser.

Charlie was still caught up in his conversation and it was only a matter of time before he noticed Bella's absence. I took my small opportunity, my legs moving forward before I had thought it through completely.

Bella's heart stuttered erratically when she caught my movement, but it was gone in the same instant. When I reached her I did what I should of done the instant I learned the truth: I pulled her into my chest.

Her warmth enveloped me, curling around my waist with the movement of her arms and rising up my back. My frozen form selfishly soaked it up, thawing my muscles one at a time until it felt like I could actually breathe again. I wondered briefly if I had taken a breath since leaving the school.

Either way I did now. With her soft hair tickling my cheek I breathed in deeply, hearing Bella do the same thing against my shirt. It soothed me, and from the sound of Bella's heart it seemed to go both ways. She relaxed further in my arms, her tense shoulders falling while her arms loosened slightly from their grip around my waist.

I knew I still wasn't thinking too clearly, I could still feel the raw panic leaking in my veins despite her warmth, but there was something ultimately more dire. Something we both needed in this moment.

I pulled back, letting my fingers find her delicate chin, and lifted her soft lips to mine.

Like it was the antidote to all of our problems I drank in her presence, every soft caress and every precious beat of life. Both of us were trying to calm the other more than ourselves and in the process we both found what little peace we could, the only way we knew how. Despite the situation and the reason behind it, it was right, it was perfect….it was _us_.

When I pulled away she took a deep breath and looked up at me. Her eyes holding nothing but concern. Concern for _me_.

"How are you?"

There were many things I wanted to say and do, the main of which was be angry that she was worrying over the wrong person, but I felt drained, and settled for the truth.

"Not so great."

I cupped her warm cheek and she leaned into the touch. "But I've got a handle on myself. I'm sorry that I lost it back there."

She shook her head. "My fault. I should have waited to tell you"

"No," I said firmly. "This is something I needed to know. I can't believe I didn't _see_ it."

"You've got a lot on your mind." She said gently, still trying to soothe me. I bit back my irritation. Not irritation at her but at myself.

"And you don't?" I knew before I asked she wouldn't have time to answer. Charlie was leaving.

I began to feel the pressure in my chest increase again. Impulsively I leaned into her lips for a second time, letting the warmth and sweet burn wash away some of the dread.

"Charlie's on his way." I mumbled quickly when we pulled apart.

"I'll have him drop me at your house."

In the two seconds I had left before Charlie stepped outside I reached up my other hand and cupped her face, studying every detail and feeling the familiar rise of her blush beneath my fingers.

Pain stabbed at my chest. I could not lose her again. The pulse of life and heat being soaked up by my cold hands was so simple and beautiful….and yet at the same time _desperately_ vital.

It stood for her life and my survival.

"I'll follow you there."

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The run to the house felt good, though I desperately wanted to bypass Charlie's slow pace. I wanted to push my frustration out in speed. I needed to run, let loose in some way because I could feel the tension building. It was only matter of time before I could no longer contain it.

Plus I desperately needed to talk to Carlisle and Jasper, preferably _before_ the hoard of people showed up.

I no longer cared what Carlisle thought, or Jasper's fear of the Volturi….There would be no more waiting. We could not wait for them to come to us. That would be too close. I couldn't even let myself think of allowing them to reach Forks.

I knew I had to send Bella away, _far_ away. A fight was unavoidable now more than ever and she couldn't be anywhere near when it finally broke out. But the very thought of leaving tore at my mind.

We could not be apart but at the same time I _had_ to protect her. The two instincts were evenly matched, both fierce and unyielding. I felt torn in two with nowhere to start.

"It's not silly. I feel like I don't always do everything for you that I should."

Charlie's words caught my attention and I was both surprised and grateful. Grateful for the distraction and surprised because he had admitted something I never thought he would.

Though I was running alongside the Police cruiser through the dark trees, I could still make out his words and his thoughts.

"That's ridiculous." Bella's voice was next. And it was filled with the reassurance I knew would be there with a statement like that from her father. Not that he deserved it. "You do a fantastic job. World's best dad. And…"

She paused, and it would be hard to catch the slight tremor in her voice if I didn't know the sound so well. "And I'm really glad I came to live with you, Dad. It was the best idea I ever had." Her words were soft and very sincere. I could tell from Charlie's thoughts how hard they hit him.

"So don't worry…" Bella went on, her voice turning more light as she covered her feelings with a joke. Something perfected by both father and daughter. "you're just experiencing post-graduation pessimism."

Charlie snorted. '_She gives me way too much credit.'_ His gaze landed on her brace again and the same guilt filled his mind, only this time it was made stronger by Bella's words. "Maybe." he mumbled. "But I'm sure I slipped up in a few places. I mean look at your hand!"

She followed his gaze down into her lap. A lock of hair blocking her expression from both me and Charlie.

"I never thought I needed to teach you how to throw a punch. Guess I was wrong about that" _'And so much more'_

Bella's head snapped back up, and I watched as her eyes narrowed. "I thought you were on Jacob's side?" she accused.

'_Like that matters'_ "No matter what side I'm on, if someone kisses you without your permission, you should be able to make your feelings clear without hurting yourself. You didn't keep your thumb inside your fist did you?"

He took his eyes from the road long enough to see Bella roll her eyes. "No, Dad. That's kind of sweet in a weird way, but I don't think lessons would have helped. Jacob's head is _really_ hard."

I felt myself smirk at the same time Charlie laughed. "Hit him in the gut next time." _'or where the sun doesn't shine'_

"Next time?" Bella said loudly. I was just as incredulous. It seemed Charlie was anticipating the day Jacob would get his second chance as much as the dog was himself. Though when I thought about it I realized I shouldn't really expect anything else from Charlie.

"Aw, don't be too hard on the kid. He's young."

Yes I agreed.

Jacob _was_ young….extremely immature…. insufferably thick headed…way too loud, and beyond obno….

"He's obnoxious."

I felt myself smirk._ Very_ obnoxious.

"He's still your friend." Charlie pointed out completely ruining the small moment I was having.

I knew he was right. It would take a lot more than that undesired kiss for Bella to lose her feelings for Jacob. I didn't want to admit it but those feelings ran too deep…._how_ deep I still didn't know.

All I knew was that they _were_ still there and had been built from a hard loss. A loss I had created myself.

"I know." Bella murmured looking back at her lap. "I don't really know what the right thing to do here is, Dad."

I sighed. Her voice tugging at my chest. She sounded so lost. Her overly kind heart not wanting to hurt her friend and yet confused on how to draw the line he needed.

Charlie nodded. His thoughts just as confused as Bella sounded, though for a different reason. It was somewhat humorous listening to his mind run through different things to say. Giving advice wasn't something Charlie usually struggled with, but this particular situation was different. It involved two things his mind fought hard against combining: His daughter and Boys.

"Yeah." he said slowly. "The right thing isn't always real obvious." '_Obviously'_ "Sometimes the right thing for one person is the wrong thing for someone else." _'Which usually causes everything to get screwed up no matter what you decide. And someone is always hurt in the end. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't_' "So….good luck figuring that out."

"Thanks," Bella said, her voice sarcastic, making Charlie laugh.

I shook my head, I suppose that's as good as it gets coming from him.

"If this party gets too wild…."

"Don't worry about it, Dad. Carlisle and Esme are going to be there. I'm sure you can come, too, if you want."

'_Uh No'_ "Where's the turn off again?" Charlie asked, instantly steering the subject away from the party. It was clear where Bella learned it from. _'You can barely see anything on this road…. Not that there's anything out here to see in the first place' _"They ought to clear out their drive—it's impossible to find in the dark."

"Just around the next bend, I think." Bella answered.

We were drawing closer to the house and I was beginning to see the long expanse of lights through the trees. I also began to pick up on everyone's thoughts. It seemed they were all home and waiting.

"You know you're right…." I heard Bella's voice again. "It is impossible to find. Alice said she put a map in the invitation, but even so, maybe everyone will get lost." Her voice was so hopeful I couldn't help but chuckle, and I found it relieved some of the pressure. She should really know Alice better than that by now.

"Maybe," Charlie mumbled. "Or maybe not." He added as they turned the last corner and the lit up drive came into view.

'_Whoa'_

"Alice," Bella hissed, and it sounded more like an accusation than anything else.

"Wow," Charlie said in awe as he realized the lights continued the whole three miles. "She doesn't do things half way does she?" _'This must have taken forever'_

As they made their way up the drive, I once again concentrated on my surroundings, stretching my ability as far as it was go. But just like last time there was no sign of a threat. No thoughts except Charlie's and my family. I hated this anticipation, hated not being able to know when danger would strike.

"Sure you don't want to come in?" Bella asked, as they pulled up front.

"Extremely sure. Have fun, kid."

"Thanks so much, Dad."

Charlie pulled away chuckling as Bella made her way towards the porch.

It only lasted for a fraction of a second but the sight of her walking alone, in the open and vulnerable to so many things had me flying forward and up the steps.

"Bella?"

She turned and I grabbed her shoulders, pulling her towards me. My lips met hers again and they were frantic. I didn't know how I was going to do this. Just the wait outside the restaurant and the run home was unbearable. I realized I wouldn't make it if I had to send her away without me. I wouldn't be able to think straight much less fight. She was still here in this moment and yet the pressure of her absence was already overwhelming.

Unbearable.

I pulled her closer in desperation, her soft body molding to mine, her scent swallowing me in fire as I pressed my mouth to hers as fiercely as I could and it _still_ wasn't enough. The feeling wasn't going away.

For once Bella was the one to pull away and the loss of contact was painful.

She took in some much needed oxygen and placed her hands on my chest to steady herself. I couldn't look away from her face, but she wouldn't return my gaze. "Let's get this stupid party over with." She mumbled, her eyes focused somewhere bellow my left shoulder.

That was all I could take, there would be no more silence, no more worrying about me. She was frightened, and that concealed fear was enough to cover my own. I gently took her face in my hands like I had done earlier and waited. She knew what I wanted.

When her eyes met mine, I squeezed her face lightly. "I won't let anything happen to you." I whispered fiercely, knowing if I spoke any louder my voice would not have remained steady.

I watched as the line on her forehead dissolved and her eyes softened while at the same time seemed to bore straight through me. She reached up and placed her soft fingers to my slightly warmed lips. "I'm not worried about myself so much," she murmured.

I breathed out through her fingers, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. "Why am I not surprised by that?"

Reaching up I pulled her hand away from my face and held it firmly in my grasp. I had no intention of letting go anytime soon. Then using every ounce of will power I had I turned our bodies towards the door and smiled. "Ready to celebrate?"

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**Did you enjoy chapter 19?**

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**Till next time ;)**


	21. Vision

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Chapter 20 

Vision

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_A__nxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. _

_If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained- __Robert Albert Bloch_

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I didn't want Bella to have to hear our plans. But there was no way I could let her go. The overwhelming panic of her absence was harder to deal with than the fear I could see in her eyes as Carlisle, Jasper and I discussed our next steps.

I also knew she had every right to hear everything, despite my desire to keep her protected from the truth. Jasper had been right when he said she was a part of this family now and needed to understand.

Before we went back downstairs to prepare for our 'act' ,we all came to an agreement to have a full family meeting after the party and that we would discuss our plans to go to the baseball field so Jasper could teach as much as he could in a short amount of time. Because despite our new found information we were still clueless on the amount of time we actually had.

Through the whole discussion Jasper's thoughts had been fast and intense. It was very strange to hear how shaken he was in his thoughts _and_ feel it in the atmosphere. It was so unfamiliar, and to be honest a little too much for me to handle. It was then that I took Bella's hand and led her down the stairs. We both had enough panic and fear of our own without more added to it.

As we made it to the main room Alice and Esme were putting unnecessary last touches to the alreadyunrecognizable room. Emmett was right behind us and shortly after Carlisle followed. I knew Jasper would be keeping to himself most of the night, even with Alice's reassurance that everything would be fine.

I couldn't blame him. We all had heard that once before, at another party. We had all learned our lesson. None of us blamed Alice, we just knew one simple gesture, or slip could change the outcome of the entire night. It was best all around if he kept himself distanced.

Everyone in the room aside from Bella heard the tires turn off onto our long drive. As it got closer I realized it was a van load of kids. Their thoughts were excited and curious. Then when they caught sight of the house shocked and intimidated.

_Here we go_ I thought.

Everyone in the room was silent. The only sound being Bella's steady heartbeat and Alice's small heels as she bounced eagerly on her feet, waiting.

When the door bell rang everybody in the house froze for the tiniest fraction of a second. Carlisle met my eyes in that brief pause and I nodded.

'_Here we go'_ he thought echoing my very thoughts only moments ago. I watched as the familiar smile of welcome and patience stretched across his face as Alice sped eagerly to the door, inviting in the clueless children.

I watched Bella's face closely as her eyes took in her classmates….her hand gripped mine tighter and the pressure made my skin burn hot. She looked up at me and smiled a smile that didn't touch her eyes. But as I gazed back I saw something there that finally reassured me, however small. She was telling me that she was for the moment alright and that she could handle this.

In that moment I was grateful for Alice. She was right, this was a good distraction.

I squeezed her hand back and gave a small smile of my own. We could get through the next hours together.

Giving her hand a light tug I nodded towards the door. She took a deep breath as we walked towards the entering group.

Alice was already greeting them excitedly and thanking them for coming.

Newton and Jessica were the first ones inside, with six others trailing behind. Their eyes were wide as they took in the lights and music. It was a lot to take in for their small town minds and I found it rather humorous that their thoughts ran along the same thing….Disbelief and Awe.

I could see Alice was very pleased with herself.

"Hi Jess," I heard Bella say, drawing me away from Alice's smug thoughts.

Mike and Jessica took their eyes from the large room, just now realizing Bella and I were standing in front of them.

"Oh Bella, Wow!" Jessica breathed, her eyes wide. "This is really great."

"Yeah," Mike agreed. Though he wasn't looking around the room like Jessica. His eyes were trailing over things that made me drop Bella's hand and wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her towards me.

"I didn't get a chance to see you at graduation….you look nice," he went on his eyes trailing down again. It was a quick, seemingly innocent gesture.

On the outside.

I felt Bella's blush radiate around me at the compliment but it wasn't enough to distract me. Not only was I able to see the movement of his eyes but I could also see through his mind what he was looking at and the thoughts behind it.

The low rumble in my chest was automatic. It couldn't be heard over the music, especially the thundering base, but Bella seemed to have felt it because her eyes looked up at me questioning for a second before she went back to her conversation with Jessica.

I couldn't look back though, nor was I listening to what they were talking about.

My eyes were glued on Newton.

I honestly thought I was somewhat immune to his thoughts. They were always there and I knew his eyes wandered when he thought no one was looking. I was use to it. It didn't make me any less angry when it happened, but I was able to control myself.

Tonight however was not the night. My nerves were already frayed and bare.

'_I've never seen her in a skirt before….'_

His eyes moved down again.

I shifted forward.

Then two things happened at once.

Mike caught the slight movement of my feet and his eyes shot up to me and then widened when he saw I was glaring. And then Alice appeared out of nowhere and put herself between the four of us. She began to babble about Jessica's dress and then mentioned where the refreshments table was, and how there was plenty of food and to make sure they enjoyed themselves.

In a very discreet manner she had them both headed in another direction in less than a few moments.

Alice looked up at me and I tore my eyes away from Newton's retreating back.

"Behave yourself Edward," she hissed up at me. "You are not allowed to frighten, threaten, or kill any of the quests"

I rolled my eyes. "I wasn't going…." I stopped mid sentence when I once again caught on to Mike Newton's thoughts. Again I saw what he was looking at….from _behind_ us.

My head whipped around. If he didn't remove his eyes from their current location I was going to remove them myself.

'_Edward_!'

"What!" I snapped. Turning back to Alice.

She looked at me and then around my shoulder before she snorted.

I narrowed my eyes. I didn't think it was funning.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, looking between the two of us completely oblivious.

That made Alice's laughter burst through and she covered her mouth to try and stifle it.

"It's nothing," I murmured, still gazing at Alice.

'_God you're funny when you're jealous!'_

"I'm not Je…" I stopped again and glanced at Bella. She was still looking confused. "What?" she asked again, this time with a slight edge of impatience.

"Nothing," I repeated. But at the same time Alice said "It seems Edward doesn't have the patience for you admirer today."

"Uh?"

Alice nodded over to the table where Mike and Jessica stood.

Bella followed her gaze and I felt the blush from her face again as she caught Mike staring at her.

Wait. He was _still_ staring?

I turned to glare again and he quickly turned away.

Alice snorted out another laugh.

"It's not funny," I said through my teeth without looking away from the back of his head. "You have no idea what he was thinking….what he is _still_ thinking."

When Bella's soft laugh joined Alice's I finally turned away to look down at her.

"Don't look at me like that Edward," she said still chuckling softly. "You're ridiculous sometimes and I agree with Alice, it is funny."

The humor on her face had the irritation instantly gone from my mind. "Maybe for you," I murmured, trying desperately to hold back my own grin as her laughter filled my ears.

She rolled her eyes and leaned into my side. "Oh grow up," she breathed barely under a whisper.

Alice's laughter increased as she turned to head towards Emmett and the stereo. She had heard Bella's statement as clearly as I had.

"What?" I asked feigning hurt.

Bella snickered, "you heard me."

I couldn't help but smile and hold her closer as we made our way towards Angela and Ben. Bella seemed to be in a bit of higher spirits and who was I to complain, even if it was at my expense.

The party seemed to flow easily. And besides the continuous male thoughts that penetrated my mind, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I had hunted , as well as the rest of my family, very early this morning and it was a good thing.

Between the rapid heartbeats and movement of so many bodies the air in the room was compacted with pure human blood. Something these walls had never experienced. It was strange having to deal with internal battle here of all places. Usually that was reserved for school days only, or on those rare occasions we had to venture into to town. This house was always our haven, a place we could be relaxed and carefree.

It didn't surprise in the least that Alice was the one to turn that all around in a single night and she seemed to be truly enjoying that fact.

I mind stayed focused on my siblings thoughts as much as possible. It wasn't that I didn't trust them. I trusted all of my family and I knew they wouldn't do something to push their own limits, but it was a routine and precaution so engrained in my mind that it was second nature to me. It was something I had been doing for Carlisle for as long as I could remember and something I did for the overall protection of our family.

Every once in a while I would tune into Jasper, because out of all of us I knew he would be having the most trouble. But he was still keeping a safe distance somewhere on the third floor. I noticed he too was keeping his own surveillance though, his mind was constantly sorting through the emotional atmosphere reaching him from downstairs. He would have as much a warning as me if someone slipped up.

Most of my concentration however went to Alice. This was due partly to the fact that my mind automatically gravitated to her thoughts, seemingly on its own. We were so in tuned with each other. Our minds seemed to always pull together and work off the other. Two unnatural minds working together naturally.

Tonight however that bond was stronger, she knew I was with her in her mind and she knew that I was waiting just as much as she was. We were both waiting for something that had nothing to do with the celebration around us.

Which is why I froze when her mind went blank and then immediately pulled in on itself.

Alice's gasp reached my ears from across the crowed room and I unwound my arm from Bella's waist.

"Stay here," I murmured into her ear. It felt physically painful leaving her side but my mind was too overwhelmed with what I knew was coming. I couldn't make out anything from Alice yet, but the force I felt there told me the waiting was over. I was both relieved and terrified.

I wove as swiftly as I could through the crowd of people, reaching out to grab Alice's shoulders just as she began to lean forward.

"Alice?"

She just shook her head slightly, her eyes un-focusing. I could tell from the slight buzzing in her mind that when it hit it was going to be a strong. _'The decisions been made'_ her thought was quiet and slightly strained.

I quickly tucked her under my arm and lead her towards the shadow created by the kitchen doorway. It was as far as we would make it, just as I leaned her against the wall the first flashes began. They were the same blurred images she had been getting for weeks now.

_A flash of red eyes._

_Broken voices running together._

"_no…." "Tomorrow…" _

"_Not until…."_

"_Listen for…"_

"…_.Are not safe…."_

There were more voices this time and they were slowly becoming clearer.

"_It's time…."_

"…_.gather everyone….the scent….'_

'"_we move when …."_

Then it seemed like whatever blockage that had been in our way was abruptly gone.

The flood gate was wide open.

I leaned forward and held Alice's small shoulders as she tensed under the onslaught.

"Just focus," I whispered.

Then it cleared out and she gasped squeezing her eyes shut.

I was dragged in right behind her:

_The surroundings were dark, we were unable to make it out. It could have been anywhere…. _

"_It's time…" a phantom voice seemed to speak from the background….this voice didn't go with the image of what we were seeing and it was echoed almost immediately by another much clearer voice._

"_It's time, I've been given the orders" A male vampire spoke the words. Unlike the first these words went with the scene. He was speaking to a group…. His form kept fading in and out but it was easy to catch the head of blonde hair and the bright red irises. He was very young on both counts._

"_We're heading to Washington state, towards a small town called Forks….There is a coven living there…."_

"…_They are different from us…."_

"…_they pose a serious threat to all of us." _

"…_.to me…." For a fraction of a second that same unrecognizable voice seemed to overlap his, confusing the words. The blonde still spoke to the group but it almost seemed as if there was something underneath it all, something that still couldn't get through….Was this voice talking to the Blonde vampire?….. It came so quickly and was gone just as fast, it was like it was never really there. _

"_We will move against them before they have the chance to reach us. When they are taken care of this city will be ours….all of it…"_

"…_..They will have yellow eyes and will be protecting a single human girl…."_

_He threw out a pillow case and many loose articles of clothing….the red shirt stood out above the others._

"_This is the scent you will be looking for…."_

_Growls rippled through the grouped monsters as they took in the smell._

"_Whoever finds her …._gets_ her"_

_The growls increased._

I had a short moment to feel my locked muscles, and Alice's tense shoulders still under my fingers before the vision shifted, pulling us back in and showing us the imminent outcome this decision made.

_The group running though the forest….. feet -some with shoes other barefoot- tearing a rough path through the underbrush. There was no caution….no need for stealth. They had their target and the hunt was on._

_There were over twenty._

_They were all different…. Male and female, tall and short, young and old._

_And all the same….blood red eyes. Killers….Monsters._

_Growls and incoherent babble filled the air as they ran._

_Loud voices cut through the night….piercing cracks and snarls echoed off the trees. Fighting._

Then it shifted again. It was like a domino effect….after each decision there came an outcome that would only fall forward into another.

_Charlie's house came into view….and two outcomes folded into this: _

_First Charlie was home: Growls. Screamng. Blood. _

_Then he wasn't: Empty house. Yells. Anger. Bella's room being torn apart._

Then the vision changed course faster than the other times, because it was an automatic decision that with the knowledge that the army would be arriving in Forks we would stop them before they could get anywhere near town. With this set decision the dominoes stopped and fell in a different direction. The future once again changed.

_The base ball field. _

_Seven against two dozen._

_Fear. Anger. Screams. Ripping. Crying. Despair._

_Then it was over._

_Nothing left but burning piles._

_Pieces._

Alice whimpered and I leaned over her, trying to soothe her while pushing back the terror running though my own body. I tried not to see, tried to detach myself from the images of burning body parts….body parts I could recognize.

"_No!_" Alice breathed, just as the vision replayed the same thing. Except this time there was one small difference. Only this difference was everything.

_Bella stood in our midst….Her face terrified but determined….her hand clutched in mine…..waiting…._

"No!" I growled pulling myself back, trying to block the images. This time it was too much….I couldn't watch.

I made myself focus on Alice's wide eyes. The pictures continued in her mind but I refused. I would not watch. We both disconnected ourselves. No matter the course the future took it always ended the same.

With nothing.

Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice……._Bella_.

Gone.

I shook my head. "No…"

"Edward…" Alice whispered. Her voice was frail and broken. I knew what she was thinking, what she was seeing again. I understood but I could not deal.

"No Alice I need to find Carlisle."

I went to turn away but her small hand clutched at mine. I turned back and met her terror filled eyes. "Jasper," she breathed fearfully '_Jasper'_

Her mind repeated the name again and again. I swallowed and pulled her to me quickly. "I _know_ Alice," I breathed into her hair. "….I know….we'll stop it." I held on tightly for a second more. "We'll find a way," and then I let her go, leaving her in the shadows.

My body was numb as I walked away, my mind shut down against the truth of what we had seen and the lie I had said.

I made it halfway across the room and paused.

"What, Alice, What? What did you see?"

I whipped back around. Bella was next to Alice now.

Alice met my eye. _'Edward? I ….I…'_

I shook my head.

"No," I whispered firmly.

Bella turned her head and I knew she saw me, but I could not look at her face. Not now. Not yet.

I turned and headed straight for Carlisle. He had been across the room under the stairs but his eyes were focused on me as I made my way towards him.

'_Edward_?'

I just shook my head. The dread had bubbled up to lodge thickly in my throat and I didn't know if I could trust my voice just yet. Instead I placed my hand on his shoulder and steered him towards the stairs. He understood immediately, Carlisle could read my face better than anyone_. _

'_Alice….is she alright?'_ he asked. I nodded again and then out loud I called "Emmett…Rose" they were by the stereo again but I only needed to raise my voice to a normal level. They would hear.

Carlisle paused and looked at me, I had been right about my voice sounding off _'Are _you_ alright?'_

I hesitated, my insides had twisted and dropped somewhere under my feet when I looked into his face. A face I cared deeply about, a face that was still here, still existing. I shook my head and looked away.

"No…" I murmured truthfully. I began walking again and he followed. Before he could ask me another question I cut him off. "Where's Esme?" Saying her name hurt more than it should. I still refused to feel it.

'_with Jasper….she didn't like him being up here alone'_

"Good," I nodded absently. That was good, I needed everyone….they all needed to hear….they all needed to know.

Just as we made it to the second floor landing, Jasper was making his way down the hall, his eyes wide.

"Edward!...What's wrong?...Alice..."

"She's fine…she had a vision but…"

He was already pushing by me. I grabbed his arm, I understood his worry….I could only imagine the emotional storm he had gotten from Alice but we all needed to talk and we all needed _him_.

"I promise Alice is fine Jasper, she's with Bella….but we need to talk, the…"

Jasper wasn't listening to me, his mind was focused on one thing. "Alright as soon as I…"

In that same second everyone's thoughts hit me at once….mixing with the already overcrowded babble of humans downstairs and I was unwillingly distracted….

'_Right behind you Edward' _Emmett was on his way up with Rosalie beside him. _'what's going on?'_

'_Are you alright?'_

"Carlisle? What's wrong?" Esme had come up behind Jasper. '_Edward_?_'_

'_What's wrong with Alice?'_

I growled in frustration when Jasper was able to pull away from me. He didn't understand….none of them did….time was against us. The last thing Jasper needed to do was push his limits by going downstairs and the very last thing I needed was to feel his worry and alarm over Alice.

That was not helping my own urge of wanting to run back down the stairs. Being away from Bella was hard enough without his help. I was about a second away from snapping. I had felt it building earlier tonight and I was reaching my limit.

Then out of nowhere Alice was there, pushing in between Rosalie and Emmett, and throwing her arms around Jasper's waist.

"I'm alright Jasper," she murmured into his shirt. He pulled her close and I felt a thick wave of calm wash outward. I soaked it up, trying just as desperately as Alice seemed to be doing to erase the images we had both scene.

"What is it Alice?" Jasper whispered.

"The decision's been made….it's what we've been waiting for….why I couldn't see." Alice pulled away and looked at Carlisle, her eyes still wide. "There are more than twenty….they…."

"Twenty?" Esme gasped. "And they're still coming here?...."

Alice nodded.

'_That's too many….we can't win….not alone…" _I looked at Jasper. He met my gaze._ "Alice saw didn't she?....It's too many.'_

All I could manage was a single nod.

"And they're still coming for Bella?" Esme asked, oblivious to the silent conversation between me and Jasper.

"Yes, they had her clothes. Bella was right about everything being connected, the stranger in her room was there to get traces…. the army has her scent now and…."

"That's going to lead them to town" Esme said horrified.

"_No_, it will lead them straight to _us,_" Rosalie snapped. I could feel her eyes glaring into the side of my face. _'It's one thing after another isn't it?' _she thought acidly.

I clenched my jaw, ignoring the blame she was throwing at me. It was no surprise, I had been expecting it, so there was no point in retaliating. I didn't even bother to look at her. And it wasn't like I had much of an argument.

"Alright then!" Emmett boomed, clapping his hands together. "Let's go!" '_better to meet them before they have the chance to get too close.'_ "When will they be here?"

Rosalie hissed and turned her glare on Emmett. At the same time I heard a loud growl and it took me a moment to realize it had actually come from Jasper. "It's alright Jazz, he doesn't…" Alice began soothingly, but he ignored her and I was shocked further when he took a step towards Emmett.

"This isn't a _game_ Emmett!" Jasper's voice was loud and hard, it was rare to hear him raise his voice, and it was a first to see him do it to one of us. However I wasn't surprised in the least to see Rosalie slide over to stand in front of Emmett. Her aggravated glare had turned into a firm warning, her eyes now locked squarely on the much taller vampire in front of her.

Emmett's eyes were wide as he put up his hands, he was more shocked than I was, not being able to understand Jasper's anger the way I could. "Whoa man I didn't mean…."

"We're _out numbered_, don't you _see_ that!?" Jasper went on, completely ignoring Emmett's words and Rosalie's glare. "This isn't the time to get careless and thick headed!!"

A low rumble came from Rosalie's chest and I stepped forward at the same time Carlisle did. I didn't actually believe a fight would break out….at least I think I believed that. I just knew that the waves of anger and terror rolling off Jasper were not going to help the situation.

"That's enough," Carlisle said calmly, but his voice made his order clear. He put a hand on Jasper's shoulder and looked at Rosalie and then Emmett. "Come on, let's take this somewhere more private." He squeezed Jaspers' shoulder and then turned to take Esme's hand.

Emmett simply nodded and placed both hands on Rosalie's shoulders so he could steer her away from Jasper and followed Carlisle down the hall.

When they turned the corner I looked at Jasper. He was glaring at the empty hall now. "He just doesn't know." Alice was murmuring.

Jasper took a deep breath and closed his eyes "I'm sorry Alice," he looked down at her. "I didn't….it's just…." '_He has no idea….no concept of what's coming at us.'_

"That's the problem," I murmured, my hand running through my hair again as I found myself defending my younger brothers actions. Jasper looked at me and I went on. "Emmett was the last….he's never even seen a newborn….he has no clue."

Jasper sighed and shook his head. _'I know. I shouldn't ….he didn't deserve that.'_

"I'm sorry," he said again.

Alice took Jasper's hand and looked up at him. "You have nothing to apologize for…. We all know Emmett doesn't think before he speaks. And he needs to realize the seriousness of the situation…" she tugged on his hand. "Come on…." With another mental apology sent my way Jasper willingly let her pull him down the hall after the others.

I hesitated, peering over my shoulder at the stairs. The lights from the nearly forgotten party flashed rapidly on the wall and ceiling from the first floor.

Then, like a wave of ice it hit me.

Alice was up here….which meant Bella….

The muscles in my chest locked down and my breathing stopped. I turned around swiftly but only made it a couple steps.

"Edward wait," Alice called, I slowed but didn't stop moving . "She's fine…."

I shook my head. The panic was crushing me again, only this time it was much worse. Every member of my family was up stairs, there was no one down there with her. And I couldn't see or hear her….I couldn't smell her….. couldn't _feel_ her. The fierce blow hit me and it was too much.

"I'll be right back," I whispered turning around again. I'd rather Bella hear everything that was going on, than have her away from me and unprotected for another second.

Suddenly Alice's hand was in mine for a second time, gripping my fingers. _'She's not alone, she'll be fine.'_

I opened my mouth but she cut me off. _'Jacob is here….he showed up with two others.'_

I froze. What was he doing here? A flash of anger swelled in me, but before I could try to focus and pinpoint his thoughts Alice went on.

"I don't like him anymore than you do….but Bella will be safe with him till we figure everything out." then she added silently _'Bella doesn't need to hear this.'_

I took a deep breath and slowly nodded my agreement on both counts.

If I hadn't known beyond a single doubt that Jacob Black would protect Bella with his very life I would never have allowed Alice to pull me in the opposite direction of the stairs.

**This chapter was a little tricky…..they seem to be getting harder the deeper I get in. But I was expecting it so I'm ready LOL. I know the meeting with the werewolves, (which will be chapter 22) is going to be the hardest so far. We shall see. ;)**

**Well as always thanks to all my reviewers, I've noticed I have some new people reading and I just want thank you for taking the time to review. **

**If you have a sec clicky the blue button, I always love to hear what everyone thinks. ;)**


	22. Alliance

**Just a quick A/N. I've decided to add something a little new to this story. As some of you may know I've used quotes to start my one shots, and as I was looking for some new ones to go with a few new ones shots that I'm currently working on I kept running across some that fit **_**perfectly**_** with some of the chapters in **_**this**_** story. **

**SO I've saved them all up and waited till I reposted my re-edited chapters to add them. My Beta has now caught up to where I'm at so all the previous chapters have been looked over, edited, and reposted, PLUS given their own little quote at the beginning. (So you can check them out if u want) *shrugs* But there not really important to the story I just like them. LOL. I love it when other authors do it so I'm taking a page from their book and adding them to my main story instead of just with mmy one shots ;)**

**Anyhoo I'm finished now so you can read on:**

* * *

Chapter 21 

Alliance

* * *

'_We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet, and amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, _

_Excepting the dog has made an alliance with us" – Max Depree_

* * *

"Alice, please," I ground out as I paced to the window. I understood what she was doing; she was searching the future from every conceivable angle she could, looking for any loop hole or change. So I understood why she kept hitting on the same vision again and again and I could handle watching our family's demise, to an extent. Because it needed to be done. But if I had to watch one more round with Bella standing next to me I knew I would lose it.

"We both know that's not going to happen," I said firmly, not taking my eyes off the river.

"I'm sorry," Alice said shortly. "It's not my fault it's hers…" _'And well partly yours too.'_

"_What_?!" I spun around to meet her eyes. She was standing with her back to Jasper's chest, his arms around her. He shot me a warning look but I ignored it. "You know I would never…it's not even…"

Alice sighed cutting me off. "I _know_ that, Edward." _'But you're so wrapped up in each other that it's naturally accepted…. as of now she is going to be wherever you are and vice versa.'_

"I'll send her away." I said quickly, horrified at the truth in her words. "I'll put her on the next plane to Florida…"

_A flash of the airport terminal. _

_Bella screaming. Reaching for me as I slowly backed away. _

"_No Please…..Edward….._Edward_!"_

I bit back a moan at the image, feeling my chest constrict.

I couldn't do it.

_The base ball clearing._

_My family lined up._

_Bella's hand clutched in mine again._

_Waiting._

"Enough."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Alice tried to push away the image before we had to watch it play out again. "See what I mean?" she said wearily, _"You're undecided, and until you are it will be like it always is: her with you."_

I turned away and ran my hand through my hair. "There shouldn't _be_ a decision to be made," I muttered, mostly to myself. "I _have_ no other choice."

"I know that," she said again. "I know it as well as you do." _'But think about it, right now could you make her leave? Could _you_ say goodbye?'_

I breathed out heavily, "No." I whispered with hardly any sound. I had been battling that question all night. Both scenarios seemed impossible. But it shouldn't be that way, I _knew_ what I would do, what I _had_ to do.

"_Well_…" Emmett's voice cut through the tension, reminding me that Alice and I were not the only ones in the room. They had all remained silent throughout our tense conversation….a conversation that was only half spoken out loud. "…as interesting as you half silent chat to each other is, could we _please_ start talking in a language everyone can understand?"

Carlisle cleared his throat. "I'm unable to reach anyone else." He said, giving in to Emmett's annoyance. "I had hoped Eleazar would at least…." He paused and shook his head "It doesn't matter," he sighed and leaned back in his chair. "…it seems we are still on our own."

Esme who was standing behind him placed her hands on his shoulders. Then her eyes moved to Jasper, "Peter and Charlotte?" she asked softly, though I'm sure she knew what his answer would be.

Jasper shook his head. "It will take some time to track them down….they move swiftly and frequently and it's been over a year since I saw them last."

"So how much _time_ do we have exactly?" Rosalie asked, her voice was quite, but hard. She had yet to look at me, even to glare.

"I'm still looking," Alice murmured. Her eyes were closed again, her fingers pressed into them. My feelings matched hers; I desperately wanted information….but I just as desperately wanted to block out the images.

"It will be sunny out," I spoke for Alice knowing she was concentrating.

"Can you pin point….?" Jasper began, I held up a finger to silence him. Alice was already on it.

"This weekend the weather's suppose to be clear," Alice said distantly.

I clenched my teeth. This weekend. So soon. There's was definitely no time to track down Charlotte and Peter. We would need Jasper in the short time we had.

Everyone in the room was frozen with anticipation, me included.

_The news channel flashed through Alice's mind, zeroing in on the numbers located in the top left corner._

"Saturday,**"** Alice and I said at the same time. Her eyes snapped opened and locked with mine. _'That's only gives us four days.'_

Everyone's mind was blank in nearly identical states of realization and dread. I looked around at my silent family, trying to make myself realize we only had four more days. A few hours ago it was only a hanging treat and now we had been given a deadline.

I knew as well as Jasper did that we didn't stand a chance. Even if the newborns numbers dropped more before they reached us, there would have to be a miracle for all of us to survive. There was no way we would all get through this. I took in a steadying breath when I realized who would most likely fall first. I didn't want to think it, but I knew the truth.

Feeling Carlisle's eyes on me I turned towards him. And looking into his eyes after my current appalling thought was extremely difficult. But I knew Carlisle…. he despised the destroying of any creature and I knew all too well what his reaction would be if a new born monster in a child's body were coming at him. He would hesitate….and one small hesitation was all it took. I didn't need Alice's vision to tell me that.

'_Edward_?' I mentally shook myself and focused my eyes back on the familiar gentle gold. I nodded once letting him know I was paying attention now.

"They're still coming from the northeast?" he asked his voice strong and steady.

I nodded again.

At the sound of Carlisle's voice everyone's attention drew towards him. Like in any other time of trouble or threat we all gravitated towards him. And though we had never faced anything to this extreme before this time was no different in that respect. It was an unspoken understanding that everyone in this room would listen to his words and follow them.

"Alright then," Carlisle stood up. "I think we should keep with our plan to coordinate in the morning." He looked quickly and questioningly at Jasper who nodded once.

"I'll teach you as much as I can," Jasper said quietly.

"Good," Carlisle sighed. "In the mean time," he went on, "I think a few of us should make some quick runs, make sure there are no fresh trails leading into town and it wouldn't hurt to double check Charlie's either."

"I'll go," I said immediately. I needed to get out. Jasper's emotions, that were thickening the room, added to everyone's rapidly moving thoughts were pressing in on me. For a second time today I felt like the walls were closing in. I hated being backed into a corner; I needed to run….needed to do something useful.

Trying to push away my thoughts of Carlisle and Bella –who was waiting for me downstairs- I moved towards the window. I already knew who would be coming with me, even without turning around. Emmett would move automatically to follow me and naturally Rosalie was would be hot on his heels.

I paused in the process of opening the window, "Alice?"

She knew what I was asking.

"I'll stay with her," she answered. '_But Edward….'_

I looked over my shoulder at her, _'I'm going to answer her questions…. And, we need…well _you_ need to decide.'_

Right before I jumped to the ground below I murmured, "I know," answering both statements.

* * *

Our run took only a few minutes. There was nothing new to find, not that we really expected anything, but the run felt good. As I leapt the river and closed in on the house, Rose and Emmett slightly behind, I could hear a few cars leaving down the drive. Maybe the party was finally drawing to a close.

Anxious to get to Bella I went straight through the kitchen and back into the crowd of bodies.

"It will be _fine_ Bella…I promise." Alice's voice reached me over the music and seeing them by the stairs, surprisingly with a tense Jasper, I made my way over. The first thing that I noticed was Bella's fast heart beat and the anger on her face. Alice had a hold of her wrist as she strained towards the front door. In the slight struggle I saw a small flash of silver reflect off the wrist in Alice's hand. Before I could examine it further Bella's voice rang across the room.

"It isn't right Alice!" she was saying rapidly, as she spun around to face my sister. "I need to stop him…he…" at that moment she caught sight of me over Alice's shoulder. The anger crumpled away and a look of utter defeat filled her features.

I moved forward at the same time she pulled away from Alice. She flew into my arms, turning her back on the room and burying her face in her hands. Something between a groan and a frustrated growl escaping her chest.

Rubbing her back gently I threw a questioning look at Alice. And I was shocked when she grinned at me. The blank fear that had been in her eyes when I left was gone, there's was nothing but relief and excitement shinning through. I looked at Jasper and though he wasn't smiling he looked just as relieved.

And then there was Bella, stiff as a board in my arms, clearly upset, but not saying anything.

"What…" I began…but then gasped.

Alice was showing me….well…._nothing_.

It had all disappeared.

Everything.

"Alice….what happened…."

'_We spoke to Jacob,'_ she thought, clearly not wanting to say in out loud.

"And?" I asked somewhat impatiently. Hope was beginning to seep through my veins, but I was hesitant to trust it.

'_He's going to talk Sam, but he made it pretty clear they were going to fight.'_

Suddenly my face stretched into a grin that matched hers, and I was glad Bella couldn't see it. Her actions made sense now.

I sighed, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "It will be alright," I murmured against her hair. And it was the truth this time.

She just pushed herself further into me, and shook her head. I could feel the brace on her right hand as it pressed further into my chest, but I could also feel something else on her left. It was smaller and much cooler than the heat coming off her skin.

'_I'm going to tell the others,' _I looked up at Jasper and nodded.

"Rose and Emmett are in the kitchen," I said quietly.

When they walked off I pulled Bella back some. She still had her face in her hands and I could now clearly see a bracelet around her left wrist. There was a fleeting second where I just stared at the silver ringlets….

'_I saw it too,'_ in my peripheral vision I could see Alice lingering in the doorway of the kitchen her eyes still watching Bella worriedly.

_'My guess is it was a gift from the_ dog.' There was a quick flash of a small wolf charm in her mind.

I looked back at the bracelet but found the charm was hidden behind Bella's wrist. I pushed back the feelings it rose inside me. Right now it didn't matter. Lifting Bella's face to mine I kissed her lips gently, lingering till she breathed out and relaxed.

"It will be fine now," I whispered again, pulling back. I couldn't disguise the relief in my voice, in less than an hour we had all gone from complete despair to full out hope. We had a chance now….with the wolves help all of us had a chance of making it through this.

Bella looked up at me, her eyes full of fear. I sighed and pulled her towards me again, because I realized in that moment, no words I said was going to make see the truth, or make her feel any better about the turn of events.

* * *

It wasn't until around 11:20 that the last of the quests left.

The music was off as were the multi-colored lights, leaving behind only the regular house lights. The room was a mess and Alice was already darting back and forth with the clean up. It was amusing how she was enjoying every aspect of this party.

The whole family was downstairs, all of them basking in the same relief I was feeling. Jasper and Alice had filled us in on the whole conversation. Apparently the pack would be meeting us in the baseball clearing in a few hours. It made sense; we would have to try to work together before we could fight together.

It should definitely be interesting.

Bella remained silent through it all, the opposite affect seeming to take place with her. Somehow I knew I shouldn't be surprised, she was more upset now than she had been after the graduation ceremony.

Everyone else seemed to see this too. As I helped her into her jacket by the door, Esme came over and pulled her into a hug. "It will be fine sweetheart," she promised, before kissing her lightly on the forehead

Alice had also stopped her rapid movements and patted Bella's hair. "Everything will work out now Bella, you'll see."

Bella just mutter a quite "sure, sure" as she zipped up her jacket. Alice threw a look at Jasper over her shoulder and I immediately felt the calming waves wash over us. Bella sighed and relaxed some, but it was clear she knew where it came from because in the next second she threw a glare in Jasper's direction.

I held back a smirk as Jasper tried not to laugh, it seemed he found 'a Bella trying to intimidate a vampire' just as amusing as I did. Emmett however either didn't have the restraint or didn't bother. His loud laughter filled the room and due to the fact that he always spoke what first came into his mind I had no chance of stopping his next words.

"Why are you the only one who's allowed to fight with werewolves?!"

Bella opened her mouth, clearly wanting to say something back, but quickly closed it. Instead she turned on her heal and walked out the door towards the car.

I heard a loud smack followed by two female voices. "_Emmett_!"

"What?"

Throwing a dark look at my clueless brother I quickly followed after Bella, Carlisle's disapproving voice echoing quietly behind me, "Was that really necessary?"

Bella was already in the car with her seat belt buckled when I climbed into the driver's seat. As we made our way down the driveway and out onto the main road I reached over and pulled her hand into mine.

"I'm sorry," I said, quietly. "Emmett's just…."

"An idiot, I know," Bella interrupted. She didn't sound angry just tired. She sighed and leaned her head against the window. "That had to be the longest party in the history of the world," she grumbled.

"I know," I agreed. "It's over now."

_So_ much was over now, not just the party. The dead end questions, the endless wait, and now the looming deadline we all knew was over our heads, but never voiced. I just wished she could see that. With the wolves help this fight will almost be simple.

I knew a little about how the pack fought. The first time we came into contact with them I learned that they shared their thoughts….and with that they moved together, forming separate fighting limbs that worked together as one whole body. It was very effective, and it had only been _three_ wolves at the time….this new pack was much larger. I could only imagine the damage they could do when they were all thrown together.

Of course adding seven vampires to the mix might be a different story.

"You're taking me with you tonight," Bella's whisper broke through the silence.

I suppressed a sigh and glanced over, she still had her head on the window, her eyes facing forward.

"Bella, you're worn out." It was already past midnight and we wouldn't be meeting the pack till around three.

"You think I could sleep?" She said, finally looking at me. And I could see in her eyes that either way she wasn't going to get any sleep. Not while I was gone.

By now we were at Charlie's. I pulled into the driveway and parked, before I turned back to her.

"This is an experiment. I'm not sure if it will be possible for us all to….cooperate." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew it was the wrong thing to say. This would only make her more eager to go, but it was too late to take them back. "I don't want you in the middle of that," I added. I knew dealing peacefully with seven wolves would be much harder than three. And this time around we would be learning to _fight_ together not just agreeing to a treaty.

I watched as her face set into that willful stubbornness and I knew I would not win this argument.

"If you won't take me then I'll call Jacob."

The words effectively took the fight out of me….in more ways than one.

It was like a physical blow and on instinct I froze.

I could tell by the way her brow furrowed slightly that she could see something on my face, but at the same time her eyes told me she'd meant what she said.

We both knew she would not be taking it back.

"See you upstairs," she mumbled, and then she was climbing out of the car and heading towards the house.

I stared after her until the front door closed and then immediately pulled back out the driveway, taking the car to its usual parking spot down the street. Once it was parked the air I had been holding in my chest finally hissed out between my teeth.

Anger and frustration washed through me, dragging with it entirely _too_ much hurt.

Bella had a large amount of power over me. I knew this, but I also knew she didn't realize just how much.

Despite that she has always known the _exact_ words to say that would affect me. I knew that it was always unconsciously, that she wasn't aware of it when she did it, but this time was different. This time she was not only _aware_ of the words, but she had used them purposely against me.

And it wasn't so much what was said as they _way_ it was said. The words were not spoken in a threat; they were simply spoken as the truth. She _would_ have called Jacob and the mutt _would_ have picked her up. For some irrational reason that made it worse.

As I ran back to the house I tried to push it away. If I really thought about it, I would see that regardless of what I wanted Bella would have been coming with me. I was accepting that fact before she even mentioned Jacob.

Once I climbed through the open window I sat in the rocking chair and waited as Bella brushed her teeth and changed in the bathroom. When she walked into the room wearing jeans instead of her usual sweat pants I wasn't surprised, so it shouldn't have aggravated me….but it did.

Because I could see how tired she was. She had already been through so much today; it was hard to believe she had actually graduated this afternoon.

Due to the fact she hadn't looked at me once since entering the room I knew that she knew I was still upset. It wasn't until she had hung up her new outfit and turned from the closet that she looked at me. Her tired features stood out strongly in the light of her bedroom….more than anything I wished she would stay and sleep. She needed the rest….and what made it worse was that I knew she wouldn't be able to, even if she did stay. Not tonight.

"Come here," she demanded softly, reaching down and grabbing my hand.

And though her words from earlier still ran hurtfully through my mind, I stood up and allowed her to guide me to the bed….and while her pale face and circled eyes made me want to insist again that she stay and at least _try_ to sleep, I remained silent.

Hence the before mentioned power she had over me.

But as Bella pulled me down onto the mattress and curled up against my chest, I knew I wouldn't have it any other way. I was hers and I was beyond relieved that she finally knew it.

If it wasn't for the tension I could feel in her body as she tucked her legs up and leaned into my chest I would have laughed, because I knew there was a reason behind her actions. She had more or less imprisoned me, even if I had wanted to….I wouldn't be able to leave without her, even if she somehow managed to fall asleep.

Instead, I pulled the quilt up from beside me and covered it around her. Once satisfied that every warm limb was securely protected by the blanket, I pulled her closer and tucked her head under my chin. She nestled willing into my chest, but I could tell she wouldn't come close to sleeping.

"Please relax." It felt like every muscle in her body was pulled tight, waiting for an invisible blow to strike.

"Sure."

"This is going to work, Bella. I can feel it."

My words seemed to be the opposite of helpful. I felt a soft pressure against the base of my neck when her jaw flexed and it was followed by an almost panicked leap of her heart. The fast beating filled the room and thudded heavily against my chest. I didn't know what it was I had said to trigger this reaction, but I would be lying if I said I didn't expect it to happen sooner or later. The wolves involvement in everything….Jacobs involvement, it must have been the end of her limit.

"Listen to me Bella" I all but pleaded, the words tumbling from my mouth automatically. I couldn't take it; I _had_ to make her understand. I couldn't bear for her to be so terrified, even as I held her in my arms.

"This is going to be _easy_. The newborns will be completely taken by surprise. They'll have no more idea that werewolves exist than you did. I've seen how they act in a group, the way Jasper remembers. I truly believe that the wolves hunting techniques will work flawlessly against them. And with them divided and confused, there won't be enough for the rest of us to do. Someone may have to sit out." I added, trying to lightened my voice and make her see the truth of what I was saying.

"Piece of cake," she muttered, pressing her face into my shirt.

"Shhh," I soothed running my fingers lightly down the small part of her cheek that was exposed. "You'll see. Don't worry now." And then, because it was the only option I had left, I let her song slip naturally through my lips, hoping that like it always did, the familiar tune would calm.

Her pulse did steady out but she never once relaxed.

Once again I realized that nothing I said or tried to do was going to do any good. And it was simply due to the fact that my Isabella was simply who she was.

When she looked at the pack she didn't see strong capable beings, she saw only her friends….friends she cared deeply about. It was the same way she viewed me and my family. She didn't see Vampires she saw _people_. It is that same part of her that makes her love me as unconditionally as she does. She's able to look past so many faults and mistakes….she sees the most simple parts of the ones she loves and at the same time the very best.

It was one of the many things I loved most about her….

And yet didn't seem fair somehow…. that something so good inside of her would make her hurt this much, again and again.

I watched the numbers on her bedside table changed after every minute and paced my breathing to match Bella's, waiting for her to relax. It never happened. When it was 2:30 I sat up straight with her still in my arms.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay and sleep?" I'm nothing if not persistent.

The look she gave me when she pulled back from my chest was enough to silence me. With a sigh I stood up with her still cradled in my arms and stepped towards the window.

During the short fall Bella closed her eyes, but her heart stayed steady. I'm not sure why I noticed these small things but I did, and it never failed to amaze me the complete and udder trust she had in me.

In a quick but gentle motion I swooped Bella up and around me. It was a very familiar and natural move, something we had both perfected over time. Her arms wound around my neck and her chin rested lightly on my shoulder.

Her weight was always light, nearly nonexistent, but her presence overweighed everything. Over the decades running has been one of my favorite things to do. It was freeing and relaxing. Now however it was never complete without the steady thud against my back, the familiar soft cheek pressed into my neck, and warm breath whispering by my ear.

With an unconscious smile I took off, letting the much more enjoyable run wash over me. So much had changed and I couldn't help the happiness that ran through me. Now we had a chance and if everything worked out tonight with the wolves it would be more than that….we would win.

And once it was taken care and everyone returned, Bella would see that. She would understand that us working with the wolves was the only way we could _both_ win. If we didn't then once the Cullens were taken care of there would be nothing to stop the newborns from entering town….the wolves being the only things left that could stop them. But like us they would be outnumbered….

Our only chances were working together.

When we reached the clearing I stopped and eased Bella to the ground. She reached for my hand with her good one and I took it, gently squeezing her fingers. Once more I tried to ignore the feather touch of the charm when it hit my own wrist. She hadn't mentioned it yet, and I had no doubt it was because of everything going on, but I couldn't find it in myself to question it either, not yet at least. I would wait for a time when things slowed down and steadied out.

We took our time walking across the large field towards my family. I was in no hurry and it seemed neither was Bella. She was glancing around, peering into the darkness. I knew that even with the moon's white light illuminating the ground she wouldn't be able to see much.

That thoughtful look, that was both frustrating and intriguing at the same time, came over her features. I was about to ask the familiar question that would sometimes ease my never-ending desire to know what she was thinking, when she spoke.

"You know what I think?"

I laughed, because of her timing of asking and the question itself. "No."I answered truthfully, the amusement still clear in my voice. "What do you think?"

"I think it's all connected," she said looking up at me with a thoughtful furrow of her brow. "Not just the two, but all three."

I stared at her for half a second; the desire to read her mind and solve my own confusion was strong. It's what I would have done in any other situation. However since that wasn't an option I quickly caved and admitted, "You've lost me."

"Three bad things have happened since you came back." She took her hand out of mine and pulled back her index finger. "The newborn's in Seattle." A second finger. "The stranger in my room," A third finger. "And…" She hesitated, looking at me "…first of all—Victoria came looking for me."

This new angle ran through my head. I wondered why I never thought of it. "Why would you think so?" I wanted to know her theories, as this was a possibility none of us had considered.

"Because I agree with Jasper…" she answered immediately. Her eyes were locked on mine now and I realized we were no longer walking. "…the Volturi love their rules. They would probably do a better job anyway." She paused again and it was clear she was thinking something over….something I would, of course, never hear.

Before I could become irritated with the silence, she asked softly, "Do you remember when you were tracking Victoria last year?"

I frowned, not liking the somewhat change in conversation. I didn't like to think about that time, not even a little bit….no more than she did. "Yes," I admitted. "I wasn't very good at it." Of course I wasn't very good at anything then, but I didn't say that.

"Alice said you were in Texas. Did you follow her there?"

"Yes." I said slowly thinking over her words. When it was put together like that. "Hmm…."

"See…." Bella said quickly, "she could have gotten the idea there. But she doesn't know what she's doing, so the newborns are all out of control."

By now everyone was listening to our conversation, though we were still yards apart.

'_She has a point,'_ I heard Jasper's thought.

I shook my head slightly. "Only Aro knows exactly how Alice's visions work." I said, pretty much addressing them both.

"Aro would know _best_, but wouldn't Tanya and Irina and the rest of your friends in Denali know _enough_?"

I heard Alice's small gasp, and more than one mind thinking of Laurent.

Bella's voice continued without pause, unaware of the other's reactions. "Laurent lived with them for so long. And if he was still friendly enough with Victoria to be doing favors for her, why wouldn't he also tell her everything he knew?"

'_They _do_ know Edward….'_ Alice's thoughts were fast, she was realizing all the facts and fitting them into place with what Bella was saying. _'Tanya and Irina….they all knew, and now that I think about it, perhaps we told them too much….I just thought we could trust them…."_

I shook my head; there was still one thing that didn't fit. "It wasn't Victoria in your room," of that I was sure of.

"She can't make new friends?" Bella asked raising her eyebrows. "Think about it Edward. If it _is_ Victoria doing this in Seattle, she's _made_ a lot of new friends. She's created them."

'_She definitely has the motive,'_ this was Carlisle's thought, and it was followed quickly be Jaspers', _'It makes sense, whoever created this army _doesn't_ have a clue on what they are doing. It's been fast and sloppy…completely mindless of the Volturi.'_

What Bella was saying and what everyone else was thinking did make sense. But none of it explained why the Volturi hadn't stepped in yet. I knew something about Aro that no one else understood. His jealousy and fear. Carlisle has 'things' he wants, and a certain amount of power he fears. Their apparent blindness to everything that had been going on in Seattle couldn't be a mere mistake….there was a reason behind it. There had to be.

"Hmm, it's possible," I murmured, everything Bella had said fit perfectly with everything that had happened and everything I knew about Victoria, _if_ the Volturi were being overlooked.

"I still think the Volturi are most likely…" I added, because, unfortunately, they _couldn't_ be over looked. "But your theory – there's something there." I went on acknowledging the truth in Bella's words. "Victoria's personality. Your theory suits her personality perfectly. She's shown a remarkable gift for self- preservation from the start – maybe it's a talent of hers."

That would definitely explain how she has been able to, not only slip through our clutches again and again, but also the wolves. "In any case this plot would put her in no danger at all from us, if she sits safely behind and lets the newborns wreak their havoc here." I spoke the words as my mind unraveled the possibilities, till I was nearly speaking to myself.

"And maybe little danger from the Volturi, either. Perhaps she's counting on us to win, in the end, though certainly not without heavy casualties of our own. But no survivors from her little army to bear witness against her. In fact, if there were survivors I'd bet she'd be planning to destroy them herself…." And if it is Victoria then I doubt if Aro would be grieved to see heavy casualties on our side either, in a way he would be hoping for it as much as Victoria would be. Of course in his twisted mind I knew he would find that '_wasteful_.'

"….Hmm," I said again drawing myself back. "Still she'd have at least one friend that was mature. No fresh-made newborn left you father alive…"

That would take someone with a few years of gained self control, or a very, _very_ well tamed new born that had a good reason to do what they did, a reason to follow strict orders and go against something as tempting as fresh blood.

Could Victoria really gain a young one's trust and obedience that way? And do so over such a short amount of time?

Of course I knew the Volturi would have plenty of connections and finding someone to carry out strict orders would be easy for them. And any one of them would go through the trouble of getting Bella's scent for someone else, if it meant keeping themselves clean from any visible responsibility.

Whichever way it was looked at, that fact seemed to be true. Victoria _or_ the Volturi would want to keep a safe distance and to keep their hands clean.

Both were very probable possibilities.

I glanced at Bella from the corner of my eye to see that she was watching me, waiting for me to speak. I smiled and took her hand again. "Definitely possible," I said, voicing my thoughts. "Regardless, we've got to be prepared for anything until we know for sure."

And it was good to have this prospective laid on the table. My smile widened as I looked at Bella, she never failed to amaze me. Once again her beautiful, perceptive human mind had picked up on something that seven well experienced and much older vampire minds had over looked.

"You're very perceptive today," I said proudly. She had even impressed Jasper's military enhanced thought process. "It's impressive." I tugged lightly on her hand and we began making our way slowly across the field again.

I expected a light blush at the praise, but instead her face stayed the same pale color it had been since the party.

"Maybe I'm just reacting to this place," she said with a sigh. She moved closer to me, seeming unconscious to the movement, until her side was pressing into mine. "It makes me feel like she's close by…" she went on quietly, her eyes scanning the darkness. "…Like she sees me now."

I pulled her even closer to me, hating the fear that that creature always brought on. But the simple mention of the thought that Victoria could be here had my eyes automatically taking in every shadow and every movement in the forest around us.

"She'll never touch you Bella," I vowed. Never again would she be touched by something like that. Victoria wouldn't get close enough to touch even a single strand of loose hair on Bella's head.

The thought had my body tensing; it made me furious but also disgustingly eager.

I _dared_ that monster to even _try _while I was standing here…..to even _think_ about taking a step towards what was mine.

"Yet, what I wouldn't give to have her that close," the words came before I could stop them, low and hard. "Victoria and anyone else who ever thought about hurting you."To have the chance to end this myself. To finish it with my bare hands this time."

The memory of James' painful screams and the ripping snap of his bones as he was pulled apart by my brothers was all too clear in my mind. Then later the disappointment that I had not had the chance to it myself. The chance to cause ten times the amount of pain he had inflicted on my Angel back on him, and then some. It would have been slow, torturous….and very, _very_ satisfying.

The satisfaction that came with just the _thought_ of Victoria going down by my hands had my mind and body ready for the fight right now…. beyond eager for it. I was ready for the day she showed her face again. And if I was lucky enough to be there at the time, _my_ face would be the last thing she ever saw.

Bella's warm fingers molding tightly around my cold ones pulled me back. We had finally made it to the rest of the family. My attention went back to Alice. Her glimpses of the future had been slowly shaved till they covered only what was going to happen in the next couple of minutes. Anything further than that was either a jumbled mess, or completely black.

Then suddenly I caught a quick flash of Emmett's regular goofy grin and what looked like a quick greeting towards me cut off. Then it was gone and her mind was left blank, not clear but as if a black thick curtain had fallen. The wolves must be moving this way then.

I watched amusedly as Alice's small features scrunched up as she tried in vain to catch something she could hold onto.

"Is something wrong with Alice?" Bella asked quietly. She was obviously close enough now to make the annoyance that was clear on my sister's face.

'_Of course there's something wrong…I can't see anything…..I think maybe….maybe Emmett's about to say something?'_

I chuckled as her thought trailed off into a question. She hated guessing….it was something she was not used to doing and it had been happening a lot lately.

"The werewolves are on their way," I explained for Bella's benefit. "So she can't see anything that going to happen now. It makes her uncomfortable to be blind."

Suddenly Alice's half finished vision began to play out. "Hey Edward, Hey Bella." Emmett said loudly. His eyes moved to Bella and his grin widened. "Is he going to let you practice too?"

I groaned, leave to Emmett to suggest something that Bella would actually consider. She would do anything if she thought she was helping. "Please, Emmett, don't give her any ideas."

He turned his grin to me. '_Soon brother…very soon' _

I rolled my eyes, ignoring his thought of Bella being as strong as us and him showing her a few 'pointers'. I knew he was eager for Bella to join us permanently…excited even. I just wished he would keep it to himself sometimes. Seeing him wrestle Bella, being a vampire or not, was not something I wanted planted in my head.

'_Edward?'_ My head automatically snapped towards Carlisle. "When will our guests arrive?" he asked out loud, for everyone else.

Relaxing I stopped listening with my ears and began listening with my mind. It took a few seconds but then I heard the faint buzzing of many voices. As I concentrated they became clearer and I began to hear different tones and voices, but I also realized they were not separated the way they should be. I frowned remembering what it had sounded like to hear wolves share their thoughts. This meant only one thing.

"A minute and a half," I sighed, opening my eyes. "But I'm going to have to translate. They don't trust us enough to use their human forms."

"That's understandable," Carlisle nodded. "This is hard for them, I'm grateful they're coming at all." _'We should all be grateful.'_

"They're coming as wolves?!" I looked down and met Bella's wide eyes. I nodded cautiously, examining her reaction. I couldn't tell if she was shocked or frightened at the idea. Maybe a little of both. I wondered how many times she had actually seen Jacob in his wolf form, or if that one time in the meadow with Laurent was all.

'_We're getting close….'_

'…_.can you smell it?'_

'_..Of course the wind is blowing right at us…'_

'_Ugh…yeah….'_

The thoughts began to clear out the closer they came and they were now very clear.

'_Never smelled it this strong before…'_

'…_me either…'_

'_You think this is bad you should have smelled their crypt….'_

'_Does it always burn...?'_

'_Yeah kid, get use to it…'_

The males voices were all jumbled together, some deeper than others and one standing out that sounded much younger. I also caught snatches of a much different tenor and I knew immediately it was female. So Jacob's slipped up thought the day he had come to receive the scent from Bella's room had been true. Leah Clearwater had joined the pack.

Though it had been decades since I last heard it, the sound of one thought being repeated again through every other mind was familiar. But hearing it echoed through more than just _three_ minds was completely different.

As I continued to listen, I began to separate the voices and recognize which belong with who, and who I could recognize and who I had never met before. As I mentally did the separating I realized there were more than just seven. Excitement and awe washed through me at what I had just discovered and what we all seconds away from seeing.

"Prepare yourselves," I said quickly, looking at Carlisle again. "They've been holding out on us".

"What do you mean?" Alice said shrilly, sounding somewhat panicked. _'I can't see….what did I miss….what can't I see….Edward….Edward what…?'_

"Shhh," I said, trying to soothe her mental melt down. It was rare for Alice to be surprised; in fact I could count the number of times on one hand out of the near 50 years she's been with us. There was no way I was going to ruin this experience for her. Even if she couldn't fully appreciate it.

Besides she wouldn't have to wait long. On top of hearing their mixed together thoughts I could now hear the soft thud of dozens of large padded paws hitting the forest floor.

I knew the others heard it as well as I did because in the next second everyone spread out.

As the family line was formed out I leaned forward automatically, realizing I was standing in the wrong place. I should be next to Emmett in the front, closer to Rosalie and Carlisle, and Esme should be slightly behind _me_, not the other way around.

That was where I had always belonged. Despite the fact that I was younger in human years, I was still older than the three of them, I had always been the one to watch over them. In the beginning it had always been Carlisle and I guiding them and helping them.

That responsibility-though probably no longer needed- had never fully went away and having what could possibly be a very large danger coming at us was making that old responsibility kick in again and the feeling was stronger than I thought it would be.

Bella's warm fingers once again gripping mine was the only thing that kept my feet grounded in their spot.

I had changed completely in a short amount of time though. Especially since last year when my priorities had been crippled and zeroed in on _one_ thing. Bella was my number one priority now, and always would be. And though I knew my place would always be next to her and that I wouldn't move away for anything, a small part of my mind still felt torn.

Then as quickly as my inner battle had begun, it was over.

I could see them now.

Ten pairs of glittering eyes gazed at us through the trees. Then slowly, as one large mass, the large pack of wolves exited the forest.

Hearing the multiple thoughts and realizing there were more than I had expected still didn't prepare me for what I saw. They were _huge_, built of pure muscle and strength. As they moved, their massive legs seemed to lift and fall to the ground in sequence with each other. And despite their size their movements were oddly graceful, sure and precise.

The image –the likes of which I had never seen before- was almost beautiful in a very intimidating way.

It took a lot for the Cullen family to be intimidated, and I knew I wasn't the only one.

In that second the weight of the treaty made over 80 years ago suddenly felt much heavier….and I had also never been more glad of its existence.

"Damn." Emmett breathed, more or less voicing the thought of every other vampire present. "Did you ever see anything like it?"

* * *

**Next Chapter coming sooner than this one, promise :)**

**If you have time leave a review, I love to hear what you think. **


	23. Training

* * *

Chapter 22

Training

* * *

"_A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends" –Baltasar Gracia_

* * *

"What is it?" Bella whispered, quickly. "I can't see."

I looked at her face briefly, watching how her eyes bored into the darkness unseeing, and then back to the moving mass of wolves that was very clear to me. Though I knew she was looking with human sight I still found it slightly unbelievable that she couldn't see something so large coming at us. The amount of space their large bodies took up made them look massive….unstoppable.

Leaning down I murmured, "The pack has grown."

For obvious reasons that felt like a huge understatement. Though there seemed to be only four new wolves, seeing them all together and fully phased made me want to replace the word 'grown' with 'exploded'.

The thoughts coming from the massive group were intense. It felt like my mind was absorbing it all too quickly and I actually found myself trying to keep up with the individual thoughts. Some were anxious and apprehensive, some excited and eager, and others angry.

Worse than that, they all seemed to be expressing their feelings at the same time which made trying to separate them impossible. Because every _single_ thought instantly became everyone else's. They passed from one to the other till it all pulsed together and I found myself listening to one large, very _loud_, mind.

'_That's enough, it's time to focus'_

Silence.

The moment the deep, but firm words were thought, it echoed clearly through every mind, but it did not mix together like the other thoughts. This voice seemed to run on a different level than the others. It was stronger, flowing over top of the main group until it became the central attention of every wolf mind present.

"Fascinating," I breathed quietly. It was clear who that the voice belonged to.

'_This is close enough'_ it seemed like Sam mostly thought this to himself but naturally the whole pack paused at the exact same time as he did, as if they had thought the words themselves. Which I suppose in a way they had.

I felt my head shaking slightly as I resisted the urge to come up with another word that described what I was experiencing, my mind came up empty. The word 'fascinating' didn't seem to do it justice anymore.

'_Are you ready Edward?'_ It took me a fraction of second longer than it normally would to respond to Carlisle. Which was a first for me, his mental voice was as familiar to my mind as my own. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye and nodded once.

With a slow deliberate movement I watched him step forward. Somewhat exaggerating the slow movements of humans. "Welcome" he said kindly. He was as overwhelmed as the rest of us, but more than anything he was beyond grateful that they had showed up and was willing to help us.

Though I knew they were here to learn and to cooperate, not to help. With or without us they would be fighting the newborns and it wouldn't be done for our benefit.

I watched as Sam's large eyes, higher up than the others, moved to meet my own. He knew who I was and knew what I could do. But that was not the only thing that came with the recognition of who I was, there was also anger.

I knew he was the one who had found Bella that night, and I tried to push away the sickening image that flashed through his mind. Though it lasted less than a second it was still too long. I could also tell from the way he quickly pushed it away that he did so more for his benefit than mine; he did not like remembering that night.

I nodded once, simply acknowledging that I _would_ be doing the translating for him and to begin.

His black eyes stayed on me for a second more before he turned to back to Carlisle. I immediately repeated his thought. "Thank you."

I turned my entire attention to his mind, cutting off everything else, so I could repeat his words aloud the second he thought them.

It was the least I could do for everything he had done, and everything they were trying to do. If they were willing to put aside their hate and way of life, things they believed so strongly in, to work with us this way, then the least I could do was put their leader on as much equal ground as possible with ours.

"We will watch and listen…" I spoke as he went on. "But no more, that is the most we can ask of our self control."

"That's more than enough," Carlisle answered. Then he gestured behind him "My son Jasper has experience in this area. He will teach us how they fight, how they are to be defeated. I'm sure you can apply this to your own hunting style."

Questions and confusion exploded mentally from the pack. They did not understand Carlisle's words…what he had meant by 'how they fight' and 'how they're destroyed'.

I waited till Sam was ready to have his thoughts heard and then asked, "They are different from you?"

Carlisle nodded, "They are very new, only months old to this life. Children in a way. They will have no skill or strategy, only brute strength." Carlisle took a breath before he continued, "Tonight their numbers stand at twenty. Ten for you and ten for us—it shouldn't be difficult. The number may go down," he added, "the new ones fight amongst themselves."

A low rumbling passed through the air.

'_Alright…we can all have our own'_

'_Not if they all kill each other first…'_

'_This will be easy…we don't need their help…'_

'…_why are we still here?'_

'…_because they will be fighting too…there's nothing we can do to stop them'_

'_Yeah but…'_

'_No butts this is how it's going to be…'_

Once again I waited, listening to their over confident thoughts and short arguments, for Sam to think words he wanted to be spoken.

It was clear they did not understand the seriousness of a newborn vampire, didn't comprehend their speed and strength. It will be something completely new to this pack. Hearing their young minds made me remember that, despite their huge forms; over half of the pack was made up of eager, clueless children. They themselves were newborns in their own way and thinking the way they were currently thinking would only get them killed.

"We are willing to take more than our share," I finally spoke when Sam was ready, "….if necessary."

From the corner of my eye I saw Carlisle give a small smile, "We'll see how it plays out."

"Do you know how and when they will arrive?" I asked for Sam, who had become more serious again.

"They'll come across the mountains in four days," Carlisle answered. "in the late morning. As they approach, Alice will help us intercept their path."

"Thank you for the information, we will watch." Sam's eyes turned back to me _'thank you'_.

I nodded and watched as he folded his huge form downward, the others followed one after the other until all eleven wolves were on the ground, their heads up, and their eyes alert.

Waiting.

* * *

Jasper's shoulders were tense as he took a slow step forward. His eyes were on the wolves and though his face appeared unreadable, I knew better. As he made his way to the midpoint between werewolf and vampire, he threw a look at me over his shoulder.

'_Edward?'_

The question was simple but I knew everything he was asking of me and nodded reassuringly.

Trusting me he breathed out heavily through his nose and did something that was exceedingly difficult for someone like Jasper: He turned his back toward what could be considered his enemy and faced his family.

"Carlisle's right," he began, his voice strong and sure despite the audience behind him. "They'll fight like children. The two most important things you'll need to remember are, first , don't let them get their arms around you and, second, don't go for the obvious kill. That's all they'll be prepared for."

His eyes traveled down the line, landing on every face as he explained. I could hear the underling conflict in his mind. He had separated his two lives a long time ago and now, in this moment both lives seemed to be merging. His gaze landed on Alice where she was standing with a soft smile on her face, his eyes lingered there for a moment before he went on. "As long as you come at them from the side and keep moving, they'll be too confused to respond effectively…."

He took a breath and then asked ,"Emmett?"

'_Alright…first pick.'_ Emmett moved forward grinning widely as Jasper positioned himself.

"Okay, Emmett first" he explained "He's the best example of a new born attack."

I snorted softly as Emmett's grin fell away. _'I'll show you newborn'_ "I'll _try_ not to break anything," he muttered glaring at Jasper, who simply grinned back.

"What I meant is that Emmett relies on his strength. He's very straight forward about the attack. The newborns won't be trying anything subtle, either….Just go for the easy kill, Emmett." He added as he took a few steps back.

I felt a small grin form on my face as I watched Jasper lean forward slightly into a crouch. I knew despite Emmett's strength and enthusiasm he didn't have a chance.

"Okay Emmett, try to catch me."

Emmett barreled forward in a blur, but Jasper had already disappeared. In the millisecond it took Emmett to reach the spot Jasper had been standing Jasper was already gone and on the other side of Emmett's reaching arms.

I watched closely, taking in Jasper's every move. As the match continued it was clear Jasper could have had Emmett more than once but he never reached out to end it, instead he position himself in another spot each time so that Emmett's advances and attacks changed, showing us all the different openings we could take that would keep us a safe distance from the newborn's deadly arms and still be effective.

Seeing Jasper fighting and moving this freely had me eager to take my own turn.

Though Jasper and I had wrestled before, it was always in a playful manner, something competitive. This was different.

I was seeing a side of Jasper I had only witnessed in his memories. His thoughts were concentrated not only on anticipating Emmett's next move but also on the openings that move would cause. Openings that would leave a clear shot to a point on Emmett's body that would end the fight in one swift movement.

And though he never followed through when those opportunity's arose, seeing it all through his mind, seeing the way _he_ saw things, proved that each move he held back on would have worked. Emmett's size and extreme strength was nothing compared to Jasper's mind set.

It's one thing to know someone was deadly, it was another to see it in action.

Through their fast movements I caught a glimpse of Jasper's smirk and leaned forward waiting for the spring.

Emmett reached out again and Jasper made a move like he was going to spin to the right and then in the blink of an eye he was to the left of Emmet and flying through the air.

Emmett's fingers closed around air just as Jasper's teeth froze a centimeter away from his exposed throat.

"Damn it."

Emmett's muttered curse was nearly drowned out by the another low rumble coming from the wolves. Though this time it sounded almost admiring. Jasper's last movement was so swift and unexpected that even my vampire sight nearly missed it, but I could tell from their minds some of the wolves' eyes had missed it entirely.

"Again," Emmett growled.

"It's my turn," I cut in quickly, eager more than ever to challenge this new side of Jasper. I felt Bella's fingers flex around mine again and gently rubbed my thumb across the back of her hand. She had to know I would have to join in sooner or later. Though we were all capable of it, Jasper was the only true fighter in the family and we all needed to learn from him.

Jasper grinned at me, seeming much more relaxed with his situation than he was before. _'There's something I need to do first'_ he thought as his eyes slid down to Bella.

"In a minute," he said out loud. "I want to show Bella something first."

I patiently stepped back, seeing in his and Alice's mind what was coming.

Alice stepped out of the line and past a still disgruntled Emmett. When Bella caught sight of what was happening I heard her heart pick up and read the fear in Jasper's mind rolling of her. "I know you worry about her," Jasper said to Bella, a small smile still on his face. "I want to show you why that's not necessary."

Alice took a second to clear her mind and work around the holes the wolves put in her visions by concentrating only on _Jasper's_ future. I knew this would work as long as the wolves continued to only watch. If one of them, for whatever reason, made a thought of joining in the fight I knew she would lose everything.

Jasper leaned toward the left, and Alice, now ready, closed her eyes.

Bella's pulse quickened even more at Jasper's fighting position and I looked down to see her eyes locked wide on a motionless Alice.

Alice on the other hand was already watching how the next second would play out. I watched Jasper leap forward in her mind and then like an instant replay I saw Jasper make the real move. Alice twirled lightly on her feet, her eyes still closed. Jasper was on the other side of her already planning to move again but, of course Alice was still a step ahead, and had already moved.

The leaping and twirling sped up, move after move, spin after spin.

Alice was now completely in a different world than the rest of us, a world that existed exactly two seconds ahead of our own.

This round lasted a bit longer, due to the fun Alice was having. But it was also at a quicker pace and consisted of more graceful movements.

Suddenly Alice's musical laugh filled the clearing and in a move as quick as Jasper, Alice was perched lightly on Jasper's back.

"Gotcha," she laughed leaning forward to kiss his throat.

Jasper's deep chuckled joined her much higher one as he shook his head. _'Never had a chance'_ "You truly are one frightening little monster."

The noise that came from the gathered wolves sounded more guarded than it had before. It seemed the fact that tiny Alice being able to out match Jasper, where a much larger Emmett was unable to, impressed them at the same that it made them nervous. They were seeing a side of our family they had never seen before and learning that we were different from the average 'blood sucker' in more ways than just our diet.

'_That's right'_ Emmett thought smugly when he heard the sound. I could tell that his grin had finally returned.

"It's good for them to learn some respect," I murmured quietly. Then giving Bella's fingers one last gentle squeeze I stepped forward. "My turn."

'_Bet they weren't expecting that were they?'_ Alice thought as she slipped past me to take my place next to Bella. I shook my head slightly in answer and watched as the smile on her face stretched even further.

"Cool, huh?" I heard her asked Bella from behind me.

Jasper was already in position, tensed and ready.

I was standing a good twelve feet from him when I copied his stance. He had cleared his mind at the moment but I knew it was only a matter of time.

This fight was much different than the others, neither of us just charged into it. He knew that I would read any move from his mind and I knew just charging in would make it way too easy for him.

He tried not to think but I caught his decision to move forward at the last second and took the step before him. He gave a grin at the movement, his eyes still locked on mine.

'_This should be interesting'_ was his last thought before we both moved. This time it was faster and much more deliberate.

Jasper was better at controlling his thoughts than Emmett, he always had been, but no matter how hard he tried to hide them they would eventually give him away.

This would have made things simple for me, except for the moves he threw at me were completely unknown. And due to the fact I heard them only half second before he moved, I didn't have time to think them through fast enough.

Once he figured this out he increased his speed and his tricks. Lucky for me I was able to match that speed with my own.

I side stepped to the left, dodging his reaching hold just barely. Hearing his next thought I quickly ducked his arm, but then his next thought came too late for me to realize what he had done. While concentrating completely on moving away from his left arm his right had swung back in the opposite direction, his opened hand was aiming for my throat. I was able to move but not entirely and heard the echoing crack as he connected with my back.

Spinning I tried to dash around toward his back but he immediately turned, expecting the move before hand.

I feigned to the left and seeing from his mind that he had caught the false move I had planned on making, I quickly changed my mind and kept heading left while he moved to my right. This left me a perfect opening, one I had just learned from him not fifteen minutes ago.

It took less than a second for Jasper to realize his mistake and with an unconscious growl he spun around when I was a breath away from his back. Our shoulders collided and another loud crack filled the clearing.

Neither one of us took a step back though, instead he ducked and spun to the left while I did the same on the right. In less than a second we were facing each other again.

He planned to move and I moved just a fraction of a second beforehand.

And it started just as it had before.

We continued much longer than the others. Just when one of us came close to connecting with the other the intended grab was knocked away, or redirected.

'_Edward_?' Carlisle's thought broke my concentration and Jasper was able to slip in another hit. A frustrated rumble escaped my chest before I could stop it. _'It's been over ten minutes now…' _his thought went on.

When I showed no signs of slowing Carlisle cleared his throat loudly.

Jasper and I both froze, our gazes still locked in concentration.

Then it melted.

Straightening up Jasper laughed and stepped back, throwing an apologetic glance towards Carlisle. "Back to work," he agreed. Then he turned back to me "We'll call it a draw." '_For now'_

"Alright," I said with a grin, clapping him on the back as I went back to Bella. She seemed calm enough, her heart in its steady rhythm. But her eyes were wide as she looked at my face.

"So how did I do?" I asked playfully taking her hand back into mine.

She shook her head a ghost of smile hitting her lips. "You actually enjoyed that didn't you?" she said almost accusingly.

"Very much."

"Alright who's next?" Jasper asked.

Carlisle stepped forward and after him followed Rosalie and Esme.

Once every one had their turn Emmett finally got his rematch. Jasper took his time on this second round with him by pointing out and explaining the positions and openings I had read from his mind earlier. I listened and watched carefully as did the wolves, and as the lesson continued I found that I was becoming more optimistic. With the strength of the pack combined with our own advantages of being prepared and learning from a very experienced mind, we had this fight. I even found myself becoming eager for it.

I was so intent on the lesson Jasper was giving I hadn't realized how long we had all been here until I felt Bella move to the inside of my arm and lean into my side. I looked down and saw that her eyes were half closed. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder to support more of her weight, allowing her to lean into my chest more comfortably.

"We're almost finished," I whispered.

Hearing me Jasper's eyes glanced swiftly at Bella and then to me. Silently agreeing with me he turned to the wolves, surprising all of us by speaking to them directly.

"We'll be doing this tomorrow. Please feel welcome to observe again."

Sam looked at me swiftly but I already knew what he was asking. "Yes," I answered for him again. "We'll be here."

He looked back to me. _'I think it would help if we became accustomed to your family's scent individually, to lessen the chance of making mistakes during the fight.' _I nodded in agreement and with a heavy sigh released my hold on Bella.

Sam's request made sense and it was a good idea but I didn't want to leave Bella. Jacob had been waiting patiently for the time he could step forward since Jasper had ended everything and this would be the perfect opportunity.

Realizing how juvenile I was acting, I pushed it all away and I stepped toward my family.

'_As I'm sure you know there are some new members who have never been near…. one of you before.' _Sam's thoughts added_. ' it would probably help if no sudden movements were made' _

I nodded once before I addressed everyone. "The pack thinks it would be helpful to be familiar with each of our scents—so they don't make mistakes later. If we could hold very still, it will make it easier for them."

Carlisle's eyebrows rose slightly but he quickly nodded. "Certainly. Whatever you need."

The pack rose back to their feet, once again making their full mass clear. It wasn't until I heard the light gasp from Bella that I realized with the new dim light leaking through the horizon she could probably see the wolves more clearly now.

Fighting the urge to run back to her side I stood warily in my spot. Watching her face as her eyes followed the movements now visible to her.

The wolves had already begun, from the corner of my eyes I could see Sam leaning his large nose toward Carlisle.

I vaguely registered Jasper's tension or the wolves' wary movements.

My mind had focused completely on Bella's face. I watched as her eyes moved down the large line of wolves, stopping on the much larger one standing behind Sam.

Jacob.

I saw the recognition on her face immediately, though the furrow of her brow made her looked slightly confused.

Jacob turned his head toward her then, and through his mind I saw his eyes lock on Bella's. The feelings that rushed through his mind when he too read the recognition had me clenching my teeth. But I didn't move. I waited.

Jacob was waiting too, he had no plan of moving toward her if she was frightened, and for that I was thankful.

'_Come on Bell's it's just me'_ he thought, though he knew there was no way she could hear him.

Suddenly Bella's face lit up with fascination. No fear. No worry. It was a brightness I hadn't seen in her eyes all night and the sight hurt as much as it delighted.

'_I knew she'd know it was still me' _Jacob's large muzzle fell open in a lopsided grin. The natural response to the happiness I could feel in his mind.

Bella's soft giggle filled my ears and I couldn't help the slight rise of my lips. Hearing that sound, no matter the situation was still contagious to my mind.

Then Jacob moved from the line of wolves, straight past me and Alice.

I froze.

Jacob stopped mere feet away from Bella, his huge form towering over her. I dug my heels into the ground willing my body to stay put. Jacob would not hurt her. I knew this. I knew it even without being inside his mind.

But she looked completely defenseless standing there with a beast a hair's breath away. For a moment I wondered if this was what Jacob saw when she stood next to _me_. Did she look this small and fragile with me? I was just as dangerous as he was, and to Bella more so than him in certain ways.

Jacob leaned forward slightly, bringing his large head downward till his eyes were level with Bella's. He was searching her face, looking for signs in her features the same way I had so many times before. Being inside his mind in that second made me realize how well he actually knew Bella's face. How well he could read her eyes. But I could also see how well her eyes were reading his.

"Jacob?" her voice was soft but clear.

Jacob chuckled and though it sounded human in his mind, it came out as a throaty rumble through his wolf body. _'That's right….it's still me'_ he repeated.

He continued to watch her face and I continued to watch through his mind. It was very clear on Bella's face that she could read Jacob through his eyes as well as I could mentally. A part of me craved desperately to know what she was thinking and the other was glad I couldn't hear.

A soft, awed, smile formed on her lips as she reached a slightly trembling hand toward him. As her fingers met the thick fur Jacob's mind immediately tuned into the touch, into the feel. He may be in a wolf form but his mind was still very much human. And unfortunately I could hear everything. As Bella's fingers continued to stroke his face, he closed his eyes, a satisfied sound escaping his throat.

My mind was screaming at me. Telling me to move. Telling me to plant myself in front of Bella's body. Telling me to protect her. Telling me to take hold of what was mine.

Then as if Jacob could hear my thoughts or sense my change in body language, his large eyes suddenly cut towards me, where I still stood frozen.

'_Who needs permission'_ his thought sneered. _'Watch this'_

He closed the short distance from Bella's face and licked from chin to hairline.

While Bella's voice cried out in humored disgust and Jacob jumped back with a choked rumbling, that could only be considered a laugh, I resisted the urge to make good on my promise. But I stayed put. This was mostly due to the fact that none of us could afford for me to lose my temper and break the dog's face, but it was Bella's laughter joining Jacob's barked laughs that sealed the deal.

No one here saw what I had seen: Bella touching his face and him kissing her again, as he said, 'without permission.' No one else could see it that way because no one else was inside Jacob's mind in this second as I was. _'Told you I'd get another chance' _

'_Eww dude'_ one of Jacob's pack cut through in his mind. _'Seriously I bet she tasted like leech'_

The field had gone silent except for the two still laughing. Jacob it seemed had gotten over his little triumph of side stepping my threat and was now completely absorbed in his moment with Bella. Beyond pleased with himself for putting that smile on her face.

Most of the pack's thoughts were as disgusted as some of my families.

Alice and Rosalie's thoughts were simple and expected:

'_Ugh….'_

'_That was sick'_

But it was Emmett's that had me clenching my fists.

'_Dude isn't that like…did he just, you know… _kiss_ her?'_

I glared over my shoulder at him. He put his hands up and shrugged. _'Just saying'_

Bella's laughter fading made me turn back just in time to see her eyes taking in the two groups watching them. Her eyes landed on mine briefly and I knew I wasn't fast enough to wipe the irritation and disappointment away. Hell maybe a part of me wanted her to see it.

Jacob's barking laughed picked up again. _'Cool it blood sucker'_ he thought, clearly picking up on my mood. '_I said I wasn't going to fight fair either, and besides if Bella thought it was like that she'd probably of broke her other hand and you know it.'_

Our eyes stayed locked for a few heartbeats. A part of my mind registered the wolves departure, only two lingering near the edge of the woods, but by this point I didn't care.

'_And besides'_ Jacob went on, his laughter now gone. _'she needed the laugh anyway'_

I sighed, my shoulder's relaxing. I shouldn't have let it bother me. It's not like I didn't know the dog would do something like this. Bella giving Jacob the cold shoulder could only last for so long, and if the bracelet on her wrist said anything it was clear she had already forgiven him.

It was time to move on and go back to sucking it all up like I had done before.

And it would start now.

Releasing a slow breath through my nose I moved to Bella's other side and took her hand again. "Ready to go?" I asked softly, ignoring the large dog not four feet away.

'_Wait'_ Jacob's thought was strong and on instinct looked up at him '_This Saturday, where is she going to be?'_

I knew who _she_ was, because unfortunately, there was only ever one she on his mind.

"I've not quite figured out all the details yet," I answered as quickly and politely as I could. All I wanted to do was leave. The last thing I wanted to think about was what I would have to do: Put Bella on a plane. And it was also the last thing Bella needed to hear after everything else that had happened in the last twenty four hours. I still didn't know how I was going to break it to her, much less be able to put her on a plane and leave.

'_What details? There shouldn't be details, it's simple, she has to be out of Forks….what are you waiting on?'_

"It's more complicated than that," I said lowly. Trying to keep my temper from rising again.

'_No, it's not….Send her to Renee or leave her on the reservation with…' _

"Don't concern yourself," I ground out, cutting him off. To say this was a touchy matter for me would be an understatement and the last thing I needed was Jacob Black walking all over it. It didn't matter where I sent her, it would still be just as hard to leave. I knew I had to face this sooner rather than later, but not here, and not with him. "I'll make sure it's safe."

"What are you talking about?"

I suppressed the urge to groan. I had said too much. Relaxing my features I looked down and met Bella's eyes. "Just discussing strategy."

'_you mean she doesn't….you haven't…'_ I looked back to see Jacob's large head looking between the two of us. When he caught my gaze his eyes hardened. _'You haven't discussed any of this with her yet have you?'_

He took my non response as an answer and dashed towards the edge of the forest.

"Wait," Bella's voice called out. Her face was confused as she reached forward, but Jacob was already blending into the shadows. "Why did he leave?" Bella asked, looking up at me, her eyes wide and questioning. Seeing the hurt on her face at his fast departure proved more than anything that Jacob was once again forgiven.

"He's coming back," I reassured her quietly. "He wants to be able to talk for himself."

Jacob had now reached the two wolves still waiting for him on the edge of the tree line. They knew as well as I did what he was about to do.

'_What are you doing man?'_

'_Jake you can't just…'_

Despite his brothers' protest, and much to my disappoint, Jacob phased. It was strange hearing his mind snap back. It was like listening to it solidify, it was no longer part of one whole but a whole in itself again.

Then I heard his voice. "Relax," he addressed both wolves.

Their mental protests were now silent to him, but the uneasy rumble that escaped both their chests were very clear.

Jacob slipped on his pants and started to make his way forward, but as one of the wolves began to follow behind him he paused. "No." he said turning back around.

Another disgruntled wine.

"No Quil," Jacob repeated. This time his voice was stern and I watched through Jacob's mind as the wolf froze.

'_You have to listen to him' _the other wolfs'mind said.

'_but Sam said….'_

'_Sam's not here now…'_

I felt my eyebrows raise in surprise. The wolves were right, Sam was no longer here, physically or mentally. He had phased back into human along with the other wolves by now. And despite that it was very clear the two remaining wolves had been given orders they _had_ to follow. Orders by Jacob.

Interesting.

Before I could examine this any further Jacob was in front of us again, his now human face set in the familiar sneer.

"Okay, bloodsucker. What's so complicated about it?"

Both the two remaining wolves and my family were watching closely.

'_What's his problem'_ I heard Emmett's thought first. Without looking toward my grouped family I knew he had made a move to come toward us, but Carlisle placing his hand on his shoulder made him stop.

"I have to consider every possibility," I said calmly. "What if someone gets by you?"

'_Yeah right'_ Jacob snorted. "Okay, so leave her at the reservation." He said again. "We're making Collin and Brady stay behind anyway. She'll be safe there."

I clenched my teeth, but before I could speak Bella's angry voice interrupted us. "Are you talking about me?"

Jacob kept his eyes on me as he answered. "I just want to know what he plans to do with you during the fight," I doubt Bella heard the smugness in his voice but I did.

"_Do_ with me?"

I broke eye contact with Jacob to look down at Bella. Her angry eyes were completely focused on me now, but I could also see the what lay beneath.

"You can't stay in Forks, Bella," I said soothingly, trying to ignore the image of leaving her in the airport. "They know where to look for you there. What if someone slipped by us?" Just the thought made my chest constrict. The only thing that's keeping them from going straight to town is Alice. She's the only reason their path will be intercepted and changed.

Bella's face drained of all color and my hands instantly reached out towards her as she choked out Charlie's name.

'_crap…'_ "He'll be with Billy," Jacob said quickly before I could speak.

I froze in the process of pulling Bella toward me, my hands only making it to her shoulders. Because I couldn't help but look back at Jacob. He had seen Bella's reaction as clearly as I had and I could hear how desperate he was to wipe the fear from her eyes….as desperate as I was.

My eyes traveled down and saw his hands, slightly forward as if he was reaching too. "If my dad has to commit a murder to get him there, he'll do it." He went on, his focus completely on Bella's face.

I truly hate moments like this, because they always made hating Jacob Black difficult.

"Probably it won't take as much. It's this Saturday right? There's a game."

"This Saturday?" Bella asked looking back up at me. "Well crap!" she frowned, now disappointed. "There goes your graduation present."

I laughed as I slid my hands off her shoulders, letting one lace through her left hand as I gave it a squeeze. I noticed Jacob had dropped his.

"It's the thought that counts," I said through my chuckle. I had completely forgotten the concert. "You can give the tickets to someone else."

"Angela and Ben," she said immediately. Then sighed, "At least that will get them out of town."

Reaching up with my free hand I gently stroked her cheek, smiling when the light blush returned to her face. "You can't evacuate everyone," I said softly. "Hiding you is just a precaution. I told you—we'll have no problem now. There won't be enough of them to keep us entertained."

'…_ugh..come on…'_ "But what about keeping her in La Push?" Jacob interrupted us impatiently. I dropped my hand from Bella's face and turned my body back toward him.

"She's been back and forth too much," I answered unable to hang onto any of my anger toward him. "She's left trails all over the place. Alice only sees very young vampires coming on the hunt, but obviously someone created them. There is someone more experienced behind this. Whoever he…" I paused remembering Bella's thoughts from earlier "…or she is, this _could_ all be a distraction. Alice will see if he decides to look himself, but we could be very busy at the time that the decision is made. Maybe someone is counting on that. I can't leave her somewhere she's been frequently."

And since Bella's thought of Victoria, sending her to Renee is impossible now too. She has to be sent somewhere completely new.

"She _has_ to be hard to find," I added, "just in case. It's a very long shot, but I'm not taking any chances."

Seeing Bella's face in my peripheral vision made me pause and rub her arm. "Just being overcautious," I said lowly, still looking at Jacob.

He was slowly coming to an idea.

"So hide her here," he finally voiced, waving his arms towards the mountains. "There's a million possibilities…places either one of us could be in just a few minutes if there's a need."

I was shaking my head before he finished. It really was a good thought except for one problem. "Her scent is too strong, and combined with mine, especially distinct." I also knew when they stole Bella's things it wasn't just her scent they collected. My own scent would be mixed with her clothes and pillow just as strongly, making it impossible to miss, or get lost in the path of another human.

Jacob's next thought came fast so I spoke before he could speak it. "Even if I carried her, it would leave a trail. _Our_ trace is all over the range, but in conjunction with Bella's scent, it would catch their attention. We're not sure exactly which path they'll take, because _they _don't know yet. If they crossed her scent before they found us…"

I cringed at the thought. If this happened all our planning would be for nothing….they would reach their destination before they hit us.

Jacob's mind back pedaled quickly, his face twisting into a grimace.

"You see the difficulties." I murmured, taken off guard somewhat by the strong reaction.

"There has to be a way to make it work," Jacob muttered to himself. He looked away back into the forest_, 'It's her scent….that's our problem…'_

Bella's warm shoulder leaning into my arm as she swayed on her feet. I pulled my mind from Jacob's and wrapped my arm back around her, pulling her weight up again. "I need to get you home—you're exhausted. And Charlie will be waking up soon."

'_Wait_!' My head snapped back to Jacob. "Wait a sec," '_Her scent…we have to cover it, he can't carry but I could'_ "My scent disgust you right?"

"Hmm, not bad."

'_All of our scents will already be mixed with yours, if they run across the trail before they reach us they wouldn't think twice about it.'_

"It's possible," I said. I was curious now to see if this would work. The thought of Bella being safely hidden but not entirely out of reach, had me very hopeful.

"Jasper?" I called over my shoulder.

His head jerked up, he was able to hear our whole conversation but he had no idea what our new plan was. He walked toward us, Alice slightly behind him. Her face was frustrated again, she could tell from my voice that we had plan and she hated the fact that she wasn't already in on it. I was about to tell her to relax that I would explain, when Jasper's next thought distracted me. It was sharp and demanding.

'_What's he doing?' _

I looked back toward Jacob to see him stepping cautiously toward Bella. His eyes quickly flashed to Jasper's face, and I realized my brother was watching Jacob's every move, his eyes full of warning. Apparently this wasn't the first time tonight Jasper had confronted Jacob. I knew Jasper didn't all together trust the pack, he was more or less dealing with them, but this was different. Jasper didn't trust Jacob _personally_.

'_I have to carry her…no one's going to freak out on me right?' _Jacob's eyes flickered to me and I gave a slight nod for him to continue.

Jacob reached his arms out and though I was somewhat pleased to feel Bella recoil into me slightly the thought that she wouldn't want to do this made me hesitate. After what happened the last time she was alone with him I couldn't blame her.

"We're going to see if I can confuse the scent enough to hide your trail," Jacob explained quietly, watching Bella's wary eyes. He was slowly coming to the realization that despite the fact Bella had accepted his apology, that did nothing to restore the trust she lost in him.

When Bella didn't move, or take her eyes off Jacob's still open arms, I finally spoke before I lost my nerve and threw this whole plan away. "You're going to have to let him carry you, Bella."

She frowned, looking at me in slight disbelief before she turned back to Jacob.

'_Damn I really screwed up…she…_' Jacob's thought cut off abruptly when he remembered that I could hear his every regretful and ashamed thought as it ran through his mind.

He breathed out heavily, avoiding my gaze.

Still looking at Bella he rolled his eyes. "Don't be a baby," he muttered sourly. Aggravated at himself and me .

And then Bella was being yanked from the ground and up into his arms. I heard a small gust of air escape her chest at the sudden rough movement and the sound had me taking a step forward. Only Jasper tensing and making a similar move toward Jacob made me stop.

Alice grabbed Jasper's hand at the same time Jacob caught my movement.

Ten pairs of eyes were on me now.

Waiting for a reaction.

Bella's heart beat four times before I broke eye contact with Jacob and turned toward Jasper. He met my gaze, and though his mind was full of disbelief, he now knew what we were trying to do.

"Bella's scent is so much more potent to me—" I explained quietly. "I thought it would be a fairer test if someone else tried."

He gave a slight nod. And while his eyes moved to follow Jacob as he ran towards the woods, mine did not.

Jacob was moving fast, his footsteps and Bella's heartbeat getting fainter by the second.

By now my family had crossed the field to stand with us. They were all curious as to whether this plan would work, but more than that, each mind was filled with utter disbelief as they stared at they knew me too well and were unable to comprehend what I had just done. How I was able to do it.

"It was the only way," I snapped into the silence. Or what was silence to them.

Carlisle nodded, "Do you think it will work?"

"I don't know," I sighed, running my hand though my hair. I couldn't hear even the faintest beat of her heart now. I closed my eyes and strained, trying to pick it up. Nothing.

Panic was beginning to set in. It was irrational, I knew she would be fine, and if this plan worked out it would make things much easier.

The wind picked up slightly, sending Jacob's strong scent straight at us. But there was also an undertone, and though it was faint, it hit my senses strongly. _Bella_.

Disappointment washed through me and I looked up quickly, glancing at my family's reactions. I listened closely to their minds and I tried to see if Bella's scent registered in their senses at all.

I relaxed slightly when I came up empty. This ridiculous plan may be worth it after all.

"Alright Jasper," I said quietly.

'_You think he's had enough time?'_

"Plenty," I said.

* * *

A little over five minutes later Jacob was visible through the trees again. He had looped back around and hearing his thoughts I knew exactly where to meet him.

I could also hear Alice and Jasper closing in.

'_It will definitely work'_ Jasper thought as he blurred towards me.

'_It's perfect'_ Alice added.

When they came to a stop at my side Jacob froze, caught off guard by how quickly they had arrived.

I waited as he sat Bella carefully on her feet, resisting the urge to move forward and take her myself. Her tired eyes stayed glued to my face the whole time and when her warm fingers wrapped around mine I finally let myself breathe.

"Well?" Bella asked.

"As long as you don't touch anything, Bella, I can't _imagine_ someone sticking their nose close enough to that trail to catch you scent," Jasper answered with a grimace. "It was completely obscured." _'The whole way'_ he added looking at me.

"A definite success," Alice said, her little nose wrinkling. Though I wasn't sure if was meant for the smell or the fact that she answered without _seeing_ it.

"And it gave me an idea," Jasper went on. '_A way to make sure the newborns are lead in to the clearing.'_

"Which will work," Alice added quickly, eager that for once she could be confidant in her answer.

"Clever," I murmured. Having Bella leave a false trail would guarantee their path lead straight to us, and it would even lessen the chance of them catching her scent in the real one.

"How can you _stand_ that?" Jacob's voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked at his aggravated face before I turned to Bella's confused one and explained. "We're—well, _you're_—going to leave a false trail to the clearing, Bella. The newborns are hunting, your scent will excite them, and they'll come exactly the way we want them to without being careful about it. Alice can already see that this will work. When they catch _our_ scent, they'll split up and try to come at us from two sides. Half will go through the forest, where her vision suddenly disappears…"

"Yes!"

I found myself smiling as I looked at Jacob's eager face.

I knew how he was feeling. Everything was slowly working out, falling into place….falling straight into our hands.

They didn't stand a chance. With the help of Jacob and his pack not one newborn would survive.

Suddenly I was distracted by Jasper's next thought.

"Not a chance," I snarled, turning towards him.

"I know, I know," he said quickly. "I didn't even consider it, not really."

'_Consider what?'_ Alice stepped on Jasper's foot. He looked down at her. "If Bella was actually there in the clearing, it would drive them insane. They wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything but her. It would make picking them off truly easy…."

A low growl escaped my chest. Whether Jasper was aware of it or not his mind had slowly turned eager the longer he talked.

He caught my gaze and added quickly. "Of course it's too dangerous for her. It was just an errant thought." Then his gaze faltered and glanced beside me. Alice's blurred vision was flickering back and forth, but it was clear enough to catch a quick flash of the same image I had seen earlier tonight.

"No!" I said loudly, stepping slightly in front of Bella.

It wasn't going to happen and enough was enough.

"You're right," he said calmly, taking Alice's hand. He knew he couldn't control his mind well enough to stay near me and decided to move back to the others.

'_I'm sorry Edward_,' he thought _'Old habits die hard'_ "Best two out of three?" I heard him ask Alice out loud, without glancing back at me.

'_He was actually serious wasn't he?' _Jacob thought angrily. He was watching jasper's retreating back with a look of disgust.

"He looks at all the options…" I said quietly. "It's thoroughness, not callousness." I knew this, but my reaction was caused by a reason none of them knew….none of them except maybe Alice. We had both seen Bella lined up with the rest of us one too many times tonight. Hearing that idea actually voice as a _possibility_ was too much.

I ignored Jacob's snort and quickly changed the subject. It was time to call it a night and get Bella home. "I'll bring her here Friday afternoon to lay the false trail," I said. "You can meet us afterward, and carry her to a place I know. Completely out of the way, and easily defensible, not that it will come to that. I'll take another route there."

"And then what?" Jacob asked at once. "Leave her with a cell phone?"

"You have a better idea?"

"Actually I do."

"Oh…again, dog, not bad at all."

Jacob turned to Bella. "We tried to talk Seth into staying behind with the younger two. He's still too young, but he's stubborn and he's resisting. So I thought of a new assignment for him—cell phone."

Bella waited and when it was clear she wasn't going to get any more information she nodded slowly. I could tell from her eyes though, she had no clue of what Jacob had meant.

"As long as Seth Clearwater is in his wolf form, he'll be connected to the pack," I explained. Then turning to Jacob I asked. "Distance isn't a problem?"

"Nope." _'The longest we've tested it is was a little over three hundred miles. It was still clear…..we probably could have gone further with it'_

I felt my eyebrows raise. "Three hundred mile? That's impressive." I didn't have a chance of reading over that much distance.

"That's the farthest we've ever gone to experiment." Jacob explained, seeing that Bella's face was confused again, "Still clear as a bell."

Bella nodded in understanding but her brow stayed furrowed.

"It's a good idea," I admitted. "I'll feel better with Seth there, even without the instantaneous communication. I don't know if I'd be able to leave Bella there alone. To think it's come to this, though!" I said, the disbelief strong in my voice. "Trusting Werewolves!"

'_You're telling me'_ "Fighting _with_ vampires instead of against them!" Jacob echoed.

I smirked, "Well, you still get to fight against some of them."

Jacob grinned back, "That's the reason we're here."

And that's exactly why we would win this.

* * *

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**Okay this chapter was a bit of a pain. LOL. I know I don't have everything in it that _should_ be in it. Like the stuff Edward tells Bella the next day about Leah and Embry BUT this chapter was already reaching close to 9,000 words. I _had_ to leave some things out, PLUS they weren't really that important. **

**SO with that said I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know by my last reviews some readers were looking forward to this part. I hope you guys are pleased with it. **

**Let me know what you think. ;)**

**The next chapter is a part I've had written for a while so it will be up soon.**


	24. Getting Heathcliff Part 2

***waves shyly* Hi everyone. **

**Um……Yeah I uh…I still live.**

**Sorry for the wait….again. *sigh* yeah okay okay I know, I suck. *bows head in shame* I'm sorry.**

**Maybe if I'm lucky this chapter will be so full of wonderfulness you guys won't have room to hate me. *nods head frantically* yeah? Maybe? Sort of? **

**Ah hell I don't know. Even if you are angry at another long wait I hope you enjoy this chapter. ;)**

**Once again I own nothing. Not even Heathcliff and Cathy. **

* * *

Chapter 23 

Getting Heathcliff Part 2

* * *

_"No man understands a deep book until he has seen and lived at least part of its contents." -- Ezra Pound_

* * *

I opened the door and locked it carefully behind me, not wanting to risk waking Bella by using the window. I listened closely but Charlie's snores continued without a break as I silently made my way up the stairs, Bella nestled securely in my arms.

When I made it to the bedroom I carefully maneuvered her into one arm so I could use my free hand to remove her shoes. Then with the same hand I pulled the old quilt back and eased her onto he sheets.

Through all of this, and through the whole run home, Bella hadn't move so much as an inch, but when I began to move my arms out from underneath her she suddenly gasped, clutching herself closer to me. At the same time I heard a very quiet, but urgent "_No_" escape her lips.

I froze, my body leaning over the bed because my arms were still around her. "What is it?" I asked softly, waiting for her eyes to open. But they didn't, she was still asleep.

I looked down to see my shirt clenched tightly in her hands and was suddenly reminded of the night when we returned from Italy. Taking in a slow breath I swallowed back the sickening _De ja vu_ and gently pried her warm fingers loose. I took extra care with her right, though it seemed the brace did little to weaken her hold.

As soon as the contact was gone Bella's eyes flew open and one of her hands gripped mine before I could move it away.

"Stay," she whispered, and though her eyes were half closed and clouded over with sleep the word was very strong. My brow furrowed. She hadn't acted like this for a while now. It had been weeks.

"I'm right here" I murmured quietly. Leaning down I kissed the side of her face as I slid my one remaining arm out from behind her so I could pull the quilt up around her shoulders. When I pulled back her eyes had already closed again, but she hadn't released my hand.

Kicking off my shoes as quietly as possible I slid gently onto the bed. Almost instantly Bella let go of my fingers and wiggled halfway out of her quilt. Before I even knew what was happening, she was pressed tightly against me, her warm arm like a soft but tight vice around my waist. In the next second I felt the back of my shirt being crunched up in her fist.

"Bella?" I asked hesitantly. I tried to look down but all I could see was the top of her head, her face was pressed completely into my chest. Wondering how she could possibly breathe I tried to slide back an inch or so. Then as if she could feel the sudden tense of my body as I planned to move her arm tightened and her soft fist pressed fiercely into my back.

"Please don't go."

My breath caught. It wasn't the first time I had heard those words. After my return I heard them nearly every night, and it was always followed by a scream….a scream that more times than not included my name. But it had been so long since I heard her say those words, and in that moment I realized I had been hanging on to the hope that her trust in me had, if not returned, strengthened.

"….please…."

It was a long fall back to the bottom.

I wrapped my arm more securely around her shoulders and pulled her closer, closing the non-existent space between us. It was clear that despite her whispered words and strong hold, Bella was barely conscious. And the hot moist air seeping through the front my shirt and hitting my skin proved that she was having no trouble breathing, regardless of the position of her face.

I sighed and moving my hand up into her hair I ran my fingers through it gently, hoping it would relax the tension I could feel in her arms and back. I didn't understand why she was acting this way, not after it had been so long. Then again she was exhausted. It had been over twenty four hours since she last slept and even longer since she had a full night's sleep.

Hopefully with the wolves help we could draw all this waiting and worry to an end.

* * *

As the hours passed, Bella only seemed to grow more restless, mumbled words escaped her mouth as she tossed and turned. More than once I heard the '_third_ _wife'_ slip out between her lips again. My name was also mixed into the jumble, but instead of it being spoken with a soft sigh and a small smile, her voice was panicked and pleading.

I was shocked further when I heard Jasper's name slip out in an urgent whisper.

After that it seemed Bella was constantly moving. She would flip onto her back, then her side with her back to me, then flop onto her stomach only to turn back to me and start all over again.

Afraid that leaving the bed would only make it worse I slid over and tried to keep my body from her movements. All the while the half garbled speech continued. I had never seen her so restless before, and I was surprised that she was still able to sleep.

There were a few times when she said my name more clearly….not like she was worried or scared, but as if she were conscious and merely questioning my whereabouts in the room. Each time I would move back and wrap my arms around her again, reassuring her that I was still there. However I doubted whether she ever woke up fully, because after a few moments the wiggling would began again.

It wasn't until the bluish grey light of pre dawn began to filter into the room that I finally gave up and slipped off the bed, not liking the sound her hand had just made when it hit my shoulder a little too hard during one of her quick movements.

Pushing the chair back into the shadows on the other side of the window I sat down and watched as Bella spread her full body out on the small twin mattress. She had rolled onto her stomach, each leg and arm stretched as far as they would go, all angled in the opposite direction of the other.

I felt my lip quirk up as I watched her head flip over on the pillow, her sleeping face now facing me. With her tangled hair clinging to her relaxed face, and her mouth hanging slightly open, it was all very reminiscent of the first night I had stayed in this room. However then I had been forced from the bed for an entirely different reason.

The sun was rising now, washing away the early gray light and casting a warm orange across the wooden floor. My eyes stayed on the bed, watching as the soft glow moved from the corner of the mattress and slowly across the white pillow, turning the tangled brown hair there into a shining almost gold before it slowly crept onto to Bella's sleeping face.

Her eyes flinched slightly and she stretched again, her arms moving above her head under the pillow. I straighten up slightly wondering if she was actually going to wake this early. But she merely turned her head back towards the wall, away from the light, and burrowed her face into the sheets. With an incoherent grumble she finally stilled, the last movement of her body being her little foot slipping out of the quilt and dangling over the side of the bed.

Stifling my chuckle I stood up and made my way back to the bed. As I reached down my hand caught the morning light, making it reflect and shimmer across her soft skin as I gently placed her foot back under the blanket.

Though I wanted to, climbing back in beside her seemed pointless. She had pretty much dominated the mattress and actually seemed to be sleeping more peacefully now. Not wanting to disturb that I merely turned back to the rocking chair.

From my peripheral vision I saw the same tattered book lying on the nightstand. Realizing it was going to be a long morning I picked it up and sat back into the shadows. With a quick glance up at my still sleeping angel I opened the worn cover and turned back to the last page I had read.

The next few hours were spent with me once again reading the twisted story Bella and many others claimed to be a love story. Just like the last time I re-read these pages I began picking out the similarities, or better the _understanding_ I had of the things the fictional humans were saying. I had now reached the place in the story where Heathcliff and Cathy have their last moment together and something in Heathcliff's desperate words hit home.

_ 'Because misery, and degradation, and death, and nothing that God or Satan could inflict would have parted us, _you_, of your own will, did it. I have not broken your heart—you have broken it; and in breaking it you have broken mine. So much the more for me, that I am strong. Do I want to live? What kind of living will it be when you—oh, God! Would _you_ like to live with your soul in the grave?'_

I continued to read, taking in the emotions from the words and processing them for what they truly were….For I had felt it once too: pure and utter despair.

_"I must go, Cathy," said Heathcliff, seeking to extricate himself from his companion's arms. "But, if I live, I'll see you again before you are asleep. I won't stray five yards from your window."_

_"You must not go!" she answered, holding him as firmly as her strength allowed. "You shall not I tell you!"_

_"For one hour," he pleaded, earnestly._

_"Not for one minute," she replied._

I was pulled momentarily from the words as the symmetry of what I was reading tugged a memory to the front of my mind.

_'I was standing in the familiar hallway, holding the precious being I had deprived myself of for over eight months. Charlie stood in front of me, his eyes bright with fury and his nostrils flared against his heavy breathing._

_"Just let me get her upstairs," I pleaded quietly. "Then I'll leave." _

_"No!" A desperate shriek came from my arms and I looked down into wide red rimmed eyes. _

_I leaned down and whispered so only she could hear. "I won't be far." _

Shaking my head of the memory I went back to the words on the page.

_"Not for one minute," She replied._

_"I must—Linton will be up immediately."_

_He would have risen, and unfixed her fingers by the act—she clung fast, gasping: there was a mad resolution in her face._

_"No!" she shrieked. "oh, don't, don't go. It is the last time! Edgar will not hurt us. Heathcliff, I shall die! I shall die!"_

_"Damn the fool! There he is," cried Heathcliff, sinking back into his seat. "Hush my darling! Hush, hush, Catherine! I'll stay. If he shot me so, I'd expire with a blessing on my lips."_

Instead of distracting my mind from the memories I was trying to push back the words only seem to draw upon another.

_"Charlie's getting up I'd better leave," I mumbled, trying not to choke on the last word. I could hear Charlie's sluggish steps reaching the stairs now._

_The color drained from Bella's face, her red cheeks turning a sickly white. I stared into her wide brown eyes, hating the panic I saw there…but also understanding it. I was feeling it too._

_"Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?" I whispered quickly._

_"No!" she whispered back, her eyes still wide. "Stay. Please."_

_And I did._

My eyes had strayed from the book and now rested on Bella's sleeping form. I was slowly coming to the realization that perhaps her obsession with this book wasn't so odd after all.

I went back to reading and it wasn't until I reached a certain point that I had enough….I knew it was coming, I had read this book once before and though it was decades ago I still remembered.

However this time around the read was an entirely different experience.

_"How did she die?" he resumed,_(Heathcliff)_ trembling in spite of himself, to his very finger ends._

_"Quietly as a lamb" I answered aloud. _(Nelly) _"She drew a sigh, and stretched herself, like a child reviving, and sinking again to sleep; and five minutes after I felt one little pulse at her heart, and nothing more."_

After those words I only seemed to be picking up a few lines of Heathcliff's crazed rant, too much of my mind was remembering and trying to cut off remembering at the same time.

_"….And I pray one prayer—I repeat it till my tongue stiffens—Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living! You said I killed you—haunt me then! The murdered do haunt their murders. I believe—I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! It is unutterable!..."_

_"…I _cannot_ live without my _life_! I _cannot_ live without my soul!"_

The book snapped closed in my hands and made a soft 'plop' as I tossed it back onto the night stand.

That was definitely enough of that.

I refused to let those last words drag me into the one memory I could not relive. Refused to let it drag me to that attic where my phone was vibrating and Rosalie's voice was answering.

With a heavy breath I leaned back into the chair and closed my eyes. I put every ounce of my concentration into Bella's steady breaths and strong heart beat. Breathing in deeply I let her life saturate my senses and hold my mind forcibly in the present….to the here and now.

I'm not sure how long I sat like that, timing my unnecessary breaths to Bella's vital ones, before the sound of sheets rustling reached my ears. As Bella hadn't moved since the sun rose my eyes automatically drew towards the bed. She had rolled onto her back and was stretching her arms above her head. Her eyes looked like they were part way open.

As soon as her arm came back down her fingers began searching the empty bed beside her, her brow furrowing when it came up empty. "Edward?"

I quickly moved back to the bed and caught her warm fingers in mine. "Are you really awake this time?" I asked softly.

"Mmm," She blinked blearily and then finally the sleepy brown eyes focused on me. "Have there been a lot of false alarms?" she ask groggily.

I hesitated. For some reason it didn't surprise me that she had no recollection of last night….or morning rather. "You've been very restless…" I finally said. "Talking all day."

Her eyes widened, "All _day_?"

I nodded as her eyes flickered to the window. When she saw the evening light shining through she frowned.

"You had a long night," I murmured. "You'd earned a day in bed."

With a sigh she sat up, running a hand through her tangled hair. "Wow."

I smiled as I pushed back a few wild strands she had missed, "Hungry?" I asked, already knowing the answer. Even if she couldn't hear the sounds coming from her stomach I could. "Do you want breakfast in bed?"

She shook her head, stretching her arms above her head again. "I'll get it…" she said through a thick yawn. "I need to get up and move around."

It was with sluggish movements that we made our way down stairs. I held Bella's hand firmly in mine own, not trusting her own sleepy balance on the stairs. I also found myself watching her face closely. Her eyes were still swollen with sleep and her features were drawn. Despite the long hours she still looked exhausted.

But that wasn't what had me on edge. I examined her every movement almost like I was expecting something….waiting.

After everything that happened last night and then the very long restless morning I couldn't shake the feeling that something was coming.

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**X**

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**A wee bit short, but the next one will be right behind it. Promise. **

**Once again -like chapter 12- I want to apologize to those who haven't read Wuthering heights and may be confused by parts of this chapter. BUT I think Edward is done reading it now. **

**For those who _have_ read it I hope you enjoyed the little snippets. **

**Before I go I just wanted to clear something up. Some of my reviewers asked me if I had given up on this story. **

**Once again: no matter how long this takes I WILL finish. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I left it unfinished. It would kill me. Literally. It would nag at my brain bit by bit, eat it from the inside out until there was nothing left but goo….messy goo that would probably ooze out my ears at some point. Yuck. :p**

**Yeah so as you can see: Not pretty. **

**I WILL Finish.**

**Well if I haven't just totally grossed you out and you don't hate me too much for the wait, leave a review and let me know what you think of this chapter. ;)**

**Till next time. ****J**


	25. Self Preservation

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Chapter 24

Self Preservation

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"_Hunger, love, pain, fear are some of those inner forces which rule the individual's instinct for self preservation"_

_-Albert Einstein_

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I watched quietly as Bella sat next to me at the table, placing two brightly colored pop-tarts in front of her. As she raised her left hand to take a bite the light shining through the window flashed on silver, catching my eye for what felt like the hundredth time.

Unable to take it any longer I lifted my hand towards the small charm dangling lightly from her wrist. "May I?" I asked softly.

She froze in the process of chewing, her eyes widening slightly as they went to her wrist and then back to me.

I waited, my hand still out stretched.

Finally she swallowed and gave a small nod, her eyes wary. "Um, sure."

I gently lifted the wooded charm with my palm, letting it lay lightly against my hand instead of picking it up with my fingers. It was a delicate little thing, but I could see the details, the small carved lines that curved to form a very realistic head and shoulders, the shallow thin lines that made up thick fur. It was very impressive work for a human, and I was surprised the kid had the patience to sit down and create it.

But that wasn't the point I was planning to make.

I slid my hand back down onto the table top, letting the small wolf swing back into its original position.

"Jacob Black can give you presents." I was merely stating the truth. It wasn't a question because the answer was very clear.

I finally moved my eyes away from the swinging charm and met Bella's wary brown ones. She was examining my face, her forehead furrowed slightly. I wasn't sure what she was looking for or what she was finding. I just waited for a response.

Finally she sat her food down and said lightly, "You've given me presents." Her tone clearly said this justified the unfairness of the situation. However it did not. "You know I like the homemade kind."

I thought about it. She really did enjoy the C.D I made for her, but homemade gifts had a limit. I wanted to give her something much more valuable and sentimental than that. Something she could wear that was from _me_…something special and priceless, just like she was.

I knew what I _wanted_ to give her, what I wanted her to wear. However I knew she would not be accepting the ring still sitting in my nightstand anytime soon. So that left me only one other option. I knew exactly what charm I wanted to add to this bracelet, right across from the wooden wolf.

"How about hand-me-downs? Are those acceptable?" I asked, unable to push back thoughts of the diamond ring…that was also handed down.

"What do you mean?"

I lightly ran a finger across her wrist, just under the silver ringlets. "This bracelet," I said. "You'll be wearing it a lot?"

Her lip instantly went between her teeth as she gave a small shrug.

I could tell this conversation was making her uncomfortable, and though I wish I knew the reasons why I decided to eliminate her need to answer. "Because you wouldn't want to hurt his feelings," I added. Even if that wasn't the true answer I knew it was at least the truth.

"Sure," she said, her voice wary, "I guess so."

I resisted the urge to sigh and looked down, away from her eyes. For some reason I found myself feeling slightly uncomfortable on top of the gnawing jealously that hadn't left since I first saw the bracelet last night. This would all be so much easier if I could just read her mind.

Reaching over I gently took her hand into mine and flipped it over, the light clink of the silver ringlets registering in my ears at the movement. I ran my fingers lightly across the translucent skin against her wrist, feeling the strong pulse of blood beneath my sensitive finger tips."Don't you think it's fair then…" I began slowly, still not looking up, "if I have a little representation?"

"Representation?"

I looked back up as I answered. "A charm—something to keep _me_ on your mind." I stared into her eyes, watching as the brown softened.

"You're in every thought I have." She said softly, "I don't need reminders."

I looked down again, away from the complete sincerity in her eyes, only to meet the wooden wolf resting against her wrist. I had to push back a sigh of frustration, whether at my irrational human feelings, or at her evasiveness I didn't know. Probably a little of both. I took a breath and looked up. "If I gave you something, would you wear it?" I asked bluntly.

Her lip went between her teeth again before she said."A hand-me-down?"

I couldn't stop the smile of victory that spread across my face. I could tell from her voice I had won, she would actually accept it. "Yes….something I've had for a while." I assured her, my grin growing. It was ridiculous how happy this made me.

Bella nodded once, a small somewhat confused smile on her face as she watched my reaction. "Whatever makes you happy."

I could feel the smile on my face falter as she went back to eating. She had spoken so nonchalantly. I didn't understand. What made this time so much different than the others? She should still be arguing with me, throwing out more excuses. Because it was _me_ that had offered to give her something.

I knew she hated receiving gifts, I'm not sure if it was because she felt unworthy of them somehow or because she felt guilty that she couldn't return the gesture.

Even with that personality trait though, she still accepted Charlie's camera last year, Renee's scrapbook, Emmett and Rose's radio, Carlisle and Esme's airplane tickets….all of which cost money. And yet she was hesitant to accept my homemade music C.D. before she even knew what is was….but was all too willing to wear something given from the dog.

"Have you noticed the inequality?" I asked, unable to stop myself. "Because I certainly have."

Bella looked back up from her breakfast, her brow furrowing, "What inequality?"

"Everyone else is able to get away with giving you things. Everyone but me. I would have loved to get you a graduation present, but I didn't. I knew it would have upset you more than if anyone else did. That's utterly unfair. How do you explain yourself?" Once I had it all out I waited, leaning back into my chair.

Bella stared at me for a few heartbeats and then shrugged again. "Easy," she said, her tone implying that the answer to my question should be completely obvious. "You're more important than everyone else. And you've given me _you_. That's already more than I deserve, and anything else you give me just throws us more out of balance."

She spoke in a matter-of-fact tone, utterly sure of herself….and completely wrong.

I rolled my eyes, for some reason the fact that her aversion to my gifts were a combination of my two suspicions didn't surprise me.

"The way you regard me is ludicrous." As if I were somehow on a higher level than her. There was no _balancing_ between us…where I was concerned that notion didn't even exist, and even if it did I wouldn't stand a chance….no matter how much money I threw on the scales.

Bella went back to eating, completely unfazed by my last sentence and still set on her belief. Once again I found myself confused and mesmerized by the way her mind seemed to work.

Though I'd be lying to myself if I said her views –rather they were fact or not- didn't soothe me. Because they did, oddly enough. Somehow I found myself _happy_ that she accepted a gift from Jacob Black while _I_ had to pry and accuse to get her to accept my simple hand-me-down.

I shook my head slightly, now becoming confused with myself. That was a hell of a thing to feel happy about.

The soft buzzing against me chest thankfully pulled me from my self-made confusion. A quick glance at the small screen told me who it was.

"What is it Alice?"

"Um…" There was a moment of hesitation before she spoke. "Nothing new… so to speak…" she said slowly before she paused. Then sighing she finally said. "It's Bella."

My eyes instantly shot up to Bella's face.

"She's determined to be in the clearing," Alice went on quickly as if she didn't want to say it but had to. " It started last night during the party and got worse in the clearing, I told her I wouldn't say anything unless her plans became more concrete."

I sighed heavily, not moving my eyes from Bella's. I had no doubt that Bella had a plan inside that head of hers. Especially after Jasper voiced his thoughts. I had heard plenty slip out of her mouth this morning. Bella may think she was good at hiding things but when it came to her subconscious there were no secrets.

Before I could ask Alice what it was she had seen exactly, she answered. "She's trying to find the clearing on her own. Of course the only thing she accomplishes is getting herself thoroughly lost and in a complete panic. But she's set on following us there."

Another gust of air escaped my chest as my frustration grew. "I sort of guessed as much," I murmured, keeping my glare on Bella as I raised an eyebrow. She knew exactly what we were talking about. I could see in her guilty, but set gaze. "She was talking in her sleep."

At my words Bella's eyes widened slightly as her pulse picked up and her cheeks flushed lightly. She definitely knew she was caught. What was she thinking? Just this once I wish she would listen to me.

Alice sighed into the phone with a soft chuckle that sounded amused and aggravated at the same time. "Just talk to her. I don't like seeing her that way, she was completely freaked out and at one point she was just screaming for you. I really don't want the next vision to be her voice drawing someone to her."

I clenched my jaw. Understanding exactly what Alice was saying.

"I didn't want to rat her out but she didn't leave me a choice." She added with a sigh.

"I'll take care of it," I promised.

I didn't remove my glare from Bella's face as I shut my phone. "Is there something you'd like to talk to me about?" I asked lightly.

We stared at one another. I stayed silent waiting for her to speak, to explain what was going on in that beautiful head of hers. Though I knew part of it already.

I watched as Bella straightened up slightly in her chair, watched how her face smoothed and her eyes set in that familiar determination. A small squirm of uneasiness began to settle on me.

"I like Jasper's idea."

A loud groan escaped my mouth. Jasper's focused military mind just made the argument that was about to happened even more difficult.

"I want to help," Bella said her voice growing desperate. "I have to do _something._"

"It wouldn't help to have you in danger," I said in a level voice.

"Jasper thinks it would," she insisted at once. "This _is_ his area of expertise."

I scowled at her ability to turn my own words against me.

Her eyes hardened again. "You can't keep me away, I'm not going to hide out in the forest while you all take risks for me."

The fact that she actually thought her plan was going to work had me holding back a smile. "Alice doesn't see you _in_ the clearing, Bella." I said quietly. "She sees you stumbling around lost in the woods. You won't be able to find us; you'll just make it more time consuming for me to find you afterward."

Her chin rose slightly. "That's because Alice didn't factor in Seth Clearwater," she said, copying my light tone. "If she had, of course, she wouldn't have been able to see anything at all. But it sounds like Seth wants to be there as much as I do. It wouldn't be too hard to persuade him to show me the way."

The fact that what she had just said would probably have worked, if she hadn't just told me, had my muscles tensing. I knew Seth was eager to prove himself and Bella was the most determined person I knew when she set her mind to something.

She would have actually made it to the clearing…..surprising not only Alice and myself but also the Newborns. It would take just one catching her scent and then one simple move that would be over before I could even…

I took a deep breath. There was no use thinking about what would have happened, it didn't matter now. "That might have worked…." I said, forcing my words to stay calm. "….If you hadn't told me. Now I'll just ask Sam to give Seth certain orders. Much as he might want to, Seth won't be able to ignore that kind of injunction."

My statement seem to do nothing. The small smile stayed on Bella's face. "But why would Sam give those orders?" she asked in the same tone as before. "If I tell him how it would help for me to be there? I bet Sam would rather do me a favor than you."

That dog wouldn't dare…..I'd…

Before my anger could fully surface I remembered something from last night. "Maybe he would," I agreed tightly. "But I'm sure Jacob would be only too eager to give those same orders."

Her face finally fell, but it wasn't in defeat. It was confusion. "Jacob?"

So she didn't know. "Jacob is second in command. Did he never tell you?" Then I smiled widely, " His orders have to be followed, too."

Her features faltered, she knew Jacob didn't like Jasper's idea anymore than I did. But the confusion was still there, it seemed to be overriding the fact that she had lost her argument.

I quickly grasped the opportunity while I still had it.

"I got a fascinating look into the packs mind last night. It was better than a Soap Opera. I had no idea how complex the dynamic is with such a large pack. The pull of the individual against the plural psyche…Absolutely fascinating."

I was fighting another smile as I watched Bella's face set. She knew me well enough to know I was trying to change the subject. But I knew her well enough to know it was only be a matter of time before she caved.

"Jacob's been keeping a lot of secrets," I commented, shamelessly waving the bait in her face. At her glare I lost my inner fight and grinned. "For instance," I said quickly before she could speak. "Did you note the smaller gray wolf there last night?"

She gave a small nod, the disgruntled look still on her face. Seeing the two struggles so clearly in her features made me chuckle. She was thoroughly aggravated with me and trying desperately to fight off her never-ending curiosity.

"They take all of their legends so seriously." I went on still smiling. "It turns out there are a lot of things that none of their stories prepared them for." I added cryptically….and then waited.

I didn't have to wait long before Bella sighed heavily. "Okay, I'll bite. What are you talking about?"

With a smile of victory I quickly grasped the opportunity and went into detail all I had learned the previous night, starting with the one I knew would intrigue Bella most: Leah.

I answered her questions, which of course came one after the other, and threw in as many details as possible. From there I moved on to the next interesting insight of the pack's mind. Bella drank it all in, her eyes wide and eager for more.

However I should have known it wouldn't last forever.

As soon as the conversation began to close I heard Bella's soft sigh and knew it was coming.

"The pack is fascinating," She said, agreeing with my last statement. "Almost as fascinating as you are when you're trying to distract me."

I let my features clear again, preparing myself for round two. Bella clearly saw the action and sighed again. "I have to be in that clearing, Edward."

Enough was enough, it wasn't going to happen….there wasn't a reason out there she could throw at me that would change my mind.

"No." It took everything inside me not to look away from her face as the hard word escaped my mouth.

I was expecting more stubbornness, more fight. Perhaps anger.

However I was not expecting her face to turn completely blank.

There was no emotion. Nothing. The uneasiness crashed back into me full force. My instincts were telling me this was what I had been unconsciously waiting for.

Bella's head tilted downwards, her eyes seeming to latch themselves physically to the table top. Something told me reaching over to lift her chin would be pointless.

"Okay look Edward," Her whispered words sounded as blank as her face. But they were not flat, there was an undertone to them, almost like a warning. "Here's the thing…I've already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are. _And I can't stand it if you leave me again._"

I flinched back from the invisible blow her words inflicted. And it wasn't just the words, it was the pain laced into that last sentence.

Though there was no physical evidence I could feel the impact.

A fast gust of air filled my chest before I froze. It was more painful than I would have ever expected, hearing that fear voiced. I had read it more than once in her eyes, in quick flashes of panic and worry, always followed by a wave of unnecessary relief. However this was the first time she had spoken the words aloud directly to me.

I couldn't speak, even if I could find the words, I'm not sure they would make it through my throat.

Bella seemed as frozen as I was. She still wasn't looking at me but the little view I had of her downcast eyes was enough, it was too much.

The very familiar, all powering need to take the pain away from her…to wipe the fear from her eyes and features, to see her smile again, washed through me, suffocated me with its urgency.

'_I've already gone crazy once….I can't stand it if you leave me again.'_

The legs of my chair made a loud scraping noise as I covered the distance between us in one quick move. My arms wrapped around her, my hands rubbing her arms, her back, and then just like in the school parking lot when she learned of Victoria's return my cold fingers stroked her pale cheeks, as if it would physically remove the pain and coax her eyes up to mine.

"You know it's not like that Bella." My voice was soft, but also pleading. The thought that she could possibly be looking at this situation as me leaving again was unbearable. "I won't be far…" I promised, "….and it will be over quickly."

"I can't _stand_ it," she whispered fiercely, still not meeting my eyes. "Not knowing whether you'll come back. How do I live through that, no matter how quickly it's over."

I sighed heavily. She was looking at this all wrong. She greatly underestimated my family's strength. "It's going to be easy, Bella." I insisted. "There's no reason for your fears."

"None at all?" she questioned quietly, still looking down.

"None," I answered immediately, reaching up to tuck a strand hair behind her ear.

"And everyone will be fine?"

"Everyone." I felt my brow furrow. My reassurances to her questions only seemed to be making her more tense.

"So there's no way at all that I need to be in that clearing?"

"Of course not," I said, shocked at the oddly worded question. She should have known what my answer would be. "Alice just told me that they're down to nineteen. We'll be able to handle it easily."

Bella's head ducked further, completely shielding her eyes from me now. "That's right…" she murmured. "You said it was so easy someone could sit out."

I nodded slightly, though she couldn't see it. I did say that, but the way she repeated it didn't sound right. There was more.

"Did you really mean that?" she whispered, her heartbeat picking up slightly for some unknown reason.

"Yes," I said simply through my confusion.

Then as her barley whispered words breathed out of her mouth all the confusion fell away.

I should have known….I should have seen it coming. It was obvious what her odd questions were leading to.

"So easy _you_ could sit out?"

But I hadn't seen it coming. Because I would have never expected Bella to ask this of me.

But she did.

And I was….stunned….completely caught off guard.

Part of me argued that Bella would never make me choose like this while the other replayed her words as proof.

Then finally…._finally_, she looked up.

Her eyes said it all before she even spoke.

She _was_ asking.

"So it's one way or the other," she said taking a breath, her voice steady and almost businesslike. "Either there is more danger than you want me to know about, in which case it would be right for me to be there, to do what I can to help. Or…it's going to be so easy that they'll get by without you. Which way is it?"

I stared into her eyes, listening to her heart beat rapidly against her chest. This lasted for only a second before she cast her eyes down again.

For some reason I found myself processing and thinking over her words more than should have been necessary. It wasn't that she wasn't clear, in fact she had voiced her question quite plainly. It was just I was still having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that Bella…._my_ Bella, would ask this of me.

"You ask me to let them fight without my help?" I found myself murmuring.

Her answer was quick and steady. "Yes." No hesitation. "Or to let me be there. Either way, so long as we're together."

My chest tightened as I actually let myself think about making a choice.

In reality there was no choice to be made. I knew where I would go….what I would choose. But with that realization came the faces of my family…. Carlisle's standing out more than the rest. If there was one worry I had about this whole situation it was for him. I knew the newborns would be defeated with or without my help.

However there were two main reasons why I wanted to be in that clearing….

One: I wanted to have the chance to end things myself this time. Even now, over a year later, I still felt the anger and disappointment at having missed the chance to rip James apart myself. It was selfish, but even if I could rip apart only _one_ of those monsters I would feel better. And if Bella was right…if there was even the slightest sliver of a chance that Victoria would for some reason show her face that was one opportunity I did not… _could_ not miss.

And two: I needed to be there for Carlisle. I needed to make sure he wasn't going to hesitate. Wasn't going to freeze when he saw a child's face coming at him. A child's face hiding a monster that only needed that millisecond of doubt to wrap their powerful arms around him.

Could I truly trust the others to watch out for him? It sounded arrogant even in my own head, but the answer was no. Because not even Esme was as in-tuned with his mind as I was. She couldn't be. I had decades of experience being inside his mind and I knew him. Knew him as well if not better than he knew me.

Hell, I knew each member of my family on a level none of the others did.

I _had_ to be there. Not only to watch Carlisle, but to make sure Jasper and Rosalie didn't get hurt trying to protect Alice and Emmett. Make sure Emmett didn't get carried away to the point of recklessness. Make sure none of the monsters laid a hand on Esme. Keep Alice and the wolfs paths from crossing, because if they did she would be as tiny and defenseless as she looked.

The image the last thought brought on nearly made me flinch. My body had grown rigid in the chair and my fists were clenched at my sides.

Why was I just now thinking all this?

Why was I just now thinking about all the things that could go wrong?

Why did it feel like I was _fearing_ this coming fight when mere hours ago I was eager for it?

Once I allowed my eyes to focus back on Bella I had my answer: Because I knew I wouldn't be there with them.

I took in a deep breath and released it, preparing myself. Then unclenching my hands, I slowly reached forward to cup Bella's fragile face, and gently tilted in back up.

_Guilt_.

I knew it would be there in her face, but never had I seen it so strong. Her brow was furrowed and I could see how difficult it was for her to look me in the eye. But she didn't fight, she stared right back. Her eyes –on top of looking like they would tear up at any second- were practically screaming apology.

It couldn't be clearer even if she spoke the words aloud. _'I'm sorry' 'I'm sorry'._

This moment was extremely hard for me, but it hit me how very difficult this must be for her.

Never had Bella put her own feelings and needs above someone else's. Whether it was with her mother, father, my family, Jacob, her friends…_me_. Anyone. The fact that she had been pushed to the point of asking something –that viewed from an outsider- would seem selfish proved more than anything how desperate she was right now.

But I knew better. I knew _her_ better.

This was not an act of selfishness.

I gazed deeply into the familiar brown, looking past the guilt and apology, and saw it. There was a flash of something in her eyes I had never seen before. Something I had accused her of not having more than once. Something I wish I could have seen more before this moment. Self preservation.

Once again today I found myself reliving the past. After my return I'd asked Bella what her greatest problem was, and never –for however long I lived- would I forget her answer. That night the truth in her words had been agonizing, but I never fully understood their meaning until this second.

"_You never did tell me…"_

"_What?" she asked._

"_What your greatest problem is."_

"_I'll give you one guess." She said softly, then reached up and touched the tip of my nose with her warm finger._

_I felt my stomach drop and the pain that had been eating at me all night increased. But I accepted the truth for what it was and nodded. "I'm worse than the Volturi…I guess I've earned that."_

_Bella rolled her eyes, a small but sad smile gracing her lips. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me." She said matter-of-factly._

_I stared at her wondering what could possibly be worse. In my world that would be the darkest thing imaginable…._had_ been the darkest thing imaginable. _

"_You can leave me," she whispered, her features changing as she explained. "The Volturi, Victoria…they're nothing compared to that."_

I quickly pushed back the pain of those words, knowing Bella would read it clearly on my face if I let it register. It would only make her feel worse than she already did. She had done nothing wrong. She gave me a choice and I had already chosen. I would never –no matter how short a time it was- make her experience even a sliver of the pain I had once put her through with my absence.

Suppressing a sigh I dropped my right hand, leaving the other on her face, and reached for my phone.

Best to get it over with, more than likely Alice was already on her way to the phone to call me.

Bella's eyes grew questioning but she didn't look away, and I kept my gaze locked on her as I waited.

The phone rang twice before Alice answered.

"Hi again."

I sighed. I could tell from her voice Alice hadn't seen my change of decision yet. "Alice could you come babysit Bella for bit?" I asked trying to keep the sickness I was feeling inside from showing in my voice.

"Um…Of course…but…"

"I need to speak with Jasper." I needed to get this over with.

"Why?..." she began but then I heard a small intake of breath. Alice was seeing. Whether she was seeing the conversation I was planning on having or seeing the outcome of that conversation I didn't know. Finally she murmured she was on her way. I flipped the phone closed before Alice fully realized what it was I was doing and started asking questions.

As I placed the phone back in my pocket Bella swallowed and whispered. "What are you going to say to Jasper?"

I ran my thumb gently across her cheekbone wishing the pain in her eyes would disappear. It was making this whole situation even harder. "I'm going to discuss…." I hesitated, a part of me desperately wanting to fight the words back, but knowing I wouldn't, "…me sitting out." As I said the words the sickness dug deeper. I was truly going to leave them….let them go without me.

There was no joy in Bella's eyes at getting what she wanted, and the small flicker of relief that I did see was completely drowned out by an increase of guilt. Moisture filled her eyes and when the apology was finally voiced it was filled with regret. She wished it didn't have to be this way.

I brought my other hand back up, cupping her face again. "Don't apologize," I murmured, trying to give her a smile. "Never be afraid to tell me how you feel, Bella. If this is what you need…." I shrugged then simply stated the truth, the only truth that was holding me on the path I had now chosen. "You are my first priority."

Anguish filled Bella's face at my words. Her moist eyes widened and I could feel the pressure as she tried to shake her head inside my hands. "I didn't mean it that way," she said quickly, her eyes and voice begging me to understand. "…like you have to choose me over your family."

I squeezed her face gently. "I know that," I reassured her. "Besides that's not what you asked. You gave me two alternatives that you could live with, and I chose the one _I_ could live with."

She couldn't bear for me to leave her and I couldn't bear for her to be in danger. This was the only way.

"That's how compromise is suppose to work," I added.

I watched as Bella seemed to deflate in my hands, her shoulders slumping and eyes closing. She released a shaky breath and leaned towards me. I relaxed my hands and allowed my fingers to run through her hair as she moved forward and rested her head against my chest.

"Thank you," she mumbled quietly, though the tone of her voice made it sound like another apology. I rubbed her back gently and pressed my lips to the top of her head.

"Anytime," I said into her hair. "Anything."

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**Was that fast enough? LOL**

**Can't promise the next one will be up that quickly though. **

**So I hope you enjoyed and I hope you didn't miss some of the wolf conversation that I cut out. I figured it was rather pointless considering we got most of it from Edward's POV during the night of the meeting so it would be too much of a repeat. **

**If I HAD put it in I would have just been repeating the conversation straight from the book without adding anything because we already got Edward's thoughts on the subject beforehand. If that makes sense. It made sense in my head at least. LOL.**

**Okay then, moving on:**

**Review? I love getting feeedback of any kind. ;)**

**Till next time. **


	26. Change of Plans

**Here's a recap of the last chapter. I know it's been too long. :"**

_I know that," I reassured her. "Besides that's not what you asked. You gave me two alternatives that you could live with, and I chose the one I could live with." __She couldn't bear for me to leave her and I couldn't bear for her to be in danger. This was the only way. _

_"That's how compromise is suppose to work," I added._

_I watched as Bella seemed to deflate in my hands, her shoulders slumping and eyes closing. She released a shaky breath and leaned towards me. I relaxed my hands and allowed my fingers to run through her hair as she moved forward and rested her head against my chest._

_"Thank you," she mumbled quietly, though the tone of her voice made it sound like another apology. I rubbed her back gently and pressed my lips to the top of her head._

_"Anytime," I said into her hair. "Anything."_

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**Okay on to the REAL chapter:**

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**~*~**

**Chapter 25**

**A change of Plans**

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"_In each Family a story is playing itself out, and each family's story embodies its hope and despair."_

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* * *

_

Bella didn't move from my arms for a long while. She stayed pressed against me, her face buried in my shirt, and her soft arms wrapped tightly around my waist. It was nearly the same as last night, only now her hold didn't seem as desperate and I was thankful for that at least.

As I held her, Bella's actions last night slowly began to fall into place now. Her panicked voice and anxious hold. My name being called urgently and the constant restlessness. She feared me leaving. Feared me leaving _her_. Again. And sometime during the night, or morning rather, she had contrived a plan to find me. A plan that –despite my own planning for her safety—would have worked.

Even the moment when she had called out to Jasper made sense to me now.

However there was one piece that didn't seem to fit in with the others.

My brow furrowed when I realized there was still something missing….

"Who's the third wife?" I asked softly, breaking our long silence. It wasn't the first time I heard those words while Bella was sleeping, and no matter how I looked at it I couldn't make any sense out of it.

Instead of giving me an answer Bella stiffened in my arms and quickly tried to cover it up.

"Huh?" the sound came out muffled by the fabric of my shirt, but there was no missing the nervousness in it.

I pulled my head back slightly to look down at her, but all l could see was brown hair. "You were mumbling something about _'the third wife'_ last night." I clarified. "The rest made a little sense but you lost me there."

Her shoulders tensed a bit more under my hands as I waited.

"Oh. Um, yeah." Bella's voice was tight and had a slight edge to it. Guilt? Embarrassment maybe?

"That's just one of the stories I heard at the bonfire the other night." She shrugged her tense shoulders, empathizing the forced casualness that was clear in her voice. "I guess it stuck with me," she added, her voice changing.

I leaned further back, gently holding her in place so I could see her face. When I met her eyes her heart picked up and she quickly looked down.

At that moment Alice was in the room, "You're going to miss all the fun." She complained as she danced into the kitchen. I was still trying to read Bella's face but hearing Alice's voice she ducked even further making her hair cover the red that had stained her cheeks again.

"Hello, Alice," I mumbled distractedly. I placed a finger under Bella's chin and lifted her face up to mine. The uncomfortable edge was gone from her features, replaced once again with guilt. I sighed, I would have to get my answers another time then. "I'll be back later tonight," I whispered, kissing her lips softly. "I'll go work this out with the others, rearrange things." I added as I gently lifted her from my lap and stood. I placed her back on the chair and kissed the top of her head once.

"Okay," she barley whispered.

Alice sighed. _'She's being ridiculous, everything will…'._

I glared up at Alice, warning her. She rolled her eyes. "There's not much to arrange. I already told them." Then she smirked. "Emmett is pleased."

"Of course he is." I grumbled, knowing now I was out of the bet Jasper, Emmett, and I had made on who killed the most newborns. I would never here the end of it. And worse still I had forever to look forward to.

"Be nice," I said lowly as I brushed past my sister. I walked swiftly down the small hall but paused outside the door when I heard another apology come from Bella's lips.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and I could see the look on her face from Alice's mind. I couldn't see the look on my sister's face, but it must have been less friendly than it should have been to make Bella look sick with guilt again.

"Do you think this will make things more dangerous for you?" Bella asked, the blush completely gone from her cheeks.

I growled lowly, but Alice heard. "Enough Alice," I said so only she could hear. "She feels bad enough; she doesn't need you criticizing her."

'_I wasn't going to, thank you very much' _she thought back. _'Now go talk to the others and leave my head alone'_

"You worry too much Bella," she said out loud. "You're going to go prematurely gray."

I groaned and walked to my car. I hated leaving Bella to face my sister alone, but I had to talk to my family.

* * *

My mind was far from the wet road beneath my tires as I drove down the familiar drive, and I let my hands move automatically, taking the winding turns on instinctual memory alone. Alice had said there wasn't much to arrange; that she had already informed Jasper and the rest of the family about my new plans. But I needed reassurance from Jasper. I knew my family would be okay without me. However I wasn't ignorant to the large advantage I was taking away from them.

I knew my ability would help immensely, that I could pin point something in the middle of battle and throw a warning to whoever needed it. Mainly Alice and Carlisle. I was counting on watching over them both in ways the others couldn't. I could keep track of the pack for Alice. Make sure their paths didn't cross and leave her blind.

And Carlisle. I could have made sure his priorities and mind stayed on track, made sure there was no hesitation in his thoughts….no chance of a slip up because…..

A groan of protest reached my ears, ripping me from my thoughts and I realized my hands had tightened on the steering wheel. The feeble plastic and leather giving way beneath my iron grip.

This kind of thinking was pointless. There was nothing that would change my mind. Not now. Bella's expression of raw need as she begged me to stay with her was burned into my mind and nothing short of Jasper saying the family _truly_ _needed_ me would change my course.

So when I pulled up in front of the house I willed myself to relax, willed the oxygen that was now compacted in my chest to escape.

Everyone was inside waiting for me of course. Already informed as Alice had said.

They knew.

Regardless I needed to explain. Somehow let them know, not _what_ I was doing, but _why _I was doing it.

I could already hear the mindset Rosalie was on and though I was expecting her to view things this way it still hurt. Sure I had chosen, but it wasn't like that. I wasn't choosing Bella over my family.

Was I?

With an aggravated growl I threw my door open and headed up the front steps. It was best just to get this over with.

And yet….

Here I was pausing at the door.

This was utterly ridiculous, they all knew I was here…. _hesitating_ to enter my own home.

It was hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I hadn't felt this kind of hesitation to walk into the place I called home since I returned from my rebellion years.

When I finally willed myself to open the door and walk in I went straight to the dinning room, where I knew everyone was waiting. I sat across from Carlisle, my eyes focused on anything but his face.

'_Edward'_ At the silent request I looked up automatically to meet my father's eyes. But I couldn't hold his understanding and compassionate gaze and looked away….only to see the same understanding mixed with worry on Esme's.

I sighed heavily and leaned my elbows on the wooden table top, laying my forehead in my palms.

Wood grain. I could handle that.

"Jasper," I whispered quietly to the table top. It wasn't quite a question nor was it a statement. However thankfully Jasper, being who he is, knew my meaning.

'_It's alright,'_ he answered and I was glad he was answering with his thoughts; it was hard to lie and or hide anything in one's mind.

'_Even being one man down we are still at an advantage.' _He continued _'Preparation and surprise are our main allies.'_

I nodded.

'_And with the wolves alliance, whatever their personal intention, we have gained more muscle than we ever expected.'_

I nodded again, I knew all of this. If I hadn't I don't know what I would have done when Bella asked me to stand out. Nevertheless I needed to hear it from him. Jasper would be straight and hold nothing back for my benefit. Not when the whole family was at stake…not when Alice…

Jasper's next thought had me shutting my eyes as I forced away an automatic cringe.

He wasn't speaking to me this time, it was merely a thought. It just happened to be one of the same I had thought of more than once in the last hour: The risk of Alice and the wolves, and how without me being there the risk of their paths crossing increased.

Seeing and feeling my reaction Jasper spoke aloud. "You know as well I do we plan to keep the two fights separate in order to prevent that from happening. But I won't lie you, even if I could. It makes things riskier." _'For her at least.'_

I ran a hand through my hair but could only manage another nod.

'…_and Carlisle, I'm not sure if he could…'_

My teeth clenched together and Jasper cut his thoughts off to speak aloud again.

"I'm still very confident Edward," he straightened and moved toward the table. "You know I wouldn't hesitate if I thought you were making a mistake."

I felt the tension release slightly from my shoulders as his words hit me.

I knew I wasn't making a mistake. Choosing Bella in any form could never be a mistake. She was my world, she was everything. Therefore there really wasn't a choice. And if there was nothing to choose from than there was no mistake to be made. My place was with her. Always.

'_Edward, look at me please.' _

The silent request came from Carlisle again and I wondered how long I had been silent.

I obeyed, raising my head to meet his eyes.

"No one blames you," he said quietly with a small smile. "And no one in this room holds any judgment against you."

Rosalie shifted lightly in her chair, leaning back and crossing her arms. Carlisle glanced at her but I closed my eyes, pushing away her thoughts.

"It's not like that," I murmured.

"Really?" '_So you're not leaving your family to fight alone so you can sit on the sidelines to comfort the one person who won't be in any immediate danger?'_

My head jerked up in Rosalie's direction, "What?" I asked more incredulous than angry. "Did you forget why the army is coming into town in the _first_ place?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course not," she scoffed. _'How could I when it was her that brought this down on us in the first place.'_

I knew she hadn't meant for me to her last thought, knew that it wasn't aimed at me as an answer. She knew it too and quickly tried to cover it up. "We all know Bella will be far from the…"

It was too late though. I had already risen from my chair, a growl rising up my chest.

"Don't even go there," I warned her darkly.

"I didn't mean…"

"Yes you did," I cut her off. "What would you do in my place Rosalie? If Emmet was…"

'_Emmett would never make choose between…'_

I slammed my hands down on the table, effectively cutting her off again. "That's not what Bella asked. If you had the decency to get your mind off yourself for five seconds you would be able to see that Bella doesn't hold a single selfish bone in her body!"

Rosalie's thoughts automatically contradicted my statement. And once more they weren't directed at me, they were merely her personal thoughts. I was just the unlucky bastard that had to hear it all. And though I had no right to get angry, because they weren't spiteful thoughts nor were they personally aimed at me to be hurtful, just her opinion, I was suddenly furious. More furious than if anyone else in this room thought that Bella asking me to stand out and stay with her was selfish.

"Stop!" I all but shouted at her. "Just _stop_!"

"If you don't like what you hear than stay out of my head," she snapped back.

"I wish I could!" I growled turning and pacing from the table only to turn and glare back at her. "You of all people should know how self sacrificing Bella is. Especially when it comes to _me_." I said fiercely. I could feel Jasper trying to rein in my anger and frustration but it wasn't quite reaching me. Taking in a steadying breath I placed my fists on the table, ducking my head and glaring at my white knuckles.

"Bella didn't ask me _not_ to fight with my family Rosalie." I said slowly empathizing the words. Despite my attempt to calm down my voice was steadily rising. "….she asked me _not_ leave her. She was willing to _be_ there….be there in the clearing with us….she…"

Rosalie scoffed, _'what good would that do? Just get you killed trying to protect her.'_

I looked up at my sister from beneath my hair. "Don't you _get_ _it_….Bella was willing stand in the middle of the fight as long as _I_ was with her. As long as we were _together_."

'_So that's how she persuaded you to…'_

I laughed darkly cutting off her thoughts. My words had done nothing to change her mind set. As far as Rosalie was concerned Bella and I were still selfish. Especially me for choosing to sit with a human instead of fighting with my family, instead of being there to help protect them all in a way only _I_ could.

I leaned back up and nodded, "Yes. Fine, Rosalie." I said wearily. "If it makes you feel better to think that Bella more or less _blackmailed_ me into staying out of the fight, than by all means do so."

She growled lowly, the extent of the anger I could hear in her mind finally showing. _'How can you do this? Your just leaving us behind….leaving us to fight alone…what about Alice….if Emmett gets….'_

I groaned loudly, raising my hands up in defeat. "I'm _sorry_…." I growled through my teeth, hating to hear my own doubts echoed in her mind.

"….you can think my decision is selfish all you want Rosalie, hell maybe it is…. but nothing you say right now or _think_ will change my mind. I can't let Bella stand in that clearing with me anymore than she could bear for me to leave her again...._You_ may have forgotten what happened the last time I left her but _I_ sure as hell haven't!"

Rosalie flinched back from my harsh words and the unconcealed accusation they held.

"Edward," Esme said, sounding more shocked than reproachful.

At the same time I heard Emmett growl lowly. "_Enough._"

Immediately I felt Jasper's wave of calm thicken and wash through me. My shoulders loosened and I sighed heavily closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers. The pain in Rosalie's eyes flared back at me behind my lids and as I heard her quick nearly soundless retreat from the room the anger was quickly replaced by guilt.

I had forgiven Rosalie for her selfish misled phone call to me last summer, knowing the effect her mistake had made on her. She had been altered as much if not more than the rest of the family when I had willing walked into death.

But to have Rosalie, of all people, judge Bella on the one request she had ever asked of me was too much added onto everything else. Still, I knew that didn't justify my words.

I sighed and looked back up. "Sorry," I mumbled my eyes on Emmett.

'_I'm not the one you need to apologize to.' _

I nodded.

"Dude, I get that Rosalie doesn't understand what you're doing and why, because _I _don't fully understand…But did you really have to bring that up again? You know how sorry she is, she doesn't even like to mention it herself and to have you throw it her face like that…"

"Alright," I said raising my hands. "I know…" Sighing I slid back into my chair and leaned back. Waiting.

The only thing that was keeping Emmett from running straight after Rosalie was to get the chance to dig into me before I left. And I didn't have to wait long.

"I'm curious though…" Emmett said, crossing his arms and leaning into the door-jam. "Was it _really_ Bella who changed your mind or were you just afraid of losing the bet?" He grinned showing his stupid wide teeth and dimples.

Any other time I would have a snide remark to shoot back at him, and if for some impossible reason I didn't I would have just pounced him and proven I'd be the one winning the bet. But as I stared silently at the wall behind Emmett's large head, all I could see was desperate, frighten brown eyes… begging me in what could only be described as self defense.

Emmett nodded; his face turning serious again as he correctly read my silence. "Right. Bella of course. So what did she…?"

"It wasn't what she said." I sighed, answering more than Emmett's unfinished question. Every mind in the room was curious as to what Bella had said to me that would make me stand out on something like this.

I was like a protector of the family. Whether it was reading the thoughts of an enemy or potential danger, or simply keeping in tune with the human minds around us. I had made it my responsibility over the years to keep our lifestyle _safe_.

I took that responsibility very seriously and everyone knew it, and not just because of the threat of exposure or of outside dangers, but because for a long time that's all I really had. Carlisle had Esme, Jasper had Alice, Rose had Emmett, and I….I had my family.

Despite Jasper's reassurance, and Carlisle and Esme's compassion, they were all just as curious as Emmett. Curious as to what could have possibly been said that would draw me away from my family when they were faced with this magnitude of danger.

But things had changed and in this moment I was once again hit by how drastically and _irreversibly_ the world had altered through my eyes. Because for the life of me I couldn't think of the danger I was leaving them all with to face alone…. all I could see was Bella's face as she said the words that would forever be burned in my mind.

'_I can't bear it if you leave me again.' _

But it wasn't even those words that had tore me away from my family, it was the reflection I saw when I looked into her eyes. I saw her own need for self preservation for the first time, and it echoed back right through me. Because my own need for survival was tied to her own.

"She didn't have to say anything," I finally murmured quietly. "It was the look on her face."

* * *

**Kinda of short took MONTHS to post and not my best......did I miss anything? Probably, but all well. I wanted these next chapters gone and far away from me. *shudder* I don't like them, as I was writing they began to run along the same path as the graduation chapter....I just wanted them DONE and GONE.**

**Probably because of the time it took combined witht the very little words and iseas that came out. But Mostly becasue I want to post my Compromise chapter. He he.**

**K then.**

**The next chapter is finished, as soon as I get a little feed back and know this one has been read I'll post it. Either tonight or Tomorrow. Depends. :)**

**I also have all of the compromise chapter complete so hopefully that should make a few people happy. ( I know I am, it's my favorite so far. ;) I know from my reviews that alot of you guys were waiting for it.**

***waves* Adios. ;)**


	27. Bond

~*~

Chapter 26

Bond

~*~

* * *

"_When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there__"_

* * *

I pulled in the driveway and cut the engine. I wasn't even out of the car when I heard Alice. _'It's all cleared' _she thought, giving me a quick replay of how she'd tricked Charlie. She seemed very pleased with herself. Shaking my head I climbed out of the car and closed the door. That poor man didn't stand a chance in my sister's hands. Alice was such a sweet, demanding, little thing.

Stepping lightly up onto the porch I knocked and instantly heard Alice's too innocent voice say, "That'll be Edward."

Bella's voice quickly followed. "I'll get it."

I watched from Alice's mind as Bella jumped up from her chair and headed out the kitchen. I smiled, the amusement in Alice's mind mirroring my own.

The front door was quickly opened and though I was as thrilled as always to see my Bella's face after being away—however short the separation—I was disappointed when the bright smile that usually met me was absent. Though the guilt that had clouded her features earlier today wasn't as strong it was still the most prominent emotion on her face.

Wanting to lighten the look in her eyes and wanting to make her forget—even for a moment—the maelstrom building up around us I immediately took her face gently in my hands and leaned down.

Disregarding the fact that Charlie could be leaving the kitchen and heading down the hall any minute I kissed her warm lips. It only took one skipping heartbeat for her to respond. Bella breathed in deeply against my mouth and her hands come up to cover mine, pressing them tighter against her face as she leaned forward, stretching as far as she could on her toes.

I smiled against her moving lips and went to pull away. At the last second Bella pushed forward, prolonging the kiss for that extra second I was always willing to give her.

I chuckled when I had to move my hands to the top of her arms to steady her balance. I pulled her away gently and looked down. My smile grew into a pleased grin when I saw her lips were now stretched into a bright smile.

"I missed you," she whispered.

"I know," I murmured, not missing the undertone in her voice. I opened my mouth to soothe the worry that was suddenly growing on her face again when I saw Alice come dancing around the corner, coming to a stop a few feet behind Bella.

Charlie was still in the kitchen as I could hear him placing dishes in the sink and the light running of water.

Bella was gazing up at me, completely oblivious, so when Alice smirked and cleared her throat lightly she jumped, her cheeks burning. She turned quickly, despite the blush, to glare teasingly at my sister. "You were right Alice…." She said. "Imagine that."

Alice laughed, "What can I say? I'm gifted."

At that moment Charlie was joining us, his thoughts running along the same path they always did when I was in his presence. However I was surprised when I didn't see the usual barely concealed dislike in his eyes.

I nodded politely in his direction, "Evening Charlie."

Charlie paused in front of us and I was the only witness to the hesitation in his mind. I had noticed after the incident with Jacob and Bella's hand that Charlie was silent and slightly uncomfortable in my presence. But now I noticed something completely different in his thoughts.

Charlie took in a deep breath and then shockingly he nodded before answering just as friendly, "Edward."

I was more pleased by the progress of approval than I thought I would be. He was still far from considering me a friend, much less family, but as I witnessed the lessening of hate in his thoughts toward me I couldn't help but smile.

He was nowhere near the point of trusting me with his daughter's heart, but the sliver of progress I had just witnessed was more than I could ever hope for.

* * *

"Well that was definitely an improvement," Alice commented as she pulled off the road, just a quarter mile from Charlie's. I had left with Alice in the car—for the sake of Charlie's sanity—but I was turning back to meet Bella in her room while Alice drove my car the rest of the way home.

"You could say that," I murmured, knowing she was talking about Charlie.

Alice laughed. "Well he wasn't giving you the usual death glare…. not to mention he was actually polite, and not even _grudgingly_ polite. He seemed really sincere."

I nodded. "He was."

Alice gave me a smirk. "Told you he'd forgive you eventually."

I rolled my eyes. "Believe me Alice, Charlie is nowhere near forgiveness... I believe at this point one could call it strained tolerance."

Alice shrugged. "Well, you would know," she said brightly.

I hesitated as I reached for the door handle. Something was off with her voice. Looking over my shoulder I looked at her eyes, they were excited and….expectant.

I raised an eyebrow when I realized there was something lurking in her mind, something she was trying to keep back.

"Alice," I said warily. This type of reaction from my favorite sister was never a good sign.

"Yes?" she sang.

I looked into her excited eyes, concentrating on _her_ thoughts alone.

_I was pulling Bella from her truck, tucking her into my arms. _

_Standing in the foyer with Bella's face in my hands, her lips molded to mine._

'…_.Welcome home…'_

_A crystal heart glittering in the dull lamp light._

'…_.it was my mother's….'_

"Stop cheating!"

Alice's shrill disappointed voice broke through the vision, or I suppose it was her memory of a vision.

"What was that?" I asked, somewhat in awe.

"Something I'm _not_ going to let you see."

I raised my eyebrows questioningly. Alice stared at me, clearly struggling to keep her face stern. It didn't work because in the next second she was grinning.

"How much do you love me?" she asked, bouncing twice in her seat.

"Alice," I warned again. The thought in her head hadn't been bad, or anything to be cautious of, actually they had left me wanting more.

"There was a reason I talked Charlie into letting Bella come over tomorrow night and it had nothing to do with the newborns." She said cryptically.

I sighed impatiently. "And?"

"Well.." she said slowly. "Jasper made the comment that we should all go hunting the night before the fight but since you're sitting out it would be kind of pointless for you."

Frustration filled me when Alice stopped speaking and looked at me as if I should be getting some missing piece.

"So…" she began slowly, empathizing the word. She was clearly trying to get me to take the hint.

"So?"

She sighed heavily. "And _so_….our house will be completely empty for almost twelve hours. Well it would have been if I hadn't sweet talked Chief Swan."

My eyes widened as I realized what my irritating lovable sister had done for me. "Really?" I asked. "All night."

She nodded, her little face stretching into a pleased grin. "I saw you giving Bella something special soon and decided to give the occasion the perfect setting."

"Will she like it?" I asked at once, knowing that Alice knew what I had planned on giving Bella, because I had no doubt she had seen our deal of a hand-me-down.

"That's for me to know and you to find out," she said lightly.

I laughed, a sudden wave of excitement filling me. "Of course it is, and you're not going to give anything away are you?"

"Nope," she answered shaking her head. "It makes the moment sweeter if you don't know how it will play out."

I chuckled. "This coming from _you._"

"Actually I'm not even sure how it will all play out myself, I was only able to see certain moments." She paused her thoughts contemplating something. "I only know for sure how it ends," she murmured.

Then she opened her mind.

_My room was dark, lit only by the pale moonlight streaming through the large window. _

_I lay, stretched out fully on the wrought iron bed, the pillows propped up behind my head. _

_Curled up on my chest and wrapped tightly in my arms was an angel. _

_Her head was tucked into my neck, her face was relaxed, glowing soft and beautiful in the pale light. _

_My head was tilted slightly, my cheek resting in the dark hair that was fanned out across my shoulder._

Alice's face slowly came into focus. I sat there, stunned.

The vision had been so calm….peacefully perfect. If I hadn't known better I would swear I had just witnessed myself sleeping.

"You're welcome," Alice said quietly.

I blinked, looking at my sister with new eyes as I realized what she had done for me.

Tomorrow night it would just be me and my angel.

There would be no need of keeping quite. No loud snoring down the hall. No sensitive ears over hearing every word spoken. No eaves dropping into the future. No reading of our emotions. And….more importantly than all the rest…no invading thoughts. With my family gone for the night I would be left with nothing but my own thoughts and Bella's silent mind.

We would truly be alone…. in every possible way.

I lunged across the car and pulled my sister into my arms as an excited burst of laughter escaped my chest.

"Thank you Alice." I said, pulling her back and kissing her forehead. "This is exactly what Bella needs…..what _I_ need." I let her go and pulled back all the way, seeing my now lit up face reflected in her gold eyes. "And she'll like it?" I asked again.

Alice smiled and shrugged, her thoughts blocked again.

I found myself laughing again and shook my head. "I knew there was a reason I loved you," I said quoting Emmett's words from weeks ago.

She laughed remembering the night she had brought Emmett the extra pair of pants, saving him from the wrath of Rosalie. "Yes, we all love each other, now go," she said flicking her hand toward the passenger door. "Bella's going to bed soon."

The smile seemed permanently glued to my face as I reached for the side handle and opened the door. But I hesitated before I climbed out, looking over my shoulder. Alice was still staring at me, her smile as wide as mine. It was hard to tell who was more excited, her or me.

I turned back around quickly and leaned back over, cupping the back of Alice's head and pulling her towards me. I kissed her forehead again "Thank you…foreverything." I whispered, trying to express how sincerely grateful I was for what she had done for me in those few words.

Her little hand reached up and patted my cheek. _'You of all people deserve a little peace.'_

* * *

Making it back to the little house I quickly made the familiar ascension through Bella's window, landing lightly on the wood floor just as Bella was saying goodnight to Charlie. I sighed softly wishing she was really coming up here for a night's sleep instead of enduring another sleepless night in the clearing.

I leaned back on the small bed, knowing I wouldn't be receiving that wish. I placed my head on the sweet smelling pillow and listened as Bella climbed slowly up the stairs.

The door opened and she slipped inside, not bothering to cut on the light. The first words out of her mouth as she closed the door and crossed the room held no surprise for me.

"What time are we meeting the wolves?" She whispered.

"In about an hour." I answered, pulling myself up to lean against the headboard so she could climb up on the bed with me.

"That's good," she murmured, worming her warm body into my lap and laying her head against my chest. "Jake and his friends need to get some sleep."

I wrapped my cold arms around her back and pulled her up closer. I breathed out heavily, feeling my muscles relax as they absorbed her warmth. "They don't need it as much as you do." I grumbled, running my lips lightly across her hair.

"Did Alice tell you she's kidnapping me?" Bella asked, very clearly changing the subject.

I grinned, feeling the anticipation filling me again. "Actually she's not."

Bella pulled back and looked up at me with her brow furrowed. I couldn't help but laugh at her blank expression. "I thought I was the only one allowed to hold you hostage." I reminded her. "Alice is going hunting with the rest of them" then I added. "I guess I don't need to do that now."

Bella's eyes widened as she pulled all the way up into a sitting position. I let my hands fall to her sides.

"_You're_ kidnapping me?" she asked, her voice shocked and confused.

I merely nodded, gauging her reaction cautiously.

Her eyes drifted from mine, seeming to focus on something behind my head. In her sudden silence it was clear she was thinking something over. I began to feel uneasy. Perhaps I should have asked her first, though I hadn't known what Alice was up to till tonight. I leaned forward and peered up, trying to catch her gaze again.

"Is that alright?" I asked cautiously.

Bella blinked, her eyes meeting mine. They were still unreadable.

"Well sure," she finally said. "Except for one thing."

My brow furrowed, the uneasiness growing. Maybe I had been wrong. Maybe Alice had been wrong….maybe Bella didn't….

"What thing?" I asked nervously.

Bella's brown eyes grew accusing, and it wasn't until she finished speaking that I noticed the playful sparkle in her eyes. "Why didn't Alice tell Charlie you were leaving _tonight_?"

I laughed in relief and hugged her back towards me, feeling her soft chuckle vibrating against my chest. Her sudden happiness making the eagerness I had for tomorrow night grow ten-fold.

* * *

The contrast of Bella's body language as we ran through the woods made me realize just how terrified she had been last night. She was relaxed against me now, as if this was any other run. Her chin was resting lightly on the top of my shoulder, her cheek pressed softly into the curve at the side of my neck. Her heartbeat was calm and beautifully steady as it beat against my back. I could also feel the soft constant pulse points where her neck pressed into the back of my shoulder and where her wrists laid clasped against my chest, all four points keeping in tune with each other and filling me with a peaceful contentment.

I felt as if I could face anything as long as this steady peaceful rhythm continued.

Despite where we were headed and why, this moment was almost perfect. Just her and me. Only one thing was missing….

I had taken a slightly different trail to the clearing than I had last night, avoiding the stench of dog as the breeze carried it through the forest, and when I saw the fallen tree emerge in our path I smiled.

Cupping one hand around Bella's clasped hands on my chest I reached the other behind me and placed it gently but firmly on the small of her back.

"Wha…?" Bella began but the question quickly cut off into a soft gasp as we soared up and over the large tree trunk.

In less than two seconds we were on the ground again, moving swiftly in between the trees and bushes, and Bella's soft chuckle was filling my ear.

_Now_ it was perfect.

I grinned in triumphant and let my own chuckle join hers. That was exactly what I had been hoping for.

"Show off," she mumbled, but I could still hear the smile in her voice.

I moved my hand from her back and brought it up to her hair, stroking it gently. She sighed at the touch and turned her head, running her nose lightly along the side of my neck before placing a soft warm kiss just bellow my ear."I love you." Her breath was hot as it met my cool skin and a soft shudder carried the warmth down my spine.

I leaned my head down and kissed each hand that was still trapped between my fingers and chest.

"I love you too," I murmured. _'More than you could possibly know'_ I thought.

I wondered if she knew how much my silent chest grew each time she blessed me with those three words. Blessed me with her kisses and warm hands. Blessed me with _her_.

But then, as we neared the clearing and the thoughts of others began to trespass into my mind, some of the bliss that had filled me slowly began to leak away. I missed having quiet peaceful moments with Bella, but I didn't realize how long it had been since we had been truly alone and happy - happy just to be together- till this little stolen moment in time was taken away.

I silently thanked my sister again for her gift to me, for granting us a stolen moment in time. I had to wait till tomorrow night.

We were in the clearing now and the approaching storm we had momentarily pushed from our minds was back.

Bella was tense again, the beautiful laughter gone from my ears, taking with it the warmth and peace. At the same time a new wave of unease and guilt hit me as I saw my family and heard Jasper's thoughts as he pinned Emmett to the ground. He was going to be explaining the moves that could be done to take on multiple attacks.

I sighed as I let Bella slide gently to the ground. Jasper would be teaching us the process of fighting more than one newborn whether I was going to be fighting with them or not. I knew this. But I also knew the chances of one of them taking on two or more attackers alone was more of a possibility than it had been. Because even with the wolves help we….no _they_, I reminded myself, _they_ were still outnumbered.

"Where are the rest of the wolves?" Bella asked as we walked hand and hand to the others. I threw a quick glance at Jacob, Quill, and Embry.

"They don't all need to be here." I answered. "One would do the job, but Sam didn't trust us enough to just send Jacob, though Jacob was willing. Quill and Embry are his usual…" I paused looking for the right term that would explain it. "I guess you could call them his wingmen."

Bella looked up at me, her eyes wide. "Jacob trusts you." She said sounding surprised.

Jacob's thoughts were aggravated as he heard our conversation. But his eyes never left Bella's face.

I nodded. "He trusts us not to kill him," I said. "That's about it, though."

Jacob's low grumble reached my ears, followed by his thought. _'Trust isn't the same as confidence'_

"Are you participating tonight?" Bella's hesitant question drew me back and I suppressed a sigh.

_What would be the point?_ I thought, feeling the former disappointment begin to fill me. Instead of voicing my thoughts though, I shrugged. "I'll help Jasper when he needs it. He wants to try some unequal groupings, teach them how to deal with multiple attackers."

Bella's face suddenly paled in the bright moonlight and I regretted my answer. She nodded once and turned to look at my family as Jasper gestured them all forward. I squeezed Bella's hand reassuringly while at the same time resisted the urge to move closer and join them.

'_What's wrong?'_ I turned my head in Jacob's direction automatically, though the question wasn't for me, and saw the wide wolf grin slide from his large face. He was looking at Bella, his mind expecting a smile in return. Then I saw her face through his mind and everything else fell into the background. I looked down to see her force out a weak smile that didn't even come close to reaching her eyes.

The deep brown was filled with the same raw guilt that had been there earlier today, making my chest tighten painfully around my last breath. Before I could react I heard Jacob's mind register the guilt and fear at the same time I did and he quickly jumped to his feet.

He moved forward, his large body stopping just a few feet from Bella's small one. I gritted my teeth, trying to push away the automatic panic at having the beast so close to her and the irrational anger I felt at myself.

I was angry at myself because I _wasn't_ angry at him. Because I _couldn't_ get angry. I was in his mind and the only thing in it was Bella's face and the yearning to know what was wrong and the need to see the fear gone.

The same as mine.

"Jacob," I nodded.

He ignored me of course, his eyes never leaving Bella's as he ducked his head, bringing his large black eyes level with her own. I could smell and see the moisture in Bella's eyes and as soon as the sweet moisture registered I wanted to pull her towards me.

But I resisted.

Because maybe….just maybe she needed a different kind of reassurance than I could give her.

But I _hated_ it.

_All_ of it.

Hated how well Jacob understood my Bella's features.

Hated how familiar the broken look on her face was to him.

Hated how his mind automatically went into overdrive at seeing the moisture in her eyes.

Hated how he instinctively wanted to comfort her. Comfort her in his arms… like he had done so many times before.

And I most of all hated how I _couldn't_ hate him for any of it.

Jacob's large wolf head tilted to the side. _'What's wrong Bells?'_

I opened my mouth to pass the question along, but was shocked when Bella was already answering. As if she heard his mind as clearly as I had.

"I'm fine," She sighed. "Just worried you know."

He grunted. _'That's really stupid, what is there to be worried about?'_

I waited till I knew for sure Bella wasn't going to say anything and then murmured, "He wants to know why."

Jacob's eyes cut to me for the first time and he growled. _'If you're going to be in my head at least get it right.'_

Bella looked at me and I tried not to smirk.

"What?" she asked.

"He thinks my translations leave something to be desired." I answered. "What he actually thought was, 'That's really stupid. What is there to be worried about?' I edited, because I thought it was rude."

Bella's lips twitched as she turned back to Jacob. "There's plenty to be worried about," she said, eyeing him critically. Her tone was almost that of a mother, protective and worried. I stared at her in slight fascination, as I'd never heard her take that kind of tone before. "Like a bunch of really stupid wolves getting themselves hurt"

Jacob let out a broken bark as his mind filled with laughter.

'_Can I borrow you for a moment Edward?'_ I looked up at Jasper. 'I want to show them…'

I raised my hand to cut him off and nodded.

"Jasper wants help," I sighed looking back down at Bella. She looked up at me and I gave her a soft smile. "You'll be okay without a translator?"

Her smile was more sincere as she gazed up at me. "I'll manage."

I had been right, she did need a different kind of reassurance. And apparently I wasn't the one capable of giving it. And I definitely wasn't needed as I translator. Jacob wasn't the only one in tune with Bella's mind. She seemed to know his thoughts just as well. But as I couldn't read her mind, like I could his, it took a moment like this to fully realize how deep their connection went.

I was already aware that they shared a connection. I had resigned myself to the fact that Jacob understood and related to Bella on level I would never be able to. But I was slowly coming to realize this connection wasn't just one way. Bella understood Jacob on that same level. A level I didn't have a chance of reaching.

I was the only mind reader present and yet Jacob had more or less read Bella's face like a book and Bella had answered his questions without a single word being spoken on his part.

The rest of the night seemed agonizingly slow as I helped Jasper. Because our preparations for the coming fight wasn't enough of a distraction for me, I could still see Bella resting against the side of a werewolf. The love she felt for him clear in her relaxed position and the way her hand ran softly through his thick fur.

I hated these moments. Moments when my mind analyzed Bella's every action and my thoughts tortured me with the question of how far her feelings ran for Jacob Black.

* * *

**Took a little longer than I wanted it to to get this up but the website (Twilight Archives, where i also have 'The Inevitable' posted) Has to Validate every new chapter as it's put up, and this time it took nearly 4 days. SO I wanted my story to be at the same place on both sites, so I waited. **

**Anyhoo WOW I love all my reviews you guys are great. I'm glad everyone is enjoying it so far. **

**The next chapter is Part one of Compromise. So Bye till then ;)**


	28. Please

**~*~**

Chapter 27

Please

~*~

* * *

"_If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, _

_and all that is left is a compromise."_

_-Robert Fritz_

_~*~_

* * *

I could tell that as we pulled away from Charlie's Bella wasn't doing as I had asked her. I wanted her to forget everything for one night….for _this_ night. I wanted her to let the thoughts of the storm building up around us go. Push them back so we could have this one night to be completely alone.

Maybe it was a lot to ask considering the magnitude of our problems….both external and internal; maybe it was even a little selfish of me. But for once I didn't care. Bella deserved a night of peace more than I did.

So I would wait, bide my time until I had her all to myself in the large empty house. Once I accomplished that I was all too confident in my power of distraction.

In the meantime I studied Bella's face as her eyes searched the dark road for the turn off to my house. I knew—even without taking my eyes off her profile—we were getting close.

I knew Bella knew too because her ancient truck was now creeping down the road while she leaned forward, her eyes squinting. But she hadn't spotted it yet.

I chuckled quietly and when we were at the drive I leaned across the seat and pointed to the left side of the road. "There," I murmured.

Her head turned in the direction I was pointing and I could make out enough of her refection in the dark window to see her eyes roll.

"Maybe Alice should have kept a set of lights up," she said while making the turn. "At least until I get better night vision," she added, the smile on her face ruining the sarcasm.

I chuckled louder this time, not letting her nonchalance of becoming immortal faze me as it usually would. If I was going to be selfish and ask her to forget the worries that plagued her and more or less _demand_ for her undivided attention for the following hours, I could at least be decent enough to take my own advice.

And as we wound slowly through the forest, the dim moonlight flickering down through the branches would glitter once in a while against Bella's focused brown eyes and I knew that—for me at least—taking my own advice would be no problem.

After we passed the last bend of trees the house's lights came into full view. I was still focused on Bella's face and when the soft glow touched her features I felt the anticipation expand inside me…. fill me to the breaking point.

Before the ancient engine had stopped it's groaning I had Bella's door open and her tender body pulled into mine. Pressing her as close as I could with one arm I reached swiftly into the truck bed and pulled her bag onto my shoulder.

Then—at last—I had her soft lips molded around mine.

I continued to move my lips slowly over her eager ones as I swooped her up into my arms. Then with a quick turn and a light kick to the rusted truck door I dashed up the front steps and swung my front door open.

Bella's arms reached up, her fingers weaving through the strands of hair at the base of my neck. Fiery tremors spread down my back at the touch, but I refused to allow any distance between us as pulled her up closer.

My lips were eager against hers now, trying to match her own and express the exhilarating excitement I had for this night, while at the same time my mind reminded my hands, arms, and lips to be agonizingly gentle.

It wasn't until Bella's heavy breaths filled the air that I forced myself to pull away, a chuckle of pure elation escaping me at this wholly carefree moment. It seemed not even the physical barrier between us –like her need for oxygen—could dampen the mood as it usually would. For either her or me.

Bella's body was still curled up against me so I pulled my arms away; holding her out so I could see the deep flush in her cheeks and the shine in her eyes I knew would be there.

"Welcome home," I breathed, mesmerized by her bright excited eyes.

When was the last time I had seen that? When was the last time we were able to share that kind of kiss?

Too long.

"That sounds nice," she said, her voice still breathless. I beamed, feeling my lips widen even further when she returned the smile.

It was with great reluctance that I set Bella back on her feet, but I couldn't help another grin when she immediately wrapped her arms around my waist. It seemed she didn't want distance between us anymore than I did.

Instinctively I leaned down and kissed the top of her head lightly. "I have something for you," I said trying to keep my tone light, despite the overwhelming excitement.

"Oh?"

"Your hand-me-down, remember?" I murmured into her hair. "You said that was allowable."

"Oh, that's right," she grumbled. "I guess I did say that."

I pulled her back gently and looked down, chuckling at her expression. There was no way she was getting out of this one. It was a done deal.

"It's up in my room. Shall I go get it?"

Her eyes lit up at my words; though I didn't understand why. Was she actually eager for a gift?

"Sure," she said. "Let's go."

I stared at her, caught off guard by her sudden enthusiasm.

Then as I looked into that beautiful flushed face I could see my refection in her wide eyes and my face mirrored hers exactly.

It was just her and me. My head was beautifully silent, my mind completely my own and able to absorb every minute detail about this night in peace.

Unexpectedly the blissful excitement exploded inside me and I could no longer contain myself. That part of me that Rosalie has labeled more than once as being immature took over; and sweeping Bella gently up into my arms again I flew up the stairs.

I didn't pause as I placed her back on her feet inside my bedroom and darted to the closet. I didn't realize how fast I was actually moving as I reached for the old wooden box and pulled out one of my mother's most precious jewels until I made it back to Bella and saw that she was nearly in the same place I had left her, having only took maybe half a step in my absence.

I stopped in front of her, grinning in anticipation, but she walked past me, leaving a trail of warmth and flowers to follow to the bed. I watched in amused silence as she crawled slowly to the middle of the mattress, folding her legs into her chest and resting her chin on her knees.

"Okay," she mumbled, trying to sound reluctant; but I could see the way her lips fought against curling up at the corners, "Let me have it."

Laughter escaped me as I climbed up beside her; her forced negative reaction to my gift/hand-me-down did nothing to lessen my enthusiasm.

I settled into the warm air that surrounded her body and immediately heard and felt an increase in her heart rate as it thickened and pulsed the air around me. Exasperation filled me at her sudden reaction.

"A _hand-me-down,_" I reminded her. Her reactions were catching up with me and making me feel nervous despite Alice's reassurance.

Without waiting for Bella to speak I reached swiftly for her wrist, pulling it away from her leg. I turned her hand till the silver ringlet directly across from the wooden wolf was exposed. Then with a soft press of my fingers I closed the metal links together, permanently attaching the diamond heart.

I let go immediately and she pulled her arm back. Bella's eyes fell on the new trinket with evident curiosity and I waited three long heartbeats for her reaction.

Bella gasped softly bringing her wrist closer to her face.

Trying to push back the familiar _'de ja vu'_—a symptom of living too long with Alice—I said softly, "It was my mother's."

I shrugged my shoulders in an attempt to make this moment seem less important that it really was to me. "I inherited quite a few baubles like this…." I went on when Bella didn't speak or look at me. "I've given some to Esme and Alice both. So clearly, this is not a big deal in anyway."

Bella smiled a bit at my words, though her eyes continued to gaze at the stone heart.

"But I thought it was a good representation," I murmured, watching the fragmented light sparkle on the smooth skin of her face. "It's hard and cold…." I laughed quietly. "And it throws rainbows in the sunlight."

A small but breathtaking smile graced Bella's lips. She tilted her head to the side slightly, her eyes still transfixed on the diamond. Since she hadn't said anything I'd take her visible fixation as approval.

"You forget the most important similarity," she said quietly. "It's beautiful."

I finally took my eyes from her face to examine the jewel for the first time. Seeing my mother's charm, something from my human life, something that was _uniquely_ mine, a part of me, resting against Bella's soft skin made my chest swell in unexpected ways.

"My heart is just as silent…." I mused, my eyes as transfixed on the diamond heart now as hers. It was right. Perfect. Bella had and deserved every part of me. "And it too is yours" I whispered as she twisted her hand, watching the bright glimmers dance across her skin.

"Thank you," she whispered back "For both."

I looked back up and her gaze was now fixated on me. The light fragments glittered in her eyes, mixing with the excitement, love, and appreciation that was suddenly there. It all swirled together in the rich brown and the sight was beautiful.

"No _thank you,_" I grinned, brushing her hair back over her shoulder. "It's a relief to have you accept a gift so easily." I grinned wider at my small but meaningful victory. "Good practice for you, too."

Instead of rolling her eyes, like I expected her too, Bella gazed at my face, her eyes suddenly serious as if she was looking for something in mine. Then I saw a different emotion flicker across her features. But before I could see what it was, or if I had truly seen it at all, she leaned forward, lifting my arm and snuggling deep into my side.

Her arms snaked around my waist until her hands rested soft and unbelievably warm against my lower back. I returned the gesture automatically….lightly holding her body to mine. Her cheek was molded to my chest; her ear placed exactly where my heart should have been beating.

"Can we discuss something?" she asked after a moment.

Before I could answer she went on quickly….her words sounding almost nervous. "I'd appreciate it if you could begin by being open-minded."

I hesitated, confused at the tone of her voice. "I'll give it my best effort," I agreed cautiously.

"I'm not breaking any rules here…." she said abruptly; defending her topic of discussion before I even knew what it was. "….this is strictly about you and me."

I relaxed some, glad that this conversation wouldn't involve newborns, Jacob Black, the coming fight, Victoria, Jacob Black, or….or any other problem I had pushed to the back of my mind and nearly forgotten about. _Till now._

"So…." Bella began, her voice picking up a strange business quality. "I was impressed by how well we were able to compromise the other night. I was thinking I would like to apply the same principles to a different situation."

I realized I should probably be more nervous about what Bella was planning to negotiate with me, but I couldn't help smiling into her hair as she finished. I could tell that despite how cute and amusing Bella sounded to my ears, she was being completely serious.

I swallowed thickly, pushing down the chuckle that was fighting its way up my throat. "What would you like to negotiate?" I finally managed to ask politely.

At my simple question though, her heart—which was already beating faster than normal—began to beat frantically in her chest. It vibrated through me, nearly humming. Her blood picked up as it flowed through her veins, increasing the heat against my chest from her neck and face.

"Listen to your heart fly. It's fluttering like a humming birds wings." My humor was completely gone now. In its place was surprise at her unexpected reaction and a burning curiosity at what was behind it all.

"Are you alright?" I added, not liking how nervous she was here in my arms. _Scared_ almost.

"I'm great," she squeaked, her arms tightening around me.

"Please go on then." I urged as I felt the familiar obsession to hear her thoughts embrace me with its impatience.

"Well, I guess, first, I wanted to talk to you about that whole ridiculous marriage condition thing."

"It's only ridiculous to you," I added automatically. "What about it?"

"I was wondering…." She hesitated before taking in a deep breath. "Is _that_ open to negotiation?"

I frowned no longer amused as the topic of conversation was finally revealed. I dropped my arms and leaned away slightly so I could see her face more clearly. "I've already made the largest concession by far and away…." I said flatly unable to keep the anger from my voice. "I've agreed to take your life away against my better judgment." My voice was growing harder as the truth of my words replaced my former bliss with bitterness, "And that ought to entitle me to a few compromises on your part."

Bella shook her head "No." she said, her voice final. "That parts a done deal."

I breathed out heavily in frustration but she went on. "We're not discussing my….renovations right now. I want to hammer out some other details."

Repressing the urge to scoff angrily at her light term _renovations_ I asked, even more cautious than before, "Which details to you mean exactly?"

"Let's clarify your prerequisites first."

"You know what I want," I said at once.

Her face hardened "_Matrimony…._" she all but spat. I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face, despite the direction of this conversation.

"Yes." I agreed. "To start with."

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "There's more!" she nearly yelled.

"Well," I began "If you're my wife, then what's mine is yours….like tuition money." I said slyly, having thought this through more than once. "So there would be no problem with Dartmouth."

A gust of air escaped Bella's mouth as she gaped at me, her eyes wide. "Anything else?" she asked loudly in disbelief. "While you're already being absurd."

I sobered immediately. "I wouldn't mind some time." I whispered truthfully.

"No." The word was automatic and sure. As it always was. "No time. That's a deal breaker right there."

"Just a year or two?" I shamelessly begged.

She shook her head, no negotiation to be found in her set features. "Move along to the next one."

I sighed again. "That's it." Then added lightly. "Unless you'd like to talk cars." I smiled at her expected grimace, reaching down to take her left hand in both of mine.

"I didn't realize there was anything else you wanted besides being transformed into a monster yourself." I said, running the tips of my fingers across her knuckles…. "I'm extremely curious." I couldn't imagine much less make a guess as to what could be on her mind. What could she possibly want?

Bella dropped her gaze, watching as I fiddled absentmindedly with her empty third finger. Realizing my action I stopped and entwined her soft fingers through mine, squeezing reassuringly.

I waited, listening as her heart picked up its earlier frantic beat.

Then a familiar heat began to radiate from her and I watched in fascination as the deep red seeped slowly from beneath her light shirt. It spread thickly up her neck, pooling dark and hot into her pale cheeks. With every thud of her heart the blood thickened, deepening the bright color till it filled her features completely.

I wasn't sure if I had ever seen Bella blush so deeply before and my hand reached out of its own accord. I grazed her cheek lightly, the heat of her skin scorching my finger tips.

"Your blushing?" I asked in surprise, my curiosity expanding into a raw need. Her lack of response was unbearable. "_Please_ Bella, the suspense is painful."

Her lip went between her teeth, stalling any chance of me receiving an explanation.

"_Bella!_"

She sighed at my tone and finally mumbled, "Well, I'm a little worried…." She paused and then barely whispered. "….about after."

I tensed. Her words filling me with dread. But there was also a sense of relief. I was apprehensive and slightly afraid to hear her worries but also pleased at the same time.

Because despite Bella's complete willingness to join me in this world I knew she had worries and I was pleased she was willing to –not only admit them- but share them with me.

"What has you worried?" I asked softly, moving my hand from her cheek to brush a strand of hair lightly from her face.

Her answer came hushed and fast. "All of you just seem so convinced that the only thing I'm going to be interested in is slaughtering everyone in town."

I flinched at her words and the complete truth they held, but she went on….

"And I'm afraid I'll be so preoccupied with the mayhem that I won't be _me_ anymore. And that I won't….I won't _want_ you the same way I do now."

"Bella…" I said soothingly, trying to ease the fear that was clear in her voice. "….that part doesn't last forever." I ducked my head trying to catch her eyes but she evaded me.

"Edward," she hesitated, the heat radiating from her face impossibly increasing. "There's something that I want to do before I'm not human anymore."

I closed my eyes tightly, trying to push away the pain. _'Not human anymore' _

"Whatever you want," I said fiercely. _Anything_. She should know there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her.

"Do you promise?"

"Yes," I answered immediately. "Tell me what you want, and you can have it."

It wasn't in my power, in my _being_ to deny her anything. Alice's visions of the future…of those beautiful brown eyes being washed out forever with crimson proved that and then some.

I waited, my body frozen and breathing stalled. I could feel the nervousness escaping her almost as if Jasper was present in the room with us and I was exposed to his mind.

"You," she finally chocked out.

I smiled. "I'm yours," I said in exasperation and agitation of not having the power to read her mind in this moment.

Once more I tried reading her eyes but she ducked her head further, taking in a deep ragged breath.

And then she was on her knees and lunging towards me.

I quickly lifted my hands to her shoulders, lessening the blow her body would have made with my chest. At the same time her arms encircled my neck tightly and her lips collided with mine.

I gasped softly, caught off guard, but managed to kiss her back gently.

Her kiss was feverish and urgent and I tried desperately to figure out what she was doing….what she had meant.

Was she trying to distract me?, to drop the subject? I could not allow that. Her voice when she had whispered she wanted something before she was no longer human was burned into my mind. I couldn't _not_ know now.

All the human experiences she hadn't had yet, all the things I wished she would give me more time for, was time she never aloud. It was always _'I'll get to them after'_ or _'you're all that matters'. _

Bella had made it a point more than once that joining me and my family was more important than anything else.

So why _now_?

What had changed?

What was it she wanted?

I'd give anything. How could I not? She was sacrificing her humanity for me, risking her beautiful soul....the least I could do was make the best of the time she had left with a beating heart, let her experience those precious moments as best I could, precious moments that would be gone once my venom filled her heart and silenced it forever.

I was just about to push her hot face away from mine and demand that she just tell me, when I finally got my answer.

I had been so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize her hands had moved from my neck until I felt her trembling fingers at the buttons of my shirt.

There was a split second where my mind recognized what Bella was doing and my body suddenly reacted in a way I had never felt before. An electrical current –familiar because it was the same I had felt the very first time I had ever touched her bare skin- and completely foreign because of the magnitude.

White heat flooded from Bella's fingers and filled my body. Increasing each time her unsteady fingers brushed against my skin. It was a fiery electricity that filled me from head to toe, but it wasn't painful….it was anything _but_ painful.

I froze, pulling my lips roughly from hers and clamping them shut against the sudden and unexpected venom that began to flow. At the same time my muscles locked up in a strange struggle, pushing back the unfamiliar instinct. An instinct that was far from being a predator for its prey.

It all made sense now. Her every word, every blush, every action.

I pushed her away more roughly than I intended, physically tearing the current of desire she was pouring into me.

"Be reasonable, Bella," I said, harsh anger filling my voice. I wasn't sure exactly what had caused it, whether it was the loss of contact, her attempt to trick me with her words, or her so called _negotiation,_ I didn't know.

"You promised," she said, sounding just as angry. "Whatever I wanted."

I glared at her beautiful flushed face. "We're not having this discussion," I snapped as I quickly buttoned the top two buttons of my shirt, trying to ignore the left over current still humming beneath my skin.

Bella's jaw clamped closed. "I say we are," she spat out between her teeth. Her hands flashed to her shirt and pulled, while mine blurred to her wrists, stopping the thin fabric from tearing the buttons loose.

"I say we're not."

"You wanted to know!"

"I thought it would be faintly reasonable!"

Her face flushed again, though not with embarrassment this time. "So you can ask for any stupid, ridiculous thing _you_ want—like getting _married_—but _I'm_ not allowed to even _discuss_ what I…"

I quickly gripped both her wrists in one hand and placed the other over her mouth.

Her words and tone were true. It _was_ unfair. I _was_ being selfish. But it didn't matter.

For the first time ever I was able to look into the eyes I loved….loved beyond reason, and speak the small word without hesitation, regret, or pain.

"No."

Bella breathed in deeply through her nose, as my right hand was still covering her mouth, and let it out roughly, coating my skin with warm moist breath.

Neither of us moved from our positions…. but after several heartbeats Bella's brow furrowed and she relaxed. Her arms went limp in my hand where I was still holding her wrists and her shoulders fell.

I immediately felt guilty for losing my temper and being so harsh, but I couldn't help it. I could still feel the hard anger and breathed deeply trying to push it away.

I just couldn't believe what she had been trying to do. We have had this conversation more than once. I'd explained it to her the very first time I'd ever laid with her in her bed.

We _couldn't_….not now. No matter how much we both may want it. It just wasn't possible.

I released Bella's wrists, setting them in her lap and ran my free hand through my hair in frustration. I was slowly beginning to see where the harsh anger had come from. It wasn't aimed so much at Bella as it was aimed at myself.

Because it wasn't her quick, careless advances or her fast anger that had upset me. It was the simple painful fact that I couldn't give her what she wanted. Not this time.

The internal civil war between my mind and body was never-ending. It was maddening.

My eager need to give her anything she asked of me and the overwhelming instinct to keep her safe always clashed together with fierce force.

But this time was so much different. There would be no compromise. I couldn't even consider it open-minded as she had asked me too, because it was _me_ who was putting her at risk and I couldn't do that. Ever.

Bella's heart was steadily slowing back to its normal pace, her breathing deep and steady as it hit my hand with warm moist beats. Nearly a minute past like this, neither one of us moving.

She was still looking down and I was still completely lost for words. I didn't know what to say because the only word I could think of was _No_.

I couldn't.

Not now.

It hurt….unbelievably so, but not enough to let my guard down.

It was too risky….anything could go wrong. I wish Bella would comprehend how very dangerous it would be for her to be that physically close to me.

Right now, with my hand cupped over her mouth, all it would take was a simple twitch of a finger to cause damage. The risk was too much.

A noise escaped my chest…. surprising me. It was something between a groan and a sigh.

I should have known I'd ruin this night.

I could tell Bella was upset with me. The little of her face that I could see told me as much. Her body was stiff now and I could smell and hear the blood filling her cheeks again, flowing under my fingers.

I slid my hand down, placing a finger beneath her chin. "What now?" I asked lifting her flushed face back up.

"Nothing."

Confusion filled me. She was more than disappointed.

Her voice was hushed and sounded….delicate…._vulnerable_.

My brow furrowed as I examined her face, trying to read the strange emotion. Her eyes caught mine for a second and then looked away, her chin pulling against my hold as she tried to turn her head away from me.

It was enough though. Enough to see that the soft brown were too moist.

It was worse than I thought. I hadn't angered her with my harsh refusal. I had _hurt_ her.

"Did I hurt your feelings?" I asked in shock. The words were wrong, because I would never do that, and yet….I had.

"No," she lied, her voice thick. My chest tightened as guilt gripped my still heart.

I immediately scooped her up and pressed her against my chest. I held her head to my shoulder, trying to physically remove the hurt I had unintentionally….but obviously _thoroughly_ caused.

"You know why I have to say no," I murmured desperately. The disgust with myself in this moment was too much. And it was made all the more worst because I couldn't give in. Not this time.

"You know I want you too."

"Do you?" she whispered in a small doubt-filled voice.

I laughed once in painful disbelief, "Of course I do you silly, beautiful, oversensitive girl. Doesn't everyone?" I asked bleakly.

"I feel like there's a line behind me, jocking for position, waiting for me to a make a big enough mistake." I said, sharing my own doubts and letting them mix with hers. "You're too desirable for your own good."

"Who's being silly now?" she grumbled against my shoulder.

I raised my eyebrows though she could see. "Do I have to send a petition around to get you to believe?" I asked. "Shall I tell you whose name would be on the top of the list? You know a few of them, but some might surprise you."

My only response was the soft movement against my shoulder as she shook her head. "You're just trying to distract me." She muttered, her voice picking up its former aggravation. "Let's get back to the subject" she demanded.

I sighed at her determined tone, and though I'd take it over the desolation and hurt in her voice any day, I sighed, because I knew the argument was far from over.

"Tell me if I have anything wrong." She began, her voice removed, as if she were speaking to herself more than to me. "Your demands are marriage, paying my tuition, more time, and you wouldn't mind if my vehicle went a little faster….Did I miss anything?"

I pressed my lips together to keep from smiling. A negotiating Bella—despite the subject—was too much.

"That's a hefty list," she added when I didn't comment.

"Only the first is a demand," I murmured, unable to keep the humor from my voice. "The rest are merely requests." Compared to Bella becoming my wife I could wait an eternity for the rest.

"And my lone, solitary demand is…."

"Demand?" I asked in surprise, the humor gone as fast as it had come.

"_Yes_, Demand!" She said loudly.

My eyes narrowed at her serious tone. She knew…_knew_ how dangerous her demand was….knew it was far from being _little_.

"Getting married is a stretch for me," she went on. "I'm not going in unless I get something in return."

There was so much fight in her. I hated the fact that once again I would have to break it.

I leaned down, placing my lips gently against her ear. "No," I murmured softly, the word painful but permanent. "It's not possible now." My voice was close to pleading but also firm. "Later when you're less breakable. Be patient Bella."

"But that's the problem," she nearly moaned, the emotion she was trying to push back leaking out in her words. "It won't be the same when I'm less breakable…._I_ won't be the same! I don't know who I'll be then!"

Her voice rose as she finished, desperate to make me understand. I was slowly realizing that this was something I _couldn't_ understand though. Not fully.

"You'll still be Bella," I soothed, running my fingers through her hair softly.

When she spoke again her voice was cold in a way I had never heard before. "If I'm so far gone that I'd want to kill Charlie—that I'd drink Jacob's blood, or Angela's if I got the chance—how can that be true?"

I resisted the urge to flinch at her words, because I knew she was right.

"It will pass," I promised into her hair. "And I doubt you'll want to drink the dog's blood," I added, disgusted at the very thought. "Even as a newborn you'll have better taste than that."

Bella's hands clenched in my shirt, her fists holding the fabric tightly. "But that will always be what I want most won't it?" she demanded fiercely. "Blood, blood, and more blood."

Her words hit home, and honestly hurt a bit. "The fact that you are still alive is proof that that is not true." I stated quietly.

"Over eighty years later!" she blurted. "What I meant was physically, though." She said, her hand's releasing my shirt and pressing into my chest, emphasizing her words. "Intellectually I know I'll be able to be myself….after a while. But the purely physical, I will always be thirsty more than anything else."

Her well laid out words told me this wasn't a spare of the moment demand. She'd thought this through….she'd finally recognized—for once—what giving up one's humanity involved. At least in this one matter.

I couldn't answer. I Couldn't answer because I didn't have an argument. Bella was right. And she knew it as much as I did.

"So I will be different," she finally said into the silence. "Because right now, physically, there's nothing I want more than you." She nuzzled closer into my shoulder, effectively spreading her warmth deeper into my skin.

"More than food or water or oxygen. Intellectually, I have my priorities in a slightly more sensible order. But _physical_…." Her hands ran up my chest slowly as she turned her head. Her hot lips met my cold palm in a soft but firm kiss that immediately ignited the former electrical charge.

My breath hitched as the current traveled the length of my arm and pooled into my chest.

I breathed in raggedly, trying to pull back my control. "Bella I could _kill_ _you,_" I whispered, my voice agonized and full of the struggle inside.

Bella's next words cut through me though, steadying me at just the right time.

"I don't think you could." Her words were filled with belief and trust….careless, _reckless_ trust.

I moved my hand from her face, personally severing the connection again. I reached behind me and secured an iron rose in my hand, easily ripping it from the bed frame.

Bella flinched at the loud screeching and pulled back, her eyes shocked.

I held my hand out to her, the beautiful iron sculpture laying delicacy in my dangerous hand. Without removing my eyes from her confused face I squeezed lightly, the metal disintegrating with less consistency than a clump of dirt.

I opened my fingers and Bella stared wide-eyed at the dark mold of my hand. Then I watched from the reflection in her eyes as it fell apart into a million tiny grains. Nothing left of its former beauty.

It was so easy, just a simple contraction of my fingers. Didn't she realize it wouldn't even take a _fraction_ of that strength to shatter _her_.

Bella's eyes finally moved from my hand to glare up at me. And I was suddenly angry again when I didn't see even a flicker of hesitation….much less fear.

"That's not what I meant," she snapped. "I know how strong you are, you didn't need to break the furniture."

"What did you mean then?" I snapped back, unable to stop myself. I was fed up with this conversation and now on top of that I was disgusted with the iron sand still sitting in my upturned hand. I flung it across the room.

Bella stared at me for a moment, clearly struggling for words. Finally she rolled her eyes. "Obviously not that you aren't physically able to hurt me, if you wanted to….more that you don't, so much so that I don't think you ever could."

I was shaking my head halfway through her explanation, because it didn't work like that. I didn't know exactly _how_ it worked.

"It might not work like that Bella." The desire to let loose just when I was kissing her was too much of a challenge at times, I couldn't even imagine taking it further. All it would take was one wrong, _accidental_ move.

"_Might,_" she said sourly. "You have no more idea what you're talking about than I do."

"_Exactly_." That was the exact problem of this whole thing. The unknown. "Do you imagine I would ever take that kind of risk with you?"

She didn't answer. Her brown eyes searched mine deeply, Scanning I knew for any waver in my defense. She would find none.

Because as unimaginable as it sounded—even in my own ears—her safety over-road my never-ending desire to give her anything she asked of me.

Bella's face suddenly fell at what she couldn't find in mine. She slumped forward and cast her eyes down, defeat written in every movement.

"Please."

As the whispered, defeated plea fell from her lips something inside me changed drastically.

I froze. Shocked and confused. The soft word seemed to crack something inside.

"It's all I want. Please."

My confusion fell away, only to be replaced by fear as I realized the cracking seemed to be radiating from my impenetrable defense.

My breathing—no matter how unnecessary—picked up speed.

I couldn't.

Not this time.

Just because this seemed to be the first time Bella had ever asked something of me, solely for herself, just because she was pleading with me to give her a human experience before she threw her humanity away for me, just because I wished with every fiber of my being I could give it to her, give her my _whole_ self, didn't mean that I should. Didn't make it right.

Bella's eyes were closed as I tried to force the unnecessary air into my now constricted chest.

What was _wrong_ with me?

How could everything change in the space of two seconds?

Why?...._Why_ was she asking this of me?

So many times I had begged Bella to think about what she was giving up, to realize what she was leaving behind. Her father, her mother, her human friends, her future with children, her beautiful heart, her soul, her humanity. And when she finally realizes one of the many sacrifices she would be making it was _this_.

Of all the things she asks for the chance to experience she asks for the one thing I myself had never even considered—and not because of the over whelming risk it would involve for her—but because this was one experience I never had the chance to have myself.

I honestly never considered sex as one of the many sacrifices Bella would make because by the time I acknowledge that missing piece in myself it was already too late. Out of reach.

That fact never bothered me though, because even as a human boy that was the furthest thing from my mind, _love_ was the furthest thing from my mind.

But then and after, human and then vampire, that was a time before Bella was born, so of course I couldn't miss or crave something I didn't have….that didn't exist yet.

But _she_ _did_.

Bella was still human and she had me, she loved me, she _wanted_ me. Wanted me in a way I had never wanted another person when I was human.

As I felt Bella's warmth enveloping me I knew if the roles were reversed I'd want the same thing. Because she was here now, _here_ in _this_ time. And I may not be human but it did nothing to lessen the need I felt for her.

"Please?"

I focused my eyes again to see Bella staring up at me, her eyes surprised and hopeful as she witnessed my impossible hesitation.

Was that it?

Was I actually _hesitating_?

"You don't have to make me any guarantees." She rushed out in one breath. Her heart was beating frantically again, matching the pace of the words spilling from her mouth.

"If it doesn't work out right, well then, that's that. Just let us _try_….only try. And I'll marry you, I'll let you pay for Dartmouth, and I won't even complain about the bribe to get me in. You can even buy me a faster car if that makes you happy! Just…_Please_."

I pulled her back to my chest, desperately trying to stall the moment when my will crumpled; hoping against hope her body would hold mine together as the one wall I thought she would never tear down disintegrated, turned to dust like the iron rose.

Only her stone grasp had been one soft spoken word.

"This is unbearable," I moaned, hanging by my nails. "So many things I've wanted to give you—and this is what you decide to demand." I nuzzled my face closer into her hot neck. "Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way?"

She breathed in shakily, her breath as unsteady as mine now. "Then don't refuse."

I kissed her neck lightly knowing if I spoke it wouldn't be another denial. My fight was gone.

"Please," She breathed again, trembling lightly at my touch.

"Bella," I moaned, defenseless and vulnerable in her soft hands.

But then I hesitated, because even though my defense was no longer in existence I couldn't find the words of agreement. Just the _thought_ of surrendering in my mind was terrifying.

Though I didn't speak it aloud I did cave. Slowly I began to take a too dangerous risk and test myself. Test us _both_.

Carefully I moved my lips across her tender throat. Her fast moving blood throbbed against my mouth, igniting my throat in a painful blaze.

Painful but bearable. Painful but _safe_. Safe because there was no blood lust beneath the pain. It hadn't been that was for a long while now and I was glad the lessen my being had learned that unspeakable day last summer was still in effect.

Bella's heart accelerated rapidly at my slow, but very clear advances. She turned in my arms and met my lips with a raw eagerness that immediately triggered my own.

I cupped her face just as eager and kissed her back fiercely. Despite the large physical differences in our hands and mouths we moved in sync with each other.

Each time our lips met I pressed just a fraction closer, desperate and unbelievably eager.

The electricity seemed to be a living thing now, no longer inside but seeping from my body and enveloping her too.

It was so powerful. Just Bella, just me, and her rapid beating heart, her quick shaky breaths mingling with mine. Both fast and demanding.

I wasn't sure exactly how it happened but Bella's body was now flush with mine, her hot skin molding around me. Her overheated body burned into my chest sending shivers down my spine. Or maybe it was the soft shaking off her hands as she pulled herself impossibly closer…maybe both.

I was far too gone to fully register the fact that it could be my icy skin that caused the trembling in her, but she showed no sign of stopping and for once I didn't make her.

I hadn't realized how long I held her soft lips prisoner until she tilted her head up and sucked in some much needed air. I didn't pause, trailing my lips down her neck I peppered the pulsating skin with firm kisses.

I hadn't let go completely, but I did give my body a bit more control over my mind, allowed Bella and I what we both wanted. As I explored her skin I found some balance within myself. Instead of allowing my insides to struggle against one another for dominace I pulled them apart. While my mind analyzed every move, every kiss, and every touch, I let my body absorb _her_ every touch.

Bella's fingers were fast and steady this time as she undid every button on my shirt without interference. I nearly faltered as my mind screamed for caution and my body yearned for more. It was a weak echo of the former civil war but I quickly withdrew; separating the two forces before they made me stop.

I gained control just in time for Bella to run her hot hands up my bare chest. I gasped softly against her throat at the contact. The contrast between my frozen skin and her burning palms was nearly painful. The heat seeped beneath my stone skin, softening my muscles and stirring my silent heat.

Bella was _so_ close, she was _everywhere_. So much so that the powerful beat of her heart filled _me_ too. I could feel the pulsating blood flowing beneath the thin layer of her skin, filling my limbs with a warm hum that dominated my senses to the point that all I _could_ _feel_ was Bella.

Bella's hands made their way up my chest a second time, leaving a trail of heat and electricity. This time however she gripped my neck and pulled against it. I obeyed immediately, dipping my head and meeting her lips again.

With one hand I cupped her face, breathing her in through my mouth. My other hand trailed down her arm and around her hip. I pressed her lower back with just enough strength to pull her closer, flush against my bare skin.

The hum inside me turned into a steady fierce beat. Her heart—which was beating so powerfully—hit my chest violently. It was so fierce that the rapid _'tha-thump tha-thump tha-thump'_ radiated into my body and echoed through my arms.

In this moment would swear I could remember what it felt like to have a beating heart, something I thought had been burned away and buried with a century of living without it.

In this endless moment, as I kissed my Bella as deeply as I dared and held her as tightly as her fragile body would allow, I was alive in a way I should, by all rights, never be.

I had a beating heart again.

I already knew Bella was my heart now, but this was the first time I _felt_ it. Felt it in a way I never imagined was possible.

All the sensations running through my body was so intense I never wanted to stop.

It was new.

It was scary.

It was perfect.

_It wasn't enough. _

Suddenly I wanted her even closer.

I wanted all of Isabella Swan and I wanted to give her all of Edward Masen.

And yet I was still in control. There wasn't the slightest flicker of fear in my mind that I would hurt her.

As long as I kept my mind and body on separate ground….maybe, just maybe….I _could_ try.

But only _try_.

The emotions that filled me at this thought mixed with the feelings her touches were giving me and I knew I _had_ to have more….and I would do everything I could to try and give her the experience she could only have as a human.

But then Bella's hands dropped to her shirt again and I froze.

This _had_ to be enough.

For tonight.

Though I was willing to try I was nowhere near ready to.

I needed to speak with Carlisle for one and second: there was something I wanted in return before I agreed to this step.

Now there were _two_ things we _both_ wanted. We both had demands of the other that coincidentally seemed to fall together.

So we would do this right.

_I_—for once—would do this right.

* * *

**X**

**~*~**

**X**

**~*~**

**X**

**Well there's part one of Compromise. I was a little nervous, as this was a part alot of people was looking forward to. So I hope you enjoyed. **

**Also for those whoe haven't seen it yet I have a rather short "one-shot" posted called 'Fighting Heaven'. It's Edward's POV During Renesmee's birth as he tries to bring Bella back. Check it out if you have the time and let me know what you think. ;)**

**Till next time. ;) **


	29. Virtue

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Chapter 28

Virtue

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"_So our virtues Lie in the interpretation of the time"_

_-William Shakespeare_

_

* * *

_

Last left off at:

_But then Bella's hands dropped to her shirt again and I froze. __This had to be enough. __For tonight._

_Though I was willing to try I was nowhere near ready to. __I needed to speak with Carlisle for one and second: there was something I wanted in return before I agreed to this step._

_Now there were two things we both wanted. _

_We both had demands of the other that coincidentally seemed to fall together._

_So we would do this right._

I_—for once—would do this right._

_

* * *

_

I leaned forward and quickly stopped Bella's fumbling fingers. Holding her wrists gently, I laid her back against the pillows, meeting no resistance as I placed her hands safely above her head. Then reluctantly I moved my lips from hers, trailing them along her cheekbone till I reached her ear.

"Bella," I murmured, her warm breaths coating my cheek. "Would you please stop trying your take your clothes off?"

"Do you want to do that part?" She asked breathlessly as I skimmed my nose down her throat to lay a soft kiss on her collar bone.

"Not tonight," I whispered, moving back up and placing my lips against the rapidly moving pulse point beneath her jaw. I knew my continued actions contradicted everything I was saying, but I couldn't find it in me to stop. I knew I couldn't go further but I didn't want this moment to end either.

"Edward don't…." She began her voice pleading and angry at the same time. She sounded just as I felt.

"I'm not saying no," I reassured her quickly. "I'm just saying not tonight."

She was silent for a moment, staring up at me blankly while her breathing slowed and her pulse steadied out. I leaned back down pressing my lips to her throat again and burying my face in her warm skin and hair. I already missed the violent rhythm of her pulse, the shock of heat that had been pouring from her skin.

"Give me one good reason why tonight is not as good as any other night," she finally said in frustration.

I laughed softly, tilting my head up slightly to murmur in her ear. "I wasn't born yesterday. Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want?" I asked, voicing just one of my reasons. There was a much larger reason why I didn't want it to be tonight. Even bigger than speaking to Carlisle, but there was no way I'd admit it.

"You just promised to marry me before you did any changing…" I went on. "But if I give in tonight what guarantee do I have that you won't go running to Carlisle in the morning?"

Bella sighed in frustration again and rolled her eyes.

I chuckled again. "I am—clearly—much less reluctant to give you what you want. Therefore…." I added in a whisper. "You first."

She exhaled loudly, her wrists straining against my hands. When I released them she brought her arms down till her hands landed soft and warm in my hair. Moving my face from her neck I peered up to see her eyes staring down at me in disbelief. "I have to marry you first?"

Resting my chin on her chest I looked up at her, raising my eyebrows. "That's the deal," I said quietly "Take or leave it." Then I smirked unable to stop myself. "Compromise, remember?"

As her lips parted I quickly leaned up and sealed them against my own, effectively cutting off the remark she was about to throw at me. Then straddling her body lightly I wrapped my arm around her waist and turned her till we were both on our sides facing each other.

Despite Bella's obvious irritation with me she quickly reacted. Her fingers remained in my hair, tugging in a request I was all too willing to give. I pulled her closer, my hand running softly across her shoulder blades. I knew the longer I kept this up the harder she would fight me against my decision. So when I finally released her mouth, moving my lips down her chin and across her jaw I wasn't surprised at her words.

"I think that's a really bad idea," she gasped out.

"I'm not surprised you feel that way," I smirked against her skin. "You have a one track mind."

"How did this happen?" she asked breathlessly, her fingers still tangled in my hair. "I thought I was holding my own tonight—for once—and now, all of the sudden…" she faltered and her words cut off.

"Your engaged," I finished for her, kissing the corner of her mouth.

Her face jerked a fraction away from mine. "EW, please don't say that out loud."

Stilling my movements I leaned up on my arms, hovering over her again. "Are you going back on your word?" I demanded, trying desperately not to smile as she struggled for words. I lost my fight quickly though and when Bella saw my wide grin she glared, her brown eyes narrowing. "Are you?" I challenged.

"Uhg!" Bella tilted her face up, cutting our eye contact. "No," she sighed, glaring up at the ceiling. "I'm not."

I chuckled lightly and her eyes flashed back to my face.

"Are you happy now?"

I grinned widely, "Exceptionally."

She groaned again, her features full of irritation and her body tense. I leaned back down, closing the distance between us until our lips were nearly touching. "Aren't you happy at all?" I asked in a whisper. Then I touched her lips again, but gently this time.

"A little bit," she mumbled reluctantly against my mouth.

I smiled; glad I wasn't completely alone in this moment and everything it meant.

"But not about getting married," she added quickly.

It was my turn to sigh as I kissed her pouting lower lip again. But then I found myself laughing quietly at this perfect and yet utterly absurd night. "Do you ever feel that everything is backward?" I asked through my laughter. "Traditionally shouldn't you be arguing my side, and I yours?"

The frustration finally eased from Bella's face some as she smiled. "There isn't much that's traditional about you and me."

"True," I murmured. Then because her lips seemed to be an endless magnet, pulling me relentlessly back for more I was once again bending down to capture them with mine. I leaned back up, pulling Bella with me till she was leaning against the headboard and we were both upright.

Bella's heart was racing again, her heated face flush against mine. Now that we had this new discovery I couldn't seem to get enough. The electricity and warmth pouring from her skin and touch was addictive. It pulled me in just as strongly as the thundering beat of her heart.

Bella's hands found their way to my bare chest again, pressing firmly while at the same time feather light. I cupped the side of her neck, tilting her head to the side to give my lips better access.

Her hands moved up my chest to my shoulders…my neck. Our lips met again as her hands landed on my face, but as her fingers began stroking my cheeks and jaw, the aroma flowing from the thick vein in her wrist quickly drew my attention. Unable to stop myself I cupped her hand against my face and turned my lips into her heated palm.

"Look Edward," Bella mumbled breathlessly once her mouth was free. "I said I would marry you, and I will."

I kissed her palm again, grazing my lips slowly down and across her wrist.

"I promise, I swear," she went on. "If you want, I'll sign a contract in my own blood."

"Not funny," I murmured against her pulsing wrist. The blood flowing against my lips, hidden by a thin layer of the most delicate skin, was as tempting as it was untouchable.

"What I'm saying is this…." Bella began again. "I'm not going to trick you or anything. You know me better than that. So there's really no reason to wait. We're completely alone—how often does that happen?..." Her voice was still eager, still hopeful "…and you've provided this very large and comfortable bed…"

"Not tonight," I repeated quickly unable to look into her wide compelling eyes. My defense couldn't handle anymore distractions.

"Don't you trust me?"

What kind of question was that? "Of course I do."

Using the hand I was still holding to my lips Bella cupped beneath my chin, pulling my face back up to hers. "Then what's the problem?" she demanded catching my eye. "It's not like you didn't know you were going to win in the end…You always win." She added under her breath.

"Just hedging my bets," I murmured, trying to keep my face neutral.

Her eyes narrowed, the perceptive brown scanning my features too intensely for my liking. She always saw entirely too much sometimes.

"Are you planning to go back on your word?" she suddenly demanded.

"No," I said calmly and honestly. "I swear to you, we will try. After you marry me."

She stared at me for a long second and then slowly shook her head. "You make me feel like a villain in a melodrama…." She laughed sarcastically. "….Twirling my mustache while I try to steal some poor girl's virtue."

I tried not to stiffen at the word; as it hit dead on the mark. I quickly ducked my head and pressed my lips gently to her collarbone, trying to distract her before she….

"That's it isn't it?" she burst out in a shocked laugh.

Too late.

"You're trying to protect your virtue!" A giggle escaped her mouth and I leaned my face further into her shoulder, suppressing the groan that was fighting its way up my throat.

I will never grasp how, in some moments, my young Isabella could make me feel so ancient and yet a mere seventeen years old all at the same time.

"No silly girl," I mumbled against the hot skin between her neck and shoulder. "I'm trying to protect yours. And you're making it shockingly difficult."

"Of all the ridiculous…."

"Let me ask you something," I said quickly, sitting back up. Her flushed face was close to mine, her eyes still sparklingly with amusement despite the exasperation. Once more the time barrier between us had made itself present and once more I was going to have to explain. Bella didn't share the same values or the reasons behind those values as I did. I realized she wouldn't comprehend why I would want to do this—of all things—right.

It was true that I was protecting her virtue, but it was also true that I was protecting mine—to an extent….because it was the only thing I truly had left.

"We've had this discussion before, but humor me." I began, "How many people in this room have a soul? A shot at heaven or whatever there is after this life?"

My words were like the turning of a switch as all the amusement in Bella's eyes vanished. Her features fell, turning both serious and stern.

"Two," she said immediately.

"All right. Maybe that's true." I said with a small nod, the sudden fierceness in Bella's voice and eyes made me unable to abruptly contradict her.

"Now…." I took in a breath, deciding quickly how to word my thoughts in such a way that would hold off her disapproval, at least until I got my point across. "….there's a world full of dissension about this, but a vast majority seem to think that there are some rules that have to be followed."

Despite my word choice Bella sighed heavily. It was obvious she was picking up on where I was headed. "Vampire rules aren't enough for you?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "You want to worry about the human ones too?"

I shrugged lightly, unperturbed. "It couldn't hurt," I said honestly. "Just in case."

Bella's eyes narrowed at the casual seriousness in my voice, but I went on. "Now, of course, it might be too late for me, even if you are right about my soul."

"No." Her eyes flashed again, but this time with anger. "It isn't."

" 'Thou shalt not kill' is commonly accepted by most major belief systems." I said lowly some of my own frustration making itself known. I hesitated for a half second and then went on gently. "And I've killed a lot of people Bella." Didn't she understand that part of me yet?

"Only the bad ones," she said without hesitation in spite of the severe truth my statement held. I wanted to argue, to tell her that 'a lot of people' was probably an understatement, but I knew her well enough to know it would do no good. She would, and has, always seen me as a glass half full.

Instead of arguing I shrugged again, allowing her opinion of me because this conversation wasn't about my soul. "Maybe that counts, maybe it doesn't. But you haven't killed anyone…"

"That you know about." She muttered, cutting me off.

I couldn't help but smile at her expression. "And…" I went on still smiling, "I'm going to do my best to keep you out of temptation's way."

"Okay," Bella sighed, her voice impatient. "But we weren't fighting over committing murder."

"The same principle applies…" I explained, "…the only difference is that this is one area in which I'm just as spotless as you are." I leaned in, my face absorbing the heat radiating from her skin and soft breaths. "Can't I leave one rule unbroken?" I asked quietly.

She blinked, "One?" she asked in confusion.

I looked into her eyes, focused on the deep brown as I began to count off the obvious sins that were either unnoticed or ignored by her love for me. "You know that I've stolen, I've lied, I've coveted…my virtue is all I have left." I grinned, watching as an unconscious blush lightly colored her cheeks.

Bella shook her head. "I lie all the time," she argued.

I chuckled. "Yes, but your such a bad liar that it doesn't really count. Nobody believes you."

Her eyes widened. "I really hope your wrong about that…" she huffed, "…because otherwise Charlie is about to burst through the door with a loaded gun."

"Charlie is happier when he pretends to swallow your stories." I said smoothly. Charlie Swan was a perceptive man, but he had the tendency to try and lie to himself when his thoughts strayed to certain things.

It was clear to me—after being exposed to his mind for so long—where Bella got her ability to ignore unwanted things or thoughts. Why she was able to look danger and certain death in the face more than once and stand her ground.

"He'd rather lie to himself than look too closely," I added in a murmur.

Unsurprisingly Bella's features were still skeptical. "But what did you ever covet?" she asked. "You have everything."

At her words my humor vanished. "I coveted you." I answered; my voice low. "I had no right to want you—but I reached out and took you anyway." I smiled "And now look what's become of you!" I said lightening my tone. "Trying to seduce a vampire."

"You can't covet what's already yours," she said. "Besides, I thought it was my virtue you were worried about."

"It is." I answered. "If it's too late for me…well, I'll be damned—no pun intended—if I'll let them keep you out, too."

"You can't make me go someplace you won't be," she said quietly, her voice soft and serious. "That's my definition of hell."

I gazed at her face unable to speak as I took in the absolute honesty written in her every feature.

"Anyway," she said breaking the silence with a lighter tone. "I have an easy solution to all this: let's never die, all right?"

I smiled and gave a small shrug. "Sounds simple enough. Why didn't I think of that?"

Bella stared at me her eyes still expectant. I knew she was waiting for me to waver, to show any kind of sign that I was going to cave again. But I wasn't and I wouldn't. Not anymore than I already had. Bella's angry humph let me know that she also knew this.

"So that's it?" she finally said in frustration. "You won't sleep with me until we're married?"

"Technically…." I said unable to help myself. "I can't ever sleep with you."

"Very mature, Edward."

"But…." I cut in, "other than that detail, yes, you've got it right."

Brown eyes suddenly narrowed at me in suspicion. "I think you have an ulterior motive."

"Another one?'

"You know this will speed things up," she accused.

"There's only one thing I want to speed up," I admitted, pushing down my laughter. "….and the rest can wait forever….but for that, it's true, your impatient human hormones are my most powerful ally at this point."

Bella's head was shaking slowly in disbelief. "I can't believe I'm going along with this." She said mostly to herself. "When i think of Charlie...and Renee!" she looked at me, her eyes wide. "Can you imagine what Angela will think? Or Jessica? Ugh. I can hear the gossip now."

Really? she was worried about this small town's small talk? Compared to what she was ultimately giving up it seemed to me dealing with a few weeks of gossip would be nothing.

Bella was looking at me but I couldn't seem to find any words so I merely raised my eyebrow. I could tell by the way her face dropped that she understood my silence.

Her eyes slid slowly from my face to her lap, and I knew immediately her thoughts were running rapid…rapid and silent…at least to me.

Suddenly her face paled again and I could feel a shudder run across her shoulders.

"It doesn't have to be a big production" I said quickly, trying to pull her away from the thoughts that were clearly eating at her.

"I don't need fanfare." I went on, trying reassure her that we could stay as far away from white dresses and flowers as she wanted to. "you won't have to tell anyone or make any changes. We'll go to Vegas—you can wear old jeans and we'll go to the chapel with the drive-through window."

I ducked my head, trying to catch her eyes. "I just want it to be official—that you belong to me and no one else"

"It couldn't be any more official than it already is." she mumbled back a small smirk lifted the corner of her lips and I smiled tentatively back.

"We'll see about that." I said with a small smile. "I suppose you don't want your ring now?" I added, fighting the urge to leap up and retrieve my mother's ring from the night stand drawer.

Bella's face paled at my words. "You suppose correctly," she all but choked out.

"That's fine," I said, laughing at her reaction. "I'll get it on your finger soon enough."

The sudden victory I found myself in had my nerves on edge…I was near giddy with excitement. So it took me a second to realize Bella was glaring up at me. "You talk like you already have one."

My smiled grew. "I do," I admitted proudly. "Ready to force upon you at the first sign of weakness."

Her eyes widened. "You're unbelievable." She breathed.

For the second time tonight I could feel a strong wave of eagerness enveloping me. "Do you want to see it?" The excited question seemed burst from my lips of its own free will.

"No!"

I froze. Not realizing until I did that I had already been unconsciously moving towards the small side table.

A part of me knew my request would be denied. But what I wasn't expecting was the forcefulness behind that single word. My excitement and eagerness hit a wall and dissolved into nothing.

"Unless you really want to show it to me." Bella suddenly said. Her voice a mixture of nerves and apology.

"That's alright," I lied. "It can wait." Despite how badly I wanted to see my mother's ring on Bella's finger, I didn't want to put it there unless she wanted it there.

"Show me the damn ring, Edward."

I shook my head. "No."

Bella looked at me, her eyes scanning my face again. I always felt like I was laid bare when she looked at me like this. And I knew without a doubt she could read the barely concealed hurt on my face, just as easily as I could feel it.

As I watched, her face suddenly softened and her dark brown eyes bore into mine….pleading without words.

"Please?" she asked softly as she raised her hand up to my face. Her hot little fingers stroked my cheek and the warmth immediately made my back and shoulders relax. "Please can I see it?"

And just like that, with six soft spoken words and a gentle touch, a near century old vampire was once again rendered powerless.

I knew what she was doing and yet I still couldn't fight back.

I could deny her nothing.

It would truly be terrifying if I didn't trust this human girl with every fiber of my being. "You are the most dangerous creature I've ever met," I murmured.

Then I slowly moved to the side table and retrieved the small box, trying to contain my anticipation and nerves. Returing to the bed I gently placed the tiny black box on her leg and waited.

"Go ahead and look, then," I said quickly when Bella made no sign of moving. Slowly her hand picked up the box, her fingers trembling slightly as she brushed the dark satin.

"You didn't spend a lot of money, did you?" She asked nervously without taking her eyes from the box. "Lie to me, if you did."

I smiled though she couldn't see. "I didn't spend anything. It's just another hand-me-down." I murmured, moving closer to lean against her shoulder. "This is the ring my father gave to my mother."

She still hadn't looked up but I could see her eyebrows rise in surprise. "Oh."

Her fingers closed on the lid and then she hesitated. I held my breath feeling nervous and eager all at the same time. I felt extremely vulnerable. I knew Bella would never hurt me intentionally, but regardless she was the only person who could truly hurt me and I had waited so long for this moment.

"I supposed it's a little outdated," I said lightly when her fingers remained frozen. "Old-fashioned, just like me." Reaching up I brushed a strand of hair back from her shoulder and leaned in closer. "I can get you something more modern. Something from Tiffany's?" I added, knowing what the answer to that offer would be. Besides I was fairly confidant in what her opinion of this ring would be once she saw it.

"I like old-fashioned things," she mumbled distractedly.

My confidence though, only went so far due to the fact that Bella always seemed to take me off guard and surprise me with her true reactions, so when her thumb and forefinger finally pulled back the lid I found myself once again holding my breath.

Bella inhaled a small breath and when her fingers reached up to touch shinning diamonds I thought I would burst with satisfaction. Yes she liked it, it was written all over her face.

"It's so pretty." She breathed, sounding as if she was surprised by that fact.

"Do you like it?" I asked softly, seeing the gold and shimmering diamond reflected in her eyes.

Her head snapped up and she finally looked at me, almost as if she just realized I was still sitting next to her. Then she shrugged, her expression changing to one of feigned boredom. "It's beautiful," she said nonchalantly. "What's not to like?"

I laughed at her failed attempt to seem unconcerned. But it was already too late; I had seen her true reaction. She loved the ring as much as I did. Now there was only one more thing I wanted…no needed to do.

"See if it fits." I said lightly, knowing I had to get her to agree to put it on. Movement caught my eyes and I looked down to see her left hand clenched tightly into a fist against her leg. I sighed, resisting the urge to roll my eyes in frustration. "Bella, I'm not going to solder it to your finger. Just try it on so I can see if it needs to be sized. Then you can take it right off," I promised.

"Fine," she relaxed her fingers moving to lift the ring from its box.

I reached out quickly and plucked the ring up; before she realized I had even moved I took her left hand gently into mine. Bella's eyes flashed to my face in confusion but my only answer was a soft smile. If this simple act was the only one I would be allowed then I wasn't going to miss the opportunity.

Moving with human slowness I slid my mother's ring onto Bella's third finger, feeling the cold metal glide over her warm skin. When it came to rest at the base of her finger I held her hand up between us.

The emotions that had been building suddenly blossomed in my chest, coming in varied waves of intensity: Fulfillment, fear, elation, impatience, love, triumph, guilt, pleasure…. and an altogether overwhelming sense of wonder.

Even with all this though there was only one thought in my mind, one word that filled and extended over everything:

Perfection.

The band of delicate gold and the oval of bright shining diamonds belonged on this hand. It did not stand out or look overly large; it blended in with the pale, slightly flushed skin and sat perfectly up right, not too loose and not too tight.

"A perfect fit," I murmured, fighting to keep my voice indifferent and failing miserably. "That's nice…." I added barely aware of what I was saying as I turned to finally look at Bella's face. It was taking every ounce of my self-control to not swing this beautiful creature up into my arms, to kiss her with everything I had. "….save's me a trip to the jeweler's."

Brown eyes quickly met mine, looking suspicious again. "You like that, don't you?" she asked, indicating the ring with a wiggle of her fingers.

I shrugged. "Sure," I lied lightly, "It looks very nice on you." It was a lie, all of it. And I knew immediately she could see through my words and false tone as her soft eyes scanned my face.

Without warning it burst forth, starting somewhere deep within my chest and rising up into my face with a wide grin that was a hair's breath away from joyful laughter. What was the point of hiding it anyway?

I wanted Bella to see it, I wanted to her to see all of it. But much more than that, I wanted her to feel it.

And then I had her in my arms, one hand sliding up her back into her hair and the other cupping the back of her neck as I kissed her with as much of the emotion as I could physically show. I breathed her in and poured out my heart through my movements.

My lips found her ear again, "Yes, I like it. You have no idea."

Bella's breathless laugh filled the room, and in it I could hear a layer of happiness and excitement that matched my own. Even if they weren't for the same reasons.

If I was ever going to get the chance this was it.

"Do you mind if I do something?" I murmured quietly.

"Anything you want."

I loosened my arms and made a move to slide from the bed. Bella's fingers locked in the folds of my shirt. "Anything but that." She complained. I smiled but didn't stop my movements, pulling her off the bed with me.

I stood up, feeling nervous again. I had no idea what her response was going to be to my next act, but I had to get this right.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and looked into her confused eyes. "Now, I want to do this right. Please, please, keep in mind that you've already agreed to this, and don't ruin it for me."

Slowly, gently I slid onto one knee, my eyes never leaving her face.

"Oh, no," air rushed from her lungs and I could see the flush draining from her cheeks.

I swallowed thickly, "Be nice."

I waited a few seconds, let her take in a breath and steady herself. Then I dove in without looking back, trusting her with my heart as I made myself vulnerable.

"Isabella Swan?" I had never thought about how I would say this, but the words were fresh and poured honestly from my lips as if I had them stored in my mind all along, waiting to spring forth in the right moment.

"I promise to love you forever—every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

My mind registered six long steady heartbeats as I waited for the answer that would begin the beginning of everything.

And then without fear or hesitation I heard the answer come clearly from her lips.

"Yes."

That one word held everything. It was spoken as if the answer was obvious and the asking was never needed in the first place. It was simple and real, just like my next words.

"Thank you."

Gently I pulled her warm fingers up one by one. Then I pressed my stone lips to the cold diamonds, sealing the beginning of forever with a soft kiss.

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**I know, I know *holds up hands in defense* ...too long. Way too long. **

**I don't really have an excuse...just that I'm tryign to get back into the flow of Edward's mind. Trying to catch up and fill in all the balnks i have. **

**If your still hanging in there with me I want to say thank you...but I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. I don't think I've ever waited this long for an update and then kept reading the story lol. But *shrugs* what can ya do. **

**Anyhoo thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing this story. My updates still aren't going to be regular. But this story will be finished. I've come WAY too far to not finish it up. Plus that would just be rude to Edward don't ya think? **

**Till next time ;)**


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